Rock Of Love Charm School Recap – Episode 5 – Pass That Duchess

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With Lily (and sometimes Megan) gone, it was somewhat comforting to have someone step in and hold it down for the tongue-hanging-out set, you know?

It’s morning. Brandi C., and her armpit miss Megan terribly.

But she has decided that she’ll stay for the sake of avenging Megan. That should buy her a cuddle or two when these two are inevitably watching this show (over and over and over again) in Brandi C.’s bed together.

Meanwhile, from what we can tell, mama cooked the breakfast with some hog…

…yet for Dallas, today will be a good day.

Commandment!

The girls are introduced to Lisa Gache. It’s ironic that her name is a mere vowel away from “gauche,” as she has made it her mission to be anything but. She co-founded Beverly Hills Manners, which aims to turn slobs into sophisticates, one finger bowl at a time. That’s not they’re motto or anything, but it should be.

Lisa teaches the girls the type of things they’ll need to know should Richard Gere cruise into their lives in a Lotus, sweep them off their thigh-high boots and attempt to assimilate them into his escargot-eating lifestyle. Things like sitting with your knees closed.

And sitting, period, for that matter.

And how to eat soup.

Ah, yes. The complications of soup. I have a feeling that lessons teaching the girls how to breathe and blink properly were cut for time.

The girls are informed by Sharon that this lesson is to prepare for a visit they will receive from the Duchess of Birmingshire. They will be split into three teams to entertain the Duchess at different points throughout her meal. Dallas, Kristy Joe and Inna have been selected to be team captains because, Sharon says, they’ve yet to take a leadership role. That’s a nice of way of saying that unless they are in the presence of camel toe, they are mute.

Way to take that leadership role by the balls, Dall. I guess we should be happy that she stepped it up enough to warrant subtitles, though.

Lacey taps Kristy Joe and asks if she can be on her team. Kristy Joe says no!

Have I told you lately how much I love Kristy Joe? If nothing else, Charm School is making her look the best by merely placing her in a context other than one in which she has to fight for a man. Like Cyndi Lauper didn’t say, penis changes anything. Here, Kristy Joe has charisma. At least, when she’s talking. Which she should do more! Or maybe not! I don’t know! KJ, we’ve had our differences in the past, but I think you are neat.

Lacey does this:

Which a) shows the maturity level of those who live within this Celebreality culture, and b) is also holding it down for those whose tongues unconsciously hang out their mouths. In other words, this is for my peoples who lost their retarded chihuahuas. Put your tongues to the sky. We will never say bye bye.

Kristy Joe instead chooses Jessica and Brandi M. Dallas calls on the help of Destiney…

…’cause I know, she like, has a sense of humor. Also she picks Heather, possibly for similar reasons.

And that leaves Lacey and Brandi C., for Inna, which she so doesn’t want.

Nobody wanted them, in fact, which is kind of eye-opening because it was just last week that they carried themselves like they ruled the school. In Megan’s absence, they’ve gone from bullies to booger girls.

Then a guy comes in who’s playing the Duchess’ chief of staff…

…although from the looks of him, he’s playing Ricky Gervais playing the Duchess’ chief of staff.

Not-Gervais ticks off a list of rules by which the girls are supposed to abide in the presence of the Duchess. They are to curtsy upon her entry. They can never turn their back on her. They must mind table manners. They must eat and drink at the big D’s pace. They have to call her by her full name, which is never spelled out so I’m just going to do my best in approximating what these people are made to say about 5,000 times this episode: her full name with title is Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Birmingshire Paige Irvingcrow Harrington. They must keep her from seeing another woman’s décolletage, which makes me wonder if the Duch Lady is horny and bicurious. Keep that one away from Craigslist. Also, apparently, alcohol, as they aren’t allowed to serve her any.

Inna’s team will hang with D-Nasty for appetizers, Kristy Joe has her for the meal and Dallas’ posse will share dessert and tea with her.

The teams practice what they learned today.

Inna reminds her team to “courtesy.” It’s a shame Beverly Hills Manners doesn’t have literacy training. She also thinks that décolletage means bra and underwear, so any impulse to dress like Madonna circa Blonde Ambition must be curttailed. Sucks!

And actually, that’s not what décolletage means.

Lacey knows this, but she interviews that Inna’s stupidity isn’t her problem. But the stupidity in not recognizing that Inna’s stupidity is her problem? All Lacey’s.

Also?

The tongue thing goes from motif…

…to supporting character. Star, even. You’d think these girls had some sort of mental rewiring causing them to hear “Bret Michaels” whenever “Duchess” was said, for all the anticpatory tongue action.

Arrival!

The duchess goes down the line as, one by one, the girls mess up saying her improbably long name.

Brandi M., is particularly mush-mouthed and even says “Birmingham” instead of “Birmingshire,” if you can believe it! Well, I never!

After the receiving line, it’s time for appetizers. There’s only one problem: Inna’s décolletage.

Not-Gervais tells her that she’s offensive, basically, and needs to cover up. Inna runs off and comes back and this is considered better:

It must be said that the Duchizzle is on the wack side, if she prefers this look.

And speaking of looks:

This woman is mugging up a storm. She’s living camp. She’s a set of tucked male genitalia away from a drag queen. How any of these girls thought she was really a duchess is mind-boggling. Whatever.

