The Pickup Artist 2 Recap – Episode 4

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The boys get grabby and slobbery in the latest episode of The Pick Up Artist. That’s what happens when a professional sexologist lets them get frisky with her in the name of research. Unfortunately this sets an unrealistic precedent: while some women will let you grope them in the dark for 90 seconds, others won’t even give out their number even after some polite conversation about meerkats. Todd finds that out the hard way this week and ultimately, he’s sent home.

When Mystery arrives at the house after the last elimination, he wants to give the guys some out-of-the-classroom experience. First he asks our future pickup artists how much “hands-on” experience they’ve actually had with women, and the answers range from adolescent yet creepy (Rian: “Aside from some piggy backs in the 3rd grade…”), to grope-and-bolt (Brian: “I grabbed a boob and ran away”).

Mild-mannered Todd professes that he was a late bloomer and didn’t kiss a woman until he was eighteen. Mystery assures him that there’s no shame in blooming late – our be-top-hatted master didn’t lose his virginity till he was 21.

Enter Erin, a professional sexologist which is, apparently, a woman you can grope without payment or fear of prosecution, and who also has an assistant named Whitney. The two of them help people overcome their intimacy problems. Looks like their dress code is showing-my-business casual.

Whitney brings out a life-size mannequin and Erin asks the guys to demonstrate their intimacy techniques. Simeon gets so intimate that he pulls the wig off of the mannequin and then kneels before her – his skills seem to include simulating knighthood.

Everyone has their own style when dealing with our fair plastic maiden – Rian smooches her every so tenderly on the ear, and Eskimo kisses her and, OH MY GOD you guys, I just realized how Bristol Palin got pregnant!

Brian stares her down intently, explaining that he learned how to make out by Googling it – although I’m not sure a Google image-search ever turned up this move.

Finally, Erin uses Whitney to show where and how to stimulate a woman’s erogenous zones. I used to think Gary Busey filled the VH1 quota for bugged-out crazy eyes, but Celebrity Rehab has nothing on our guys when they’re asked to watch one woman lick another up and down. Greg either has to hold Brian back – or is he just moving him aside to get a better look?

Mystery tells the guys that their reward challenge is to employ the techniques Erin has just shown them by spending 90 seconds in the dark with her so she can judge their moves. Can a person major in sexology in college? Because I’m thinking that there are a lot of people watching this who are wondering that. Erin awaits the guys in darkness while lying atop a pile of pillow. Simeon is the first to enter. Immediately he takes off his shirt and we discover there is a direct relationship between the amount of clothing Simeon wears and the quantity of saliva he produces. In a hurried kissing session, he leaves Erin damp in a bad way. I hope Erin can clean off between sessions because I worry that by the end of this, she’ll be wearing six layers of caked-on saliva and I pity the last man in there who’s reconstituting the spit of sloppy conquests past.

While Matt and Greg cuddle up unselfconsciously, Brian goes in for his Google-stare yet again and says that kissing Erin was like “lickin’ a furry dog.” If there was ever any doubt that Brian has some lessons to learn, he just removed it.

The last man in was Rian who made no mention of spit and instead tells the guys “She is a very pleasant woman” After he finishes, he can’t stop laughing. The challenge has made all of them giddy and has left them with boob-touching stories for the ages. Ultimately Erin names Matt the winner, based on their mutual enjoyment of the challenge, but clearly none of the guys feel like losers right now. As a reward, Mystery presents Matt with an earpiece that he can use in the field; seems like Mystery wants to get all Cyrano and feed Matt lines if need be.

The guys’ lesson for this week is about reading or “calibrating” a girl’s physical attraction, ultimately leading to a kiss by the end of the night in their field test. Brian, whose nickname I’ve decided should be TMI, reveals that the only real kissing he’s done is practicing on a piece of folded ham, but it didn’t work because it was too salty. I. . .He. . .there are no words.

Out in the field, Todd gets shot down by the first girl he talks to. Watching him try to recover was like watching a war movie. Fellow soldiers Matador, Mystery and Tara kept urging him to recover as they watched from the truck, yelling “Stay with me, buddy!” and “You can do it!” Even though he showed some signs of life by getting a two-set to sit and talk with him, ultimately, he succumbed to his wounds and exasperated the girls he was trying to woo.

