Scream Queens Recap – Episode 2 – The Skin She’s…Out

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Kylah wore nothing but paint-on vinyl this episode, but even that wasn’t enough to keep her around.

Absolutely incredible.

In case you were wondering if the Scream Queens were up to snuff with the rest of the catty women that fill out VH1′s Celebreality lineup, within the first two minutes, you have your answer.

Kylah explains that the group above represents the Queen Bitches, which does not include “the more homely girls” like Marissa, Lindsay and Sarah. Michelle goes one more by calling Sarah “ugly as s***.” Lina is scandalized.

Pretty bold, them fighting words are. And they couldn’t possibly be motivated by jealousy over Sarah winning the distinction of Leading Lady, right?

Shawnee calls the girls in and in her usual grave, love-so-tough-it-shoots-daggers-at-you manner tells them they have 15 minutes to get ready to meet a casting director.

A scramble ensues, giving this show a chance to indulge in its favorite motif besides fake blood:

And after Michelle and Angela share a mean-girls moment in the mirror…

…they’re off. Shawnee introduces them to…

As these interactions do not involve any sexual innuendo or snakes, they are mostly unremarkable. Highlights include criticism over Lindsay’s choice of clothes…

…Lina’s faux pas of shaking Kelly’s hand (which: WTF?) and Kylah’s interviewed vote of confidence for herself: “I was a communications major. I know how to do stuff!” It’s a wonder why communications degrees get a bum rap. I mean, they teach you stuff. In the end, it’s Jessica, who dressed like herself, who impresses Kelly the most. She will receive immunity for this week’s challenge. Impressing Kelly the least were…

…Lindsay and Marissa. They look slovenly enough to warrant a makeover. That’s kind of awarding bad decisions, which this challenge was supposed to penalize. Just saying.

While they’re getting their hair did, the other girls sit through a John Homa teach. This one’s all about the still frame: he gives the girls a scenario and they must react in a single gesture. Here’s Michelle’s reaction to someone appearing behind her in the mirror after she’s left the shower:

In this case, less is less and she’s asked to retake it.

Homa approves of this one. Michelle wonders if her open mouth is distracting. “Not to most men,” quips Homa. My kinda guy! Michelle F.T.Ofaceoftheweek.

Kylah’s told to give her best reaction to finding out that her best friend slept with her boyfriend.

She doesn’t seem to care so much.

Not even on the retake. Perhaps she is down with polyamory?

Jessica’s told to give a face reacting to a girl who’s just stolen her bf falling down into a pile of horse crap.

You can practically smell the feces.

Tanedra is forced to face her past and strike an expression that mimics that which fell upon her right before she was hit by a truck.

Homa loves it. Getting hit by a truck has to be the most extreme sort of method acting ever.

In the middle of the challenge, Lindsay and Marissa return, makeovers in tow:

Homa takes advantage of the timing and has them react to the makeovers, as if they were seeing it for the first time:

Marissa’s advised to retake, this time as if she’s seeing it for the first time on her wedding day and hates it:

So, she’s not convincing as loving it or hating it. Ambivalence isn’t nearly as hard to convey when you’re allowed two tries.

Lindsay, Homa feels, is much more convincing in her response to the new ‘do:

She’s totally smiling with her eyes at herself. It’s kind of sexual.

After the challenge, the Queen Bitches (especially Michelle) do what they do best and bitch about the other girls being allowed makeovers while they’re stuck with their already-hot selves. Marissa runs off and cries into the mirror…

Too bad she didn’t have that kind of conviction during the challenge. Needing a mirror to convey your point is about as lame of a method-acting technique as possible. Tandera and her tire mark scoff you, Marissa!

Later, the girls enter the parlor, only to be surrounded by weird dolls.

A note on a box implores them to open it. They’re scared because last time they opened something, there were snakes in it. They’re getting too smart for this horror game. Soon someone’s going to start rattling off rules. Hey, no one say, “I’ll be right back!” They finally open it and it contains a note that reads, “Say cheese!” Then, this jumps out:

It’s for no real reason but to scare them and maybe give them an inkling that they’ll be posing for a photo shoot the next day.

They hit a studio the next day for James Gunn’s directing challenge. Today, he’s hired a photographer to shoot them for fake movie posters that turn out to be awfully reminiscent of real movie posters. Also, said posters require maximum skin exposure because of course they do.

