The Pickup Artist 2 Recap – Episode 2 – Cougar Hunting


This week, it was all about our young Love Jedis’ quest for knowledge. The guys get their first lesson from Mystery about opening sets and negging. They also learn that age ain’t nothin’ but a number, and sometimes you have to woo a lady even if they remind you of your Bubbe. All that, plus Brian wins over Mystery and Co., with his smooth moves!

It’s officially game-on at the house. The guys mourn the loss of Alex, last week’s surprise cast-off, but things have only just begun. Each guy thinks the elimination could have happened to them, everyone promises to step up their game and Matt thanks the powers that be that his chest waxing was not in vain. The next day, they are called to a “secret location” i.e. the Italian Club complete with velvet ropes and Secret Service.

Each of the guys think that somehow this means “strip club!” (because when a venue on the outskirts of town has velvet ropes, it’s gotta have strippers). Alas, as they enter the venue, and – RECORD SCRATCH! – it’s a room full of older ladies playing Bingo. “I was definitely ready to talk to some amazingly gorgeous women. Unfortunately I was slightly misled,” Simeon explains after meeting their unexpected target. However, this reward challenge is to help the guys work on their conversation skills and, in Brian’s case, his spelling skills, and the winner will receive one of Mystery’s own personal accessories and a lesson on how to use it, so these guys start buttering up the crowd. (If there was any butter leftover, I didn’t see it, but you know these ladies put in in their purses along with any stray packets of Sweet ‘N Low. Nana’s gotta eat.)

Matt totally gets how to relate to a room full of older ladies, what with his experience at his Bubbe’s old folks’ home. We love him more each week. Simeon and Kevin take the approach of calling out the women’s age and while Simeon’s “You look. . . not a day over 35,” might seem complimentary, it’s still a little cringe-y. Not as cringe-y as Kevin though, who, in addition to sweating when nervous, has verbal diarrhea all over the women he’s schmoozing. While they might look like people, in reality, Kevin mistakes them for modern American history textbooks and is disappointed when no one pipes up with tales of Nazi intrigue or even stories about walking uphill to school in six-foot snowdrifts in summer. Doesn’t go over so well with our ladies. (Nor does Brian’s telling them they stink, never a good move.)

As vengeance for the awkward conversation they’ve endured, the ladies are asked to ink out their favorite contestant on a Bingo card and, lest you forget, the winner will receive one of Mystery’s finest accessories.

Matt is named the winner of the challenge and adorably declares that should there ever be a Pickup Artist show for the over-60 set, he’s the man. Shh-shh-shhh baby, don’t you worry, Matt’s here and he’ll change the tennis balls on your walker.

Later that day, Mystery comes over for the guys’ first real lesson but, wait, what’s this? Last week I was hell-bent on figuring out what the text during the show opener said (tribal. . something. . . mental. . . I’m still working on it), this week I spot something even more magical, chalkboard poetry!

Yesterday ends history
Today we start anew
With the help of Mystery
Our moxie and a crew

Thank you, chalkboard poet, for your clear, legible printing. Moving on.

The lesson (or as Simeon hyperbolizes, the secrets of the universe) involves the guys trying out their indirect openers and negs on each other. From here on out, the episode becomes The Brian Show. Brian explains that a neg is any phrase that begins with “LADY!” and includes telling girls “Stop eye-f***ing me!” or “Pull my finger” – but that one is only to be used sparingly and only on really drunk girls. Is there anything this guy won’t say out loud?

Mystery takes Matt aside for his Reward Challenge prize, and Matt is told to reach into the Scrabble Bag of Love to pull out his winning accessory.

Out comes a boa that was obviously skinned from the same animal that lost its life to make Mystery’s fuzzy top hat. This is to be used as a conversation piece or physical restraint, whichever is more necessary in the field. The guys head to their field test on the Bus of Destiny which quickly becomes the Bus of Excellent Drivers. With all the rehearsing of their openers, the guys resembled a batch of club-hopping Rain Men.

Matt heads into the club with boa a-blazin’ but loses his set and walks out of the club mission unaccomplished. When Rian, Greg and Simeon all get shot down too, the Surveillance Truck of Watching and Learning fills with Tara’s rage when, in defense of our guys, she screams “There’s some bitches up in the club!” and Matador and Mystery concur that indeed, it’s hard out here for a pimp.

Enter Brian, sweet, no-filter Brian, who opens sets and introduces himself to everyone, while also randomly spouting “I like pickle juice!” and Borat impressions which make the girls swoon. Mystery, Matador and Tara cheer for Brian and it’s clear, he owns the challenge.

Finally, Kevin explains that before entering the club, he just puked and swallowed it. Last week he had swamp ass. I feel bad for his uncontrollable bodily functions and feel the need to reassure him that our gender is not worth all this suffering. He can’t seem to maintain the attention of any sets, owing to his liberal use of the F-word and not acknowledging the men he meets, and he walks out defeated.

Mystery and his gang emerge from the truck and he announces that one young suitor was head an shoulders above the rest and crowns Brian this weeks winner. Brian, along with two wingmen of his choosing, will get immunity and this sends him into a tailspin. These guys, he explains, “Are family…They’re like a hair on my butt.” How can he possibly be expected to choose his two favorite butt hairs? This leads to serious agonizing for Brian as well as off-screen vomiting, but this guy can boot and rally. He pukes and comes right back to giving his interview. What was that poem again? Today we start anew…with moxie and a crew? I think the poor crew just had to clean up some of Brian’s moxie.