Despite Matt having Mystery’s ear-bud and getting tips from him in the field, he didn’t manage to get a kiss. Nor did Greg, Simeon or TMI Brian. However Rian stepped up his game and escalated his kino to include back rubs, dancing, and a kiss, although it wasn’t a full-on lip lock.

“It might not have been on the lips but it was definitely gratifying to at least kiss such a pretty lady on the cheek,” Rian explained, obviously excited by the exponential increase in female touching he’s experienced in the past 24 hours.

When Mystery names Rian the winner of the field test, Rian’s giddiness turns into giggles. In Matador’s words, Rian is always pegged as the underdog but always comes out on top, and the fact that he can barely contain his delight at how well he did is a reward in itself.

The guys all agree that at this point in the game, there’s no room for error and everyone decides to dress as if tonight is their last night so they put on their best embellished vests and head to Mystery’s Chamber of Rejection. Mystery surprises them all by telling them he’s very disappointed in them. None of them achieved the goal of kissing a girl on the lips and he wonders if any of them have what it takes to be the next pickup artist, at which point each guy ran to their room in a huff yelling “I hate you! I wish I’d never been born!” Oh wait, that was me when my parents would tell me they were disappointed in me. This show really brings me back.

In the end it comes down to Greg and Todd who are both very pretty. To those of us who are superficial, it’s a surprise to find them in the bottom two. While Todd’s smile can lure gals into a set, Tara explains that she expected more from him but he couldn’t take it to the next level. Greg gets the last medallion and Mystery tells Todd that it’s game over. We’ll miss Todd, recipient of this week’s Fuzzy Farewell Montage.

  1. aaron says:

    erin isnt a sexologist. shes a stripper i know i tapped it. i was shocked when i saw her on the show it was kinda cool. i guess.

  2. Boomen says:

    I just need to say this. Who on God’s ^%%%(%!#_@+_!%+* ed Earth let Mystery be a pick up artist? He scares the Hell out of me. And his fashion sense….. let’s just not go there. Good show, but Mystery (yes, the man himself) would be better at playing a lead roll in Scare Tactics.

  3. mike says:

    Who are these pick up artists? What ? They read “The Game” now they want show people how to talk to women. What the hell are they wearing? I know they want attention, but they can do better then that. Maybe they need help themselves. They look like that they can t pick up a hooker holding hundred dollar bill out.

  4. scott b says:

    mystery looked like freddy tonight

  5. joe says:

    Who cares what she is. Shes hot. Loser.

  6. Josh says:

    I doubt you tapped that. Loser

  7. cecilenoe says:

    THEY UNDECIDE VOTER GO OUT AND VOTE THE LINE IS LONG BRING YOUR FOOD AND WATER AND CHAIR,AND GO VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA. MIAMI , FL, OHIO, MICH, PENS,ECT, GO OUT AND VOTE ENCOURAGE YOUR NEIGHBOR OBAM PRESIDENT FOR 2008
    NO MC.CAIN NO PALIN NAZYCH PEOPLE CRIMINEL AND CORRUPTION KILLING THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS INNOCENT AMERICAN AND CIVILIENS. NO MC. NO PALIN.
    THEY TRY TO STEAL BUT THEY USED BAD ADVERTISSMENT, ANY SUCK STUFF. AMERICAN YOU DON’T GOING TO BE STUPID THIS TIME. GO AND VOTE OBAMA 2008 WHEN CNN SHOW THEM ON THE MOP THE WAY TO STEAL ,CHEAT. THAT ALWAYS REPUBLICAN SOME OF THEM DO
    OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBA MA OBAMA OBAMA 2008 UNTIL2015 AND AGAIN DEMOCRAT. PRAY FOR VICTORY FOR OBAMA NOV 4 IS NOT OVER.

  8. Lessa says:

    was sorry to see Todd go – Simeon (the hyper kid or Brian ( kid with crazy hair lol) woulda been my pick-
    and yeah Mystery gives me the creeps but some girls like that type

  9. Lessa says:

    oh and re: cecilenoe – your ignorance shows big time

  10. Lessa says:

    oh and cecilenoe its people like you that really scare me

  11. Robin says:

    You would not be able to pay me enough money to let anyone I know on this show. I think that this Mystery dude is a freak. Seriously, who in their right mind would be wishing that someone like him would hit on them when they go out. These poor guys. Mystery is making a fool out of them not helping. If my son was on that show I would be sooooo embarrassed!