Michelle’s is to be called Don’t Go in the Water. Michelle, who spends most of her interview time talking about how hot she is, probably thinks the resistance in that title is futile.

Kylah’s painted in nylon for something called Thin Skin. She is what Spider-Man 3‘s Venom would be with the fangs toned down and the hotness turned way, way up.

Sarah’s assignment is Blood Skate, which seems like how the Tonya Harding-Nacy Kerrigan thing should have worked out.

Tanedra’s is Prom Scream, which seems like Prom Night, except with the word “Scream” in the title instead of, you know, “Night.”

Lina’s is called Tie/Die, a bondage thing that seems very pink movie of them.

Jessica’s got The Butcher’s Girl.

Angela’s got Monster’s Wedding, the obvious, albeit less horrific, follow-up to Monster-in-Law.

Marissa’s got The Mummy Maker, which is like Soccer Mummy but with boobs instead of balls.

And Lindsay’s got Blinded by the Fright, in which she plays a character who seems straight out of Lucio Fulci’s The Beyond or maybe Jean Rollin’s The Grapes of Death. This Euroshlock makeover really trumps her makeover makeover, just in terms of excitement.

Back home, it’s not long before the girls’ posters pop up:

Here’s a gallery of them all:

After that, it’s time for elimination. This week’s list includes…

Lindsay, Kylah, Lina and Marissa.

Lindsay, who complained about “not connecting” when she saw her final poster (which: duh, you have blanked-out contacts in!) actually receives the most praise. She is this week’s Leading Lady.

She may also be Drew Barrymore. Not sure yet.

Lina also gets a pass. It comes down to Marissa and Kylah. Marissa is fake and timid, but Kylah doesn’t push it enough. She tries to do what Tyra Banks would call “coast by on pretty.” Well, the coast stops here because despite her unquestionable hotness, Kylah’s going home.

In her exit interview, she lets us know that…

“To be honest with you, I think I’m a lot better-looking than the girls here.” Thanks for the honesty, Kylah. It’s very, very big of you.

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Scream Queens show page
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  1. Samantha says:

    Kylah is beautiful but her face can’t change expressions, she deserved to go home.

  2. HL says:

    I love your entries, Mr. Blogger. Your snark has made me giggle after seeing the episodes and reminds me not to take these things so seriously.

    Not much to say beyond that, except Michelle annoys me.

  3. CC says:

    I’m glad VH1 has this show it’s an itneresting change from all the Love type shows. I like those to but this is a good variety.

  4. Tonija says:

    Kylah is pretty but she needs to step away from the mirror and work more on her inner self. She stated that people think she’s just another pretty face but her pretty face is ALL she sells. She even says so in her comment that she’s prettier than all the girls there. Kylah, if you seriously think you have talent you need to develop some real material and stop thinking your looks are going to carry you all the way.

    Shine from the inside and stop focusing on the shell.

  5. Dolce says:

    Michelle needs to get cut, her %#~@^_&~^_@*&!$$ iness is getting on my nerves. You are not that hot, get over yourself and grow up!

    By the way, I’m glad Kylah went home, she had looks but no talent, watch out Michelle you might be next.

  6. sara says:

    p.s.-awesome references to jean rollins “les raisins de la mort” (a.k.a. “grapes of death”), “the beyond”, and pinku eigu films. props to you from a huge fan of the genre.

  7. Melody says:

    the blinded by the fright poster is awesome.

  8. JennaX77 says:

    You know if you just let go and stopped worrying too much you could win!
    You have the look now, and you can act… But you have to let it happen girl…
    this is a once in a lifetime chance to star in a major horror film… DO IT GIRL!

  9. JennaX77 says:

    Kylah Kylah Kylah, You can’t become famous as an actress just because you are good looking!
    You need some talent, I have an idea for you… GO INTO THE MODELING WORLD!
    It suites you much better.

  10. JennaX77 says:

    In my personal opinion, I think this gal has the best chances of winning the top prize.
    She has natural talent… Acting is a gift… If you are lucky enough.
    Keep Rockin’ it girl!

