The more things change…
…the more they stay toolish!
We open on Shawn wearing the most perfect T-shirt for a tool, ever:
There’s an obscure recommendation. If it weren’t for Shawn’s T-shirt, Legend wouldn’t be half of the catalog hit that it is. You guys up for reggae tonight? Shawn then interviews about maturity, leans over in his seat and instead of Bob Marley, makes us listen to the sounds of his ass. So many suggestions from this one!
The couples are summoned to the therapy room.
Trina explains to them that this week’s lesson will be about trust, and the way that they’ll go about testing this is by hooking the tools up to a polygraph and asking them yes/no questions devised by their girlfriends. This will allow them to start over from a truly honest place. Ah, lie-detectors: the secular man’s confessional booth.
Rob freaks out at the prospect of this, as he is wont to do regarding prospects.
He knows that this means that Karine is going to find out that he hooked up with this chick one time and that it’s over for them. Trina offers to mediate and sits Karine down to explain the situation. Karine knows what this means and she breaks down. Everyone’s falling to pieces and the actual confession has yet to be made! Amazing!
Anyway, the lie-detecting gets underway.
It is as incomprehensible as any lie-detecting you see on TV. Of course, the results are actually what matter, but more on them in a second because Rob’s spiral continues. Trina talks to him and we see him just sort of collapsing on the bed.
She summons a medic and we see the obligatory dude-on-a-stretcher shot…
…and more now-obligatory head-hanging from Karine…
So, the prospect of Rob confessing his indiscretions breaks her up, and his anxiety-mandated avoidance to do so also breaks her up. This girl can’t win! (And we’ll find out why that’s even literally the case in a few…)
As for now: the results are in.
Shawn said he didn’t love Jaime, and was telling the truth. He said the $100,000 was not worth more than Aida, and was telling the truth. Shawn pats himself on the back, saying, “That’s really huge that I do really love you.” Or just he likes her more than a very small fortune. And you know half of that’s going to the taxman. Will his affection do the same?
Josh said that he didn’t cheat on Ashley when she was having surgery and was telling the truth. He also said he didn’t cheat on Ashley with a girl at the mall, but that was a lie. But then he went back to revise his answer, conceding that he did kiss the girl on the cheek. And that was the truth. Ashley is thrilled that he told the truth.
And, seriously, he kissed a girl on the cheek? Is he 7?
Tommy said he does give his number out at the bar, and he was telling the truth. He also said he doesn’t regularly check out girls when Krista’s not there, but it was a lie. Not to belittle Krista’s concerns, but being in a relationship doesn’t result in immediate eye-amputation. Any policy other than, “Look but don’t touch,” is sort of unrealistic for those with pulses, don’t you think?
Matsuflex said he hadn’t had sex with his ex-fiance since he’s been with Jenna, and that was a lie. But then he admitted it, correcting his lie. Jenna appreciates honesty more than anything. This is getting more and more Catholic. Matsuflex said he doesn’t see himself dating anyone besides Jenna and that was true. So yay, there’s that.
But more importantly, there’s this:
The guys decide they want to get the Tool Academy emblem tattooed on themselves, with the exception of Rob, who’s still in the hospital and Tommy who’s still holding onto the concept of logic.
Tommy interviews that getting a Tool Academy is a toolish thing to do. That’s exactly what makes it so perfect! And regrettable! But, then again, it wouldn’t be worth televising if it weren’t so regrettable, you know?
But really: as though these guys aren’t branded for life, anyway, after appearing on this show. Whatever. After getting the tattoo, Shawn reports that the experience made him feel like a “prison bitch.” Suddenly, it all seems worth it.
The next day, Rob returns and he and Karine reunite in front of Trina.
Rob asks Karine if she’ll leave with him so that they can work out their problems (or, you know, not) away from the watchful eye of the cameras. Karine agrees it’s the thing to do, and so they say their goodbyes and that’s that. Trina recommends he seek professional help for his anxiety, which: yeah. Bittersweet ending for sure, but hey, at least they left together and without any booty dancing or anything.
Challenge time!
Piggybacking on the week’s theme, the challenge will be all about trust. The girls are blinded and outfitted with cameras on top of their heads. The guys are chained to a fence, which…
…ha! At last! Burn them and do it slowly! But then they couldn’t serve their function: they will watch the feed from the girls’ cameras and direct them through an obstacle course, in which they’ll have to collect three keys to free their dudes.
The two will then proceed to the final leg of this trust-acle course.
It begins with a balance beam.
There’s a post right after that holds the key. This proves elusive to many of the contestants.
After that, the next key is to be found in a room with a “bomb” that the girls must defuse.
Everyone does OK with this leg, except for Ashley whose bomb goes off, filling the room with a fog possibly supplied by Shawn.