  12. Cyana says:

    I feel like i just need to put in a vote for mystery. i truly think he’s pretty awesome, and just the level of confidence some of these guys (ie – rian) gains is really adorable.

    my vote goes for either brian, or greg! :)

  13. cecilenoe says:

    THE MAC IS EVIL DON’T GIVE UP HOPE WITH OBAMA BRING YOUR WATER ,FOOD .FLORIDA ,MICH, PENSYLVANIA, HOPE GO OUT AND VOTE OBAMA. CNN SHOW THEM THE WAY TO STEAL. CHEAT. NO MC.CAIN NO PALIN. WE NEED CHANGE OBAMA.NEW LEADER .FOR AMERICA.OBAMA 2008UNTIL 2015 AND AFTER AGAIN DEMOCRAT.

  14. Reila says:

    Robin, you’re ridiculous. You may not be interested in Mystery, but a lot of girls out there would be! And what he’s doing with these guys? He’s helping them out so much! He’s helping them gain confidence along with helping them get over their fear with asking girls out! I’m glad a show like this came on; it helps guys realize that women are human beings just like everyone else, and to not be afraid of who they are and what they can achieve.

  15. Laveen says:

    I love this show its so peaceful to watch all the boys are a team. They all try the best they can it sucks i dont want to see any of them go home i see
    steven trying hard hes really improving from 1st episode . And brian is hilarious.

  16. Bounce says:

    Jus wanna say, Todd is gay. Its one thing to be shy when it come to touchin a woman but he really didnt want to…. Its time for Todd to face the funk.

  17. Jig Johansen says:

    Mystery is a freakin JOKE. Nobody could “pick up” women wearing all of those “accessories” like the gay goggles and the Pamela Anderson furr hat. GIVE ME A BREAK. He has a lisp that is laughable and he’s an 8 foot tall skeleton. I watch the show jus to make fun of Mystery and all of the Acronyms and terminolgy he uses to talk about getting chicks. MYSTERY, I bet you’re still a virgin just like all f the pathetic desperate losers on your show.

    Good Day,
    NOBAMA

  18. Jenn says:

    does anyone know what make or anything that dress/skirt thing erin had on was?

  19. casey says:

    This may be a good idea for a show, but at least get some attractive hosts.. Now Tara, yes, she is very pretty.. but C’mon! Mystery and Matador.. first of all, can you pick any more terrible names? I don’t think so. Mystery is always wearing that gay furry hat or else some ugly goggles on his head that looks like he is a part-time snowboarder.. He is so comepletely unattractive and his clothes do not help the matter whatsoever.. Nail polish on men? yeah, if they are trannies.. That co host matatdor, or bull fighter, whatever… he is not as bad as mystery.. but nowhere close to being attractive.. If either of these guys approached me i’d definitely turn them down. If you are going to have a show to help young men find themselves and help young men feel comfortable talking to ladies, please PLEASE find some hosts that are attractive, fashionable, and not complete morons.. You could do much better VH1!

  20. J says:

    B r I a n !!! please buddy, your Gay and just don’t know it yet. Just Dismiss yourself because I can’t stand to watch you on TV anylonger!

  21. zzj says:

    ok well i have been watching both seasons and i’ve got some news for you men who have been taking Mystery’s advice! number one- straight guys DO NOT dress like that!! c’mon – goggles, fuzzy hats and that stupid transexual feather boa. number two- stop approaching the social scene like you are a general on the battle field, it’ really not that complicated – if you are decent looking guy and you can formulate a sentence or two without stuttering and tripping over yourself you can pick up a woman. number three– the pick up artist is def gay and trying to recruit desperate young boys to fudge pack throughout Europe with! so take my advice, Mystery — close up shop and have a yard sale with all of your ridiculous clothing. its game over.

  22. janiceine says:

    ok well i have been watching both seasons and i’ve got some news for you men who have been taking Mystery’s advice! number one- straight guys DO NOT dress like that!! c’mon – goggles, fuzzy hats and that stupid transexual feather boa. number two- stop approaching the social scene like you are a general on the battle field, it’ really not that complicated – if you are decent looking guy and you can formulate a sentence or two without stuttering and tripping over yourself you can pick up a woman. number three– the pick up artist is def gay and trying to recruit desperate young boys to fudge pack throughout Europe with! so take my advice, Mystery — close up shop and have a yard sale with all of your ridiculous clothing. its game over.

