Dr. Drew’s weekly commentary on Sober House continues! Below, the doctor talks about why he was OK with Steven returning to the house, his friendship with Andy Dick and the weird boundaries he has to contend with as a result of being a doctor and a co-star to his patients.
What was the rationale for Steven being allowed to return to the house?
We left it up to the house. There’s differing opinions among sober-living houses on how that should work. Some make offenders like Steven stay out a month, two months, a week. In this case, everyone wanted him to come back. I was up for it.
Did he do well at Las Encinas before he was asked back in?
He did as well as he ever does. He was very remorseful and remained motivated, though. It’s one thing if a guy comes into treatment and starts blowing everything off and minimizing it. That wasn’t the case. He was contrite and took responsibility for himself. He did and said all the right things, really. The question is, that aside, should you let someone like Steven back, and I think the answer is yes. I still think it was the right thing to do.
What would the alternative for him be, anyway, besides jail?
To keep him at a higher level of care like a hospital for a month, but he couldn’t afford that. That’s one of the realities of addiction treatment: you want to give them a higher level of service, but there aren’t resources. You just make do. You do what you can.
Did you understand Jenn’s reservations about bringing Steven back?
Yes. Out of everyone in the house, she’s the one with the longer term sobriety. And she’s the responsible authority, so I was listening carefully to her. Steven evoked all of her stuff: she was an abuse survivor and this jeopardized her sobriety. It was a hard thing for her. But Jenn struggling with boundaries and her own co-dependency and evocation of her own issues, I think, was extremely growth-inducing for her. I almost want to say therapeutic, but I’ll say that it helped her grow. I did a lot of counseling of her throughout the show, and she really grew a ton in the process. I think if she were to do this again, it’d be an entirely different process. I mean, it’s how people grow, right? You have to challenge yourself.
Part of Steven’s path to retribution involves showing him footage of himself, which is a reminder of the advantages of this particular, filmed method of treatment.
We would not have had that without the cameras and that was so helpful to him. We’re using something you don’t usually have in treatment and god damn is it powerful.
It’s combating narcissism with reality, right?
You bet it is. It’s breaking down denial. It’s letting them know exactly how they are.
Andy Dick comes in and he says he’s known you for 20 years. How is that?
He’s been doing my radio show forever. We’ve been operating in the same universe for a long time. He’s friendly. I always liked him, but I knew he was in trouble. He’d come to me for advice over the years. The Andy you see on this show is the Andy that I know. He’s a delightful human being. If he were loaded, you’d see the horrible image that he has come out. When he’s using, he’s out of control. When he’s not using, he’s a great guy.
What is it like as a doctor to know someone who’s struggling with addiction for so long, and yet not be treating him?
I want to help, but I’m realistic: if people want my help, I can show them. If not, I can just sort of be there and advise them and shake my head and be their friend. It’s very hard for addicts to have dual relationships. You can’t be their friend and their doctor. This show challenges that, too, because I’m their doctor and I’m on a TV show with them. It makes for weird boundaries. In Andy’s case, I’m a doctor, I’m going to be on a TV show with him and I’ve been a friend. We had to be very clear: the friendship had to end. We had to really formalize the relationship. And I kind of regret that sometimes because I miss the friendship. Being the doctor sometimes means being harsh and saying things they don’t want to hear.
What does not being a friend anymore mean?
I can only see him as a doctor. If we talk to each other, we can speak in friendly terms, but we can’t be just talking as friends. When we’re on TV together, we have to keep a very professional relationship.
Could you go back to being friends?
It’s hard for them, but I’d encourage it in this case, as we’re on TV and apt to cross paths. It gets weird for people being on a TV show with their doctor.
It’s kind of crazy that this is, what, Andy’s 10th attempt at getting clean, but his first stint in sober living.
That’s very, very common, though. Most people miss the most important part of the treatment, the intermediate step from treatment to life.
Check out what Jennifer had to say about this week’s episode here.
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21 responses to to Examining Sober House With Dr. Drew – Episode 4
Getting and staying sober is not a daily fight when you surrender to recovery, go to AA meetings, have a sponsor and other sober support, and work the 12 steps. Stay away from wet places and wet people in early recovery. It is simple, but willingness is the key. I’ve been sober 22 years and am grateful to AA. Maybe Dr. Drew should have his clients try this program for successful recovery.
