The Pickup Artist 2 Recap – Episode 5


Bikini fashion show! No, it’s not the name of a cheesy 80s movie, it’s the field challenge our guys had to undertake this week and man, oh man was it AWK-ward! Of course this outfit never ceases to surprise, so even though three of ‘em hit on the same girl, hyperactive Simeon was the only one who could close the deal and get her number. The rest failed miserably. Simeon was the week’s big winner and SHOCK of all shocks, Brian was the dude sent home.

But first, someone grab the keys to the Range Rover because we’re heading to the Scottsdale Plaza Resort! This week’s reward challenge sees the guys involuntarily signed up to be the prizes in an auction at a fancy-pants spa. Before they can even protest the idea of being paraded around like cattle, Mystery adds insult to injury by telling them they ain’t got no DHV. That’s “Demonstrations of Higher Value” in Mysteryspeak, and in layman’s terms it means selling yourself. I think. The explanation was vague, and I was left to infer the definition of DHV all on my own. Come to think of it, I still think Kino Escalate is an SUV equipped with electronic gambling machines, so I’m not entirely sure what most of Mystery’s man-lingo means. But in this case, at the auction, the guys are supposed to think of stories that will literally sell themselves to the highest bidder.

Matt takes this to mean that he should introduce himself as a high caliber, culturally elite oenophile and starts rehearsing a story about going to Tuscany to study cheese and wine. Simeon talked about the time he and his Sherpa got caught in a monsoon, and Brian seemed to glaze over at his tale.

If the snippets of these guys rehearsing their DHV stories were any indication, I worried for the charity that would benefit from this auction. Poor, poor Defenders of Children, times may be tough this month.

Brian presented himself first to the roomful of prim and proper ladies, and was purchased for a respectable price, likely because he wouldn’t stop shaking his booty at them.

Final bid: $575

With $575 as the amount to beat, Matt took the stage and continued his story about being taught the ways of the world by an Italian woman. Unfortunately that’s as sexy as it got because his lessons were about what stinky cheese goes best with Chianti. The stories worked though, Matt earned himself an $850 bid, and unless one of the other guys could top that, he might be living out “Under My Tuscan Son” with one of these charitable Arizona socialites.

Matt praises the group of women for their good sense to bid on him:

Final bid: $850

The other guys weren’t quite as at-ease on the stage as Matt, judging from their awkward physical DHVs and low bids.

Rian tried to woo with his come-hither bedtime look:

Final bid: $450

“I don’t want to brag or anything, I just want to tell you I’m a great person,” Simeon totally bragged.

Final bid: $575

On his 24-month service mission, Greg explained how he “left a boy and came back a man.”

Manly though he was, he still couldn’t beat Matt. Final bid: $800

Has Matt lost a reward challenge like, ever? As a prize, he got the company of wing woman Tara whose presence and general hotness will aid him later on when he’s out in the field.
Right Tara?

I thought so.

The field test was to pick up a hired gun, a woman whose job relies on her beauty. “A bartender…a go-go dancer…a bikini model,” Mystery says, clearly after having just watched an episode of Laugh-In because when was the last time anyone in real life referenced a go-go dancer? The guys must use different techniques to pick up a bikini model after attending a swimwear fashion show, so they tested hypothetical compliments and negs with Tara. Matt clearly felt confident after hearing Brian’s line “You are the orangest girl I’ve ever met.”

The guys watch the bikini fashion show and then are let loose amongst the throngs of thongs. What you are about to read about was shot using hidden cameras. There are no actors in the club, only real people. . .

And this was where it started to get painful. While swimming in a sea of models, Greg acted awkward and hovered, Brian’s formerly cute “I like pickle juice!” did him no favors and the moment he told one of the models she had “the orangest tan he’s ever seen”, the girls scattered. Remember those Dawn dish detergent commercials where one drop of Dawn on a casserole dish immediately repels whatever grease was on the dish? One drop of Brian was all these girls needed.

Rian, Matt and Simeon all end up trying to mack on the same girl and while she was warm to Rian and cool to Matt, she ended up being hot for Simeon. Guys, take a note from Simeon – offer to take a girl out for mani-pedis because while we can handle small talk and flirting, we can’t abide cracked heels. Simeon’s manic personality and rock-star cowboy persona finally pays off and the girls are on him like nail glue.

When the challenge was over, Mystery addressed the guys in a storage room/Ultimate Fighting cage.

He’s disappointed in Matt who, even with a wing, can’t even pull off getting a phone number but tells all the guys that, aside from Simeon, who’s the obvious winner of the challenge, they could all be on the chopping block since no one else got a phone number.

Ultimately Matt and Greg were awarded medallions and Brian and Rian were in the bottom two. Never would I have thought Brian would be here – I was sure his confidence and craziness had bought him a one-way ticket to Pick-Up City. I’m amazed at Rian’s progress too, but his lack of confidence had been a worry – he does good work out in the field, but I’m starting to think that all his crying is reversing that dry heat Arizona is so known for.

Mystery calls Brian’s persona “one-note” and Tara tells him he doesn’t listen to girls and for those reasons, Rian is awarded the final medallion. In what seems like genuine sadness from everyone in the room, Mystery, Tara and Matador all say goodbye to Brian, who can’t keep his emotions in check and takes a moment to cry before sailing off into a Fuzzy Farewell Montage.

I’ll miss Brian. . .and his hair. . .and his love of pickle juice. . .but I think it’s his spelling I’ll miss most of all, especially as he bids us farewell: “I’m a new person. I’m ready for a real K-I-S-S, infinity S’s. On my lips. Instead of a mannequin this time. Or a guy.”

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  1. jemma says:

    Hey Mystery,

    What is the swimsuit brand from this episode?! I love the suits, and wanted to see if they have a website/store. Hopefully you will have the info. Thanks!!!


