Dr. Drew’s weekly commentary on Sober House continues! Below, the doctor talks about Amber’s relapse, Mary’s regression, Andy Dick’s flirtation with Amber and the very real problem of beer addiction.
Before meeting with you, Amber says that she feels like she’s going to disappoint you because of her relapse. Is that type of remorse common?
Yeah. On some level, if I develop any rapport at all with a patient, they don’t want me to think less of them. Nobody wants to be thought less of. When you work with someone for a while, you eventually assume something of a parental-type role. However, Amber is a little tricky. You can never tell with her how sincere here remorse is.
I thought she sounded sincere. After you meet with her, she interviews that she feels like a daughter who’s let you down. And she has issues with men, so that made sense.
Oh yeah. That’s the role you play as a medical caretaker. That’s why when people who have been abused violate boundaries with a medical caretaker, the last thing they need with that person is a repeat of that abuse. They need someone who holds the line with them, is present with them and is just OK. That’s what Amber needs.
Do you feel like she was lying to you a lot? Why do you feel like she’s tricky?
We’ve discussed her many times. She has a lot of emptiness and she doesn’t even know sometimes what she’s feeling. She knows what she’s supposed to feel and that’s often what she’ll verbalize. But another thing is what when we met, she was still intoxicated. So it’s a whatever moment. I knew I wasn’t going to get anything done till she sobered up. So it’s like, go home, sober up and that’s that.
Did she disappoint you, though? Does it disappoint you when someone that you’ve treated relapses?
No. Just like I’m not judgmental, I tend not to be disappointed, either. I get scared. I feel sad for them. But it’s their own guilt that they’re expecting to be reflected in my judgment.
Amber expresses that guilt, and you tell her that you wish she’d stay away from the idea that relapsing says something good or bad about her.
Right, good and bad shouldn’t enter the conversation. She has a disease and we have to deal with it. Addicts feel like bad people and in their disease, they do some bad things. Sometimes they behave like bad people. Some of them are bad people. But Amber was just doing what she was doing. She’s an empty person and she’s struggling.
What were your impressions of Andy when he came to you as a patient, for the first time?
There were no surprises, since I’ve known him for a long time. Well, that’s not entirely true: I was a little surprised at how few shenanigans I was getting from him. He was very straightforward. I couldn’t tell if he was really ready for treatment. He said he was, but you never know with Andy. But at least he was getting with the game. He seemed sincere. That’s all I can ask for.
He has a beer addiction, which seems unlikely.
Well, it’s his latest. That’s replacement therapy. But beer addiction isn’t rare. There’s a cultural problem there. It’s like pot, people don’t see it as a problem: a case of beer, no big deal. But Andy was using the beer as a way to support his denial that he had a problem.
Is beer more dangerous because of how socially acceptable it is?
That’s absolutely true of all addictions. Whether it’s pot in California or alcohol in France, dealing with the cultural context is exceedingly challenging. People don’t look at the reality because of culture.
Andy often openly expresses sexual interest in Amber. Is that a concern?
Oh yeah. Jenn was all over it, or so I heard. Although I did hear later that they slept in a bed together with her naked for about five minutes.
Andy doesn’t seem like Amber’s type at all.
Yeah, well, there’s Amber for you.
Mary seems unable to shake her Mary Carey persona. Were you concerned about her at this point?
Yeah. We worked with that a lot in group. There were a lot of groups about Mary around this time: “What are you doing with the boyfriend? He’s poisoning the environment. He’s poisoning you.” This was around the time that I started pushing her to decide if she was ready to make changes, if she was ready to be sober. It was the first time she really got the extent of the change I was asking her to make. She somehow thought I was asking her just to tone down the movies and not go to so many nightclubs. We were talking about a big change here. She was able to finally hear that and kinda say honestly, “I’m not sure I can do that.” OK. That’s something I can work with.
Andy says the fact that anyone can be randomly drug tested makes him feel safe, but doesn’t that put this situation into perspective? They’re so sheltered.
Well, that’s why there is such a thing called sober living. They can’t go back into the world because they need to feel safer. It helps them contain their disease. It’s like anyone with an illness: when your illness is cared for you feel safer. You feel better.
