The Pickup Artist 2 Recap – Episode 1 – The Newbies Cometh

|

Last season on The Pickup Artist, International Man named Mystery turned a gaggle of lovable but lady-challenged boys into set-opening men who could bounce with the girl of their choice. It warmed our cockles to see eight underdogs all have a chance at love, not just with the ladies, but also by learning to love themselves. And as Ms. Whitney once said, that’s the greatest love of all. The winner of last season, Kosmo, has traveled the world as one of Mystery’s wingmen, teaching other down-on-their-lady-luck men how a pluck of the eyebrows can make all the difference.


This season, Mystery is joined once again by his wingman Matador, and kissing instructor Tara takes a role as wing woman. From the get-go I decide it’s my own personal mission to figure out what all the text behind Mystery actually says in the opening credits – perhaps they are transcripts of his teachings.

I was trying to read all the scrolling words but was distracted when a cocoon of butterflies exploded from Mystery’s palm.

Next time, I won’t let myself get off target.

Unlike last year, Mystery gets tough from the start and this first episode will mean elimination for one of our contestants. First off, we’re introduced to Todd, 26, the “every gal’s best friend” guy and Rian, a 28-year-old virgin from Portland…

…before cutting back to Tara who’s sitting at the pool at the guys’ new house in Phoenix. Tara tells them to pick rooms in the house and get ready – the guys will be meeting Mystery soon.

Next up we meet Simeon, a 27-year-old poetry-slammer who lived on a boat.

In Simeon’s interview, he professes his desire to have someone to sleep next to and take away his loneliness. At the house, we cut to him jumping on the bed yelling “Bounce test!” which only reinforces that. You want to make sure you’re providing your sleeping lover the firmness she needs, he’s clearly just being sensitive.

Karl, 21 and brokenhearted, stayed with a cheating girlfriend for three months and was the only guy in the group to not have a rolling suitcase as they walked along the blazing Arizona pavement.

Judgement will be reserved once we see how he is around women. Immediately we’re loving Matt who calls himself a mix of Austin Powers and Lauren Hutton (how many 26-year-old guys make Lauren Hutton references?) and in his audition tape he pulls up his shirt to display a small throw rug of chest hair that adds to his insecurity.

Greg is the resident long-haired guy whose makeover (spoiler alert!) features the Coming to America braid-chop.

Brian wins us over by telling us that the only place he’s ever planted his lips is on his mom’s forehead.

We do wish someone would show Brian Crocodile Dundee, though, doesn’t every kid learn what a bidet is from that movie? Kevin, 21, is the VH1 online winner who is sick of being shot down by the ladies.

And rounding out the bunch is gold-chain wearing Alex, who women assume is gay.

At this point, Mystery calls the house and, bless these guys for never working in a soulless corporate office, they can’t figure out where the conference phone is when it’s ringing. Once they realize that it’s the thing that looks vaguely like a Cylon Raider sitting on the counter, they cool out and answer it.

Mystery tells them to hop the Bus of Destiny and meet him and his wings downtown where they’ll be released into the wild so Mystery can assess their skills. Brian, at a loss for well, common phrases, tells us that his first impression of Mystery is that he’s “smokin’ balls tonight”. Is Mystery even into that?

Over at the Acme Bar and Grill, the guys prove to a bundle of nerves and failure, with Kevin asking a group of girls if he can go deeper with them (ew) and Matt asking girls the price of their drinks. Hirsute Simeon gets told he looks like Osama Bin Laden.

When Alex fails to act on the attention he receives for his gold chains, Mystery throws his hands up in frustration and decides to show the boys how it’s done (without wearing his signature hat or goggles as conversation pieces). Mystery and Matador work the room while the guys watch from the Surveillance Truck of Watching and Learning. The M and M’s hug and kiss their way through the club with such smoothness that the guys nearly pee with excitement.

The next day is makeover day! Man, do we love a good makeover, and when Mystery asks “Do you look like the type of men who are sexually active?” and the resounding answer is “No”, the boys start to love a good makeover too. They learn that accessories are sexual and that all white suits make you look a touch Miami Vice.

