Poprah Keeps It Real


Last week, shortly after our I Want to Work for Diddy premiere recap went up, it received a long comment from the show’s most divisive personality (and, arguably, its most watchable too): Kim aka Poprah. She wrote in to set the record straight, not just as it pertained to the recap, but to her portrayal on the show in general. We were impressed not just with her writing skill, but with her conviction and the wealth of information in her response. Clearly, she had a lot to say about the show, and we had a feeling that wasn’t going to let up anytime soon.

And so, we’re opening the floor for Poprah to weigh in on each episode — every week, we’ll get a recap of the show as seen through the eyes of Poprah. The first one, tackling Episode 2, is below. It’s long this week, so we’ve gone ahead and bolded the particularly juicy and/or hilarious bits. As usual, Poprah’s upholding her image as a big girl with big ideas.

Episode 2 starts with a recap of last week’s episode clearly showing that everyone hates me, Kim aka Poprah. But I am obviously not one to mess with. Boob girl, Georgette gets her ass sent home after her poor accounting cost our team the 1st challenge. 1,2,3, you’re out, via a verbal ass kickin’ in front of the judges, by yours truly.

Next we get a brief lesson in Tranny 101 from Laverne, she explains the truth about transgender, to the amazement of some her housemates and the disbelief of some others.

Sometime later, in the dry-cuzzi Rob comes out of the closet, and acknowledges he’s gay and been hiding under the gay-dar since his 5 year stint in the U.S. Army, fearing that he’ll lose his benefits.

The next morning, we are awaken guerilla style. Diddy’s security comes in yelling screaming, startling everyone out of their sleep. “GET UP, GET UP, you got 5 minutes to get dressed and line up, right now!” Imagine, flashlights in your face, these big dudes everywhere screaming at you, your heart’s racing like you’re being kidnapped or something in the middle of the night, and you don’t know where they’re taking you!

They took the teams by van to a helicopter pad. We tried to enjoy the experience but were obviously thinking, “Where are we going and what it’s in store!” I’ve been on a helicopter before as a news-reporter, so sightseeing is the last thing on my mind.

They take us to an army base where we are rushed to a barrack where we have to change into army clothes. They didn’t have any army pants big enough for my big ass, so they had to sew two pair together. (Where’s Lane Bryant when you need it!)

Anyway, we get a crash course in plotting coordinates. Rob is cocky and confident, even showing off about he was in the Army for 5 years, and knows this stuff already. He’s constantly interjecting his comments during the class, to the point that the instructors ask him to slow down, because the they are teaching us in a particular order. He really seems like he’s the only one who already knows what they are trying to teach us. Laverne on the other hand, seems confused and keeps interrupting with silly questions that confuse the teachers and the other contestants. This is obviously not her “bag” of tea, no pun intended.

Rob says he knows this – he knows hot to plot coordinates , he’s been to Iraq, we have this in the bag. “I may have an unfair advantage”, he says. He gives the Uptown team a false sense of security that he can lead us to victory because he’s done this thing before.

Boris obviously doesn’t feel comfortable with Laverne all in his personal space during the Army class.

The team goes out to the woods. I started feeling ill. I started having trouble breathing. I knew I was approaching an asthma attack, or as the doctors describe it, a serious asthmatic reaction to extreme pollen, which brings on a full asthma attack without immediate proper medical treatment. I had already used my inhaler 4 times and it wasn’t working anymore. Anyone who has asthma or knows someone with knows that when the inhaler stops working, you have to go to a hospital. Not being able to get air and struggling for every breath is some serious s*** whether you understand it or not.

The Uptown team, expresses doubt they I am really allergic and having an asthma attack even though I am obviously in distress and am holding an inhaler for asthma with my name on it in my hand. If it seems coincidental, it should. I was allergic to the woods and it kept getting worse because we entered the woods for the challenge, counting our footsteps. And that’s when I knew I wasn’t gonna make it. I had exceeded inhaler limit and still couldn’t breathe. I stressed to the team that I am not a quitter, and emphasized that I was willing to “die in the woods” if it meant that the team would be disqualified or that I would be automatically sent home. And I meant it. The team pledged their support and expressed concern for my well being. It was agreed by all of us that they, Uptown would go on without me. I left with the army medic and was immediately transported to the hospital by ambulance. God works in mysterious ways, and I really believe he used the pollen to take me out of the competition for just that day, so the world could see my team for who they really were and that they couldn’t blame me or my so-called attitude for losing.

