For the Love of Ray J – Episode 1 Recap – Champagne Splits and Chardonnay

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Out of the gate, we can see that some girls know the right things to do to please Ray J…

and some just don’t!

To kick things off, the girls are treated to a private concert with Ray J. Brandi’s little brother is looking good, I have to say. Here’s a pic from a more innocent time.

Unlike many reality shows where girls claim to be models, many of these ladies look like they actually could be.

The first impressions are good, Ray J is pumped.

After the concert, the ladies and Ray J all head to the house in black Escalades. We can see the place is sexy. The girls run around looking for beds, but Monica does the count and announces there are only twelve. Two ladies are going home tonight. Champagne and wine flow, and shots are downed.

I think to myself, don’t they know better by now?? Don’t get drunk, it’s a trap!! Then I remember, this is not Rock of Love Bus.

But these girls have vices!

Krista is a bit toasty even before dinner is served.

The ladies are seated at dinner. Monica asks if anyone has seen the Ray J-Kim Kardashian sex tape. Apparently, his “performance” is impressive.

Ray J arrives and the nickname ceremony begins. Wine bottle-wielding Krista becomes Chardonnay, the “ghetto Barbie” Chelsey becomes “Lil’ Hood” (note: her “thug” status is questioned by a couple of the girls).

Jerry is christened Atomic Bomb, but says she doesn’t “even know what that is.”

It’s a bomb that can obliterate entire cities, Jerry!

Elizabeth hails from Russia and so is named Caviar. Summer earns the nickname Stacks due to her Kim Kardashian-esque rump.

Monica is the wild woman with a tattoo on her face, who will be called Danger.

Ray J says she’s sexy and crazy, although Chardonnay maybe calls it, saying she’s dangerous in a “dropping the radio in the bathtub” kind of way. Ray J thinks Danger might even be into pain, and that clearly turns him on.

Ray J noticed Atomic Bomb from the beginning, and she’s the first to get some one on one time with him. It’s obvious she will be staying. Naturelle comes over and interrupts, and the two of them hit it off, until she drops the bomb that she’s an aspiring actress.

Which elicits this response from Ray J.

Danger stops over. Ray J is getting a little heated by the tattoo on her face. “Body of a goddess, face from hell,” he says. What? Is that a compliment? Not one to be intimidated, he gets to third base pretty much within seconds.

Kim Kardashian sort of look-alike Joanna, aka Cocktail, almost blows it by crying for no reason when she’s having one-on-one time with Ray J. What is it with the crying on these shows? I always thought being a crybaby makes you a pain in the ass, but maybe that’s just me.

In a move that will surely end up on Best TV Moments 2009, Chardonnay decides to show off. “Shorty got tricks, Shorty got gifts, I got everything,” she says, then proceeds to drop into a splits and show it. Here’s the image again:

Lil’ Hood is in shock. If that’s what he’s looking for, she says, that’s not who she is. Do I have to break it down again? Most men would find that hot, Lil’ Hood! Go review the sex tape, and get back to me when you’ve realized you’re on a dating elimination show.

I love the way Danger, who has a Tiger tattooed on her face, rolls her eyes like she’s embarrassed. Let’s define trying too hard: Tattoo on face?? Check!

Some girls see the writing on the wall and show Ray J they have stripper moves as well.

Feisty fusses over him and says he’s like “a mini.” All men think they are at least six feet tall even if they are a midget, so I can guarantee that did not go over well.

It’s time for Lil’ B and Ray J to talk about who will stay and who will go. At the elimination, it looks like our girl Chardonnay could be going home!

She gets to stay, but Naturelle, who made a mistake admitting to being an actress, and Hot Cocoa, or “Ice Latte”, will be going home.

When they toast at the end, check out the wristbands with their nicknames on them!

I was wondering how he would keep all those names straight.

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