Inna screws up again when she asks the duchess if she wants something to drink. Lady D requests wine and Inna’s all, “Coming right up!” before Lacey and Brandi C., bust out their trombones and wah-waaaah all over her promise. Inna realizes what she’s done and explains to the Duchess that she’s not allowed to give her alcohol, which puts her in a state that Lacey accurately describes as “pissy” for the rest of the cocktail-free cocktail hour.

Contrast Inna’s response to the alcohol query with Brandi M.’s…

Brandi M., tells her they don’t have any and apologizes. She basically gets praised for doing so. Yay for her. Except not for long because she stumbes over D-Bag’s full name again and is scolded for not knowing the proper way to address her “better.” That’s “better” used as a noun, btw. There’s all kinds of Megan replacement going on up in here.

Unlike the alcohol situation, this is something Brandi M., has control over and thus should apologize. Whatever, lady. You eat soup so slowly, it’s as though your tongue’s been dropped on its head. Who’s better than what now?

Brandi gets moved to the end of the table and Jessica is brought up and made to sit next to this royal pain.

While there, Jessica attempts to endear herself to D.D. Rope-Her by telling a joke: What did the fish say when he hit the glass? Nothing — fish can’t speak.

The Duchess is not amused. I’m sure Kristy Joe isn’t either, what with a potential non-speaking role model being the butt of a joke and all.

Meanwhile, during all of this, Sharon is watching and cracking up.

Her levity is unparalleled. More than anyone on any of these shows ever, she is one of us.

She explains that the Duchess isn’t actually a Duchess at all.

As if we didn’t see that coming. All right, so Sharon’s not totally one of us. I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to slip some breathing lessons in there.

Finally, there is the last group.

Despite a shaky start via a tea spill by Heather, it goes well. They have spotted dick for dessert, so there’s plenty of fun with double entendres. Spotted dick, by the way, has nothing to do with what’s probably in Michael Jackson’s pants. It’s this:

It looks so good. I would love to get my mouth on that dick.

So would Heather, who obviously goes there most explicitly with the dick entendres. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be Heather.

It’s time for D.H. Stankpants to hit the highway. As she leaves, the girls practically juggle themselves in an attempt to keep their backs away from her. It looks like a basketball play, all people-weavy and such.

Sharon thinks this is hilarious.

Then, it’s time to go over the results of the challenge.

Ooh, I sense a new motif a-brewin’. Brandi M., didn’t get her name right. Jessica was nervous. Inna was too tempting, both in an alcoholic and flesh-bearing sense.

And there. That settles it. Holding your face is the new sticking out your tongue.

Spotted Dicks win!

Lacey interviews that were it not for Inna, her team would have won. Because of this, she wants to kill Inna. Well, you know what, Lacey? You consciously refused her help on the whole cleavage thing. I wouldn’t suggest anyone kill themselves (even though it seems only fair, given her word choice), but a nice maiming could do wonders.

Then, the girls wind down by the pool and, like, stick out their butts and stuff.

It’s all fun and games until they get official word from Sharon via a note:

It states that the two losing teams must come up with someone on their team to go to the carpet during elimination. An argument breaks out when Destiney points out that Lacey and Brandi C., really could have helped their teammate out, implying that in not doing so, they displayed a decided lack of charm.

Brandi C., reasons that “Lacey told Lacey herself.” I’m not sure what that means, but I enjoy it immensely. As far as having a way with words, possibly New York is the only person in this Celebreality universe who tops Brandi C.’s unique flair. Destiney keeps arguing, invoking the sisterhood aspect of the first commandment and everything. Looks like someone’s playing to win! Anyway, Inna offers herself up, which is the right thing to do, even though Lacey and Brandi C., aren’t being exactly honorable.

Meanwhile, Jessica wonders if all three can go to the carpet. That is so weenie.

Kristy Joe wants to sacrifice herself, as she reasons that her captain skills were faulty, but that’s kind of ridiculous, as she was the only one who didn’t screw up because, hello? She’s awesome. Brandi M., ends up offering herself up, which seems only right…

…except scratch that, because then Brandi M., decides that she doesn’t want to go up because she knows she’ll be eliminated. Is psyching out the judges and scheming charming? Kristy Joe seems to side with Brandi M., as she smokes what’s probably a clove cigarette, but what could be a More.

She reasons that taking such a stand in front of the judges will show them that Jessica has the very thing they think she’s missing: a backbone.

What, me wishy-washy?

Elimination!

Sharon asks who the two teams have pulled as their weakest links. It’s Inna and…Kristy Joe?!? Jessica protests like a lady.

She also joins her captain on the carpet.

Kristy Joe explains that she selected herself because she felt that Jessica was talked into doing something she didn’t want to do. Noble! Jessica is totally OK with being down on the carpet, though. Sharon leaves the decision to the last standing member of their team, Brandi M., who says that Jess should remain on the carpet.

And then: a twist! Since there are only two girls on the carpet, one more must come down. Sharon will be the one to select her and she chooses…

Brandi M.! Well, it all didn’t work out now, didn’t it?

Brandi M., is crapping her pants. Riki emphatically tells her that he hates seeing her up there (crush much?), but Brandi M., eventually gets sent back because she really does want to change. This is like the most complicated, overly dramatic line dance I’ve ever seen. Pull up your socks and hit the carpet / Hear criticism and cry like a faucet. Now turn!

That leaves Jessica and Inna. Jessica’s trying to prove she has a backbone and yet, her indecision pervades. Inna just has all the wrong ideas. Inna’s getting the boot. She has to, like, crumple herself up to hug Sharon.