Hair and makeup (and in Matt’s case, dental and waxing) are endured and in all honesty, these boys clean up nice.

Back at the ranch, Alex throws his gold chain into the bulk-metal recycling bin…

…and the fashion show begins for the rest.

Simeon struts his clean-shaven self and Tara calls him Osama Bin Sexy. Rian, who has a slight breakdown at the clothing store looks preppy-pimpy and totally adorable. While there was no official winner of the episode, our vote goes to Greg, whose braid was ceremonially chopped and he became unrecognizable and flat-out hot.

The guys are grilling up hot dogs to celebrate their nicely fitting pants when dun dun DUN! Mystery arrives to ruin the fun by telling the guys that one of them will be going home. Ultimately, like a parent trying to teach his children, Mystery explains that the one contestant he was most disappointed in at the bar the previous night was the one who was actually approached and hit on and couldn’t even respond – it’s game over for Alex. Like his gold chain before him, Alex is out of the house, but it’s only the beginning for the rest of our future pickup artists.

  1. Kevin says:

    Wow…..first….had to do it. I’m pretty sure he kicked that guy out not because he had trouble talking to women, but because he wanted to chat their guy friends deep down.

    He’s gay, he needs to admit it.

  2. PeonPimper says:

    Alex is totally gay. No offense cause there’s nothing wrong w/being gay but you need to recognize who you are and be true to yourself. Ten minutes into the episode I knew that guy was gay! The scene in the bar only confirmed it.

    I kept expecting Mystery to out this guy but then realize that he probably couldn’t because of libel and all sorts of other craziness so I’ll do it for him here. :)

  3. sk says:

    Ok, I used to live next to Acme (waaaaay back when in the previous century); the place is Greek central for Arizona State, which probably makes it an obvious place for the lovable losers to bomb out. But still…did they have to do that to the boys on their first outing? That place has always been a viper room!

  4. Andrew says:

    sk- It really is like that? That guy who talked crap about that one chick’s home state almost offended me, cause I’m from Arizona. The guy with the glasses and the long hair. but then again he does need some skills so I will try to forgive him. It is really like that in Arizona the desert heat everything. I digress it seems like even I could learn a lot from watching this show. Hope I can learn.

  5. LaurenM says:

    Karl ftw :)

    i loved their makeovers. they look tons better now.

    as an Arizona girl, i wasn’t offended by Greg’s comments at all. i HATE it here

    and DAMN! Matador is gorgeous :D

  6. HokeyPokey says:

    Greg and Simeon’s make-overs were fantastic, and I must agree with Lauren, Matador is damn hot–those arms, that voice…mmm…he can pick me up anyday!

  7. Okay... says:

    I enjoy watching this show b/c I find the “techniques” that Mystery employs to be laughably offensive. And what the heck is up with his “avatar”, who wears goggles and furry hats. I wouldn’t take him seriously. I saw the prior season as well and would definitely not respond to the way he approaches women. “Maybe I’ll let you buy me a drink.” Hah, right, seems like a douchebag to me. And why did they pierce so many of the guys faces!? I find facial piercings extremely unattractive. I do have a thing for nerds though and I LOVE nice guys. His method attracts the women who like to be treated like $~@$$~(~!#)+~+(` And I think Brian and Kevin are super hot and sweet; I just hope they don’t get ruined. =(

  8. TheFemTruth says:

    Hey,

    I am for one very excited about this show being back on TV.. I love studying different behaviors so it’s a blast to watch.

    Alex, be out, be proud, and accept your homosexuality. It’s ok and I’m sure you’ll meet a nice guy. Do NOT deny yourself of happiness.

    Some may laugh at Mystery’s methods but, the bottom line is this.. He is helping these guys find confidence in themselves and in their actions. Plus, he’s making a good living. Kudos!

    Can’t wait to see what happens!

  9. l.shanks says:

    mystery you have your hands full. i hope you can do something with these guys . nad i thought the guys from first season were bad. these guys are much worse. the gfuy you eliminated is so odviously gay stevie wonder could see it. i think that guy simeon needs a tranqulizer. good luck and p.s what happend to j-dog?

