I Want To Work For Diddy Brief-Cap – Episode 5 – Gall In The Family


At last, our aspiring fetchers and organizers meet the man this she was named after.

And he couldn’t be more excited to be there!


Since it’s Labor Day, and all, we’re going to take the liberty of presenting a briefer-than-usual installment of our weekly I Want To Work for Diddy episode commentary. In this episode, the prospective assistants met the two women closest to Diddy’s heart:

They had to tend to these ladies in L.A., where they were to watch Diddy recieve his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Requests for Southern breakfasts and feminine hygiene products ensued. Also, Janice Combs used the phrase “over-the-top,” like a million times. Apparently, it’s something to hope for in presents that are being bought for your son and in assistants (and seriously, if Poprah isn’t over-the-top enough, perhaps Mama Combs needs a singing telegram, not an assistant).

Anyway, what also ensued was some awesomeness. In only loose order, here are all of the awesome things that happened this episode:

Laverne’s reaction when the Uptown Team claimed her as their own:

She seems not so much crestfallen as crest-nauseated. Considering the strife that’s characteristic of her new team (and the fact that she’s going over because they lost enough times to make their member number low), can you blame her?

The size of Mike’s hat

I mean, really. It’s as wide as his head is tall.

Maybe he thinks it makes him more intimidating? To mountain lions? Like the one’s he’s competing against? Maybe?

Red’s abs

Because really, who knew?

Diddy’s voicemail to Kendra

After Kendra’s phone ran out of juice, Diddy left a staunch message on her nonworking phone:

All laid out like that, it’s actually quite poetic, especially with the repetition. Look:

“I’ll Be Missing You…and Your Call” by Diddy

The last thing I want to hear right now
is an answering machine.
I don’t even know why
I’m talking to this answering machine.

It’s gorgeous, thanks in no small part to the “Peace.” Later on this subject, Capricorn informs Kendra that, “If your battery dies, it’s just like you dying.” Just so you know what value everyone places on the humanity of underlings!

Boris’ reaction to Kim Porter’s request for “girls’ things”

In sort of a prude-leading-the-prude dynamic, Kim refuses to say “tampons” and Boris refuses to acknowledge that she’s refusing to say “tampons.” Eh, you get what you say for, you know?

Boris’ holding it down

In a major upswing, Boris tore it up for his team, name-dropping for red-velvet cupcakes when Mike failed to, having a fridge installed in Kim’s room and dissuading Mike from buying a leather hoodie for Diddy as Kim’s present. (Here’s a big aside: Wasn’t kind of shocking that the assistants were made to not just pick up but think up the presents Diddy’s loved ones gave him? Apparently, it’s not the thought that counts — it’s the command that you give your servants that counts. Mind-blowing.)

For the first time all season, we saw that Boris was in it to win it…

Boris’ tearing it apart

…and maybe that was to a fault. Once it turned out that his team lost the challenge (mostly because of Kendra’s missed call and some breakfast misshap with Kim and Diddy’s kids that didn’t seem like a misshap at the time, but whatever), Boris clawed for his life with his talons dug into Kendra’s throat.

He accused her of having sexual interest in not just Mike, but Diddy himself. Screaming ensued.

In the end, they filled the Bottom 2, but it didn’t matter because no one was eliminated this episode, supposedly due to the celebratory nature of the teams’ visit to L.A. You know what that means? At least one more week of tearful strife for the Downtown Team. Their loss, our gain!

And now for one final message from Diddy:

There. You are dismissed.

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