She’s seriously like twice as tall. Outside, Inna voices her disappointment but says she still as “mad respect” for Sharon.

Even though it looks more like angry respect.

Oh, and also there’s this:

Pour out a little liquor sparkling apple cider.

Related content
Rock of Love Charm School show page
Charm School videos and extras

  1. mnchick says:

    OK…seriously, did anyone who was watching NOT know that the “Dutchess” was an actress? LOL I figured it out when I was watching the previews for this week. It was amusing watching the girls fall over themselves trying to be proper though. Funny too, I thought I would miss Megan and the good TV she provides. Yeah…not so much. I did not miss her at all and in fact, forgot that she was gone. *shrugs*

  2. Dragonia says:

    Rich, awesome recap as always. You always deliver. Three cheers for spotted @*@~(+*_~%#)+#&&

  3. jerry says:

    This show is obviously rigged for brandi M. She’s done not ONE THING right except cry for Sharon’s sympathy (and it’s worked). If they’re so desperate for her to win they should just end it now.

  4. echo4vixen says:

    i think that brandi m should have owned up to her mistake, what crap was that? she “decided” that she shouldn’t be up for elimination!!!!!!!!!!! that was so wrong! pour jessica! i lost so much respect for brandi m on her lack of integrity!

    inna!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m so sad that inna went home. lacy and brandi c, those 2 are so disgusting! karma is a !)&)%_+`^&@&)*&)~ it’s going to come to them when they least expect it! those 2 dont even know “manners” even if it bit them in the !%^@)@)^&+**$^* lacy is such an evil !)&)%_+`^&@&)*&)~ she looks so old and she is so ugly, she looks like she is pushing 45! (sorry, i am usually not like this)………. brandi m, what is up with your face?! learn how to put lip stick / lip gloss!!!!!!!!!!!

    to dallas, destiny, and heather!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u 3 are my faves! u 3 rock! heather, i just love how u are improving so much…… much love for you……….. dallas, u r such a bad !%^@)@)^&+**$^* i love that about u! destiny, u r just too beautiful. keep being a team, and the 3 of you will stay to the end!

  5. Chris says:

    It was an awesome episode I loved it! The Duchess (Patricia Place) was an awesome actress!

  6. TOWNS says:

    This show is so fake. I dont believe that a house full of bimbos could be so stupid. If they REAALY thought that A REAL dutches would take the time out to come see thier trashy azzes, then they all are airheads. I wish some body would stick something in brandy

  7. ikissedatoy says:

    Some things I noticed:

    NOBODY said her name correctly!!!! It was supposed to be pronounced Birming-’SHEAR’, not Birming-”SHYER’!!

    Second, there was to be no alcohol, but at dinnner, the girls clearly have red wine in the glasses, and the Dutchess appeared to have a champagne-colored beverage in her glass.

    Also, glad you caught the Kristy Joe smoking thing…I had to do a double take!!!!

  8. daisy says:

    i haven’t seen the show yet but this recap wasn’t funny? i usually have to stifle my laughs at work reading this but i didn’t even crack a smile. that’s crazzzy that the actress who played the dutchess passed away though :(:( sad that charm school had to be her last gig!

  9. tashya says:

    sad how the lady died ather the show but i thoughted was like that but she is a acteress

  10. cutie says:

    This show is boring without Megan, honestly. Nothing interesting happened this episode except that Sharon and especially Ricky are completely biased for Brandi M. She’s been on the carpet like every single time and done way worse stuff than the others. Whatever.

  11. RelentlessPrincess1 says:

    this is funny…they didn’t know that she was an actress. I doubt the real duchess would actually visit the Charm School just for entertainment or to teach the girls anything which is funny because I doubt any of them learn anything. They’re only there for the ~^&(_@!~(&#!`~%! ing money and to become famous (well most of them coughsBrandiCcoughsSlutscoughs) and to just be the typical self-centered brats that they are.

    What else is new….someone tell me….

  12. Ding dong the witch is gone says:

    The show got waaaay better without Megan’s whiny voice and repulsive smirk. (Yes, I’m a hater, and danm proud of it.)

  13. missy says:

    I think all of the girls on the show are two- bit bimbos. I really hate Lacy. She is so ugly and devilish. I would play her game to the hilt, if I were on the show. I would make sure she was miserable. She looks like the devil ,that she tries to be. But I would introduce her to the ”real devil”. As for Brandy C, I wonder why she has so much mouth all of the sudden. The little air-head. But the one I really can’t stand to look at is Dallas. Iam a black woman. And to watch another black woman kiss azz the way Dallas does, makes me want to vomit in my mouth and spit it on her. She is soooo ugly. I wish she would take that earing out of her lip,,it makes her nose and lips even bigger then they are. She is not attractive at all. The worst part about her is, that she is on national t.v. kissing white girls azzes to be her friend. They dont even acknowledge that shes there, and all you see are her big teeth, grinning and smiling in thier faces. I hate a uncle tom . I have full respect for the other black girl who left the show. DALLAS…WHERE IS YOUR DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT? GO HOME….STOP TRYING TO BE WHITE, THEY DONT LIKE YOU. YOU MAKE ALL OF US LOOK LIKE WE NEED TO HAVE A WHITE WOMAN FOR A FRIEND,,WELL WE DONT. LACY,,I HATE YOU.

