In this episode something happens that absolutely shocks Chardonnay:
What it is we can’t say for sure, but here are two guesses: sobriety or discretion.
There’s one thing that sticks out above all else as the most lovable aspect of this week’s episode of For the Love of Ray J.
To which I say: HA! For the Love of Ray J may look a little slicker and more blinged out than standard VH1 fare, but make no mistake: this is a show very much in the tradition of what came before it. In fact, let’s count off the ways this episode reminded us of Celebreality past.
There was the whole, let’s-expose-the-girl-who’s seeking exposure thing (as seen a million times, but it hasn’t been so…literary since Heather during the first season of Rock of Love)…
Then, Chardonnay and Cocktail shared their findings with Ray J during a special post-date pow-wow they prepared for him, a la 12 Pack and Real during the first season of I Love New York…
Setting up such a scene to deliver such unsexy info was a bit of a bait and switch, though. Or is that ‘bate and switch?
There was the division of girls into two distinct cliques, which were, in the words of Unique, the “classier girls”…
…and the “whores”…
Repeat: these are Unique’s words. We’d never call the girls “whores”…even if we really, really felt inclined to do so. Anyway, this is reminiscent of the first season of Rock of Love, when the ladies divided themselves into “slutty girls” and “bitchy girls,” as well as Rock of Love Bus, wherein Pink stands for “maybe you’ll get to see some if you’re lucky,” and Blue shares its first letter with “boring.”
Where Danger falls in Unique’s binary is uncertain. But you know what is certain?
She’s not here to make friends. Literally! Her exact quote was, “Ray wants a woman here for him, not here to make friends.” This is reminiscent of, oh, every reality show ever!
Ray J’s earnestness and his continued pledge that each week elimination gets harder is ripped straight out of The Bret Michaels Guide To Appearing Sensitive.
That’s the homey he should have shouted out to, not Flavor Flav.
Finally, there was this:
Uh, Kristy Joe much, Stilts?
However, it’s not all familiar — instead of keeping the possibly married girl around for maximum drama, Ray J instead let her go.
So there is deviation. You just have to know where to look for it.
But that’s just the tip of the favorite iceberg. There was also…
- Ray J’s rain fixation:
When I saw this list of places where Ray J most likes getting busy…
…I was like, “Oh my god, that sounds so much like the lyrics to an R&B song.” Especially the rain part. And then when we saw Ray J in the studio and heard what he was singing…
…it turned out that I was completely and utterly correct. Sometimes I impress myself
- This week’s obligatory sex-tape reference:
Foxy Feud host and Ray J’s “personal friend” Tommy Davidson said: “I’m glad to be here. I saw your movie.” Ray J sighed as though he was ashamed. As though it wasn’t a big (!) draw for any of the girls on this show that actually saw it. We know you’re proud, Ray. Own it.
- Ray J’s favorite methods of relaxation:
Was anyone as surprised as I was that “Doin’ it, and doin’ it and doin’ it well,” didn’t make the list? Maybe that was too long? Similarly…
…was it not also surprising that booty ranked so low? Perhaps that’s why it didn’t work out with Kim K?
- Caviar’s complete and utter misguidedness:
This was right before she said that this show wasn’t going to be like all the other shows. So, she’s lost basically. Also, did she even realize that she was on camera? Did her stage-mom-esque photographer friend? Because if he did, it surely was a huge mistake to say this to her:
If this is going to be your attitude about reality TV, at least be quiet about it.
- The best quote of the week:
Stacks on Danger: “She’s built like a Pepto Bismol bottle. Like, (gesturing) up and down, no curves…” I might not agree with the sentiment…
…but I love the imagery. Pepto bottle? Who says that? Stacks is quickly proving to be a keeper.
- The other best quote of the week:
Ditto on Feisty.