Kylah wore nothing but paint-on vinyl this episode, but even that wasn’t enough to keep her around.
In case you were wondering if the Scream Queens were up to snuff with the rest of the catty women that fill out VH1’s Celebreality lineup, within the first two minutes, you have your answer.
Kylah explains that the group above represents the Queen Bitches, which does not include “the more homely girls” like Marissa, Lindsay and Sarah. Michelle goes one more by calling Sarah “ugly as s***.” Lina is scandalized.
Pretty bold, them fighting words are. And they couldn’t possibly be motivated by jealousy over Sarah winning the distinction of Leading Lady, right?
Shawnee calls the girls in and in her usual grave, love-so-tough-it-shoots-daggers-at-you manner tells them they have 15 minutes to get ready to meet a casting director.
A scramble ensues, giving this show a chance to indulge in its favorite motif besides fake blood:
And after Michelle and Angela share a mean-girls moment in the mirror…
…they’re off. Shawnee introduces them to…
As these interactions do not involve any sexual innuendo or snakes, they are mostly unremarkable. Highlights include criticism over Lindsay’s choice of clothes…
…Lina’s faux pas of shaking Kelly’s hand (which: WTF?) and Kylah’s interviewed vote of confidence for herself: “I was a communications major. I know how to do stuff!” It’s a wonder why communications degrees get a bum rap. I mean, they teach you stuff. In the end, it’s Jessica, who dressed like herself, who impresses Kelly the most. She will receive immunity for this week’s challenge. Impressing Kelly the least were…
…Lindsay and Marissa. They look slovenly enough to warrant a makeover. That’s kind of awarding bad decisions, which this challenge was supposed to penalize. Just saying.
While they’re getting their hair did, the other girls sit through a John Homa teach. This one’s all about the still frame: he gives the girls a scenario and they must react in a single gesture. Here’s Michelle’s reaction to someone appearing behind her in the mirror after she’s left the shower:
In this case, less is less and she’s asked to retake it.
Homa approves of this one. Michelle wonders if her open mouth is distracting. “Not to most men,” quips Homa. My kinda guy! Michelle F.T.Ofaceoftheweek.
Kylah’s told to give her best reaction to finding out that her best friend slept with her boyfriend.
She doesn’t seem to care so much.
Not even on the retake. Perhaps she is down with polyamory?
Jessica’s told to give a face reacting to a girl who’s just stolen her bf falling down into a pile of horse crap.
You can practically smell the feces.
Tanedra is forced to face her past and strike an expression that mimics that which fell upon her right before she was hit by a truck.
Homa loves it. Getting hit by a truck has to be the most extreme sort of method acting ever.
In the middle of the challenge, Lindsay and Marissa return, makeovers in tow:
Homa takes advantage of the timing and has them react to the makeovers, as if they were seeing it for the first time:
Marissa’s advised to retake, this time as if she’s seeing it for the first time on her wedding day and hates it:
So, she’s not convincing as loving it or hating it. Ambivalence isn’t nearly as hard to convey when you’re allowed two tries.
Lindsay, Homa feels, is much more convincing in her response to the new ‘do:
She’s totally smiling with her eyes at herself. It’s kind of sexual.
After the challenge, the Queen Bitches (especially Michelle) do what they do best and bitch about the other girls being allowed makeovers while they’re stuck with their already-hot selves. Marissa runs off and cries into the mirror…
Too bad she didn’t have that kind of conviction during the challenge. Needing a mirror to convey your point is about as lame of a method-acting technique as possible. Tandera and her tire mark scoff you, Marissa!
Later, the girls enter the parlor, only to be surrounded by weird dolls.
A note on a box implores them to open it. They’re scared because last time they opened something, there were snakes in it. They’re getting too smart for this horror game. Soon someone’s going to start rattling off rules. Hey, no one say, “I’ll be right back!” They finally open it and it contains a note that reads, “Say cheese!” Then, this jumps out:
It’s for no real reason but to scare them and maybe give them an inkling that they’ll be posing for a photo shoot the next day.
They hit a studio the next day for James Gunn’s directing challenge. Today, he’s hired a photographer to shoot them for fake movie posters that turn out to be awfully reminiscent of real movie posters. Also, said posters require maximum skin exposure because of course they do.
Michelle’s is to be called Don’t Go in the Water. Michelle, who spends most of her interview time talking about how hot she is, probably thinks the resistance in that title is futile.
Kylah’s painted in nylon for something called Thin Skin. She is what Spider-Man 3‘s Venom would be with the fangs toned down and the hotness turned way, way up.
Sarah’s assignment is Blood Skate, which seems like how the Tonya Harding-Nacy Kerrigan thing should have worked out.
Tanedra’s is Prom Scream, which seems like Prom Night, except with the word “Scream” in the title instead of, you know, “Night.”
Lina’s is called Tie/Die, a bondage thing that seems very pink movie of them.
Jessica’s got The Butcher’s Girl.
Angela’s got Monster’s Wedding, the obvious, albeit less horrific, follow-up to Monster-in-Law.
Marissa’s got The Mummy Maker, which is like Soccer Mummy but with boobs instead of balls.
And Lindsay’s got Blinded by the Fright, in which she plays a character who seems straight out of Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond or maybe Jean Rollin’s The Grapes of Death. This Euroshlock makeover really trumps her makeover makeover, just in terms of excitement.
Back home, it’s not long before the girls’ posters pop up:
Here’s a gallery of them all:
After that, it’s time for elimination. This week’s list includes…
Lindsay, Kylah, Lina and Marissa.
Lindsay, who complained about “not connecting” when she saw her final poster (which: duh, you have blanked-out contacts in!) actually receives the most praise. She is this week’s Leading Lady.
She may also be Drew Barrymore. Not sure yet.
Lina also gets a pass. It comes down to Marissa and Kylah. Marissa is fake and timid, but Kylah doesn’t push it enough. She tries to do what Tyra Banks would call “coast by on pretty.” Well, the coast stops here because despite her unquestionable hotness, Kylah’s going home.
In her exit interview, she lets us know that…
“To be honest with you, I think I’m a lot better-looking than the girls here.” Thanks for the honesty, Kylah. It’s very, very big of you.