  14. mzbxnyc says:

    THAT OLD LADY IS DEAD!!!! R.I.P FAKE ROYAL HIGHNESS THE DUTCHESS OF BIRMINGSHIRE PAGE IRVINCROW HARRINGTON ;…(

  15. virginon says:

    Brandy M is such a skank, she needs to stop crying and acting all innocent. Go home honey the stripper pole is calling!

  16. blessed2008 says:

    i can’t wait until they get rid of Lacey she is so evil

  17. amy says:

    this was the best ep I felt like they learned something

  18. paulnprovidence@aol says:

    That show was so fake. Mnchic. You could tell right away. Those girls aren’t that stupid.
    At least not all of them. They had to go along with the dutchess being an actress.
    They had to know, it was SO obvious. I knew right away. Infact, I don’t even watch the show.
    Only reason I kept watching was to see if the girls were going to point out that she was an actress.
    Then I kept watching to see how long it took to reveal it.

    I don’t mean to speak bad of people who have passed on, but I don’t think that was very
    convincing. Another dead give away was the ^*(@!^%$`_)__@` le and the girls having to say that stupid ^*(@!^%$`_)__@` le everytime.

    Those girls suck, they’re just reality t.v. __+~+)~~^^(!@!+~` s

  19. african queen says:

    HereIambaby…………Tell your ”girlfriend” to stick with her own race. Thats whats wrong with the world now . You pople need to stay with your own race of men. Whats the problem? Theres’ only a hand full of black ”men” who even date white women. Those are the ”men” who just like ugly behind Dallas, has lost their identity. Take a lesson from The Obamas’. One strong black family. Iam soo happy my husband has a great distaste, for anyone other then his own. WHITE GIRLS ARE SO PATHETIC. Getting surgeries, so that they can appeal to a black man. Well if you have to pay for what you werent born with, to get a man, then that should tell you what he wants with you.

  20. african queen says:

    HereIambaby…………Tell your ”girlfriend” to stick with her own race. Thats whats wrong with the world now . You pople need to stay with your own race of men. Whats the problem? Theres’ only a hand full of black ”men” who even date white women. Those are the ”men” who just like ugly behind Dallas, has lost their identity. Take a lesson from The Obamas’. One strong black family. Iam soo happy my husband has a great distaste, for anyone other then his own. WHITE GIRLS ARE SO PATHETIC. Getting surgeries, so that they can appeal to a black man. Well if you have to pay for what you werent born with, to get a man, then that should tell you what he wants with you.
    AFRICAN QUEENS ARE STILL GOING STRONG…

  21. Melody says:

    African Queen is an idiot.

    First of all, Barack is mixed and has claimed that he is proud of that. Should his white mother have sticked to her own race?

    Second of all, you are blatantly racist. So because I’m a white woman I am pathetic? The only pathetic person is you for stereotyping an entire gender of a race.

    I have a feeling that you are incredibly immature and only come on the internet to start things so your boring life can actually mean something.

  22. blacbuttafly says:

    When I read African Dingbat’s message I was all ready to jump in her $%(@$%&*`#)~+&( with both feet. As an African-American woman I was offended by just about every word she wrote (and mostly misspelled). Fortunately, Melody said everything that needed to be said. Obama is bi-racial and so am I (and so, incidently are about 40% of the African-Americans in this country). There is definitely something to be said for having the “best of both worlds”. In short, you’re an idiot. I wouldn’t hold Dallas up as any sort of role model, but her choice to only date white men is HER choice. And one of the least offensive things about her, as it shows that she, at least, has tolerance for others.

  23. KELLY.! says:

    ROFL I LOVE THIS EPISODE.#!!!!!!!

  24. donna says:

    hey that girl brandi cunnigham off your show rock of love charm school i’m pretty sure i saw her play a naked go go dancer on a movie called evil bong tommy chong from cheech and chong fame was also in the movie lol wonder if sharon osbourne and the rest of the cast would find this interesting i was shocked to see her in this movie lmao movie was made in 2006

  25. African Queen says:

    Well hello, melody and blacbuttfacefly……..Since Iam left to azzume, that my post hit home to the both of you and you both took the energy to try and redeem whats left of the animalistist race, you so proudly claim; Let me give you both a little genetic science, one on one. Senator Barracks’ father is 100% African. The sperm and egg of the man is what produces, a fetus. The woman carries and nurtures that fetus to birth. So therefore the child is the biological offspring of the man. ( MAYBE YOU TWO CAME FROM A JACKAL)
    As far as me being a racist, I’AM. I have sent 2 BRILLIANT sons to all black colleges and I live in a $350.000 Home, right next to whites and I dont even speak, nor give them the time of day. DONT NEED THEM. HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER KISS THIER BUTTS. I dont carry your slave mantality.
    I among millions of other ”Real” African Americans, have no use for the devils. Now if you two got offended by my post, OH WELL,,Get over it.
    To the jackazz who said I misspelled most of my words, you jerk, I missed the key on 1 word.Let me enlight you on the fact that I have a Degree in Law, Iam a highly respected Attorney and I only represent black people. Its my perogative. I paid my way through college. While you two sit your fat azzes on the couch all day waiting for charm school, of w.h.o.r.e.s. to come on. Answering peoples blogs, who weren’t commenting to you in the first place. But you say I must be bored? GET A LIFE. Stay within your own race,,as I said. Catch ya later. LMAO HEE HEE.

