Brooke Knows Best Recap – Episode 9 – But What I Really Wanna Do Is Strip

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Because, as I Love Money taught us, you can’t be a true Celebreality star until you’ve had your way with the pole…



Brooke has a problem!

She pinches her stomach and refers to it as a “little pooch.” So, in other words, she’s been eating dog. Hey, as long as you’re OK with it, it’s not a problem. Kidding. She doesn’t like the, like, 1/8 inch of fat that’s on her belly. So she and her roommates are going salsa dancing. Because why work out and monitor your diet when you can go salsa dancing?

Tyra mail!

Hulk grills his daughter on her plans for the night. Since Glenn is taking her, Hulk wonders with a hint of disapproval, if she’s going to a gay club. Um, wouldn’t you want her to be at a gay club? If she has to go out, the best place would be that of genitalia that points away from your daughter reflexively. It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, you know?

Whatever. They go. They dance. Brooke’s legs burn. As they sit, they talk to some woman about going there for the purpose of fitness. That woman says that pole-dancing is another one of those unconventional workouts. Brooke’s eyes light up at the prospect.

Ex-Mrs. Tyra mail!

Brooke’s mother, Linda is planning on visiting. “I got a new bathing suit. It holds my thighs in and it’s awesome,” says Linda. I think I speak for children of parents around the country when I say, “Mooooooom!” Brooke tells her mother about her newly discovered development in provocative fitness. Linda isn’t sure about taking weight loss to the pole, but Brooke implores her to try it out. “I mean, you already wear clear heels,” she says. Yeah, and per that visit you took to Fashion Bug on the last season of Hogan Knows Best, we know that you do, too, missy.

Linda arrives with…

…clear heels in tow!

Ashley makes a jokingly snide comment about the Hogans’ tendency toward “slutty shoes”…

…and Linda says, “Hey! I resemble that remark.” Indeed.

Stripping time!

Their instructor clearly tried out for all three seasons (that includes the upcoming one) of Rock of Love.

Or if she didn’t, she really, really should have. Her name is Susan and she introduces the exercises by saying, “This is gonna make you feel hot!” But will it make you feel as hot as Bret Michaels’ bandanna? We never can say for sure.

Brooke swings on the pole and (surprise!) she’s a natural.

Susan has amazing names for the different positions. This is “very bad kitty”:

“Bad kitty” can also be used as a verb, as in, “Bad kitty it up.”

That’s how you do that. And here’s lopsided-whisker kitty:

Really amazing things happen that deserve representation without commentary. Among them:

At the end, Brooke exclaims, “I feel like my uterus had a workout!”

That, my friends, is how you know you did it right.

At the end of the class, Brooke and Linda ask Susan how they can procure a stripper pole aka home-workout kit of their own. Why, just go down to a store called Hustler, says Susan, selling it as though it isn’t a freaking sex shop.

So they go.

“It smells like Christmas in here!” Brooke enthuses. Yes, and what is a sex shop anyway, than Christmas for your loins.

They decide on a model that runs $500.

Linda gasps at the price, but Brooke ensures her that she’s considering going into stripping if the music thing doesn’t work out. It’s a worthy investment! Brooke’s kidding, although the amount of money she could rack up is serious.

Back at home, Brooke and her roommates install the pole.

It begs the question, how many Celebreality stars does it take to screw in a strip pole. I don’t know the answer, but one should definitely hold the tatters.

“People are gonna walk in and know we’re serious about being in shape,” says Brooke on her placement choice. Yeah, that’s exactly what they’ll think. Case and point:

One of Glenn’s friends who, days later, skeptically asks, “Glenn told us that you were doing this for ‘fitness?’” Of course they are! Ashley shows them how.

And then Brooke joins her in a Sapphic stance called the double-Tinkerbell.

Brooke clearly enjoys performing for the crowd who enthusiastically snaps pictures and takes video…

Angry Tyra mail!

