Tool Academy Recap – Episode 7 – Men Are Pigs

|

You know what else are pigs?

Actual pigs!

It’s morning. Ashley interviews that, “Waking up with Josh feels great…” which is funny, because…

…she could have fooled me. She goes on to say that the reason it’s great is that they were just in “a house full of goddamn vaginas for so long.” Suddenly, everything makes so much more sense.

It’s family day at Tool Academy, which ought to be nice and mortifying. Ashley and Josh are called into therapy by themselves only to be greeted by Josh’s mother and aunt and Ashley’s father upon entering the room.

Trina explains that since family dynamics play such a huge role in relationships, it’s important to have them involved in counseling. It is also important to change things up every week since this is a TV show. Just saying. Trina elaborates that this week will be an exploration of family values. “Family values?” A Herbert Walker says what? Will there be a dissection of Murphy Brown’s single motherhood and perhaps that lesbian kiss on Roseanne before this episode is over, then?

Anyway, the counseling session between Josh’s and Ashley’s families is fraught with emotion. Ashley’s father thinks Josh is selfish. Meanwhile, Ashley thinks Josh’s mother doesn’t like her. Josh’s mother thinks of Ashley as a daughter, so this news is hard to hear.

Though little is resolved, Trina notes that the open dialogue is good. Good for us voyeurs, most definitely!

Next called in are Shawn and Aida. When they are, we see a shot of two framed pictures…

These are not of precious memories. This looks like it could be the cover of a book that’s begging to be written: Coping With Flatulence. Anyway, waiting for Shawn and Aida in the therapy room are her sister, Emma, and friend and his mother and sister.

The disdain Aida’s sister has for Shawn is immediately apparent. She refuses to hug him and spends most of her time doing this:

I’m also not entirely convinced that this “sister” isn’t just Aida in a wig and colored contacts.

Again, the family lines are clearly drawn. Aida’s sister doesn’t get along with Shawn’s mom. Aida’s peeps are aghast to find out that Shawn started this show with another girl. Yeah, that was pretty gross, come to think of it for the millionth time. Emma thinks that Aida doesn’t take care of herself as a result of Shawn’s mistreatment. On the other side, Shawn’s mother thinks that Aida has created a lot of this turmoil. “You have issues,” she says. Yeah, lady, and on the top of that list of issues, it says, “YOUR SON.” Shawn remains unsurprisingly silent during this exchange. Eventually, it comes out that his father was absent from his life from eighth grade on and that in the wake of his parents’ divorce, he and his mom spent a period of time living in a car. Sympathetic yet?

Finally, it’s Jenna and Matsuflex’s turn. As Jenna enters the room, it becomes clear that…

…there is a glory hole on the wall. But, like, for giraffes. You know these Hollywood mansions. They’re always getting rented out for different things. Reform-reality one day, giraffe porn the next. That’s what Rodeo from Rock of Love would refer to as “L.A. style.”

Awaiting Jenna and Matsu are his mom and sister and her parents.

These families have never met, btw. If you enjoy squirming, you’ll be happy to hear that Jenna’s dad is a deacon and that almost immediately, she discusses the lack of sex in her relationship with Matsu and that he banged someone else while they were together. Um, awkward. Jenna’s dad talks about his, uh, family-values philosophy: “We do believe a sexual union is precious and that god intended it to be between one man and one woman. If you wait, I think there’s a blessing that comes from that.” Now there’s a point of view you don’t often come across on VH1! How novel. Old people are hilarious!

On this encounter, Trina concludes that hey, at least the ice was broken. And no one caught hypothermia or anything!

Challenge time!

Jordan reminds them that this week’s lesson is about family values. Oooh, does that mean they’ll be playing everyone’s favorite party game The Simpsons or the Waltons? Sadly, no. They’ll be catching stupid pigs that they have to raise as their own children for the next 24 hours.

The catching part is supposed to be challenging, but the guys get a hold of the little oinkers in about 10 seconds. They are then made to wash and diaper their pigs. During this process, Matsu’s gets a boner and it seriously looks like a tapeworm with a pig’s tail attached to it. It’s spiraled at the end. It is maybe the most nauseating boner I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’ve seen a lot of boners. I’m not going to throw up a picture in this space out of courtesy for more sensitive eyes, but if you really want a good look at pig wood, click here. This way you only have yourself to blame for the robbing of your innocence.

They then have to put the pigs in those book-bag-esque baby carriers…

…which is really cute, especially since the pigs’ genitals are obscured.

The tools, their girls and their families are all then invited to a barbecue.