  26. Jake Berg says:

    african queen is a distusting racist. i am a huge supporter of barrack obama and i think it is time that we finally have a black president. like marting luther king said, people should not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the quality of their character. i think what some racist white people do is horrible. but african queen, you are just as bad. how could you judge an entire race like that? its so horrible. and just to let you know, if you like barack obama so much, you should know that he completely disagrees with everything your saying. he thinks we should all be one country, without any racism, division, of segregation. congratulations on all of your success, and i respect you for all you have achieved. but you have no right to knock all white people when we are all not to blame for what a small percent of us believes. although there are many successful african americans, there are also many black people who involve themselves in horrible killings and crimes. i can tell you are not one of those people, so im not gonna _@#_`+$(_@)$&_+ ociate you with them. in the same respect, you can not _@#_`+$(_@)$&_+ ociate me, or anyone else who is completely innocent, as evil or racist. don’t yell at us saying we are the racist or bad ones. YOU are the racist. YOU are one of the people dragging this country down. YOU are the one who is making this country horrible and divided. YOU may claim that your ready for change, but YOU are not. YOU are going back in time to when this country was full of segregation, except the only different is, you’d want the whites to be slaves.

  27. yomama says:

    this show was boring. see no one’s even talking bout it. there all taking about someones racist comment. booorrrrriiiiinnnnnngggg. i’m gonna stop watching this lame show if it stays this dry.

  28. TrollPatrol says:

    To all those concerned with the remarks made by user African Queen, isn’t it possible that the person responsible is simply an internet troll, who takes pleasure in throwing outrageous comments into a public forum in order to spark a debate, and eventual flame war? Ignore the poster. This is the world wide web, the definition of absolute freedom and action with impunity. Anonymity gives people a sense of power, and some abuse that power. Therefore, we must learn to pick our battles. This one, so clearly without any winner, is not worth any response.
    So, my advice- Ignore those posts. Its foolish to waste energy responding to ludicrous statements in the first place and seriously, people- remember that this is a Rock of Love Charm School comment board.

  29. yomama says:

    then why are you taliking about it? you could have easily gotten off the subject and brought the blog back to charm school. those who live in glass houses………

  30. yomama says:

    tee hee the comment showing KJ sticking out her butt was comedy!

  31. American Queen says:

    snooooooooozzzzzz! don’t you have some important lawyer ppwk to do? we get it…all the world is against you. you are the only person in this world who is educated….blah blah blah. no one cares!

  32. mskane says:

    IS IT ME OR DO DALLAS APPEAR TO BE A NEEDLE IN DA HAY STACK

  33. Phoenix says:

    I would first like to state that this entire message is based on this quote from African Queen:

    “To the jackazz who said I misspelled most of my words, you jerk, I missed the key on 1 word”

    OK – let’s go back to the beginning shall we…

    *************************************************************************

    HereIambaby…………Tell your ”girlfriend” to stick with her own race. Thats (correct punctuation That’s) whats (correct punctuation what’s) wrong with the world now . (correct punctuation – no space before a period) You pople (correct spelling people) need to stay with your own race of men. Whats (correct punctuation What’s) the problem? Theres’ (correct punctuation There’s) only a hand full of black ”men” who even date white women. Those are the ”men” who (I believe you need a comma here, although your sentence structure is increasingly difficult to follow) just like ugly behind Dallas, has (correct usage – have) lost their identity. Take a lesson from The (Improper capitalization) Obamas’. One strong black family. Iam (missing space between words) soo happy my husband has a great distaste, (improper – no need for a comma) for anyone other then his own. WHITE GIRLS ARE SO PATHETIC. Getting surgeries, (improper – no need for a comma) so that they can appeal to a black man. Well if you have to pay for what you werent (correct punctuation weren’t) born with, (improper – no need for a comma) to get a man, then that should tell you what he wants with you.

    ***************************************************************

    I did not even bother to point out the excessive run-on sentences and fragments in the above (AKA first) posting. Next – we have the posting defending the first post. It is quite true that only one word was “technically” spelled wrong (if we are not counting the numerous misuses of apostrophe’s)

    ***************************************************************************

    Well hello, melody and blacbuttfacefly……..Since Iam (missing space between words) left to azzume (spelling = ^+~+@“!($_~$*~ ume & improper use of a comma), that my post hit home to the both of you and you both took the energy to try and redeem whats (correct punctuation what’s) left of the animalistist (spelling = animalistic) race, (improper – no need for a comma) you so proudly claim; (improper use of a semi colon) Let me give you both a little genetic science, one on one. Senator Barracks’ (spelling = Barack and you improperly used the apostrophe – should read: Barack’s) father is 100% African. The sperm and egg of the man (men have never been the provider of the egg – were you ever told how you get your period?) is what produces, (what is this comma?) a fetus. The woman carries and nurtures that fetus to birth. So therefore the child is the biological offspring of the man. (Check – the female provides the egg with an X chromosome the male provides the sperm with either an X or a Y chromosome thus determining the gender of the offspring biologically created by both the male and the female) ( MAYBE YOU TWO CAME FROM A JACKAL)
    As far as me being a racist, I’AM. (Crazy use of apostrophe and missing spaces between words, perhaps you meant I am) I have sent 2 BRILLIANT sons to all black colleges and I live in a $350.000 (You basically just said three-hundred-fifty dollars with an extra zero for the change – did you mean $350,000 as in three-hundred-fifty-thousand dollars?) home, right next to whites and I dont (punctuation = don’t) even speak, nor give them the time of day. DONT (DON’T) NEED THEM. HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER KISS THIER (spelling = THEIR) BUTTS. I dont (don’t) carry your slave mantality (mentality).
    I (am?) among millions of other ”Real” African Americans, have no use for the devils. Now if you two got offended by my post, OH WELL,,Get over it.
    To the jackazz (jackass) who said I misspelled most of my words, you jerk, I missed the key on 1 word. (Ah the famous line finally!) Let me enlight (enlighten) you on the fact that I have a Degree in Law, Iam (I’m or I am) a highly respected Attorney and I only represent black people. Its (It’s) my perogative. I paid my way through college. While you two sit your fat azzes (asses) on the couch all day waiting for charm school, of w.h.o.r.e.s. to come on. Answering peoples (people’s) blogs, who weren’t commenting to you in the first place. But you say I must be bored? GET A LIFE. Stay within your own race,,as I said. Catch ya later. LMAO HEE HEE.