It turns out that Jimmy Hart saw Brooke dancing on a pole on YouTube and informed Brooke’s father about it. What a tattle tale!

Brooke gets the message and freaks out.

Like it’s some big moral taboo or something. Isn’t the main issue that footage from this episode leaked months in advance of its showing because hello, it was being filmed anyway!!!

Glenn of infinite wisdom doesn’t see the big deal.

“Let’s watch it again!” he cackles. Brooke freaks out about getting it taken down. Again, this must be a copyright issue, and not a reputation one. Right?

Hulk eventually makes his way over.

He was mostly concerned because he thought Brooke was at a strip club. Really, like with windows the size of hers, wasn’t there too much light for it to be a strip club? He couldn’t tell from the background that it was for a pad he’s frequented all freaking season?

But whatever. It’s all good. And Brooke is already reaping the benefits of her new workout routine.

And if you think her guns are impressive, wait’ll you see her thighs!

Related content
Brooke Knows Best show page
Brooke Knows Best videos and extras

  1. CARLA says:

    BROOKE I THINK YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS. STICK TO THE SINGING CAREER. YOUR FRIEND ARE BAD INFLUENCES ON YOU. BE THE EXAMPLE IN THE FAMILY NOT THE EMBARRASMENT. YOU LOOK FINE YOU DON’T HAVE A POOCH.

  2. rick says:

    hi Brook
    i saw the tv show and i like it a lot and will you give me your brther name and i think that your brother is hot and how do i get in tuch with him ok
    write back soon
    rick
    and can i have his number so that i can talk to him

  3. anonymous says:

    Does anybody even watch this stupid show???

  4. Robin Furst says:

    Brooke,
    I feel so sorry about the fact that your don’t have a TRUE friend in this world.
    I know this to be true because if you did have a TRUE friend who cared about you they would tell you that your show is NOT a reality show. No one your age lives in a castle penthouse with her friends, parties every night, never world, knows nothing about politics, spends the money you do, and has a mother that behaves like yours does. Why do you wallow in the mud like you do? You can fall much further…..pole dancing? Please stop humiliating yourself. There was a moment there that you appeared to be the only sane memeber of the family. Now yo’re the worst. Apologize to your fans before you lose them both, stop that show, and you’ll gain more publicity and respect than that show will ever bring you. Right now it’s obvbious that you’re simply pimping yourself out for a buck…..the same way your brother asked your Dad to help him do. Stopo before you have no chance at all for a career.

  5. Bored says:

    This show is not going to last!

  6. Bored says:

    This show sucks!

  7. Elaine says:

    This show is not going to last! This show sucks!

  8. westside says:

    Oh Please Haters!
    If you dont like Brooke’s show than why do you watch it, IDIOTs. She’s a daughter of the worlds Greatest Wrestler, and a Music Artist. Brooke worked hard to afford her own necessities in life including that penthouse in the sky. Dont be jealous cause nobody discovered you,
    ANONYMOUS and ROBIN.
    What apologies are you talkin’ about, FOOL! !, Brooke doesnt have to apologize to NO fans for swirling on a stripper pole. BIG ROBIN you probably couldnt climb up one, who are you tryin’ to skool
    kid. Brookes show might not be a reality for you cuz you havent done notin’ to be as successful, WHO ARE YOU to judge, dude, Its Brookes adventures of independence and shes doin’ a Heck! of a MAGNIFICO ! job, so FLY AWAY Robin dont talk about the Hogans you dont even know them.
    HOWS about a body SLAM, HATER.

  9. westsideconnection says:

    I agree wit u WESTSIDE for LIFE,
    Wassup! Homey. Why Deez peeps talk SMACK! about THe Hogans? hulk hogan is still my all time favorite since I was a little kid. I sure would like to use some of hogans moves on these haters. NO matter the difficulties this family is going through brooke seems to be coping well and trying to balance out her time with mom and dad, Her friends are her companions they keep her sanity cool and inspiring. I watch when I can cuz these white girls are hot, ashley looked like a natural on that pole, slappin dat azzz…Boo-YAH. Brooke is the Blonde Bomb Shell and will always attract attention, mama hogan still lookin’ attractive, and of course da’ bad azzzz of all,,,, my man,,,,, da’ hulkstah!!!!