Episode 4
Are you kidding me??? Amber sets out to go to a party by herself? What about a sponsor, a meeting or 2 or take a friend with her? I have been sober for 9 years and the first 3 years was nothing short of 5 meetings a week. i don’t hear or see anyone working the steps or going to meetings or getting a sponsor. It appears that no one is really taking recovery seriously.Just going to parties and getting laid
I have been watching through trials and tribulations of these addicts on your show,i have worked in sober living facilitie, We did not have camaras following us around to watch our every move, we did how ever find a support system that were living in the real word and functioning at jobs and making sober friends out side the facility. it is about getting out of our normal comfort zones to learn something different to take the place of that addiction calling you. the realization that i have worth no matter what others think or say about me, was my greatest gift to myself. Its an inside job when we finally get there we have a chance at truley healthy loving relationships. these will be the people that we can see its not about all the outside stuff that strangers see and want to be a part of. This is not easy but so worth it. I have been clean 20 years and the life i have now is better then my sick little mind could have imagined good luck and my prayers go out to you
i have been to rehab i am no longer under the bondage my question is why do you allow people to go to parties and expect them to be free 14 years of freedom today i can walk into a party and leave a sober life is my higher power(JESUS)go to work go home i had nothing crack pipe alcohol mom died disfunctional family my higher power(JESUS) has set me free blessed me with a wife 6 beautiful children and a trade GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot cange the courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference
Hi,
Don’t you think it odd that the doctor is always there after they screw up, and then none of the “potential” screw up’s never ask him for help before they do?
Perhaps, Dr. Drew, your success rate is no better than other therapy’s and institutions, and perhaps, your help; costs more than most.
Since you have dealt with celebrities, does this mean that you, Dr. Drew, are the only one that has dealt with these kind of individuals? I am sure not.
Dr. Drew, you take advantage of people that need help and become wealthy from their loss. No matter your gain and how you smile all the way to the bank from the money you got from the show and celebs,…I know, you know and so does Christ.
If you have another ‘sober house’ season in the future, please give them more structure for at least 2 weeks. Give them limited options in that transition period. Then, they can see what it is like to have a bit more freedom but not that much! Allowing one of them to go to a party alone is like saying, “Here’s a gun, its loaded with one shell, spin it and see what turns up!”
Watching does make me more grateful for my sobriety every time! I remember some of the crazy choices I made in the beginning (sober 8 years now) and how fragile that period of time could have been if I wouldn’t have been shown a good sponsor that stressed the principles of AA, working the steps, keeping in contact with sober “recovered” people, and keeping my relationship with God (who I understand to be Yaweh, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit in One) at the forefront of recovery.
I like when Jennifer stressed the fact that we have to get out of Self to move in the right direction. After finally realizing that a life run on Self was not working, I had to believe that Letting Go and Letting God had to happen. I see now that God gave me the gift of being free to truly hear and see that there was an option and that to give up fighting, I’d actually win the important fight. For too long I was ‘stuck’, saying I understood what people were saying about sobriety but someplace in my head saying, “I’m right, everyone else is wrong, let them think I think they’re right but they’re not. I’m smart enough to fix it all. If people would stay out of my way, I and they would be fine.” Yikes, insanity at its finest! LOL
May God be with everyone on the show and everyone not on the show. There’s a reason for everything. Let’s learn and love.
Peace
The unfortunate reality of sober living is that it is the first place where alcoholics/addicts go after rehab. Therefore, it is the first place they relapse. Sober living is fraught with all kinds of drama, purely by having newly recovering alcoholics/addicts all in the same place together with nothing to do. These individuals are all still active in their disease (with the exception of Rodney King) and have not yet internalized the first step of A.A. They all suffer from terminal uniqueness and are spurred on by the socially inept and equally phony Jennifer. It is unfortunate that the “house mother” is an alcoholic/addict who thrives on drama and loves to create it all around her. Jennifer is a huge part of the problem in this situation. Take some of the drama away, and the alcholics/addicts in this particular sober house will have choose something else to do besides sit around and talk about each other behind’s their backs. It would benefit every single person in that sober house to go to an A.A. meeting and listen to other people’s stories about how they got sober and try to emulate the successful long term old timers. Sober house people, drop your pretentious personalities and try to find out who you are with other sober individuals who have some experience. Jennifer does not have the experience or humility needed to help anyone.
I believe they do use the 12 steps but AA traditionally does not want the 12-step process to be publicized or televised. Dr. Drew blogged about this when Celebrity Rehab was on.