I just wonder if he isn’t using sober living as a security blanket, and if he’ll be able to hack it when it’s over.
That’s why we set up ongoing constraints for these people. In Andy’s case, he’s got an alcohol monitor on to this day. He needs it, it’s helping him and he’s still got it going. But it’s interesting, because you’re showing a cultural bias. Your expectation is that the alcohol monitor would be somehow punitive. It’s not a punishment. It’s a gift. It’s ongoing treatment. There’s someone who cares enough to monitor him. It’s not a NARC blowing his high.
Finally, there’s Seth. What looks like a relapse is not incredibly surprising considering his attitude since entering the house.
Right. What do you do? How do you turn it around? He’s gotta go test his limits. Whatever.
Check out what Jennifer had to say about this week’s episode here.
Related content
Sober House show page
Sober House videos and extras
21 responses to to Examining Sober House With Dr. Drew – Episode 5
I am so glad Dr. Dre made the statement, “Addicts feel like bad people and in their disease, they do some bad things.” and good or bad should not enter the equation. This totally hit home for me personally in my own lifetime struggles.
I think Mary’s boyfriend has his own issues. Didn’t he try to date Jo from Orange County Housewives? Mary, you can do so much better, watch the video or show and see from a different perspective how badly he treats you.
Seth, I have always been a fan and always will be. I wish the best for you and all your endeavors in life. You will rise again once you let yourself be your true self. You seem so cool and real. Your child needs you to be sober. You wouldn’t want this for him.
Andy you are awesome. Glad to see you in raw emotion.
I have to say, I have been watching the show and have really felt bonded to everyone featured on the show. I think it is incredibly brave to expose yourselves in this way and to show the world reality and not every episode is a happy ending. Some people need 10 rehabs to get it, so what, as long as they get it right. I keep you all in my prayers.
Thank God for you, Dr. Drew. I wish all professionals had your empathy…for that matter…all of mankind.
Cas
I am wondering when Dr Drew is going to suggest that the people who live in this house work a program and go to meetings, get and use a sponsor, support group etc. There appear to be few rules and very little structure.This isn’t like any transitional house I have ever seen. These people are going to be “treated like celebrities” right into an early grave. I am a recovering person and I am appalled by what I see. I do not wish to watch the show any longer. Some people may find it interesting, amusing and funny but I think watching these people try to get and stay clean without any of the suggestions that have worked for millions of people for the better part of 80 years in 187 countries around the world a little alarming. Abusive boyfriend always in the house, clubbing the first day out of treatment, people using in the house, what is that??? Relapse can KILL people. This is not an accurate view of what recovery looks like. It is a horrible example. I wish them all well and I hope they get and stay clean for the rest of their lives one day at a time.
This is how I feel. Dr. Drew made a HUGE mistake. I’ve been clean for years now; the first time Steven brought the heroin into the house he should of been sent to another facility! By keeping Steven around it caused a dominio affect on the rest of the house! Now I’m not saying Steven should have been completely kicked out of the program but he should have been sent to another house period! Yes I understand he needs help like everyone else in the house, but that’s just it. By letting Steven stay there Dr. Drew put everyone else’s lives in danger. Amber was the next to relapse, now Seth. My one major question is, beings that these people are living in a recovery house why are they allowed to go to clubs, parties, places that are unsafe for them, especailly within the first week they are there. Another thing is, they are given way too many chances to mess up before a real disciplinary action is taken. Most recovery homes that I have been in or know people who have been in them, first time you miss curfew is the last. Coming home high, would have been the last. Dr. Drew I respect you as a doctor but this whole scenerio could have been prevented if when the first incident happened, that was made to be the last. You as a drug abuse counselor know that you are not there to be their friend, but to help these people instead and I’m sorry but I feel you missed the mark on that!!
Sincerely, Nicole of Leola, PA
i watched celebrity rehab with cynicism, having been through rehab and continued recovery, i expected it to be faux-reality, like the Hills. but Dr. Drew is great and the ‘cast’ were likable and genuine. i was won over.
