The Pick-Up Artist 2 Recap – Finale

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It’s the final countdown!

Matt and Simeon may have worked well together as wingmen, but they battled each other in the final episode of The Pickup Artist. As they clashed, we had a few questions. Would Simeon’s cowboy hat reign supreme? Would Matt’s boa finally become useful? Could eyebrow piercing triumph over cosmetic dentistry?

It was a tight race, but ultimately Simeon was crowned (crookedly, one assumes) this season’s pickup artist.

First things first. A test of speed and precision was administered to find out who was the (sorry. . .can’t help it) quicker picker upper. Mystery explained that this reward challenge was to see who can kiss-close in the shortest amount of time. “It’s unfortunate that I’ll have to beat one of my best friends in the house in order to win the title,” Simeon said, proving that once again, he’s got a competitive edge that has really shone through in these last episodes. We have to admit that while his “Nobody puts baby in a corner” opener can drives us bonkers, he has some serious game these days. While they’ve all kissed out in the field, they’ve never done so against the clock and that adds to their anxiety, not to mention this is a reward challenge and the winner will have a definite advantage.“The winner of this challenge will not only get mad props from us, but a sweet reward,” Mystery tells the guys after checking what lingo the kids are spouting these days.

Simeon and Matt both work the room in a race against time to see who can score a kiss first. Within five minutes they’re bringing girls to the VIP area to work their magic. Unlike other challenges, the guys were let loose in the club at the same time and were basically going head-to-head in a kiss-off. It could have made for some awkward run-ins with the competition, especially since they sat down right next to each other in the VIP booth. If this was a wacky sitcom, they would have noisily tried to out-do each other and lost the affections of both of their girls, but alas, Growing Pains this is not.

At the 15-minute mark it was an even playing field, but Simeon managed to kiss his target just a little bit faster and won the reward challenge – he closed the deal at 15 minutes and 15 seconds.

Almost simultaneously, Matt was administering a trust test and twenty seconds later was kissing his target, too. So close!

Although Simeon is the true winner, it’s kind of insane that they both scored in less than sixteen minutes. “Being picked up by a pickup artist, when done properly, is a privilege,” Matador says while he’s watching his two protégé’s make out.

After they were both congratulated for their stellar work, we were treated to a Fuzzy Contemplative Montages for Simeon and Matt – normally we see the fuzzy farewell montage at the end of the show, but since no one is being kicked off just yet, the guys were allowed to just reflect on the “before” and “afters” of their lives. In a nutshell, both of them were anxious and insecure and overcame that. I once was lost but now am found, yaddah yaddah, you know how that goes.

After the reward challenge, Mystery comes over to tell the guys that he’s throwing a party at their house tonight, and not only that, he’s only invited girls who are “perfect 10′s.” Now, having seen the movie10,I was pretty sure this meant every girl there would have a gold swimsuit and cornrows – I was wrong. Matt and Simeonhave to pick up one of these 10′s and bring her to their bedroom and, because he was the winner of the reward challenge, Simeon was give the Master suite. Matt got the smaller bedroom (and, pray as I might, it’s just a normal room, not the one with bunk beds that they has all been sharing).

They’re given a brief lesson about how exceptionally beautiful women are people too, and then are told to use a lot of negs to make these hotties comfortable before seducing the crap out of them. They also get to make over their rooms – bonus! I’ve been waiting for this pickup show to include an interior design element. Off to the furniture store they go.

Austin Powers’ shagadelic animal-print bedroom came to mind when I thought about what kind of decor these bachelors might get, and honestly, I almost peed my pants laughing when Simeon actually chose black satin sheets and a zebra bedspread. Every bachelor needs a bed-in-a-bag that looks like wild game.

Matt thoughtfully mulls over his decorating choices and picks up a globe that would work well as a conversation piece, because what gal doesn’t love discussing the 38th parallel and actually having a three-dimensional reference handy?

The night of the party, the guys are given two hours to seduce a girl in their bedroom. Establish a comfort level and safely seduce her, Mystery tells them. Which seems creepy, but okay, that’s what we’ve been leading up to all along. As we all know, the one who does this will win the challenge, $50,000, and the chance to travel with Mystery and his entourage to teach other men the art of pickup.

