For The Love Of Ray J Recap - Episode 2 - Seven Things We Loved About This Week’s Show

You could probably find a dozen things to love in this shot alone (both boas included!):

But wait, there’s more!

In no particular order, this week’s points of awesomeness include:

- The girls’ respective ideas of what constitutes entertainment.

Obviously, by the mere act of casting, the powers that be are essentially saying to their talent, “Entertain!” And so they do by terrorizing each other, thinking of clever riffs on the old classic, “Bitch…,” wearing clothes that defy physics and logic, and inventing words like “cacoozi.” But it’s not so often that they’re literally told to entertain on screen, and thanks to this week’s video-chat challenge, we saw just how weird the results could be when they are asked just that.

There was cheerleading and songwriting…

…ballet…

…Russian recitation…

…and ensuing creepy translation…

There was half-naked flailing…

…and belly-dancing…

…an art exhibition…

…and, of course, this was bizarre for its lack of oozing sexuality. Not that it was bad. In fact, the painting goes way beyond the ability of anything I ever would have expected from someone on reality TV. But if this challenge is the reflection of Ray J’s life that he stated it was intended to be (he gets lonely on the road, see, and needs to keep up with his girl, see…), then does that mean that Danger would be painting for him, what? Every night? Maybe she’s that prolific, but, you know, probably not. And really, by this logic, Atomic Bomb’s Bedazzler would totally start charging for overtime.

The most bizarre, by far, was Feisty’s beer-bong display.

Uh, I think you have to be drunk yourself to truly appreciate it. Feisty doesn’t seem to know that just because something is fun to do, it doesn’t mean that it’s fun for others to watch. Other things that fall into this category are watching TV, knitting and nose-picking.

And then, there was Chardonnay.

Her human-sundae was some Frenchie-level exhibition — it’s always fascinating to see someone with a devil-may-care attitude about multiple kinds of dirty (both the sexually suggestive kind and the all-this-sticky-crap-is-on-me kind). My favorite were the nuts, which represented “all the little things” that made she and Ray J perfect for each other.

I can’t believe they didn’t represent, you know, nuts.

Also:

If you’re eating a banana on VH1 and you don’t deep throat it, you’re doing it wrong.

There was also a written component to Chardonnay’s display. It went:

“Literally one day for a week’s preparation
To mentally get ready for physical separation
Even though I don’t deserve stress
I’m passionately true
And I’m out here on a limb like a bird’s nest.
I’ve been given a chance and I’m honored to have had your ear
Not to mention I’ve been feeling you for years.
So every other woman that you judging is in opposition
Hands down, ’cause I’m my only competition.”

She may say “isn’t opposition,” but I think that would be a little too coherent for what Chardonnay’s going for here. My favorite part is when she compared herself to a bird’s next. I hope that means there are a bunch of little baby birds inside of her! God, come to think of it, what I wouldn’t do to watch her chew up worms and regurgitate them into baby birds’ mouths! It’s about the only thing that could give me a higher opinion of this woman at this point.

And then, there was Lil’ Hood.

She performed a Lil’ Hood original. It was not well-received by anyone. Here are the lyrics:

“You ain’t gotta take your shades off to see that I’m grindin’…

‘Cause gettin’ money’s just an occupation
If it ain’t about a dollar, then it ain’t ’bout Nathan.
Catch me in the Coupe, chicken noodle soup
All set and shiny, deep dish 22s.
I painted it green, now I’ll call it Mountain Dew.”

It goes on, but I don’t know…just listen to the file and draw your own conclusions. She kinda lost me at “Nathan.” Who’s Nathan?

(And I know, she probably is just saying “nothin’” in the most confusing way possible, but still: who’s Nathan?)

Continuing down the list of Seven Things We Loved About This Week’s Show:

- The reaction to Lil’ Hood’s rap.

Those are Caviar’s words, by the way. Look, she’s a blunt girl, but that’s direct even for the typically filter-less crop of reality stars. Lil’ Hood’s ensuing breakdown kept the ball rolling as she cried about being cut off, explaining that she was going to somehow lyrically tie in getting hit where you s*** with, I don’t know, love? For sheer entertainment value alone, how the hell did Ray J not give her a slot on his yachting date in the place of Chardonnay, Danger or Cocktail?

Again, Caviar’s words are amazing. This girl is, like, inherent entertainment. Which leads us to:

- Anytime Caviar said anything.

In Russia, we backpedal ’cause we have no choice! Bikes is made broken!

And you think it’ll stop there.

But it doesn’t.

Keep it goin’, girl!

And…scene.

Of course, this possible “boyfriend” slip almost got Caviar in trouble, after Ray J was informed about it during the yachting date. Caviar would later explain that her words got “twisted.” Gee, I can’t imagine how that happened!

- The implicit sex-tape reference in Ray J’s hand-held, self-taped mode of communicating with the girls.

Never forget!

- Cocktail’s way of informing Ray J that she’s “here for love for real.”

Because honest declarations of love are so much more convincing when they’re made in the lap of a virtual stranger!

- Stilts’ wig.

Changing up her look mid-episode? Who does she think she is, New York? That kind of take-the-bull-by-the-hair-providing-tail approach to one’s appearance is exactly what’s needed to keep a show like this spicy. And she didn’t have to be commanded to do so or anything!

- Genuine’s genuineness

“I am partially here for exposure, but I don’t want Ray J to know everything about me,” she said on her participation on this show. Not since Flavor of Love 3’s Ice (and probably not even before, either) has someone been so upfront with her desire to be on TV, which is a shame since DUH BEING ON TV IS AN INHERENT PART OF THIS PROCESS and, real talk: you know that once they come off the show, half of the girls are going to say, “I didn’t want to be in entertainment before going on, but being exposed to it made me want to see where I can take this…” Seriously, they say that a lot. Genuine just cut to the chase and while unwise, considering that Naturalle got kicked out last episode for the exact same reason, that kind of directness is hard to come by.

Her exit interview in which she admitted that she would have stayed around had she kept her big mouth shut…

…was ironic.

Oh, and Atomic Bomb went home, too.

So that’s sad or whatever.

Related content
For the Love of Ray J show page
For the Love of Ray J videos and extras

This entry was posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 10:55 pm