New York Goes To Hollywood Recap – Episode 4 – The Mother Of Frustration

In this episode, things are looking up for New York!

Knock knock! Who’s there? No one…but the phone is ringing!

It’s Chuck, Tiff’s manager, who says that In Touch magazine wants to shoot a spread at her pad today. Thanks for the heads-up In Touch! Why didn’t they just show up and knock on her door, as inadvertently implied at the start of this recap?

For this opportunity, Tiffany is excited.

But also distraught. Her house is riddled with dishes in sinks and fortune cookies on the floor.

If you look closely, you can see that fortune reads, “Hands full of talons are in your future. Fear them.” Just kidding. Fortune cookies are never that accurate. Anyway, all this would be manageable if only Lizza were on time. But she’s not. And so when she arrives, she faces strangulation.

Lizza assures Tiff that everything will get done, and gets to work with a 99-cent store feather duster.

Something tells me that this is not in Lizza’s job description. While she’s tidying, she’s interrupted by a call.

That’s the caller, saying those words that have been subtitled. And don’t you just love that? Don’t you love it when someone calls you and is like, “Who this?” Like, you’re the one who dialed, or did your crystal ball crack, Kreskin? Damn mentalists. Anyway, Lizza asks who it is back is met with…

…which is Sister Patterson’s nasty way of saying, “Sister Patterson.” Lizza takes the hint and tells Tiff that it’s her mother. Heh.

And then, bad news:

Sister Patterson’s, like, there. Another event, another opportunity to screw with New York by giving her insanely short notice. Sometimes it really does seem like she’s a pawn for everyone’s amusement. The timing is one thing, but Tiff explains that her mother’s visit is further complicated by their relationship.

“The relationship between my mother and I is not love/hate, but love/crazy,” explains New York. It sounds like she’s talking about a ’90s Drew Barrymore movie. And on that note, would it come as a shock to anyone if we found out that Sister Patterson has never been kissed?

Also? I thought New York’s relationship with her mother was sound? Worshipful, even? Remember when she said on I Love New York 2, “That’s my mother. She’s always gonna be right. Even when she’s wrong.“? She said this to a man seemingly carved from marble, Buddha, too. Wasn’t that all the proof of devotion that we’d ever need?

We see a montage of Sister P disagreeing with her daughter.

This shot is eerily similar to the one above of New York grabbing Lizza’s face. At least we see where she gets it from, I guess.

Anyway, New York’s mom arrives.

She asks how Tiff’s doing in Hollywood. She’s doing well with a manager and everything. Not so fast! She needs real representation, according to Sister P, “instead of just running around cuckoo and hit-and-miss.” If that’s Sister Patterson’s way of verbally capturing what’s in her head, I think she’s the one who needs real representation. Anyway, she implies that Tiffany needs to be managed by God. If she decides to go with that, let’s just hope that she doesn’t rake his advice regarding appropriate footwear.

In Touch finally arrives.

The shoot seems to go well enough, although Tiffany doesn’t bother changing her appearance for it. The photographer just, like, starts snapping pictures of her in the same outfit she was wearing before he arrived. Whatever.

All the while, Sister P is chomping at the bit to inject her inevitably toxic opinion.

She heckles the woman in charge of wardrobe, mostly…

…and at one point implies that she doesn’t know how to do her job. And what is Sister Patterson’s job anyway? Professional complainer? Human discomfort machine? Experimental fingernail model? Uh, actually, if any of those are indeed her official position, she does the job extremely well. Joke’s on me this time, I guess!

As New York poses at one point…

…the photographer says by way of encouragement, “Yes. Welcome to my home.” Ha! Could he possibly be referring to this? Could he possibly be that awesome?

Anyway, Tiff makes it through the shoot without her mother completely alienating all of In Touch. Success! After, the mother-daughter team dines with Lizza as the server. Sister Patterson requests at different intervals: two extra plates, extra napkins and a saucer. Lizza retrieves them. OK, so Lizza’s a straight-up maid, right? We all know this, right? I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page.

…is what Sister P has to say about Lizza. When Lizza leaves, Sister P calls out her “bullet-proof shoes” and uncombed hair. Lizza explains that she did comb her hair. Although she has the perfect opportunity to call out Sister P’s oft-discussed, oft-maligned hairline, she doesn’t. That settles it: Lizza is a saint.

As they continue to eat, Tiffany tells her mother that Chuck has invited them to his ranch.