Matt’s rapport with people serves him well and he easily bounces in and out of conversations, while Simeon acts as Matt’s wingman and proves that his sportsmanship trumps his competitiveness.

Simeon seemed pretty successful with a two-set, he even managed to get them into his room (and one of them complimented his bedding – I guess I stand corrected, chicks dig animal prints) but neither of them wanted to kiss him. Ouch. Matt, too, brought a two-set to his room but after some boring conversation he said, “The window to sexualize it…went out the door.” It’s a window. In a door. Trippy. But Matt wins me back when he’s asked what kind of champagne he’s drinking and replies “Only the most exclusive vintage of André.” Many a night in my youth were spent with André and his $3 vintages.

Simeon brings a limber yogini back to his room for round two of sexytime and manages to kino escalate to a kiss and then some.

Matt manages to bring one of the girls from his two-set back to his room as well and go in for a kiss as well.

The rest of the seduction is (thankfully) left to our imagination.

When Mystery calls them to his chamber, he begins this final elimination by telling them the Mystery Creation Myth. “Many years ago, before I became Mystery, I was Erik von Markovik. I was a scared kid. I cut myself off from the outside world. I was observing life rather than participating in it. I had no purpose. So I decided to do something about it and that’s when I discovered my calling.”

Mystery goes on to analyze the evening’s pickup performances and says “Simeon, I saw in you the PUA mindset. You have the swagger. Matt, here’s what I saw. You eventually saw a way to bring your target back to your room and you eventually got a couple nice kisses there. You could have done more.” Matador also says “Matt, you need to go sexual when the time is right. No apologies. Pull back your shield and reveal it.” Revealyourwhatnow? It’s looking grim for Matt – if only he had pulled this trigger everyone keeps talking about. Mystery tells them that while both of their lives will be rewarded richly because of their experiences on the show, Simeon is the next Pickup Artist.

Matt graciously concedes to his wingman despite having traveled the long road together, but Matt, we’re sure you and your globe will have no trouble in the future. And at the very least, you can go home to Chuck. Tell him we say hi.

Wingmen don’t shake hands, wingmen gotta hug.

Despite being the house spaz with uncontrollable energy (who will forever live in our mind as “Osama Bin Sexy”), Simeon accepts the title of Pickup Artist and says “For once, honestly, I’m at a loss for words.” Then he screamed like crazy and coolly headed back to a pool party full of hot girls like a true pickup artist would.

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  1. misty says:

    Well I have to say that however I was a die hard Greg fan and was so upset when he was sent home, that I am glad that it was Simeon and not matt. Not that matt is a bad kid, there is just sometihng about him that has drove me nuts from the first episode. and I cant stand the “nobody puts baby in a corner” saying i still think he has more charisma. AND what the heck was that *~!___~^!(%)#$#` wearing a suit and TIE to the party, who does that *~!___~^!(%)#$#` and what girl would really go for that. i can see if it was that KIND of a party or an office party, but no one else at the party had a suit on.
    Well i just hope Greg is doing well and am still bummed that he didnt win…… But comgrats to you Simeon

  2. Jamey says:

    I’m not surprised Simeon won. Is it just me, or does Simeon look like he could be Mystery’s little brother?

  3. Maria says:

    I don’t know what you’re talking about.
    I would definitely go for Matt. And I thought his suit was endearing.

  4. hahahahahahah says:

    lol 3 reponses haha no one watches this show hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahaha

  5. TC says:

    This show sucks. Who sits around saying “I.E.I” or “He just opened a 4 set”etc! NO 1! MYSTERY is ridiculous 2 think u have 2 do all these things 2 “bag a chick”. Some people r just wall flowers or shy…they will come out of it on their own eventually. What MYSTERY IS TRYING 2 MAKE THEM INTO MALE SLUTS THAT TREAT WOMEN AS OBJECTS. There r feelings involved. This is all a game and u dont play games when it comes 2 love. No 1 should take lessons from a guy who has 2 have a wingman 2 get a chick. What red blooded American male isnt going 2 b turned on by a girl rubbing all over them in her underwear. This show is a joke and Mystery needs 2 quit worrying about all his plays and go out and have a normal conversation without his rulebook. He is pathetic and what normal guy wears black polish. & the hair is horrendous. I bet no 1 even watches this show unless they r a hermit. So i guess 3 people watch. Please dont have nemore of this show. MYSTERY IS A JOKE TRYING 2 FIND A WOMAN/MAN 4 HIMSELF HE IS A LONELY BOY!