  10. l.shanks says:

    mystery you have your hands full with tihs bunch! that guy alex was sooooo gay it wasn’t funnny i think you are cute. good luck!!

  11. Lindsey says:

    kevin and greg….hotttttt. want to touch the hiney

  12. Jay says:

    Can anyone seriously believe how stupid the host is? My hats off to you, VH1. I will now watch every show throughout the entire season just to see how much more ridiculous his outfits will become. He looks like Pamela Anderson circa 1999 with that fury hat. What was that native american shawl he was wearing? Im not one to post on blogs, but I just had to make sure that this was for real.

    Plus if that kid wants to wear a gold chain.. pssshhh, let him. I cant believe we still live in an age where someone can tell you how to look cool. Im sure the girl that hooks up with gold chain kid is way more B.A. than the girl fuzzy hat, &!#(#~~`~$~+@$*~ ty ponytail, crappy caveman plug dude can actually pick up.

  13. igorific says:

    hi all what was leahs last name from last season that was a sexy woman

  14. Elrod says:

    Gentlemen, pay close attention to this man….I watched the series last year and Mystery does know his business….He is a HIGHLY intelligent man, and belileve me, the advice that he gives to these guys does work….I have never had a problem meeting women in bars, clubs, or concerts, but wearing a fuzzy hat, big earrings, and a bit of GUYLINER on the eyes, and to dye the point under the chin does work….The number one thing is to look different, as Mystery has always preached…U MUST look different from every other dude out there…..IT WORKS !!!!! I totally changed my appearance last year after watching the first season, and i am still amazed at how fast the younger girls warm up when i walk into a room with my new attitude, and i’m 42 years old……I was out with a 23 year old tonight…..Thank u MYSTERY for waking up these dead dudes….U are a blessing, and a ray of light in the rough world of meeting chicks……And one more thing…Jay, u might want to wake up and pay attention…U obviously need help in the dating department….U watched the show didn’t u ????? Mystery is not stupid, as u blatantly stated in your first sentence of your comment…..He’s a STAR and u ARE NOT !!!!!!!!

  15. Marc aka dat1guy says:

    This is 1 of My favorite reality tv shows im a black male who is different then the typical thought of a black 19 yr old and the advice mysTery gives out is the truth it helped me refine my skills but what i want to see is mystery go into a club with a magority of black girls its not a race thing and im not doubting his skills but i wanna see if he has different methods for black women lastly this episode was good and he has his work cut out for him

  16. GET REAL says:

    Mystery where you live? in a cave, in a coffin.
    Are you a bat, magician, hypnotist, or dracula?
    Whats wrong with y-o-u-r s-l-o-w w-a-y o-f T-a-l-k-i-n-g?
    Speech impairment?…. uh huh.
    Who told you that you were the master of picking up women?
    advice from a Crystal Ball, Tarot cards, ESP, what?
    ABRACADABRA ALACAZAM, HOCUS POCUS………… MUMBLE JUMBLE.

  17. pay attention says:

    Good for you Elrod, Good for you. Im glad the magician boosted up your self confidence.
    What did he do? wave his magic wand, blink his eyes and twitch his nose, or did he pop out of a bottle riding the red carpet…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

    You already had it in you it was just in a matter of time before you were able to confront your weakness in socializing with women. I have had nerdy friends that had the same problem as you and my strategy was to of course change the appearance, next I praised and encouraged for comfortability. It’s easy as 123 it dont take a genius to figure this one out, who is VH1 kidding? we weren’t born yesterday.

  18. Jessica says:

    Brian needs a serious haircut. There’s no real change from the before and after. He looks like a Spaz and I can understand why women want nothing to do with him. I certainly wouldn’t. Can he have a re-makeover for the show?