    **************************************************************8

    OK – I am sufficiently bored with editing this text now. If you think I altered African Queen’s posts in any way – please do feel free to cite the original postings – you will find you are mistaken. For someone with a fantastic law degree, for which you take an awful lot of writing courses (please, please ask me how I know this), she sure does not have even the smallest knowledge on proper usage and punctuation. Props though once again for really not having a huge spelling problem – I’ve seen far worse! This last posting is just for further explanation, I’ll let you all find the hidden mistakes!

    ***************************************************************

    Jack berg………..I want you to read and try your best to comprehend, my last post. Then I want you to read and try to comprehend what you wrote in response to miy post. After you realize just how ignorant you are and how illiterate you sound, write me back. I will not engage in attempting to believe that you actually believe what you wrote. If in fact you do. Well then I will pray that you get yourself some education quickly. Question——- Where did I say I was a supporter of Obama?
    COMPREHEND WHAT YOU READ PEOPLE. UNTIL THE NEXT POST……PEACE, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING. WHEN AND I F YOU GO TO WORK OR SCHOOL, OR ANY PLACE FOR THAT MATTER, ASK THE WHITE MAN STANDING NEXT TO YOU, IF HE LOVES YOU. ASK HIM IF HE REALLY WANTS TO BE NEXT TO YOU. THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I CHIT CHAT WITH YOU. HUMMMMMMMMM. THINKING, AREN’T YOU?

    *********************************************************************

    I’m pretty sure it is evident that I spent a great deal of time trying to comprehend what I was reading. It was not an easy task. I asked the white man standing next to me if he loved me, and then I wondered why I would want to live in a world where I didn’t also ask this of the black man, the Chinese man, the Indian man, etc…

  34. Phoenix says:

    OK – I see why the word “azzume” was used – the editor on this posting site is a little off base. I recant my references to the misspelling.

  35. CARLA says:

    I think you all are just a bit defensive, here. African Queen, was letting the two people know that although they say barack obama is half balck and white, he is not. I totally agree with her. He is black. Its real funny how when a black man kills someone or robs somebody, the whites dont want to claim him, most of them are ”mixed” also. But now that obama has been named president, the whites want to claim him. Either you like him or you dont. Its the fact that you dont have a choice, that makes you want to say, ”oh hes a part of us, so lets take that away from the black race too.’ Well like Queen said, he is a black man. Back to charm school, its fake and the girls are all carrying themselves like hookers and lesbians. As for dallas, I agree with Queen. DALLAS TAKE YOUR BEHIND HOME.
    Needle in a hay stack? More like a servant or pawn. She makes herself look soo stupid. She does not represent black women at all.

  36. TOWNS says:

    A needle in a haysatck is right. A uncle tom, a pawn and a ridiculous butt kisser. She is one of those people who are lost in society. She took out her weave at one point, but I guess she felt too black so she put it back in. This girl is so repulsive. beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
    Dallas go Home. Stop making yourself look as if you have been disowned by your people.
    Next thing you know you will be cooking and doing laundry for all the white bimbos. Heather clearly doesnt like you, so get off her bra strap.
    By the way you looked better natural, with the afro puffs. Stop trying to be something that your not. please dont do the pink hair. omg..its so sickning. Where did you lose yourself Dallas?

  37. Arican Queen says:

    WOWWWWWWWWW…………………phoenix,( YOU DONT DESERVE CAPITALIZATION) you should come work for me. I AZZUME you’re fresh out of high school. I AZZUME you think I would really take the time out to be so proper, when writing to this sort of forum. Sweetheart, I’am about 12 years beyond needing to watch my commas and punctuation. Thats what I pay my intelligent, African American Paralegals to do. tee hee.
    I absolutely laughed my azz off, at the point that you sat there and did some homework. Proud of ya.
    Now do us both a big favor. Define this for me. Barack Obama is a Black man.
    For future reference, remember that when you give a person, place or thing it’s proper place, You capitalize. Example: The Obama Family. ( you numb-brain jerk)
    I’am so glad I sent my sons to college. When you are able to pay someone to do all your work for you, like myself. We can talk. Until then, just sit there and watch VH1. Maybe you will learn to mind your own `^$*@_+(!~ .i.n ( edit that) business. LMAO YOU DANG FOOL. TEE HEE.

  38. Cleavy says:

    Poor Jessica. So naive!

