For The Love Of Ray J - 8 Things We Loved About The Premiere

By now, we know how hard it is for people to find love on TV. However, we should also know how easily it is to find love from our couches.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Chardonnay. Consider us smitten.

Ah, dating shows. They’re so reliant on tradition that every time a new one comes on, it immediately feels like home. For the Love of Ray J was no exception and so the first thing I loved about it was:

- The stream of reality show cliches:

From the mad dash for beds…

…to the realization that there were more girls than beds in the house (meaning that someone would be going home before bedtime!)…

…to the naming ceremony that only existed out of habit (”Of course I gave the girls nicknames. That’s what they do on these shows!” explained our star…as though he had to!)…

…(before we proceed, an aside: What is an atomic bomb? Anyone? Anyone? )…to a mixer with a constant stream of attention-defeating interruptions…

…to one girl’s acting background sending up red flags and eventually leading to her dismissal…

And, by the way, Hot Cocoa was eliminated for failing to bring the excitement, thus not being actorly enough.

Yep, this show had it all!

More items of love:

- What Ray J gives to the girls that survive elimination:

It isn’t a clock or a chain or a pass or a rose, but…

…a glass of champagne. At last, something that’s actually useful!

- That Ray’s sex tape was brought up within minutes

After all, would he be here without it? And would the girls be half as interested?

That’s a very close approximation of Ray’s manhood that Danger’s got going on.

Seriously Feisty, get ready for a shock.

- More fun with ESL subtitles:

Not since Frenchie debuted on Rock of Love 2 have we had so much fun not understanding someone!

- Cocktail’s breakdown

During her one-on-one time with Ray J, Cocktail immediately started crying, saying how his music touched her when he performed for them early in the episode. Who knew “Sexy Can I” could be so moving?

Ray threw out one girl for having an interest in Hollywood, but he kept Cocktail despite her theatrics. The moral? If you’re going to be an actress, show don’t tell.

- The fact that Danger looks like a pre-op Lil’ Kim from certain angles

You don’t even have to squint sometimes to pretend it’s Kim, and doing so gives this show a whole other dimension, let me tell ya.

Verdict’s still out on what I think of the tattoo — I might like it more in principle than practice. Regardless, mad love for the controversy it stirs up. Says Chardonnay: “I think he was naming her in a crazy, kinda tiger-face way.” Tiger face? Does that make Danger the human sequel to Judy Blume’s 1981 tale of loss and making out in the Grand Canyon, Tiger Eyes?

- Ray J’s horny-old-man-ness

He’s seriously running around like a kid in a candy store, where all the candy is actually nipples.

“My bad”? Yeah. Right.

Ray’s quote of the episode? “And I’m thinkin’ yes…and no…and maybe. But I’m thinkin’!” It’ll be interesting to see if forthcoming episodes shed light on exactly what part of his body he’s thinking with.

And, finally, the most lovable thing about the premiere episode of For the Love of Ray J?

- Chardonnay, period

At last, someone who actually deserves to crack themselves up! I knew this one was a winner as soon as she said, “I think I’m the perfect girl for Ray, because I can put my legs behind my head,” and followed it up with no other supporting evidence. Really, what else do you need?

And then there was, “I wanna get in the…cacoozi!” And who could forget her masterwork, a lovely ditty I like to call “Pass the Bread“? Gorgeous. This woman is an artist. She’d tell you the same, too. In her own words: shorty got gifts. Chardonnay’s alcohol-fueled boisterousness irritates more than a few of her competitors, but her attitude on that is on-point: “Whoever wants to be a hater can be a hater, but I gotta stand out.” I haven’t heard such a crystalline recitation of the reality TV ethic since Ki Ki ranted, “I’m not here to make friends!” repeatedly on Real Chance of Love. Granted, that was just a few months ago, but whatever. Chardonnay is special.

When it looked like she might get bounced, I cried along with her.

When Ray J finally gave her her glass, he said, “I feel like I was maybe saving the best for last. Who knows?”

I do. He was. This girl’s a star.

Related content
For the Love of Ray J show page
For the Love of Ray J videos and extras

This entry was posted on Monday, February 2nd, 2009 at 11:25 pm