Mystery reveals seven charms within the Coffee Table of Medallions and asks Brian who his wingmen will be. Brian chooses Greg and Todd. Mystery assigns the rest of the medallions. Kevin, because of his cursing and repetitive opener, is phased out. “Would you guys date a guy named Herman?” proves not to be a winning line, but now the real question is would you guys date a guy named Kevin?

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The Pickup Artist 2 show page
The Pickup Artist 2 videos and extras

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  1. YUCK says:

    This show is DUMB dude, he aint gonna’ teach me anyting on being sociable him and his entorage is WHACK ! they all loo stupid

  2. Andreas says:

    This show is awesome. i expected someone named yuck who would think it is a lame show, explain why it is?

  3. mnchick says:

    After starting to watch this show this season, I soooooooo wish I would have watched the first season. This show is great entertainment! And hello! Matador..meow baby! He is hot to quite hot. Honestly, it is simply good entertainment watching these guys use the “techniques” Mystery and his wingman/wingwoman tell them to use. P.S. The show also seems totally scripted. LOL LIke most of these VH1 “reality” shows.

  4. megan says:

    Well, YUCK, I can tell you one thing for sure, your bad spelling and late 90′s lingo isn’t getting any girls I know, or me, hot and bothered! Maybe you should be taking notes from these “whack” fellas, they have better lines than you do :)

  5. Pro says:

    I like to watch this show, it’s so good entertainment.

    What comes to YUCK… looks like he really wants to learn… well this show actually teaches you if u need it.. but it wont do it just holding your hand (bad way to learn, just figure it out).

    I must admit that some of your tricks are so “guaranteed only in US”, some of those stuff won’t work in Europe.

    To some geeks (i guess they read these comments): Talking to a girl is not like a “raid boss” in a computer game. So its ain’t hard, your mind just makes it.

  6. Onceapounatime says:

    from a ole past/artist: I hope mystery and the gang read some of the comments here and take the challenge from “pro” :
    [quote]I must admit that some of your tricks are so “guaranteed only in US”, some of those stuff won’t work in Europe.[/quote]

    Would you be willing to make a slight bett?

  7. Rick says:

    Neither I nor my friends practice such behavior on approaching women. I would like to see such a TV show series for women on “how to approach men”, respectfully. Many men are bitter because of this situation. We have feelings too…

    San Francisco Bay Area

  8. kd says:

    Unworthy responses for such a great blog.

    “Lady, pull my finger” is my new pickup line! And I’m a girl! When Brian puked in the confessional I had to pause my DVR because I was laughing so hard. God, I hope he isn’t going anywhere.

    PS-Tara rocks. So glad she is around this season.

  9. Rik Stanz says:

    Brian Rules!!! Keep up the good work this guys have great hearts!! The are doing a good thing here!!!

  10. the kaptain says:

    Tara has a good heart by trying to help the guys but I think she is clueless in how to help them. When she gave her reason why Kevin should get kicked out she said something along the lines of “it looked like he only wanted to get laid”. I mean give me a break. Isn’t that what everyone wants? That is not to say that they aren’t looking for someone nice to have a relationship. I mean even the girls wanna get laid that is why they are at the club; to have fun and have an encounter with an interesting guy. Regardless I think Kevin deserved to get kicked out because he really wasn’t aware of his environment and could really tell when to change the subject even though the girl was cringing…Anyways ROCK on Mystery you are doing your fellow men a good service cause I’m sure there are alot of people that can use it.

  11. Adam says:

    Mystery, I live in Las Vegas and highly doubt your WEAK game would work with the girls here. In fact, I think I could beat you at your own game out here…whatever that might be (opening sets, getting numbers, taking girls home). Come out to Vegas and let ME show YOU how to pick up REAL girls!!!

  12. seraphim says:

    ok…I have never once left a comment on one of these things but I really feel that this needs to be said: these so called “lines” and “sets” aren’t reality. There is no way that if “mystery” himself came up to me in his foo foo outfit with an opener like “did you kow that Elvis dyed his hair?” that I would swoon. Especially if he tried to lasso me with a boa. I may be just a jersey $%“^`%$@+@&*(_*_ but i think that what matters is what the guy really has to say, no lines and no accessories needed. Mystery- you wouldn’t be able to pick me up. period.

  13. UT123Fan says:

    I put this response somewhere else, but I can’t find it so I will repeat it here. I’m looking more for the older set of ladies since I am already 50 and single. By older set I mean the 30-45 set of single, good-looking women. Does this stuff work on them as well or are they too wise to not allow it to work on them? What should be my first couple of steps in finding this group of women? Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

  14. Veronica says:

    Ok, I don’t know if it’s just me but if you are a dude in a cowboy hat, a boa and with more accessories on than me on and youa are wearing BLACK NAIL POLISH- the only response you would get from me is GET THE F OUT OF MY FACE! Mystery is the BIGGEST LOSER EVER!
    NEVER in my life would i give him the time of day. What a freak! Girls, steer clear of dudes like that. GIve me your regular jeans and a nice T kinda guy who is sweet and real and buys me a drink and makes me laugh, not this Joke you can’t even call a man.

  15. taylor says:

    GR3G is so cute!!! he cleaned up nice!!! :)

  16. Jazmin says:

    I think these pick up artists are soooooooooooooooo cute .I even think that brian and ryan are sooooo adorable.

  17. stifler says:

    if i haved been i one of this seasons, i had win-

  18. playboii says:

    I need some pua help. I am geting shut down and turn down by women. hope to here from u soon.

  19. playboii says:

    show me ways how to approch and how to speak better to women. I want to know what to tell them so I can get there number and get a date with them and maybe f close

  20. 4952253 says:

    What a lovely day for a 4952253! SCK was here

  21. 2653991 says:

    What a lovely day for a 2653991! SCK was here

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