Aida asks Shawn, “Are you eating pig?” Shawn replies, “No, it’s pork.” It’s hard to tell if he’s being ironic. Err on the side of no, though. Josh and Shawn are both sweet during this further family bonding time. Josh, in particular, is worried about feeding the pig and whether his little pig teeth can handle corn on the cob. He requests that Ashley cut the corn from the cob before feeding it to their porcine child. Awww, niblets for the piglet. Speaking of Ashley…

…she reconciles with Josh’s mom. Awww all over again! Matsu, on the other hand, is drilled by Jenna’s family. He somehow winds up on a diatribe about himself and the Matsuflex…thing and his energy bubble, to which Jenna’s mother says:

Hey, the kid’s all right!

Matsu continues: “If I can harness that Matsuflex energy, it’s going to help change America in a positive way.” Some would argue that it already has! Also: “Matsuflex is a revolution. It’s going to change America.” So now this show’s an infomercial? To this, Jenna’s mother says…

This woman is LOVE.

Anyway, soon enough, it’s time for the families to say their goodbyes. During this, Aida and Shawn’s mom share a parting embrace…

…so much closure, I got my fingers caught in the door when I went to wipe the tears out of my eyes! They all pose for a picture that you should print out and put on your wall.

Or, I don’t know, send it out as your next Christmas card. Matsuflex’s ball of energy would want it that way.

Back in the room, cribs for the pigs await.

This sets Shawn off, but then Shawn exists to be set off. He’s living in a powder keg and giving off spark. He interviews that the cribs struck him as a “very wrong thing to do.” He rants about pigs being animals and not having souls, which: how the hell does he know? All dogs go to heaven, brah. He tells Aida that he cannot and will not think of this pig as his child.

She tells him it’s a “representation.” Apparently, Shawn’s grasp on the concept of symbolism is shaky at best. He’s still waiting for them to be called down to wood shop class. What kind of tool academy is this? Shawn’s freaking out because the whole pig-kid thig is reminding him of his childhood. “I stuck my arm up a sow’s p**** to pull a bunch of pigs out so that they would survive,” he says. Look, his sex life is none of my business, especially when it involves fisting. Aida pulls him out of the room to cool down.

It sounds like you’re showing up to I Love Money a week late is how it sounds.

The next morning:

That is so wrong. That’s more wrong than when I saw a run-over pigeon being picked and eaten by other pigeons. At least they have small brains to use as excuses. What’s Josh’s excuse?

Perhaps a pigeon brain as well.

Later, Shawn rants to Aida about how they are the only “real couple with real problems.” Perhaps if they’re “lucky,” Aida will one day be a real housewife! He thinks that Jenna and Matsu are fraudulent and just trying to hustle their way to $100,000.

Clearly on a rage-high, Shawn brings this point up at dinner.

He thinks it’s weird that after going out for seven months, Matsu is just now meeting Jenna’s family. Ashley calls out Shawn for calling this out. As if that’s going to stop it! He continues his rant after dinner in the bunk.

Jenna says she doesn’t respect Shawn. Shawn never respected her at all because she’s full of s***. “What are you full of?” she wonders. Energy and truth, according to Shawn. Nah. Like a baby’s smile, he’s confusing it with gas.

It leads to a face-to-face confrontation with Matsu, who deems Shawn lonely.

Matsu implores Shawn to hit him.

When Shawn doesn’t, Matsu asks, “Who’s the bitch now?” I thought it was Rocky from I Know My Kid’s a Star? Whatever. Shawn ends up screaming some more. “What’s up now?” he bellows? In a word: nonsense. He also shoves Matsu.

I love how the hair on the back of his head sticks out like plumage. The fact that he’s squawking while this is apparent makes me wonder if he doesn’t have some parrot in his lineage. Aida escorts him off again, most likely by offering him a cracker.

The girls go in for their final consultation with Trina.

Ashley mentions Shawn’s outrageous behavior. Aida stands by it, saying, “If he wants to take a stance and fight for us, I’m going to let him.” She also isn’t fully convinced that Ashley’s relationship is real. Shawn and Aida take a really agnostic approach to others’ relationships as a couple, don’t they?

Elimination!

Josh was open and honest during meeting with families but he mustn’t get complacent and think he’s done working on his relationship. Shawn made amends with both families, but he wasn’t a good pig parent because of his past. Maybe he has a phobia of tapewormy boners? Matsu was open during first meeting with parents, but didn’t make a good impression because he talked about himself too much. What can he do? He has all those balls of energy and nowhere to unload them.

Shawn is called up…

His outbursts lead Trina to believe that his progress is temporary. Shawn is going home! Ha! Outside, Aida asks why he was voted off…

…he explains that it’s because he’s “the most alpha male” there and a threat to the remaining guys. And, apparently, Trina. Don’t even think about emasculating Trina. She’ll turn your balls into bubble and squeak and eat them for breakfast faster than you can say, “When’s wood shop?” Before leaving, Aida says she’s rooting for Ashley and disses Jenna. Shawn tells the retreating girls to go f*** themselves. From the balcony, Matsu and Josh tell him to go f*** himself. Original!