  23. Sam B says:

    First of all the premise of the show is great. The only bad part about it is them flaunting,if you may a bunch of guy’s with incredibly low self esteem. Putting it on national t.v. Taking advice from a guy called “Mystery” and “Matador” would’t exactly be my first choice for help. If Mystery’s “Game”!!! is so tight I’d like to challenge him to go in a club and pick up some hot Black Chick’s!!! Then we’ll really see how tight,or should i say “not”…his game is. Tara… is sexy as hell, sexy leg’s and alway’s wearing them sexy strappy heel’s….!!! Sam B Elyria,Ohio (Cleveland)

  24. Neo-Kun says:

    The Pick-up artist is an interesting show. Even though I find the idea of developing a strategy to ‘pick-up’ women repulsive, I am loathe to admit that is effective to a great extent. Women are complicated and interacting with them can be difficult, unless you are Brad Pitt or George Cloney, of course.

    Even though I do not think that the show adequately portrays how women wants to be treated nor does it allows the participants to be sincere; I do believe that it helps them to grow and develop good self-esteem.

    This week’s episode was quite interesting: the auction and getting a bikini models phone number. Poor Brian got the boot. Hmmm….it’s kinda sad to see him go because he made the show fun to watch. But I guess it’s game over for him, unfortunately. It was unsettling to watch him cry at the end. I hope he doesn’t think that he has failed…. just take what you have learned and apply it to your other encounters and you’ll be fine, Brian….

    Peace Out,

    Neo, St.Ann, Jamaica W.I.

  25. loser says:

    I’m glad Brian got eliminated. That guy is such a loser. Plus, he always talks about kissing guys and references women to dogs.

  26. rita says:

    todd had a nice smile… but even though some guys were voted off it does’nt mean they’re not gonna pick up chicks cause they just gotta makeover and they were on national tv… i’m pretty sure they’ll have better luck now…

  27. Nicole says:

    I am so so so disgusted by this show. Screw any guy that thinks that need to learn techniques or tricks to hooking up with a girl. What ever happened to a guy making improvements with himself and then presenting himself to the dating world. Better yet, how about taking what you do have to offer and making it work in your favor. If you are quirky, make it work.

    Girls work so hard to make themselves presentable in the dating world. We learn to be charming, we work out, and we make ourselves pretty. We are constantly working towards a better us. Guys can learn from that. These guys feel that they need some guy to teach them what to say and what to do to get a girl, screw them, they do not deserve girls. It is manipulative in a way that goes far beyond the little white lies that go on in the first few weeks of a relationship.

  28. Jessica says:

    I’m so glad Brian is gone too. He’s wierd and immature.
    I think the show is really good, despite that women are being treated as objects and it’s always in the same bar. Mystery is lacking personality from the first show. He should show them again instead of just preach to them. The bedroom show was a little uncalled for, I think.
    I like the wingman. He has the most personality in the whole show.

    But Thank goodness Brian is gone! Yeah!!!!

  29. jj says:

    Brian is such a dumb azz. What’s up with him saying romantic kiss…. “with a guy”. If you don’t like girls get off the dam show!

  30. Andreas says:

    Nicole, what are you talking about? Mystery teaches men how to take the best of themselves and improve on all areas of life to become more more attractive! Men work out 10 times as hard as girls. It´s you girls that try to fake yourselves. You use make up, high heels and read magazines to get to know what kind of dress to wear and what pair of shoes you should buy to increase your chances to attract men. We men are improving in all areas, while girls like you only focus on your looks. Thats why I would dump you after one week, cause looks is no big deal if you lack in personality, intelligence and ambitions in life! Look yourself in the mirror, and wake up missy!

  31. Andreas says:

    zzj, I can already tell…u aint gettin laid…Im out there…and I gonna take your dream girl….in front of your eyes…while you just have to watch it all happen…beta males like you arent supposed to get laid…

  32. hollywood says:

    honestly, mystery can get more women easy than any of you guys hating on him
    quit being jealous and maybe learn from him
    the only reason he dresses like that is because it shows that looks dont matter to women if you got good game

  33. 4084646 says:

    What a lovely day for a 4084646! SCK was here

  34. 1036395 says:

    What a lovely day for a 1036395! SCK was here