  39. CarlaHatesWhitePeople says:

    Carla Hates White People. Isn’t it funny how Carla is a bigot herself and blames Whites for everything. Oh, Queen, if you are going to capitalize black then you should capitalize White too. Duh, what a bunch of illiterate racists you are.

  40. LacyBloodClotHead says:

    Lacy Blood Clot Head is so alone with just the airhead BrandiCruddyCrotch. My favorite show was when Sharon reeled into that horrible Megan Has Fly S H I T On Her face. Episode 5 with the so called Duchess was good. I knew she was an actress. Why didn’t anyone else?

    Megan Has Fly S H I T On Her face wasn’t there and it was a good show. Notice that BrandiCruddyCrotch hasn’t left?

  41. iam says:

    AND THATS THE TRUTH RUTH

  42. katie says:

    WHERE IS MEGAN??? THE SHOW ENDED WHEN MEGAN LEFT!!!!! SHE WAS THE BEST ONE…WE DON’T HAVE NOTHING EXCITING TO WATCH ANYMORE!!!
    THE AUDIENCE IS DOWN? OF COURSE!!! MEGAN IS NOT IN THE SHOW ANYMORE THAT’S WHY. THIS SHOW IS A DESASTER NOW!!!…THE AUDIENCE WILL GO DOWN EVEN MORE, YOU WILL SEE!

  43. Brittney says:

    Who didin’t like to watch Magan?

    I don’t think she was bad beacuse she never stabbed in the back her best friend. She only did with those others stupid _&`^$*~%*$*@_#~%+ es that are ugly and hated Megan. She is smart that’s all and also beautiful.

    I’m sure everybody was much more in the show when Megan was there, even haters (most haters are ugly girls that know that they will never look beautiful like Megan!)

  44. Brittney says:

    I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Who didin’t like to watch Magan?

    I don’t think she was bad beacuse she never stabbed in the back her best friend. She only did with those others stupid #`_(`#+`)&()*%+$_ es that are ugly and hated Megan. She is smart that’s all and also beautiful.

    I’m sure everybody was much more in the show when Megan was there, even haters (most haters are ugly girls that know that they will never look beautiful like Megan!)

  45. Brittney says:

    I agree!!!!

    Who didin’t like to watch Magan?

    I don’t think she was bad beacuse she never stabbed in the back her best friend. She only did with those others stu pid ******s that are ugly and hated Megan. She is smart that’s all and also beautiful.

    I’m sure everybody was much more in the show when Megan was there, even haters (most haters are ugly girls that know that they will never look beautiful like Megan!)

  46. Kaily says:

    This show is soooo boring without Megan!
    Honestly, who cares if she was a %%@~~$##`%^+^~$*` She was an AWESOME %%@~~$##`%^+^~$*` As if anyone actually watches this stuff to see someone go through a
    ‘transformation from %%@~~$##`%^+^~$*` to a goody-two-shoes’! We want some drama, not this #!@+@@`#&)`)+~**

  47. KailyIsMeganIncognito says:

    Uh Brittney, I didn’t like to watch MeganHasFlyS H I TOnHerFace.

  48. ya boy says:

    I wish some body would tell brandi c, that there is nothing cute about her. she looks so nasty. what is wrong with her mouth? Looks like shes been sucking a few. I think she is a tramp. The pink dye in her hair makes her look like the little cruddy, nasty, s.l.u.t. that she is. I think dallas should go spend some time in the hood, so she can remember that she is black and stop trying to act white. The whole bunch of these skanks need to get deep cleansing. If bret didnt want them who else does.
    I darn sure wouldnt touch em. My rod would probably fall off.

  49. I Love Megan says:

    Miss Megan Has Fly *#)~!*!%%&_^(!~# On Her Face, well this is not Megan and i also think that this show is crap without Megan. You probably look like the fly *#)~!*!%%&_^(!~# on Megan’s face . Stop hating it’s not Megan’s fault that she’s HOT and your’e NOT.

  50. ToILoveMeganThe400PounderStuckInHerCouch says:

    ILoveMegan, you wish you looked as good as I do. Megan doesn’t even come up to my feet and I’m willing to bet you do nothing but sit and eat all 11 meals in front of your computer every day. You stop hating yourself and stop telling people what to do.

    The show rocks without Megan Has Fly S H I T on her face. It’s so much better now.

  51. tink says:

    this was freakin awesome

  52. Stacey says:

    A curtsy may be expected when one is in England, but because Americans do not recognize British &_`_!(^+%)%_+$@ les, we do NOT bow or curtsy for royalty in our own country. The etiquette coach should have known this.

  53. Anita says:

    Who should win?

    I think Heather, Destiney, and Brandi M. have all reformed (at least for this show) since their Rock of Love days–so I am rooting for them…..
    I think the actress who played the duchess actually played Queen Elizabeth cameos in a few movies….So sad she died, but she looked and acted amazing for someone in her 80s!
    I like Sharon but it is so weird that the ultimate yeller and potty mouth is the school marm at charm school!

  54. Sharon's Judgment SUCKS says:

    Sharon eliminated Dallas instead of Lacey and she STILL kept Brandi M. on the show. She’s the worst judge EVER! She really sucks and I wish I could tell her to her face! Dallas has been a lady and has been on the winning team of many challenges. She KNOWS Lacy is an instigator and she still chose to stand there and expell Dallas as oppossed to Lacey. Sharon is f*ck*d up b___h! Next time a host for a show is chosen for this type of show, go for Pat Benetar, Cyndi Lauper, Valerie Bertinelli (married to Eddi Van Halen for so long). Those are just some examples of women who would have been better mentors and charm teachers. I’m very disappointed that Sharon eliminated Dallas and has consistently kept Brandi M. on the show. That Osbourne woman has disappointed me. I hope more people have the courage to tell her to her face, perhaps at the Reunion show, and I encourge everybody to speak their mind on this blog.