    Peace Out Nick, whea you at, homes?
    you come home now ya’ hea !

  10. snuggles says:

    I have a little girl that looks up to brooke , after seening this my daughter will no longer be a fan , you don’t go doing that , if you want to due it on your own time without camers and putting it out on t.v. come on brooke your better then this , stop letting people tell you what to do and do what you want to do instead, make smart choice .

    Snuggles

  11. MVS says:

    Stop hating… Brooke is awesome and she is just having a good time. I know we all had fun when we were her age or are still having fun!! She is a good girl with big heart! And if you don’t like the show, don’t watch it. It is that simple! Brooke, don’t listen to all these haters! You are awesome!!

  12. Courtney says:

    I don’t know if Brooke reads these or not but Brooke if you do I want to tell you don’t be a follower. That is the way you come across on T.V. and you are willing to do things that don’t even seem like you because of your “so called friends” which to me I don’t believe that are real friends because they could careless that you ended up being on youtube.com. Which anyone in there right mind could have seen that you weren’t happy with that. Instead, they tried to make fun of it. They probably posted it! I just think that you were raised better than you are living right now, and for those of you who say say don’t judge her. I’m not her life is on Televison and I have a right to my on opinion!

  13. Jessica says:

    Hey brooke love the new pole, but is your dad ok with it? anyway totally HOT!!!

  14. beth says:

    i think she is doing the poll dancing for the exact reason she wants to loose a little weight and why not try something new, she isnt going to be a stripper for heavens sake….let her have fun!!!!!!1

  15. JENNIFER says:

    BROOKE FRIENDS ARE SCANDELOUS YOU CAN TELL THEY TALK BEHIND HER BACK AND EVEN BRING RUTHLESS FRIENDS OVER THAT ARE GOING TO BE CATTY & BACKSTABING….

  16. jasmin says:

    brook girl i love your show..n u look soo hott on the pole..i am so tryin to find a pole dancing class

  17. Shannon says:

    Where did she go to take her pole dancing classes i want to sign up

  18. David Rezendes says:

    Ashley is so so so very f’n fine. I love Ashley, God is she a BABE!!! Mmm, honey, bunny. Just keep showing her cause she’ the finest girl on TV, period.

  19. Glen says:

    hi brooke and ur friends thier is a thing i wat ot ask is glen really gay or acts like it

  20. Roger says:

    hi brook ashley and glen yo glen are u really gay or u act like it

  21. whitney says:

    hey i don’t think your going to be a stripper i would love to get a pole so i can get in shape but you do your thing girl number one fan whiney

  22. Andreas says:

    I enjoy watching the show and it definitely is humorous. However, that being said I think Glenn as Brooke’s roomate is just outright dumb.

    He does not look out for her as a friend and in this episode with the pole dancing, it was obviously Glenn’s friends that made the video and posted it on the internet, and all he has to say about it to Brooke on national TV, when Hulk is concerned is “you look good” and “its just dad being over-protective its really not that bad” and “lets watch it again”. Once your actions are video taped and leaked to the public they are out there, whether you like it or not, for better or for worse.

    Before even getting a tattoo, Brooke’s roomate’s do not seem to try to convince her about thinking about it. They just go with the flow and probably think its funny and will make a good episode. I do not think Tattoos are bad, I personally wouldn’t want one, but have thought about it.

    All that being said I think Brooke Hogan is a genuine girl who needs better roomate’s who are more thoughtful and help her through judgements, to make the right decisions, that will help with her life and career.

    These two roomate’s seem immature and out to make a quick buck off of Brooke Hogan’s fame.