    ASU girl

  2. george says:

    awww men, y did brian have to leave, that kid was funny, mystery u should have given him a chance, he had potential more than the other guy!
    his afro was his main prop but he never used it… too bad.
    we gonna miss him!

  3. mnchick says:

    I for one, am glad that Brian is gone. He was relatively goofy and funny but really made me uncomfortable when I watched him. As a woman who is uncomfortable watching him on TV, I have to think that he makes women in “real life” uncomfortable as well. Cute, funny but awkward..that was Brian. I think that Matt and Greg are both super cute and I like the confidence they have gained. Hopefully, it will come down to one of them winning it in the end.

  4. Briavfan#1 says:

    I saw a funny vid of Brian on from a party he was at and it made me more sad that he is gone!

  5. Luke J says:

    Anyone w/ info,
    I am in need of some help, i watched the first pick-up artist show and loved it but since pick-up artist 2 started ive had no time to catch any of the episodes. Does anyone know where i can watch all the full episodes from the start?!

    Any help would be great, thanks!

  6. rita says:

    hey mystery i just started watching your show this season and i like matt and greg the most you really gave them two guys a dreat makeover… i hope greg wins he’s my favorite one on the show… i don’t even see why he’s on there… good luck too all the guys on there… i’ll be watching… too bad greg did’nt live by me…

  7. ST says:

    Brian is pretty much the reason I’m watching the show. You guys really need to give him his own show.

  8. Samantha says:

    Matt, you are so cute and your looks got you the winning bid at the auction. God please stop saying caper and party like the end of oceans eleven. women will not bite. relax and finish already!!!! mystery slap him up side the head

  9. mollination says:

    LUKE J- You can watch all the episodes online at Just click “Pick Up Artist 2″, then “Videos”, then “Full Episodes”.

    I’ll miss brian. Sadly, I think there’s no hope for Rian and would have rathered watched Brian get better and better.

  10. rachel says:

    You can tell Brian I will give him his kiss. :( I was sad that he was let go this week. I thought he was funny and way more charming then the rest of the guys and I think he is the one I could have the most fun with. I wish him all the luck in the world!

  11. Jennifer Kodatt says:

    Okay is it me, or does Ruan cry in EVERY episode?? He needs to grow some balls. I don’t see how Mystery thinks he could possibly be the next pickup artist. This guy cries more than my 2 year old daughter does!!!! I am sick of seeing him on the show. He is a whiney _*~^(+~(^%`@~^* baby who needs to grow up. Now Greg I can see being the next pickup artist, he has the looks and little bit of the sweetness to him. If he doesnt win, I would love to date him!!!

  12. brittany says:

    Ohhh gosh I am soo glad Greg didn’t get kicked off the show this week. I hope that he never get’s kicked off. I hope he wins! He is soooooo freaking adorable, and he’s wicked sweet, and has a great smile and personality.
    ahh he’s just gorgeous haha.

    But yeah, Brian was fun to watch too. It’s too bad he’s off the show now. =/

  13. TDogg says:

    Hey Ryan,

    Dude I’m still pulling for you, you’ve come a long way, but you gotta stop ballin’, being a cry baby is not manly or sexy pardner.

    Man, I wish I had a troop of Nerds to train…just like Jesus

  14. Tdogg says:

    Hey Matt, one of these club chicks is evenually going to tell you to pull your own caper…dipstick

  15. TDogg says:

    Hey Matt,

    Evenually one of these club chicks is going to tell you to pull your own caper…dipstick

  16. Sugar says:


  17. pebbles says:

    rian is not a cry bay he is a man with emotion.. my dad (God rest his soul ) cried when he was happy when he was sad. when he was 45 years old early 80′s they gave my dad 5 years to live .. heart conditon. he lived to be 84 years old and he enjoyed life to the fullist. my dad loved to party and have a great time.. but he was not afraid to cry.. i do not like men that are so macho and will not show their tru ee feelings. you go rian … i will miss you .. i am so sorry you had a twosome .. that was too much for you too soon.. you will find a lovely lady..

  18. Lindsey says:

    I dont like being thought of as a “set” This show is horrible. Mystery is a +_%$#^(^)%$@+*&* ing freak who thinks he has game. What woman would honestly accept advances from an idiot like that with a fuzzy hat and ski goggles on his head. He dresses like he escaped from a mental ward full of emo kids. What about these girls who make out with these guys? What if they are really desperate and kill themselves because they gave there phone number to a guy they made out with at a club and never calls them back. If a guy like mystery walked up to me in a club I would tell him and his feather boa to go screw themselves.

  19. Khan says:

    Boy, would it have been great to actually watch this episode. Of course, VH1′s website is so poorly designed that not only is it murder trying to find anything, but all of the links to this episode lead to dead ends, and never allow you to watch the show.

    Sucks to be those of us who don’t have cable anymore, and have to watch this series online…

    Really Annoyed

  20. Brian says:

    Hey everyone thanks for all the positive comments, wow its been almost a year since this whole experience. i just made an account on here and just read everyone’s comments. I had fun and an amazing experience on the show.

    free feel to contact me via myspace back slash nairbly or google brian ly VH1 Pickup Artist 2


  21. Javen says:

    Hi pick pu artists!
    In my life I have never seen a program as spectacular as ¨The pick up artist¨, the protagonists of this series make things very difficult but as an individual reward make us more secure about himself and improve their social relationships.

    Mystery and Style are my two biggest idols.
    I congratulate Matador, Jdog, Kosmo, Brady, Greg, Simeon, Rian, Extramask, and all the pick up artist for their willingness to change despite the obstacles.

    From Peru, your friend Javen.