Scream Queens Recap - Episode 5 - Cockroaches!

Seriously…

…they’re freaking everywhere.

Everywhere!

The episode begins with tears.

Seriously?

They’re freaking everywhere!

Everywhere!

If tears had legs, they’d be roaches. They have this episode infested. Anyway, Angela is crying because, I don’t know, she’s happy about being kept around or sad about coming close to be eliminated or…something.

Challenge time! The girls get a note telling them to pick out a bikini from a selection and then grease themselves up with Vaseline. You don’t have to tell this group twice!

You know how this show does: it gets right to the (soft) core.

The girls are corralled outside inside of a disgusting little pond.

And then, it gets more disgusting:

Today, the girls will emerge from a fetid pool of blood (hence the Vaseline) and give a final-girl speech about not losing her will to fight. No matter what that homicidal maniac takes from her, he can’t take away her dignity. Even if he removes her head.

Sarah does her normal husky yapping. She ends her rant by improvising, “Ass face!” Inappropriate as it sounds, any Waiting for Guffman reference is a welcome one.

Shawnee has instructed the girls to direct their imaginary anger at an actual source close to them, not just some loose idea of a maniac. Lindsay talks about the uniqueness of her situation, since she hates herself the most. Which: really? And she just says it in passing, like she’s talking about hangnails or Mondays. “I hate myself, meh.” It seriously warrants further discussion and we get nothing.

Angela flips because her emotional target is her absentee father. After the draining challenge, she drains some more:

She cries about putting her all into it, which is to say that she cries about crying.

Despite her impressive showing, it is actually Tanedra who wins, because, duh — it’s Tanedra.

And then she cries because, as she says, “I’m in the fight of my life here, Shawnee.” Yeah, and you’re like winning at every turn there, kid. Chin up.

We’ve come to the point in our reality show, in which there is no more guaranteed immunity. As a consolation prize, Tanedra gets to pick her scene partner for this week’s Director’s Challenge (the rest of the girls will be assigned and choiceless). Tanedra goes with Angela. This is smart, reasons Jessica, because…

We’ll see.

Homatime!

They’re in what Homa describes as, “what is left of a real working morgue.” Doublespeak much? Just the setting has the tears already flowing…

The girls will climb into a human drawer, marinate in their own claustrophobic fear and then recite a nursery rhyme upon exiting. Michelle is freaking out.

And things aren’t much better when she’s all the way in.

In fact, with the exception of Sarah…

…most of the girls are entirely freaked out.

This is definitely softcore torture porn.

The girls are paired up at home for the Director’s Challenge. Tanedra and Angela will be together. Then, there’s Jessica and Sarah. Then, Michelle and Lindsay. Practice makes…

…more tears! And so do the roaches:

Before they shoot their scenes, a handler has them place their hands in a tank of roaches. This is not nearly the hit with the girls that you’d expect.

Once they’re all good and squirmy, it’s time to shoot. The scene involves two friends who are camping in a tent. One thinks she hears something, the other tells her she’s crazy.

And then, the roaches pour in.

James Gunn directs all of them to take the roaches and throw them on their heads and faces.

It’s all extremely nauseating. These girls deserve an award for putting up with this crap. Or at least, some Pepto.

In the end, they’re all summoned.

Angela kicked ass with a jokey improv. She is the most improved. However, she is not the Leading Lady — that distinction goes to Tanedra because: duh. It’s Tanedra. She is celluloid magic even on TV. Michelle is inconsistent but when she’s good, she’s really good. Jessica is a wild card, but she threw roaches on herself well. That leaves Lindsay and Sarah in the Bottom 2. Sarah was way over-prepared and she also hit the same aggressive notes she always does. Lindsay was nervous and detached. She needs to get over it because she’s staying and Sarah’s going.

Sarah assures us she’s going to be a star. And then she cries, but it’s only a little. Throw some more tears on your face! Really get in there!

Related content
Scream Queens show page
Scream Queens videos
Horror Hotties (a photo gallery of fright-flick actresses)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 18th, 2008 at 6:15 pm