  6. Sweet Puzzy says:

    Matt got lucky through the whole show. He totally skated through the entire show. And that feather boa looked silly with his preppy gear. Granted he had a pretty face after his makeover but he was way to fake. I’m sooooooooooo glad Simeon won. I could see him traveling with Mystery and Madador teaching others. Matt, not so much. He needs to go on J-Date.

  7. Sweet Puzzy says:

    I wish Madador would eat me.

  8. Heather says:

    I wish that Matt would have won because he’s hot.

  9. *candy morales* says:

    omg!
    i knew he would win but i liked um the other guy that u sent home better.

  10. *candy morales* says:

    greg i remeberd his name.lol.he was cute.
    HE DESERVES TO BE THE PICK UP ARTIST.!!!!!!!!!!!!
    *******

  11. pre$$ says:

    is it just me or did anyone ever notice that Simeon is GAY…

    ** in the previous episode, what guy holds hands with another guy?? and i dont care if they are best friends.

    ** and does no one give handshakes anymore?? after an elimination, why is these grown men lookin like a bunch of women running around the house huggin and cryin, giving each other little hickies on the necks. They may as well gangbang each other, no vasaline…

  12. penis says:

    Mystery what the hell is with the goggles you’re not a snowboarder and you look mad gay with the piercings. Why don’t you do the field test and make an ^`+)#))^*^)~@() at out of your self

  13. blah says:

    dude let mystery be himself he gets the ladies for a reason F##$wad

  14. Jersey Bob says:

    the show is great in all , but what about dating, meeting the friends , meeting the parents . Could these guys even afford a girlfriend. What is the goal here just to find any girl in a bar and make out with her in the parking lot. Mystery and Matador should do next season without alcohol No bars No clubs more grocery stores . Forget about it .

  15. mnchick says:

    Ohhh Simeon! I adore you but really was gunning for Matt to win ho I think is just an all around cutie! Tara was right about Matt when she said that a lot of women think he’s a hottie. :) I think that both of them will do just fine. And while there are times on this show when I have thought “Wow…that’s a bit piggish and chauvenistic” I had to admit to myself that if one of these guys came up to me in a bar with their approaches..I probably would have totally engaged them. If anything, I hope that this show has given these guys the confidence they needed in their lives to deal with not just women but with life in general. :)

  16. Dana says:

    Who wrote this article? It’s hilarious… Congrats to the “Quicker Picker Upper” Simeon… Matt’s hot, though.

  17. Jehangir says:

    CAn someone tell me the name of the song (and artist) that was playing after Simeon won??

    I love this show, it makes me cringe and happy at the same time. I need to find myself an accessory like Simeon. If a hat can do THAT much for Simeon, there HAS to be something to it.
    I’m glad Simeon won, he totally deserved it.

    Why didn’t anyone tell Matt to STOP talking about the STUPID CAPER that he and his friends finished!!!? Every girl he told that too either didn’t know what the hell he meant or thought he was boring (which he is).

    Anyway, thats my two cents…please someone tell me the name of that song!

  18. jehangir says:

    And for the girls who think Matt is a hottie….after listening to his BORING conversations about high brow stuff for an hour you wouldn’t think he was that hot. Old ladies find him hot because his conversation is geared toward impressing them, not young women.
    And the guy who noticed that Simeon is probably gay down there, I was thinking the same exact thing throughout the show. But if you saw the episode where he goes into the dark room with the chick, he did not seem very gay.

  19. Chelsea says:

    to tell you the truth. i loved greg and he made it to the finale but was the first one out. he was the one from the beginning that still looked kinda cute before the make over. however. when it came down to matt and simeon, i wanted matt becuase he was cuter and less jumpy and corny. idk but i dont like simeon that much

  20. Jackie says:

    I love Matt I wish he would have won and plus he was so cute!! Although both Simeon and Matt were great pick up artist i have to say i couldnt imagine who would win. I am glad that them two made it to the finale i thought that it was a hard thing to pick between them two. They both were great and after all i am happy that Simeon won.

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