Thereafter, both teams head to the woods after plotting their first course.

The teams said they were willing to go on without me, were concerned for me, and then celebrate my not being there. They were concerned that my lack of physical fitness would cause them to lose. We’ll see about that, won’t we?

Rob takes the leadership position and immediately they start to realize that they may be going the wrong way, he says they should walk alongside the road instead of going into the woods, in a straight line. After going some distance in the wrong direction, he admits he may be wrong but then assures them that he knows the way, though his short cut was very wrong.

Red really questions if Rob even knows where he’s going, Rob starts to blame Red’s anxiety and concerns about his leadership for his own lack of focus and ability to lead the challenge. (Always someone else’s fault, right?) A real leader is not easily distracted, especially in a crisis. This guy was in Iraq, how did he handle bombs and terrorists? Weren’t they distracting, too? This is obviously a croc of s***.

Anyway, from the very beginning, both teams are having trouble finding their way. Downtown team is concerned about Boris’ physical state, being a big boy. Mike and Boris start to argue about Boris keeping up. Borris is defensive, I’m just trying to tie my shoe,” he says. But Mike doesn’t let up. “Stop taking things so personally, dog,” Mike scolds him.

But soon after, the downtown team finds the first marker where they have to answer a question about Diddy: How many Grammys did Diddy receive?

They make their choice from A, B or C and each letter corresponds to an army box with the coordinates for the next point. Apparently they choose what they think is the right answer and head off enthusiastically to the next marker.

Meanwhile the Uptown team is not so lucky. They are obviously getting lost, and they start to realize that maybe Rob doesn’t know as much as he claims, and is obviously getting concerned. Finally after backtracking considerably, eating up valuable time and energy, trying to keep their cool, they get back on track.

Meanwhile, the Downtown team finds their way to yet another marker. This time the question is: At what age did Diddy become VP of Uptown records? They pick an answer after a little debate. It’s obvious that most of them just agree with whatever Mike says.

Uptown finally gets to the first trivia station and Rob swares he knows the answer (1) and says he even read it on Wikipedia. He actually says he read that Diddy has received one Grammy, and though Suzanne says she thought he was wrong she went along with the others. This was very wrong and has them on a detour, wasting more precious time and energy.

Downtown finds another trivia station where the question is: What year did Diddy change his name from Puff Daddy, to P. Diddy? They guess about this answer and once again Mike pushes for his choice, and they concede. Even though he was wrong. Mike seems to be the bully on the downtown team, but he does it with charm some no one notices. Since Kendra is obviously infatuated with him, she follows his lead. They obviously have a thing going, though they try to hide it. (Mike has a girlfriend he claims to love soooo much.) Boris just wants to be accepted like most white guys who want to be black, and Stephanie is a follower and easily influenced like the stereotypical blonde, and plus she’s Kendra’s buddy. Hey, it is what it is. Don’t shoot the messenger!

Back in the woods, Uptown is wayyyy lost now! So lost, that they are now out of the woods and at a main road. To everyone’s dismay, they have to retrace their steps. AGAIN. (Thanks to Rob, the army expert.)

Downtown finds themselves on a detour, because their last answer was wrong. And have to retrace their steps. While Uptown continues to debate over where they went wrong, finally accepting the obvious, that they are totally lost because Rob made a miscalculation in the coordinates. GO ARMY!

Knowing neither team has an ice cube’s chance in hell of completing this challenge, the Army guys come in and shut down the competition for both teams. Capricorn and Derek meet the teams and tell them they were all awful and that Downtown wins by default because they completed more of the challenge.

Back at the loft, the teams are obviously revisiting the challenge and everybody, including the Downtown team, keeps commenting on their surprise at Rob, the army guy’s poor performance on the challenge.

Red decides to inform me just as I returned from the hospital, that everyone is going around saying that I faked my asthma attack. This is ridiculous considering the Army acknowledged it was the worst pollen count in New Jersey, which could easily trigger an asthmatic reaction. I would be putting my life in danger going in the woods, because they weren’t sure they could get me out of the woods before I would die from oxygen deprivation. I argued to go anyway, y’all know me. I will argue. But the judges and medic insisted I got to the hospital after they checked with the paramedics to be sure I wasn’t faking it. The paramedics had checked my oxygen levels and then decided to rush me to the hospital in an ambulance since they didn’t have breathing machine I needed on the ambulance. How can I fake my own oxygen levels? I mean I’m good, but that’s ridiculous!

