New York Goes To Hollywood Recap – Finale – Is This The End?

Could it really be over between New York and reality TV?

Hardest breakup ever!

When we open, New York is sleeping fabulously.

Girl, you so candid. Lizza comes in bearing gifts to celebrate New York’s triumphant turn at her acting class’ Shakespeare festival. So it wasn’t exactly box-office-blockbuster triumphant. It was more community-theater-in-a-ghost-town triumphant. Whatever. Triumphant is triumphant.

And look, Lizza has given New York exactly what she needs: another picture of herself. Awww! Just in case the reality cameras and actual finished magazine weren’t enough, now New York will never forget the time she was shot for In Touch, thanks to the frame. Thanks to Lizza.

Lizza informs New York that her manager Chuck wants to meet her for lunch. And so he does.

“You look beautiful!” he enthuses when she enters the restaurant. “Thank you, so do you,” New York lies back. I mean, if Chuck is your type, whatever. But even his most fervent enthusiast can’t really think that he’s beautiful. That’s Hollywood for ya: full of liars!

Anyway, the reason that Chuck has called a meeting is that he has a script to give her from Lynn, the producer that she and her mother repeatedly insulted during lunch at Chuck’s place a few episodes back. Lynn would seem to be terribly forgiving. You don’t see that a lot in Hollywood. Awww, Lynn’s special! Anyway, the role is a crime reporter and Lynn specifically told Chuck that they want Tiffany Pollard the actress, not New York the reality star, for this role.

So basically, to accept this role, she has to turn her back on reality TV. New York says that she can’t imagine her life without reality TV. Indeed…

…I can’t imagine her life without on-screen boob adjustments. She’s that real sometimes, you know?

Regardless, there’s no containing all of what we’ve come to know of New York. She interviews…

“No matter what I’m wearing, I’m going to be a sexy investigative reporter. Look at the size of my boobs!” As if we could see past them! I’m confronted by the size of New York’s boobs in my sleep.

Once home, Tiff arranges to run lines with Vos.

He regards her carefully as she repeats the line, “Haven’t heard from my ex-husband in a year.” about 5,000 times.

Soon enough, it becomes clear that Tiffany’s got more than court reporting on her mind.

She gets all up in Vos’ face…

He attempts to maintain composure, talking further about the script with Tiffany. She is determined to make this as sexual as possible.

At one point, Vos explains Tiffany’s character’s motivation: “She’s probably really upset with him.” “That could be fun, too,” Tiffany counters. Spoken like a true sadist! Vos says something about their acting chemistry being undeniable and Tiffany agrees, following up with, “It’s almost like you’re inside of me.” Wishful thinking: it’s not just for inside your head anymore!

They also share a particularly visceral kiss on a network responsible for visceral kissing.

Vos, like, flees rapidly.

And that’s seriously the last we see of him. Haha, awesome.

And then, another monkey wrench gets thrown in Tiffany’s acting-reality dilemma…

…she gets a call from the production company behind this and many other fine VH1 shows. What ever could it be for?

Well for I Love New York 3, that’s what! Mark Cronin and Cris Abrego, the creators and executive producers of virtually every show that gave VH1 its reality-TV makeover, propose the idea of a third season of the dating show to Tiff, now that Tailor Made’s out of the picture. Strike while the iron and the woman who’s holding it are hot!

Tiff doesn’t know what to do. Does this mean that Mark and Cris don’t think she can make it as an actress? It sure seems like it. But whatever, she has other things to worry about like…

…reading in front of Arthur Allen Seidelman, the director of Conversations With the Monster, the movie Tiff’s up for.

AAS is a real no-nonsense kinda guy who immediately tells Tiff to get rid of the gum that’s in her mouth. So, she makes a huge production of swallowing it. That’s very reality TV of her. Tiffany reads…

…to virtually no response. AAS tells her that she seems prepared — too prepared. He has her run through it again.

And then once more. At the end, there are “Well done”s all around, and they ask New York to leave the room so that they can talk. But the anticipation gets the best of her…

Always classy, this one.

Finally, she’s called back in and OMG, she actually got the part!

These people are actually going to pay her to act. That’s major.

On the way home, feelings of conflict again take the reins.

Doing this role means Tiffany has to get rid of New York…but she is New York! Asking her to cut that part of herself out is like asking her to remove her implants. Some things are just essential to existence.

Still, when all is said and done, she reaches a decision about her future.

She tells 51 Minds that she’s going to pursue acting and won’t be doing I Love New York 3. She cries. And seriously, we’ve watched her get dumped and break up what seems like hundreds of times at this point, but this is by far the saddest.