The last solo part involves fishing the key out of a tank of snakes.
The girls being girls all freak out and gag over this prospect. Somehow, they make it through the horrifying task of sifting through benign reptiles.
Jenna is the first to get to the fence.
She sets her man free and they make it to the final challenge, which requires them to fall backward and down, like, a foot.
From this perspective, trust is a minor victory. But whatever: it’s Jenna and Matsuflex’s minor victory!
After all the teams are in, the guys show the girls their tattoos.
Krista is thrilled that Tommy refrained from getting one. That feeling should prove to be as permanent as, well, a tattoo.
Back at the house, Jenna gets ready for her prized conjugal visit. Aida mentions that she wanted to win so that she could give the prize away. Hypothetical generosity is soooo worth praising yourself for. And also: it’s not like she was going to allow Shawn to tap that anyway, as we saw the last time she won, so whatever. Such a gift would be as about impressive as an amputee giving away her running shoes.
Jenna calls Aida out for implying that she was being selfish and it all ends with Aida sighing, “It’s not my fault I’m an angel.” But see, if she never pointed out her wings, we’d never have known, so it kind of is her fault.
Jenna and Matsuflex share their conjugal time.
It is, as all dates are on this show, sex-free. Seeing these guys repeatedly not get any might be the most satisfying thing that Tool Academy has to offer.
Although, since Matsuflex and Jenna haven’t done it at all yet, you understand why it’s smart that they’d wait till they weren’t in front of cameras. Not as smart as Jenna having refused to do it in the first place, but you know, still smart.
Once Jenna is back, Aida pours champagne into regular glasses and says something about them all being a family, and all families have their ups and downs. Jenna is immediately suspicious and wonders if this means Aida has been talking smack. “I’m not gonna cheers if while I’m gone, you guys are sitting back talking about me,” says Jenna. She will go on to use “cheers” as a verb throughout the rest of the episode. Not surprising, yet notable.
Anyway, it turns out they have been talking about her: Krista and Aida don’t believe that Jenna and Matsuflex are together in the first place. This leads Jenna to announce that the house is divided. That becomes even more clear when Trina calls the girls to discuss the upcoming elimination.
It devolves into an argument between Krista and Jenna, which further devolves into emotional chaos when Krista accuses Jenna of having slept with 500 people, sending Jenna running from the room.
Jenna interviews that sex is a sensitive subject for her because of her pro-chastity upbringing. “I’m not proud of the sex I’ve had,” interviews Jenna upon returning to the room. Well, have I got a place for you: reality TV! Jenna tells Krista that what she said was a low blow and Krista apologizes, but adds that she thinks Jenna’s fake and there’s no polite way to say that. Aw, heartfelt apologies!
Elimination! Matsuflex and Josh get called, which leaves Shawn and Tommy.
Shawn lost his temper during the challenge, while Tommy lied during the polygraph. Shawn is staying…and in a wild twist that undoubtedly has nothing at all to do with balancing out Rob’s self-elimination, so does Tommy! Yay, the toolbox remains undisturbed! The guys hug in celebration.
Ah, bromance. Wrong show, yet it feels so right.
Related content
Tool Academy show page
Tool Academy videos and extras
10 responses to to Tool Academy Recap – Episode 5 – Tattooed Tools
In no way am I joking when I say, these recaps make my night.
I feel so bad for Krista. I hooked up with Tommy when he hit on me at the bar he worked at. We were both really drunk when it happened, normally I don’t hook up with a guy who has a girlfriend but he talked so much $_@_*%@_`!~$(@!* on her about how he knows she is not the one for him but he is in a tough position and needs to get on his own feet. She is totally fooled by his charm. I apologize for my part.
I really don’t like Aida or Krista. Is it me or are they just really mean?
The editing of this week’s Tool Academy was HORRIBLE!! The voice-over of the doctor during the entire “Rob freaking out” sequence was ridiculous. It is so apparent that VH1 is either trying to cover up something they couldn’t have air or that Rob had to leave for some reason and they needed to make more drama of it. The entire thing was almost unwatchable. I love the show, but I feel like VH1 isn’t giving their viewers enough credit.
Colleen.. it did seem like the voiceovers from Trina are fake, but I’ve watched closely when she would be speaking to the group, and she sounds exaactly the same during her voice overs AND when she is speaking in front of them. It really messes with me. She has a really strange speaking voice, and I’m not talking about just the accent.
I thought that it showed the guy’s getting the tattoo’s was great. This way it is like a permanent badge of not only courage,but that they showed that it was something they all had gone through the Tool Academy. Prop’s to you guy’s.
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10 responses to to Tool Academy Recap – Episode 5 – Tattooed Tools