Dr. Drew. I love that you are helping these wounderful Celeberties out.Please share with them my story. I have 2 wounderful son’s both active duity in the Military.I have have raised both my son’s by myself, their Father was a Crack addict,so I left him so my boys were not around that,now they are 2 very brave Soliders.My one son Bobby was in Iraq with an EOD unit that dissarms the IED’s. He lost 1 solider but saved 3.He received a medal for Bravery in the Field. When he called me one night I was able to talk to him for 45 seconds. Then all I could hear was explosions in the back ground and he said to me,I LOVE YOU MOM, Don’t worry I’m OK.I did not hear from him for 6 more weeks. I drank so much it was unreal.I wanted to forget what my son just told me. I had dreams of him comming in a body bag.Now he is home in the states. My other son is deployed now and can not say where he is with his unit. He has a BEAUTIFUL WIFE and an awesome SON.We have not herd from him since X-Mas Eve.When I start drinking I don’t want to stop. I keep on drinking till I can’t walk or think anymore. I want to just forget for 1 day what I’m going through. Then I think I’m stupid 2 days later for what I just did.But I do it again and again.But just for that 1 night I can FORGET. But where does that get me.The next day when I have to go back to work? Tell all of your clients that I Love them and I’m PRAYING for them.How about doing a show with MILITRY MOMS that have a problem? Thank You. Proud Corpsaman Mom
I was in the other room from the T.V., When I heard Amber said something like she had never had “first sex” sober…It got me thinking, I lost my virginity (at 18) to a half gallon of weller and the guy that bought it. If I look back honestly I would be willing to bet that alchohol fueled 90% of my countless one nighters. It was’nt until right before my third marriage when in booze fueled rages we tried to kill each other. My future husband and my self took a step back and decided that we were more important than the booze was, so we stopped cold turkey. Unfortunatly 4 years into our marriage my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 hepititus. Unfortunatly cancer got hold of his liver and he died in my arms, on Jan 13 09…I have had one glass of wine, a tab of morphine and a couple of hits of a joint his friends had left him, I did all that the first night I was left alone in the house…and you know what? I got so high that it scared the living —- out of me! But it is still a day to day battle for me not to get in to the liquor cabinet since Mike died, and drink my loneliness away.
Dear Dr. Drew,
I’ve been watching the the show since the beginning and for the the life of me cannot understand the Sober House set up.I’ve been going thru recovery with my son for a year and he’s been in treatment from Feb 08 until Sep 08.Came out,had a pyschotic break from a relapse,spent 10 days in a psch hospital then back into treatment and now in a sober house in another state.If he breaks 1 rule once,he’s out.There’s no 3 strikes,no forgiveness for using or putting the other people in danger.More over,their sobriety is FRAGILE.You of all people know they’re all looking for an excuse to take their next drink etc.If one is forgiven,ie:Steven or Amber how does that effect someone like Rodney?And now with Shifty’s antics??? Will he be taken back too??The celebrity’s are so spoiled,have rarely heard or comprehended the word no so it leaves the house person in a no win situation.It seems they don’t take it seriously enough.As you can see,I’m frustated with sober house.It needs to be more like the real thing- -
drug tests,strict curfews,jobs,daily meetings.I’m worried this sends the wrong message to people in recovery.
Dr Drew,
I just wanted to say that I think that you and your team are doing an amazing job. Please keep up the amazing work. I also wanted to wish all of the Sober life cast much love and sobrity. They are all such special people it would be ashame to loose the light that they bring to us all. Take care of yourself and Have A Great Day
L
Drew, rodney did it for himself, you are a hack
Dr. Drew,
I’ve watched the show since day 1, and I think what you do is a blessing. I want to send this message to Nikki through you. She is an absolute beauty. I am a 56 year old grandma. I lost my mother when I was 23. She was 47 when she died. I was devastated. I also went through the drinking and drugs for awhile. It gets easier with time but I still miss her so much. I just wanted Nikki to know that her song, Inconsolable, has made me feel so much closer to my mom. That song is going to touch so many people. It’s beautiful! Please just let her know there are many of us out here rooting for her. Thanks
hello my names briana and i think what you do 4 people is awsome…i love the show…email me back dr.drew
xoxo love briana
I love this show. I’m a person who struggled with the drug battle my whole life. Whether it was in my childhood, and also my own battle. The only thing I tend not to agree with, in not just the 1st season, also this one, is Jenns behavior. I understand she’s been clean and everything, so therefor I feel as though she could be more compassionate. I’m not sayin for her to allow people to walk all over her, but if you are in the business of helping people ( especially if you were someone that needed help at one point) you should be able to control your anger. I know she’s only human, but if she can’t handle her own anger, and egg people on when she knows exactly what they feel, she should work on herself somemore or find a different area on helping people. I’m not only sayin this because those people are celebs, I’m sayin it because its the truth. There are things that should be expected from a recovering addict, but also you shouldn’t automatically expect the worse. Treat people kindly, remember you catch more bees with honey.
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