..now sober house.. yikes! what happened to recovery? i’d rather watch more of the recovery process than the trainwrecks. let’s see how they begin to live life on life’s terms and the daily effort that goes into recovery. some act like they’re playing a part, the authenticity is replaced with phony drama, like Mary Carey and Seth with the web cam deal, “i’m in my secret place” geez- get real- so insincere and attention seeking. that drama takes the focus off what’s really innovative and interesting about this show, and leaves it feeling more like TMZ.
i’ll keep watching the ones that keep it real, or at least try– like Amber and Andy $^&+^`*@)_!+#(@^
i watched celebrity rehab with cynicism, having been through rehab and continued recovery, i expected it to be faux-reality, like the Hills. but Dr. Drew is great and the ‘cast’ were likable and genuine. i was won over.
..now sober house.. yikes! what happened to recovery? i’d rather watch more of the recovery process than the trainwrecks. let’s see how they begin to live life on life’s terms and the daily effort that goes into recovery. some act like they’re playing a part, the authenticity is replaced with phony drama, like Mary Carey and Seth with the web cam deal, “i’m in my secret place” geez- get real- so insincere and attention seeking. that drama takes the focus off what’s really innovative and interesting about this show, and leaves it feeling more like TMZ.
i’ll keep watching the ones that keep it real, or at least try– like Amber and Andy !!@$#)+^!_%*(*@^
Dear Dr. Drew,
The show is not only fascinating, it’s informative. I would make every middle school student watch “Celebrity Rehab” and “Sober House” as well as the news about how the drug culture is contributing to the drug wars in Mexico (and now Arizona and California). Connect the dots time – an antidote to media’s glamorization of the hip edgy ode to addiction.
Over the years I’ve worked with, and had to put up with the shenanigans of, a number of addicts and alcoholics in the motion picture business, but never understood why they did what they did. I knew addicts changed their brains chemically via their addictions, but didn’t understand the nitty gritty of what was involved in terms of behavior.
Watching a bunch of loveable, but pretty messed up, addicts who constantly mistake intensity for intimacy, are so easily bored and in need of the very structure and discipline they seem to hate has been instructive. All that self-created drama in their lives instead of their art! I’m rooting for them to start to take charge of their lives in more proactive, productive ways.
The biggest surprise has been how little interior life the group seems to have – especially given how many artists there are present. Everybody always seems so bored and empty – so desperate to go clubbing (which never even seems to involve dancing as much as standing around smoking and/or getting high)and take part in thrill seeking activities. I understand kids doing this, but even the older addicts behave this way. I’m guessing this is a self-protective psychological mechanism to avoid reflection on a deeper level. Or perhaps it’s a genetic predisposition. Or a little of both?
A query – I wondered if you ever put addicts in sober living with people who aren’t addicts, people who approach life in a different way? People who actually structure their lives naturally with healthy habits? People who have plans and even – shock – read a book or learn a new skill now and then instead of clubbing. The addicts just don’t seem to know there are other, very satisfying, ways to live.
At any rate, thank-you for the show. I am learning from it. I hope everybody in the Sober Living Home makes it to sobriety. I can see it’s a very tough journey. Kudos to you and House Mom Jen for all your work!
Sante,
Bev
I think one of the best ways to fight addiction is be involved with something that you truly love doing, something you’re passionate towards and will be busy with everyday. To me, this is the key: do something pure and healthy that you’re actively doing daily while being sober of course. With Amber’s case, I was watching the show and she said something along the lines of, “I want a crazy boyfriend, one like my Dad whom has many problems, so I can forget about own addictive mind and absorb myself completely into his problems therefor surpassing my own.” After I heard that I thought she could cure herself if she were should pursue a career as a therapist, addiction councilor, or a family/individual councilor where she devotes the entirety of her will and concentration to help another that has problems..whatever they may be. This may be the locomotive that brings her to a better, more sober place.