  55. STOWNS says:

    I WAS VERY MAD THAT THAT NO-GOOD JUDGE DIDNT SEND LACY HOME. BUT I WAS GLAD SHE SENT DALLAS HOME. THE REASON BEING IS THAT DALLAS SAT THERE AND ALLOWED LACY TO DISRESPECT HER ON THE ROCK OF LOVE AND ON CHARM SCHOOL. I CANT FEEL SORRY FOR DALLAS BECAUSE SHE IS A WHITE GIRL WANNA-BE, WHO DISGRACED HERSELF. SHE ACTED LIKE A SCARD LITTLE CHUMP. IF THAT DEVIL- LOOKING CHICK WOULD HAVE THROWN THAT DRINK ON ME, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CURTAINS. I WOULD LOVE TO BRING BOOTZ OR ONE OF THE GIRLS FROM FLAVOR OF LOVE, AND SEE HOW TOUGH LACY WOULD BE THEN. THEY WOULD HAVE BEAT THAT AZZ. SHE KNEW DALLAS WAS A BROWN-NOSING UNCLE TOM, THATS WHY SHE GOT THAT OFF. SO DALLAS YOU GET NO SYMPATHY HERE. YOU WENT ON T.V. AND TRIED TO KISS UP TO THOSE TRAILER PARK CHICKENS AND GOT YOUR FEELINGS HURT. YOU MAKE US BLACK WOMEN LOOK SO BAD. AS FOR LACY AND THAT LITTLE S.L.U.T. BRANDY C. I WOULD LOVE TO BE ON THE SHOW FOR 1 HOUR, AND I WOULD HAVE BOTH OF THEM RUNNING HOME. LACY EVEN LOOKS LIKE A DEVIL RED HAIR AND ALL. I HOPE HEATHER BEATS HER AZZ. WHERE DID THEY FIND THAT JUDGE, THEY NEED MONIQUE BACK IN THE HOUSE. DALLAS I DONT FEEL SORY FOR YOUR STUPID AZZ. FOR THE FUTURE IF YOU EVER GO BACK ON T.V. EITHER KEEP THE WEAVE IN OR DONT PUT IT IN AT ALL. DAM, ARE YOU REALLY THAT MUCH OF A AZZ WIPE. YOU MAKE ME SICK.

  56. Lisa says:

    Sharon cannot teach charm school with her swearing!!!!! How are the women are suppose to act like ladies when Sharon is talking like a truck driver to them? Is that charming. Also I do agree with many people on this board Lacy should have been gone. Dallas should have stood up for herself more, but Sharon knows Lacy is a trouble maker. I hope Dallas as well as the rest of the cast think about a possible lawsuit on having a harrasser and a person who #*(!^^%!^#!#$(! ault them on the show.
    1. Lacy goes after the two black women in the house first to establish her “headship”. She pulls one girls hair claiming she thought it was a wig.
    2. She gets in their face hoping to create a fight
    3. Tries to take Dallas’ glasses off (again touching someone)
    4. She tried touching Dallas body in a fight on the first show and Rodeo and to stop her.
    In most of these cases if Dallas and the other Black girl had filed a complaint Lacy would have a record. Sharon can talk to the camera crew and know Lacy is trouble but still elimiate the good women. That right there is a case against the show. And I hope the women who have been wrong read this blog.

  57. 31 says:

    I couldn’t find anything on line that said the “duchess” had died. I also couldn’t find anything that she had acted in. Anyone know anything about her?

  58. AztecQueen2000 says:

    I knew the duchess had to be a fake. “Your Royal Highness” is a ()!)_+_#_+~!+%+ le reserved for princesses. A Duchess would be addressed as “Your Grace.”
    They’re keeping Lacey on the show as the one everyone “loves to hate” The producers are totally manipulating this show for the drama. For all we know, the producers are planting maniacal ideas in Lacey’s head

  59. Sundaeg1rl says:

    Of course the Duchess was fake. There’s no such place as Birmingshire! It’s a play on words of Birmingham, where Ozzy & Sharon are originally from.

  60. Stephy says:

    Haha really funny episode. Sharon is Evil ^-^

  61. Rose says:

    This show has lost all credibility with me due to the fact that Lacey is still present. She is obviously a manipulative, crude, irreverent, disrespectful, opportunistic bully. Sharon Osbourne is way too intelligent to not know this. Therefore one can only ~#_^$!%@*!%)&~) ume that Sharon and everyone involved with the show are aware of all of Lacey’s faults and are looking the other way. Why? Because the show’s goal isnt really to be a functioning Charm School. It is to make $. Too bad, good premise but completely hollow reality.
    At a time when the economy is in such a bad state, people are struggling, etc, people need to be able to believe in something. This wasnt intended to be something epic and great but it could have be honest entertainment. It isnt, I wont watch this anymore. It is pure BS just like all the other reality shows.

  62. 2214934 says:

    What a lovely day for a 2214934! SCK was here

  63. 2920905 says:

    What a lovely day for a 2920905! SCK was here