Ladies and gentlemen…
…all hail Miss Rap Supreme, Rece Steele!
You know what’s the truth?
Byata’s always doing something fun at the beginning of every episode. Seriously, go back and look at her shenanigans. Apparently, the elimination round on this show is one hell of a drug. And there’s a puff-puff-pass thing going on. No, these ladies aren’t smoking trees, they’re naturally high from the smoking of Chiba.
It’s a little bit insane how tied to these girls’ emotional well-being Chiba was, no?
The girls are called in for the announcement of their next challenge…
Their penultimate task is to write a battle rap dissing their two remaining competitors. They get 16 bars to dig their claws into each other, and they have to hold on tight: one girl will be eliminated as a result of the challenge. To help them along in their catty ways, a true legend enters the house:
If you need schooling on why Rox is the perfect person to lend some advice, please watch the video below. In fact, watch it even if you don’t need schooling. It’s awesome:
We see some footage of an old Roxanne video (“Wack Itt” maybe?), which is very stylish and amazing:
And then, Roxanne lounges fabulously and tells the girls that they shouldn’t be afraid of dissing each other. “In the end, there’s only No. 1.” In other words, they aren’t here to make friends.
Thank you, doctor. Without your expertise, we’d all be lost.
And that’s it for Shante, sadly.
After some incredibly intense preparation…
…the game is on!
The girls will verbally demolish each other at a packed parking lot, using an old El Camino as their stage.
Cherry’s first. Her rap is actually pretty fantastic. Highlights include the dissing of Rece Steele’s mom, rapper L.A. Star, and her use of the phrase, “What in the Ringling Brothers Circus is this?” Make a mental note for all your future discourse: why say “hell” when you can say, “Ringling Brothers Circus”?
Her rap involves involves putting Ms. Cherry’s cherries in her slot, which seems as pornographic as it is complicated. She also condemns Rece to a life of rapping in the hood. Eh, could be worse.
Finally, there is Rece.
She attacks the mic like the beast we know her to be. Her rhyme is more about herself than her competitors (save a comment on Cherry’s “ugly-ass grill”). This will prove to be wise strategy. Narcissism rules, for after all, this is hip-hop.
YoYo and Serch deliberate. Rece performed well enough to give goosebumps. And her eyes were open, to boot! Cherry has come a long way, but her rhyme was choppy and she didn’t close the line about Rece’s mom. Byata was in control, but she went too soft on Rece.
Unsurprisingly, Rece is the first named contestant in the finals. She says she’s speechless and then…
…kind of illustrates it. I mean, what else can you say?
This, of course, leaves Byata and Ms. Cherry.
The long and somewhat unclear short of it is that Byata stays and Cherry leaves.
In her exit interview, Cherry says that she’s “devastated.”
But she adds that she proved what she came to prove. That Ms. Pac Man better get used to sharing her title with another famous person?
At home, the two remaining girls are given beats. They have to write a stand-alone 16, as well as a song with a chorus and everything. Pressure! To help relieve this?
Well, if it wasn’t going to be Roxanne Shante’s chaise lounge, I suppose producer/rapper will.i.am will do. He sits dandily as he advises the girls.
“It all depends on what you wanna do. And knowing that ahead of time will allow you to achieve whatever it is you want to go after.” Wow, intense! Thanks for the insight, will, but we are going to interrupt this therapy session with some breaking news: learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. Developing.
The girls then perform impromptu raps for will. Rece impresses him, but Byata’s highly infectious verse-chorus combo bowls him over. “I wanna produce that!” he tells her. Whoa, Byata just entered threat territory. Fathers, lock up your Chibas.
And then: sadness. It’s time to move out of the Fembassy!
Until I encounter another punnily named place of living, my heart mourns.
After some preparation that involves Rece and Byata basically practicing their rhymes at the same time in the same room, it’s show time:
Helping judge this final competition will be one…
I’m sorry, I cannot so much as hear this woman’s name (or the name Mona, period) without thinking, “Spotlights, please!” You obscure reality TV junkies will know exactly what I’m referring to.
Oh, and there’s also:
Wow factor, right?
The performances begin with the 16’s…
And here’s Byata’s.
And then, for the songs, the order’s reversed.
Byata’s track chronicles her road to reality TV. You can guess how much glamor that involved. The song itself sports a sunny vibe, a sung chorus and, as you can see in the shot above, audience participation. Unsurprisingly, Rece comes a little harder.
She dedicates her track to her son.
Backstage, the girls embrace.
Aw. Makes you forget there was ever a competition in the first place! Byata complains that her hook wasn’t melodic enough, which turns out to be valid since as the judges deliberate (into mics in front of an audience, so there’s all the intimacy of a sex show), this point is brought up. Missy says Byata’s hook was straight-up unmemorable. But besides that, almost everything else is praised: her eye contact, her energy, the way she engaged the crowd, her way of slaying the 16. Rece, on the other hand, bears the brunt of harsher words: she didn’t have eye contact and her fear was palpable. At the same time, she did noticeably break through the fear and her performance was better for it.
Who will it be? Blonde vs. Brown? Brooklyn vs. Bronx?
It’s Bronx! Here’s Rece’s face as soon as she’s named winner:
A downpour of confetti helps her celebrate…
…and eventually gets stuck to her lip, giving her the appearance of an extremely chintzy gold tooth.
Girl, you better take that $100,000 and get yourself a nicer grill.
Byata takes the loss well.
But Rece takes the win better. In the end, she is serenaded by Kool Keith.
Uh, that prize is even better than the $100,000 for real!
And so it ends: Rece Steele is Miss Rap Supreme. Should she be unable to fulfill her reign…uh, well, I guess females will continue to struggle in hip-hop? Come on, Rece. The world is counting on you!
Miss Rap Supreme show page