I’ll have to admit that it seems like everyone can’t wait to get out and test their new found sobriety.I know that the slips or relapses make for exciting t.v. I do wish we could see more of the things they are doing to try to stay sober. I know that a lot of support groups work because the addict can anonymous, but little bit of that type of thing wouldn’t hurt.I understand where Dr.Drew was coming from when he said sobriety can be a bit boring.When you loose all the drama from being out of control it can seem a little boring at first.Even sober people have trouble being alone with their thoughts at times.I wish everyone the best in their efforts to remain sober.I do have a question. Do all the patients have a full pysch evaluation? In my first hand experince I spent “A LOT” time chasing my moods with anything I could find only to find out much later that my addictions were secondary to my Bi-polar disorder. I do want to say to Andy that Jenn is right you do have an infectious personality & it shows on screen as well.God speed to Drew & everyone involved in sober house!!!
I think Dr. Drew has his hands full with this crew of people.I have been clean an sober for four years know an found that having faith in god was a very important part of my chance at a better live.Instead of going out clubbing maybe someone should come visit the house an talk about faith an prayer.Also if you want to get clean an sober you will more then likely need to find new people to hang around with,not the old party gang..
I work in a field where individual’s soberity really truly affects their ability to regain custody of their children/function in life etc. Having watched this series for a while..i feel as thought some of the celeberties on th show use their fame/money to fall back on for their relaspes…when will Rodney King get some more air time..he seems to be always in the background..
It seems odd to me that this program portrays that three weeks of rehab is going to help these people. With all their addictions, it would really take months in rehab and then months in sober living. It seems to me that Dr. Drew should have made this point to the viewers of this show
Dear Dr Drew,PLEASE READ- I have a suggestion that I promise would help with Amber Smith’s sobriety,anxiety,boredom, loneliness of not having true friends and I’m sure would help the rest as well. DOG Training-its worked in prison’s across the country. I KNOW it would work for Sober House. If Sober House could get connected with a animal rescue group that would truly be amazing.It doesn’t have to be dogs only it could be horses,cats & rabbits. If the folks in Sober House could do some volunteering it would be a win, win. The dogs are very similar to the folks in sober house. They come to the shelter broken, abused,scared and don’t know how to trust. Animals don’t judge you they don’t care if you did did bad things in your past or made mistakes. Dogs don’t care if your a model or not,rich or poor,skinny or fat. This would give the folks in Sober House a purpose,stress relief, esteem, unconditional love, someone else to focus on besides themselves. Its a way to get rid of the anxiety and boredom. The skills they will learn will help them in any situation with people as well. I believe animals actually rescue us. I know what its like to be in room full of people and be alone. I experienced very dark days myself and my cats saved my life.
As a recovered addict and after seeing Seth’s messages to the house, I’m thinking that Seth is high but not so high that he can’t call out for love and attntion, so unless he scores more drugs or he stops messaging he’s not dying or anything yet. Just find him and bring him home as quick as you can. Love you guys.
Dr. Drew, I think many people are confused about what a Sober House is,(and isn’t). A Sober House is not a HalfWay House. HalfWay Houses have very strict rules and very rigid programs. It’s my opinion that most of these people wouldn’t last 2 days in a HalfWay House. They are too used to having their own way. Sober Houses tend to be more lax. I’ve known Sober Houses where the only rule was that they don’t use…period! I don’t think these people would last 2 days there either. I do think the Sober House they are in is a good middle ground arrangement.
I also think that people don’t understand that this show can’t really say too much about 12 step meetings and stay in good favor with these programs, because of the anonymous program’s traditions. I think it’s safe to say that at least some of them are going to meetings.
I must agree with others that Stephen should NOT have been allowed back in the house, not because he relapsed, but because he endangered everyone else in several ways.
Note to Amber: Nothing changes if nothing changes. Get it?
Note to Rodney: If you like what happened to you today, for your sake and God’s sake, do it again tomorrow.
Note to Mary: He IS that bad!
I am truly rooting for Amber, as well as the others. They have all found a place in my heart. Especially Seth. I am a 33 yr. old mother of 3 and I have never missed an episode since season 1 of Celebrity Rehab. I still remember the premier of the 1st episode and probably always will. I had decided to quit smoking that night and had one cigarette left. Afraid to smoke my last one, I stayed up and watched the show. It was such a source of strength for me at that moment. Thinking that if those people had the courage to get into rehab, surely I could quit smoking. Well, here I am a year later. I stumbled in the beginning, and still don’t fully trust myself. But after 20 years of smoking can now call myself a nonsmoker. These shows have been and are still a source of encouragement for me.