“I wish to hell I knew I was going to a ranch. Then I wouldn’t look like this,” snaps Sister P. As her adventures in Westernwear have never been less than dazzling, I’m going to have to agree with her here. You really dropped the ball, Tiff. Our loss.

Improperly dressed or not, they make it to Chuck’s. He immediately comments about New York getting her good looks from her mother.

He bombs, and I think it’s safe to say that this is no coincidence.

Instead of an error-filled comedic romp with horses, they’ll be playing tennis today. Chuck outfits the ladies and gives them rackets. Chuck reminds her that she’s right handed, and she checks to make sure…

…you know, sometimes watching this show is like watching a child develop.

Anyway, it probably goes without saying that New York is no Billy Jean King, and so I’ll just show you pictures illustrating why.

I love that Sister Patterson’s face never loses its determination. She’s really committed to not hitting the ball!

After, P, Tiff, Chuck and a woman named Lynn, whom Tiff referred to as a “ranch hand in a Polo shirt” earlier, dine.

Ranch hand asks Tiffany a bunch of questions about her experience with Hollywood. Sister P says more stuff about God. Doesn’t she realize that God only exists to Hollywood people when they’re giving their Oscar speeches? When she gets to whether or not Tiffany’s been getting recognized more since moving to L.A., Sister P cuts in with, “I don’t like a lot of questions, because…one thing about me: I’m a sincere person, and I don’t like people asking a lot of questions. Only if the person is really wanting to know and being nosy, or do you really care?” That’s an awfully long answer for someone who doesn’t like questions. And lady, who asked you, anyway? Literally, who asked you? Lynne is like, “Whatever,” and attempts to engage a Red Bull-slugging Tiff with more questions.

Tiffany says that this is beginning to feel “interviewy,” and that’s when Chuck takes her aside.

He explains that Lynne is a producer with a project she’s currently casting and New York is seriously screwing it up for herself. Commence to ass-kissing:

Tiffany interviews that with this new information in her head, all she can think is, “Please like me!” God, what a naked and straightforward thing to come from New York. Has she ever been more honest? Or more heartbreaking?

Chuck brings up the project Lynne’s working on.

She says it’s for a film called Conversations With a Monster and Chuck says, “So you wanna put Tiffany in there?” Well with that title, how could she not? Kidding. Lynne explains that the lead cast has to be A-list, but she has good supporting roles. The real monster starts waving her hands, monster-like, and saying to Tiffany, but mostly everyone…

…”Don’t forget you want to be big. Sky’s the limit!” They kind of just ignore her yammering. Took them long enough!

And then, more aside-taking…

See? It really is like watching a child develop. Anyway, Lynne asks Tiff straight-up, “Are we hiring you, or are we hiring this package?” It’s quite rude to be referring to Sister P’s package there, Lynne, don’t you think? Anyway, they’re not and so Lynne wants Tiff to read the script.

Tiff still has to contend with her mother though, and the parting shot of the episode is them just driving off. Sister P hasn’t yet said goodbye, which is great for next episode, as it means…

…MORE TERROR!

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New York Goes to Hollywood show page
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New York Goes To Hollywood » Watch Video

Episode	Type	Title	Date
108	Show Clips	Videos: Most Awesome Moments	9/25/08
108	Show Clips	Videos: The Big Break Show Clips	9/22/08
108	Bonus Clips	Videos: Finale Bonus Clips	9/22/08
107	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 7 Bonus Clips	9/15/08
107	Show Clips	Videos: Romeo and Juliet...and Tailor Made Show Clips	9/15/08
106	Show Clips	Videos: Talk Show Appearance Show Clips	9/08/08
106	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 6 Bonus Clips	9/08/08
105	Show Clips	Videos: And She Sings?? Show Clips	9/01/08
105	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 5 Bonus Clips	9/01/08
104	Show Clips	Videos: At Home with New York Show Clips	8/25/08
104	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 4 Bonus Clips	8/25/08
103	Show Clips	Videos: Japanese Commerical Shoot Show Clips	8/18/08
103	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 3 Bonus Clips	8/18/08
102	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 2 Bonus Clips	8/11/08
102	Show Clips	Videos: Actress vs. Celebrity Show Clips	8/11/08
101	Bonus Clips	Videos: Episode 1 Bonus Clips	8/04/08
101	Bonus Clips	Videos: Pre-Series Bonus Clips	7/14/08
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