  19. Lindsay says:

    I don’t normally comment on these things, but I thought that it was worth noting that although I agree that the guys may go further with a bit of self-confidence, I am not sure the ‘pick-up’ tricks are what they need. Truthfully, I think that this show may just turn the guys from nice, genuine guys into ~#*“@&^)#@+#&*% y jerks. I think that the makeovers helped boost confidence, but it’s not always about getting laid. Why can’t these guys just learn how to find more confidence to become better at interacting with girls? Like I said, sure they may want to be physical with girls, but the end result will be better if they don’t have to compromise who they really are. And, also to note…some of those guys are looking pretty good (i.e. Matt), and I would much rather have them try to have a conversation with me, rather than “pick me up” for the sole purpose of getting laid.

  20. Schylar says:

    I have a thing for nerds.I love them and they make me crazy!This show is kind of disappointing because Mystery is turning these really nice guys into jerks that only care about finding hot girls and getting laid.It’s wonderful that he’s also trying to boost their confidence, but seriously every time they go to the bar they don’t need to walk out with a lady just waiting to do them!Sure,walk out with their number and call them and actually get to know each other first!Personally,Greg is my favorite.I think he doesn’t need a whole lot of help in the looks department.My friends would think different,but there needs to be some people out there that like the nerds!It gives them hope.Even if it’s just a little.

  21. UrbanDoggy says:

    Mystery Needs To Brand Himself With A Product Line

    Like seriously…. Mystery has an uncanny eye for unique accessories with a sexy “it” factor. Why not a line of jewelry, accessories, and maybe a clothing line ebued with his edgy sense of style. I think it would be a massive hit! I’m female & married -I would totally buy some Mystery threads for my husband. Do it Mystery, your public is waiting! (I’d be more than happy to get some design specs down on paper for you.)

  22. teamleader says:

    does anyone know where to find the video where that kid says “this guy is smoking balls tonight” cuz i almost peed my pants when i saw that i laughed so hard i had to go lay down.

  23. UT123Fan says:

    I would have preferred to see one or two 40 somethings in this group. All of this group is 27 and under. While we can relate it’s tough. What do 40 somethings have in common with women in the field under 30? Since I’m a 50 year old and single it’s what I was looking for in the show. I’ll still watch, but I’m disappointed.

  24. CaptKirk says:

    My hat is off to all of the contestants for their courage in joining the challenge and overcome their bad habits. They ALL made the most remarkable transformations in their makeover sessions. I am proud of you all!

    Special note to Alex, don’t give up on yourself, dude. Whatever it takes. You’re not gay, but you do act gay. Give up the gameboy and loose the weight. Read everything you can get your hands on.

    Here’s a little tip. Old fashioned but worthwhile, Cary Grant was a late-bloomer and he spent hours standing in front of a mirror learning how to move and act to be debonair. He got so good he became ‘Cary Grant’. If you don’t like old movies, Star Trek, the original series has an excellent episode for you to find, “Mudd’s Women” and Star Trek Enterprise has an episode called “Bound”. Both will have a good tip or two that will be worth you while.

    Most importantly, don’t give up.

  25. AZArchitect says:

    Does anybody know the name of the club they go to, or what neighborhood the house is in?

  26. Brent Glass says:

    I know right where that house is, And to add to that I personnally created the stone on that house 2 years ago. I was blown away when I was browsing the tube and bam there it is. ” I did that house”. Awayways I thought it was cool.

  27. Kim says:

    Matt,
    Even if you don’t become the pickup artist, I still think you are a hottie! You seem to have a great personality and I would so date you. Dont be discouraged if you arent the last one standing. You got it going on. Good luck from Kim in New Hampshire!

  28. rita says:

    boy i can’t believe that was greg with the long hair.. he looks a hell of a lot better now than before.. good job on the makeover guys…hey mystery please send greg to pennsylvania…

  29. JoshG says:

    Hey who happens to know the song at the last part where they show the “what to expect” scenes? Answers would very much be appreciated. :)

  30. supplementary by means of a respectable reorder cellular phone search company the info recovered is certainly comprehensive in addition to particular precise. There are plenty of companies issue affiliate next to this point rider never summit ahead duped using the added economical companies.