I am currently a coke addict and have been for 15 years. No rehab will take me because I dont have insurance and I cant get into a state facility because I make too much money. The people on the show are very lucky to have the resources to get help. I have been trying for years and no one wants to help me. I am a funtioning addict, however, my face is swollen beyond recognition because of my heavy drug use. I still go to work every day. I told my family and coworkers that I have a severe sinus infection that is not treatable. They actually believe that. Anyway, my hope is that someday instead of spending so much money on the war on drugs, that some of that money could be spent on fixing broken people like me. The pain I endure everyday is unbearable, both physical and mental. I watch Sober House every week in the hopes that something Dr. Drew says will finally make me stop. Sober House is my version of rehab because I do not have the resources to get in to treatment, which I so desperately want.
I can’t get enough of this show! It’s not only interesting – but it helps me in my own recovery. To actually see a celebrity be human is enlightening for me. I’m a drug addict & alcoholic, with my drug of choice being BEER!! Watching & hearing Andy &#&*&!$^_#%&+&%% makes me want to reach out & share. Watching this show – I can’t help but want to share my own story & encourage everyone in their recovery. Andy – stay sober for YOURSELF!!
You deserve happiness in life. Living a sober life is your chance at that. Get well, get a “higher power”, do something for yourself first – then you can worry about your son?!
I relate with most everything about you that you’ve shared on this show. I’ve appreciated you as an actor – you’re hilarious! I WANT SO much for you to survive & live a BIGGGER and BETTER life. Sobriety is your chance at that.
Jennifer,
I had never been without influence when I was in an intimate relationship either and I wasn’t sure why I was so insecure or so sure things couldn’t work out for me until I heard you say those very words. In my mid 40′s and still confused about how a relationship stays strong, but you nailed it Amber……I just wanted to say what you’ve done has not gone unnoticed and it helped another person just like you who needed to realize that beauty goes much deeper than one might see. I wish you all the best….Thanks
I was just curious what drugs you are giving her to help her detox from the opitates. I don’t know how all that works, and am courious to find out. And how long do you have to say on the drugs. I feel i am ready to do this and just need alittle guidance,would really like to hear Angies experiences
Thank you, Dev
Hi Dr.Dre
Iam really glad to meet you from the tv show yesterday I finaly got that change to see who you was on the show I was so glad that you told your head of the sober living lady that the guy was going to staying. I was on drugs for fiftyteen years my first time in recovery I did out patient for five years I got my children back at to years clean.believe it are not Jackie roberson center is where I was going. in pasadena on fair oaks aveune. to make a long story short I was kick out two program i will not say any names non I had relapse after that five years I gave my kids back to a family member who had them. before I got clean. now it time for me to live in that I did got kick out fourteen days after my words was they ant helping me cause if they want to see me free from drugs I would not have to be telling my older son I,am kick out plus he went to Alanon for six month and he was my surport saying dont worry about it mommy I understand the disease plus I have my own group with my sister and brothers I was ready Mr dre. with that from my child I was ready but I was saying that’s kind of program needed. one more try wanda I got and another prgrom day before thankgaving kickout day before that everyone at that program meet my son all the staff. cause I was aloud to get my cloths then. next day i was gone. but today I have ten years clean go to college at Mt san Antonio college for Drugs Alochol counseling four more course before my (&~@!^_#~`&%#^~ degree I take my test for CAADE soon I been at Mt sac. five years eight more months i be finish. ready to work in the feild I all most did my internship at pasadena recovery center. I greatful for drugs program also for phoenix house and any program that has recovery has for keeping the guy that ment a lot to me
also for bringing the lady to help the house lady that there alredy them togather it will work out just as you plan Dr. Dre. all the surcess will come to pass with every client you get Mr Dre. and I will contine to surport your show weather it is some body rich are poor addiction dont have no respectble person. Wanda Mithell