Josh mocks him for leaving the Tool Academy unreformed “and with a hooker!”

“You wanna call my girl a hooker? Wait till I hunt you down, you little motherf***er!” responds Shawn, who runs back into the house in attempt to do just that.

Aida follows. From the same stairs Shawn is intercepted on, she says, “Hey, just ’cause you dream about me when you f*** your girl, it doesn’t mean that I’m a hooker, bitch!” Shawn tells Josh to “go back to bowling.” Good one! Upon leaving the house again, Shawn notes, “I’m Mr. Awesome.” As if he even had to say it!

He kicks the limo before getting in with Aida. During their ride home, she notes, “I’m not a hooker. I just have style and I’m hot.” In that case, maybe it was just an honest mistake on Josh’s part?

Related content
Tool Academy show page
Tool Academy videos and extras

  1. birdman says:

    Who does Shawn think he is? Their relationship seems like the most fake to me. Shawn is a bully who uses volume to intimidate. Someone will eventually put him in his place.

  2. Ashley says:

    I love shawn & aida! so what if their both a little bit of _)&&&@%%&_%^!!+ holes. their hott.

  3. Benjamin says:

    Josh is right. I dont care about the show any more that they have sent him home. I wish the best to him and his girl/family.

  4. STORMBRINGER says:

    Putting aside the concept of adhering to the most positive side of humanity…I must admit that I would pay good hard earned money to pound the crap out of Matsuflex..He is a complete little femme punk and needs a serious _`&&&))!`%#(!(! kicking

  5. Sarah C. says:

    I can’t STAND Aida and Shawn… they are absolutely the worst couple on the show and that fool knew he was going to get kicked off and that is the only reason he acted a fool… he knew he needed to attempt to make a career out of this show. All I can do is pray that VH1 doesn’t treat those tools like Omorosa from the Apprentice or New York from Flavor of Love and give those idiots their own show! And WHAT AN IDIOT to think he is a REAL couple because they have been on and off for 6 years! HE STARTED THE SHOW WITH A MUCH PRETTIER and NICER girl and chose Aida, the overseas hooker instead! OH PLEASE let their be a reunion show and let those 2 get knocked the hell OUT! And has anyone ever wondered why his BIG ~@_&()@~(*$#(#^ is with such a little skank? Can anyone say small )(@*$+__%%$!+__#

  6. AshleyIsFat says:

    Ashley, you are just fat (nothing like stating the obvious).
    Matsu…Lay off the juice man.
    Josh..Grow some balls you’re just lame.
    Jenna..once you go back you never go back mmm hmmm!!!

    The show is now not worth watching

    Peace

  7. Amber says:

    Someone should tell that tool that “real” relationships aren’t based on an unexpected spontaneous decision between ‘Ms. Class and Ms. Trash’.

  8. ty says:

    That was sad. If Shawn had just layed low Matsu would have been out and not him…bad move. To bad.

    Go Ashley!!

  9. car says:

    hahaha shaun is the biggest tool there!
    he should have been gone when aida(the hooker lol) first came. I mean who finds out their boyfriend was cheating ont hem, and accepts it that fast. maybe she wanted to be on tv? who knows.

    first of all, aida, get a grip! your not hot! and shaun just give up.

  10. Aix says:

    Shawn is ridiculous and really needs to get over the demons from his past. Many people go through hardships, but not many of them turn out so toolish and money hungry. He acts like he’s on roids. His outbreaks are what you would call “aSsult” in court. We’re calling him the killer parrot around here. And what’s up with the Evil Aida? BUAHAHAHAHA…Oh an’ bydaway…A’m nat sew f$*&^%@ naize! Classy…I guess she finally showed her true colors. She should have tried calming her man down instead of letting him go wild and egging him on. They totally missed the point. It was not RELATIONSHIP ACADEMY it was TOOL ACADEMY! It was about the guys changing their ways and learning to be better men and boyfriends. Not about how long you’ve been together, who you are going to try to provoke and intimidate this time…alpha male! Anyway, I have hope that they will grow up someday and hopefully it won’t be to late for them. In the meantime, I hope that Ashly & Josh go all the way. At least he genuinely cares and has really made some progress.

  11. mahalo nui loa says:

    looks like shawn made a lot of progress its just that he need to cool down an not get so worked up, he really wants to win an show his girlfriend he change, an josh is actually a scaredy cat he only said something after shawn left he cant even say anything to his face an ashleys looks like miss piggy hahaha she weighs more than me, ashley I think u should cut down on the eating an go running or something how can a gurl get that fat
    nah jus kidding fat chicks are great cuz they hav hot friends

  12. BlueGirl says:

    I just hope Josh (the fat girl’s BF) doesnt win! Shawn didnt say anything of Ashley that Josh didnt say of her. But Josh calling Aida (dont care if she is or not) a “hooker”, is way out of line. Thats just offensive to women, if he likes to call his girl FAT thats his problem, but you dont go offending women like that. Thats a TOOL thing to do, and he cant win!