Nevertheless, I was willing to risk dying in the woods if it meant elimination for myself, or disqualification for my team and I told them that. My trifling-ass team members deceitfully told me that they were genuinely concerned for my health and convinced me to listen to the medic rather than risk my life, knowing that they just wanted to get rid of me and planned to use it against me later. Now that my friends, is sheer “bitchassness”.

Every year for the last 5 years in Atlanta where the pollen counts is extremely high, even record high, I’ve ended up in the hospital needing a breathing treatment at least once. The doctors finally told me that inhalers could keep it under control as long as I avoided direct contact with lots of trees and plants. This only happens every spring, not year round, so it’s seemed to work. Never in a million years did I expect to be sent into the woods where I would be in direct contact with every blooming flower and tree around. It’s like putting a person who’s allergic to peanuts in a peanut factory: they’re fine as long as they avoid nuts. I’m fine during the spring as long as I avoid heavy contact with trees and plants, ie. going directly into the woods. What are the chances of a job requiring that? What are the chances of Diddy sending his assistant in the woods, really? I never needed to go in the woods during the spring before, and I just wasn’t medically prepared for that. I hated myself for that cuz I knew these fake-ass people would use it against me.

Meanwhile Red, being the two-faced little troll that he is, goes around the house making fun of my physical condition and weight, stressing to everyone else that he I can’t handle the physical demands of the job. Funny enough he’s the same guy who thought Diddy got Emmys instead of Grammys for his music. He obviously can’t handle the mental demands of the job. What the hell is he even doing on the show? He doesn’t know the business at all, and he knows it.

Okay, so obviously, Uptown is back up for elimination and the accusations start flying. It starts off with everyone stating that Rob took a leadership roll, got them lost, gave the wrong answer to the trivia which sent them on a detour and just a list of his mistakes one after the other. And being the one used to putting up a smoke screen, i.e. hiding sexuality from the army for 5 years, he deflects all the blame and puts it on Red, blaming him for distraction. I just sat their quietly (I know that’s hard to believe), hoping that the team will just hang itself. (Believe it or not I know when to shut up, but sometimes I don’t give a damn and would rather say my peace.)

Just like last time, the team gets to put someone up for elimination and amazingly, they throw me under the bus. Rob votes me up for elimination claiming I’m not fit for the job because I did not participate. Red agrees. Brianna thinks with her head and says Rob should go home strictly based on his performance, despite her personal feelings for me (I respect her for that). And hesitantly Suzanne (so she claimed) nominates me as well. She’s the fakest of them all. Watch this bitch in action, she’s subtle with it.

So there you have it, big girl is on the chopping block for Uptown’s loss, even though I wasn’t even there. Ain’t that a bitch!

Here comes the judges, Capricorn, Kevin Liles and Phil Robinson and they’re in no mood for excuses. Immediately, Phil tells me he didn’t want see me up for elimination again and then he asks Rob to explain what went wrong and why he should stay. In a nut shell, Rob couldn’t justify why he lead the team to defeat when he bragged about having 5 years army experience. Once again, Rob to tried to deflect by saying I wasn’t physically fit for the job.

Why did he do that? I, hit his bitchass with that one-two- three punch everyone’s grown to love, and explained that (One), while I was ill and could not do the challenge, all employers offer their employees “sick days” but no one offers “incompetence days”. I implied that Rob was obviously incompetent and should not be allowed to continue. (Two) I also stressed how the team betrayed me saying that they cared about my health which they didn’t, and proved that they lacked integrity. And lastly, (Number Three, folks), I pointed out that Diddy would definitely hire brain over brawn, so the decision was obvious. Rob didn’t have what Diddy needs, brains. Damn, no wonder people say I should have been an attorney. I don’t know, but the real is the real. That’s how I think, nothing more.

Apparently the judges agreed, because the next thing you know, those two big ass security guys in black suits come and escort Rob’s bitch ass out, gansta style.


Your girl, Poprah!

Poprah @ FamousVH1Friends.com

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