  23. LISA BABYY says:

    BROOKE WHERE IS YOUR BOOTY? I THINK IT LOOK LIKE A CAKE DAT DID NOT RISE N DA OVEN! YA DIG?

  24. shaqula says:

    i think that waz wrong 4 sum bodi to post this and if i waz 2 eva see that person i would seriously hurt them

  25. Ryan Dubiel says:

    hey

    i need ur help!!!!!!

    i’m auditioning for a show on VH1 called daisy of love

    pleez go to http://daisyoflovecasting.com/people/RySin and vote 4 me!!

    pleez tell everyone you know to vote for me as much as they can..

    the more votes, the better chance i got!!!

    my hearsts really in this 4 the rite reasons

    thanx 4 ur help!!!!

  26. Varibigtatas says:

    Linda coming up from the yoga position looks like I dont’ fricking know what!!!! And those shoes are perfect for her new lifestyle too!! How do you say Classy to Trashy in 8 seconds?? LINDA BOLEA!!!

  27. david says:

    i saw that episode it was a good one

  28. kayla says:

    i thought that whole idea was just nasty and slutty theres other ways to exercise uhhh!!!.

    nasty nasty nasty!!!

  29. nreynolds88@hotmail.com says:

    ya,ll some bad ^(_(&~_`*~&~$_* chicks keep it up.

  30. nreynolds88@hotmail.com says:

    ya,ll some bad ^`#~~$)`*_@^~~@ chicks keep it up.

  31. Tiffany says:

    I think Brooke is just one of those girls who has never been told she is ugly so she thinks she has this look to uphold. I really don’t think that swinging on a pole is better than cardio. I think that she has some issues that she need to come out with like she is a wannebe sex kitten. She has that “Oh, I grew up with strict parents who never let me do anything so now that I am on my own I’m going to bair it all in Playboy. Which I am honestly so sick of people trying to call Playboy a classy way of flashing the world. You stand on side of the road and flash someone your %!^!`(+#_@+$)&* s and your labeled a slut or a prostitute you go to a room with lights and cameras and show your %!^!`(+#_@+$)&* s and all of a sudden you are this profound woman who found her inter beauty. I just think that its all sluty, your showing your body to the world for a check. When you put a price on your body it looks cheap!! I really hope Brooke doesn’t fall into that crazy inocent girl gone wild phase if it hasn’t happen already!

  32. Raevyn says:

    Totally agree with everything Tiffany said…and I think Brooke is acutally a man…

  33. Kiprider900rr says:

    Whats with all the catty jealousy on this web site.All you ho’s wish you looked half as good as brooke does.To Brooke: your a hot piece of *^#+_(_(*$*`&_~ so dont go changing to much. If its workin 4 ya dont screw with it.

  34. Kalia says:

    now u kno damn well u wasn’t doin dat stripper mess 4 no fittness so just admit it but dat wuz cool wat u did can u teach me

  35. mackenzie says:

    stupid friend

  36. N8iveButterfly says:

    Hey, Brooke is Thick n sexy!!! She is Just livn’ what most of us only can wish!!! Quit Haten’

  37. Simone' says:

    Brooke needs to do something about her HUGE BOOTY CHIN and please don’t come out with anymore songs.

  38. chris says:

    i think Brooke is beautiful and has a great body. And she should be able to do whatever she wants to do.

  39. seneca says:

    how do you go from pole dancing to college? This thing needs to be off the air already

  40. kevin says:

    I think show is very humurous and heart felt as well.keep up the good work!!!!!

  41. SHOCKA says:

    theres nothing rong with what youer doing just be carfull how much you do.Merry christmas

  42. scblick says:

    Hi brooke, God bless you and your family, I pray you and your family are doing well, What a great show , YA ‘LL are the best.

  43. flowmaster305 says:

    I wish Brooke was my girl. I’ll even go Nixon and pick her up from other dates. To the Haters: Don’t hate or do… Hogans rock! PS Brooke my bro in law met you at the hardware store a few months ago… wished it was me. holler, Rog.