  13. Adam says:

    I love how Shawn kept saying that they had the most real relationship, isn’t this the same guy who was cheating on a national televised show on the girl he supposedly wants to marry? VH1, if there is ever a reunion show, PLEASE PLEASE ask Shawn how he thought he would get away with being on a dating show with an entirely different girl- I would love to hear his response, he will probably just yell really really loud and pound his chest.

  14. ciara says:

    YOU KNOW WHAT Shawn WAS JUST MAD HE GOT SENT HOME AND YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK THAT YOU WANTED THE MONEY IF YOU DID NOT WHAY WOULD YOU MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF GOING HOME IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID YOU CALLED HIS GIRL FAT AND THAT WAS WORNG ALL OYU DO IS POINT OUT ALL THE THINGS AND YOU CAME IN TO THIS WITH 2 GIRLS AND YOU THINK THAT YOU AND YOUR GIRL ARE JUST A POEPLE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO GET UP AND FILL THE REAL WORLD!!!!!!! THAT WAS WRONG OF YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOU AND OYUR GIRL

  15. robert says:

    Both Shawn and Aida belong in prison, they are the lowest class people I have ever seen on TV. It really needs to be addressed how these two criminals got on the show.

  16. robert says:

    By the way I forgot to mention that Shawn has not really progressed that far from his childhood.He still is handling pigs, only now the pig is named Aida

  17. rixbury says:

    Dude, Shawn is a little high strung, but he DOES have the hottest girl. He played the game well…just acted like a d-bag with matsu. All I know is that that fatty mcfat fat and her doober bf better not win…this show will jump the shark before the second one even starts taping.

  18. Lucid says:

    First of all that challenge was lame. Pigs are not the same as children.

    Second, how can you take Shawn seriously when he has hair like that.

  19. ngoonngi says:

    Shawn and Aida is compared as a dirty ghost and rotten coffin.You both deserved to be expelled. no progress. Shawn is such a good actor….give him big hands.

  20. JR says:

    Shawn is not a loser, he is just very insecure about himself. If he had worked on being more secure about himself as a person, he might have won the whole thing. In the end, Shawn was just a tool, but in spite of his poor behavior, he DID gain a lot from the experience and I know he will eventually be a more secure and confident person.

  21. jules says:

    i am so happy that shawn was expelled on so many reasons first off the man was always so quick to hand out judgement on others relationships being “fake” but yet he comes on with a different girl and then aida comes and just accepts this fact? i woulda kicked boys butt and left. second is how did he manage to pass maturity??? so very childish and the best of all was at end of show when shawn and aida were leaving the house after the josh fiasco (which i ony hope this doesnt get held against him he has shaped into an amazing boyfriend) Aida calmly states “dont worry shawn I know where to find him” CREEPY CRAZYNESS!!!!!!

  22. bunny says:

    I have suspected that Aida was a part of an Eastern European prostitution ring since the day she snuck in. Ha! It’s just too bad that Josh will now have to lose his thumbs. What a shame.

  23. penelope says:

    As for all of you evil,vicious,hateful a-holes you know nothing about Shawn & Aida. They are wonderful and very loving caring people, who would help anyone in need. Shawn’s hair is no differant than rock stars or punk rockers. Shawn’s hair is of his own choosing, most people like his hair style. Aida is not a hooker as some of you think, she has been there throughout all the things Shawn & her have been through.

  24. penelope says:

    Shawn has worked hard to become a good provider and to travel all over the world, in his line of work. I personally know he had problems from his childhood, caused by his father walking out, when he was in junior high school. No one is perfect and without problems, presidents, actors, singers, government officials, ect. Shawn may have problems, but so does most people. You don’t have the right to criticize Shawn until you have walked in his shoes. Love You Alway’s. You are a sweetheart.

  25. Amanda says:

    They are low class-you don’t have to walk in their shoes to see that. They respond to criticism with anger and violence, instead of walking away or discussing rationally. The one guy dating the lady with kids and he had no job, Shawn heckled him from the balcony. SHOCK! He was just as big a “TOOL” but at least at that moment he had the class not to engage in the heckling.

  26. penelope says:

    I have said it before and I will say it again, Shawn is not low class like you said AMANDA. Shawn is absolutely a fantastic wonderful kind person. As far as the rest of you hater’s out there, all of you should take a good look at your own lives before you judge other’s. WHAT class are you in? Just remember no one is perfect and I know your not. Love you SHAWN.

  27. penelope says:

    AMANDA you called Shawn low class, this must mean that you are low class yourself. I think you need help your self. Good luck girl.