    Jenny from the Block / Brooklyn

  11. zelicious says:

    kylah is painfully beautiful, and i say this about VERY few women. i am not even a big fan of this show and have only paid attention to 2 episodes, and not in their entirety. She is so beautiful, I think i would *go there* with her, if you know what i mean. And i love men.

    so she cant act. most of those girls suck pretty bad as well, to be honest. the girl can make $1,000 a day doing nothing based on her looks.

    what is wrong with that girl who got the nice new hairstyle? when i got my hair chopped off and hooked up with the flat-iron, my confidence soared majorly. what the hell?

  12. zelicious says:

    Michelle’s look is a dime a dozen. Attractive but i can go to a local mall and find 40 girls who look like her in one hour. Delusions of Grandeur. Women who look like Kylah dont need to be like *omg, im so hot*.

    shell be lucky to get a gig on a soap opera as a SUPPORTING character

  13. Ashley says:

    Kylah is THAT pretty. I DONT KNOW WHY EVERYONE IS SO ABOUT HER. she looks like EVERY OTHER foreign girl. Lindsay, and, Lina are my favs

  14. Anna says:

    Marissa looked fine before! I mean, her style needed a makeover, but not her face! She looks WORSE than before!

  15. judgmentknight says:

    I like Marissa and Lindsey’s new looks. It is definately an improvement from before. Michelle is so %*!&~(@*(+!`*`)* y and annoying. Someone needs to slap her. I am cheering for Jessica. She’s the best of all of them by far.

  16. brettmarieee says:

    i LOVE michelle and her poster was my favorite.
    basically, i love her because we’re the exact same. @_*(^“#%~(*)&+%* y and beautiful, and we don’t give a damn. it’s whatever. and we do what it takes to GET WHAT WE WANT. and oh, southern girls too<3

    i love you michelle and i wish you best of luck ;)

  17. megan says:

    Hey michelle i like this photo of u. You look so serious in this picture and last weekend when you were on the list
    i think you did very good you should’ve got called down. But keep it up I hope you win.

  18. joe says:

    when your as beautiful as kylah you get alot of criticism. she had alot of pressure to perform. its not easy getting people to overlook your outer beauty.. She has been thru alot to get where she is today.im know she has more to offer than looks.she will definitly be in the spotlight somehow.i wouldnt kick her off my set.im looking for a scream queen.holla miss kylah

  19. Rene881 says:

    TANEDRA ROCKS!!! Watch out for her. I think she will do well. I for one thinks she is NOT ghetto! And RME & Ugh for the comment about her being so. Why is Lina so dam fiesty? Calm down! Marisa needs some darn confidence.. she can borrow some from Kylah. I’m so glad she is gone!

  20. Tanedra says:

    ok.. INormally I read these blogs and laugh, but I need to address this SHAY person. First of all, you dont know me to call me ghetto. Thats the problem right there. You say in your comment that our generation knows no color, yet, you see 2 episodes of me, and call me GHETTO.. What does GHETTO mean to you? Im really interested in hearing.. Hmmm.. Funny.. I bet you wouldnt call Michelle ghetto nor Lina.

    And the clip that you saw of me saying that my talent got me here and not my color was my reaction to someone insulting me about where I came from.

    If the show makes you this angry to where you have to come here and write a 10 page letter and talk bad about people the way you did, Maybe you shouldnt watch…

  21. tan -n- kia says:

    i think tanedra doesn’t have any talent therefore she should be kicked off the show cuz she is a loud mouth girl with no respect or class.she is not fit to be a scream queen.if you are reading this tanedra, you can’t get mad at me orshay cuz we only call it like we see it.if you were to improve your stupid ways people wouldn’t have any negative things to say bout your none talented- self.

  22. Rosie says:

    OMG — I HOPE MICHELLE GOES HOME!!! I DONT WANT THAT BYTACH TO WIN. SHE IS SO FULL OF HERSELF!!! PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZ – ANYONE BESIDES MICHELLE!!!

  23. OSCAR says:

    kylah man you hot they made a big mistake cutting you off cause you the reason alot of people even watch scream queens take kare mamasita

  24. zamira says:

    Me encanta Angela y ella debió Ganar
    la adoro.

  25. Caron Miller says:

    I absolutely love marissa hairstyle makeover and would like to know what the haircut is called and if i could get pictures because i would like to cut my hair that way

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