Examining Sober House With Dr. Drew - Episode 8
Dr. Drew’s weekly commentary on Sober House continues! Below, the hardest working doctor in showbiz talks about Mary’s identity issues, Andy’s amends and Steven’s potential relapse.
Last week, we talked about Mary’s progress. This week, we see the biggest sign of it to date: she says that she’s happiest as Mary Ellen.
Exactly. At that stage in the game, she was contemplating getting rid of the boyfriend, she was contemplating making major changes in her life and although she was embracing Mary Ellen, she was not casting off Mary Carey. We were trying to get her to look at the strengths that were within Mary Carey, as well as the turmoil that came with it. The point was that it wasn’t necessarily all bad. We needed her to be an integrated whole.
But that was a new approach, right? You had previously wanted her to abandon Mary Carey entirely.
Yeah. It was something Bob Forrest was focused on with her. He kept saying, “There are strengths there that I don’t want to see her cast off.” I finally had to agree with him. Mary Carey has some real survivor skills and a real toughness about her. It’s OK to keep pieces of Mary Carey that work. It was an adaptation to a horrible situation she faced, with her family getting sick.
The integrated approach reminds me of what you suggested for Tawny.
Right. Ultimately, it’s what you do for everybody. Mary Carey was such a character when we met her. At this point, she was showing us different parts of Mary Carey that she would carry with her through the day.
When Mary is at Swingfest, David has a drink sent to her. It seems like he’s determined to show himself for the roadblock to sobriety that he is, to put it nicely.
It’s strange. He’s angry with his portrayal on the show, and yet, there’s the behavior. It’s not easy to look at yourself on a reality TV show. And there’s no doubt that the way it’s edited amplifies it. We had this conversation about (Jeff Conaway’s girlfriend) Vikki: I don’t dislike David as a person, but he does some things with Mary that were difficult to support. But that’s me: I don’t see anyone as all good or all bad. But he wasn’t good for her. That’s what everyone seemed clear on.
Andy makes amends this episode, and we see that process in depth. Can you talk about the idea behind it and why it’s part of the 12-step program?
One of the goals of recovery is to make emotions manageable. If you’re carrying around overwhelming guilt and shame, it’s pretty hard to tolerate anything. What has to happen through the recovery process is coming to terms with the wreckage of your past. Part of that includes apologizing to people you may have harmed in the process of your disease. These apologies normally happen way later in recovery. Eight months, at least, because the apologies early in recovery tend to be, “I’m sorry. Stop being mad at me so I can feel better.” That’s opposed to what happens later: “I’m sorry that you were hurt by me. I’m sorry that I have affected you as a person.” At that later point, it’s more about the other person than the recovering person. Addicts early in the game are very self-preoccupied, as you see on the show.
Although, it does seem that Andy does a good job.
Yeah. It’s not a bad idea. I kind of liked it for him because he’s drawn to embarrassing himself. He gets off on it. So it’s time to put that in a more real context.
In a different way, though, talking about all the stupid things that did when you were using seems completely embarrassing, too.
Yeah. And that’s how the cameras make this process different. We would be loathe to suggest doing this normally for fear that at this early in the game, it would cause such anxiety that it would make that person go out and use. But there was something about the cameras that let us push it and compress it and move things along a little quicker. It really worked for Andy.
To that point, outside of Steven’s hearing, he tells the paparazzi his advice to addicts is to have someone tape them while they’re high and then play it back. That seems to really have left an impression on him and, again, it wouldn’t have been possible without the cameras.
Oh yeah. That was huge. The artifacts of the environment that you’re treating these people end up being good and positive. The cameras are having a positive effect on their treatment. I understand the cynicism about this and any reality shows and I still worry that someone might get hurt. Every time we start a new season or serious, I’m anxious as hell about it.
The last major point of the episode is the question of whether Steven used.
Seeing Nikki perform was very unsettling to me, because I could see that there was something wrong with Steven. I really thought he was high. But obviously, everything’s going to be made a lot more clear next episode.
Check out what Jennifer had to say about this week’s episode here.
Related content
Sober House show page
Sober House videos and extras
March 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am
Nikki—Hugs to you…Your solo was lovely….hang in there. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for…
Mary–Bless you… you showed what you are made of with David. I am SO proud of you! A step at a time—you and Nikki have so much potential…I just wish the very best for you both….You can do this—believe in yourselves. god Bless you……
Rodney–God Bless you….wow–when you went to where you were beaten, my heart just went out to you so much–it took courage and guts to not only be there, but to say you had to forgive those who beat you…I am so proud of you— Don’t give up or in…..You will succeed and there are lots of folks out here rooting for you….All of you…..
Shifty–The only thing I can say to you is you have a long way to go, as does Steve….Good luck…
Amber—Hang in there, you have so much potential..you can do this too! Just don’t give up…ever
Good luck to all….and Dr. Drew–You are an amazing person, thanks for all you do for those who reach out to you….
March 6th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Show 8 was a bit theatrical, I think. We’re left wondering definitively if either Mary or Steven used. I understand show business, but that show was the first one I saw where it appeared that the patients were more show than patients. In addition, I don’t think that Rodney’s idea to transform his house into a sober house was very realistic - admirable, but not realistic. Rodney, like the others, and like so many of us, must first get his ‘house’ in order for a significant period of time, years maybe, before he looks at helping others - IMHO.
That said, I thought the efforts at forgiveness seeking Andy made were great and I’m surprised the others haven’t gone through the same process. Surely, all the patients have people that they need forgiveness from. I’m glad to see that in next week’s show, Andy is looking for forgiveness from his son - that’s a biggie.
I don’t know how Nikki made it through her song ‘Inconsolable’ without crying, I didn’t. By the way, that is a great song - is it coming out soon?
I do wish all the patients and all patients, or potential patients, everywhere, all the best luck. 30 days or so of rehab and 30 days of sober house just dosen’t seem like enough to me.
March 6th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Nikki your song rocks…..I lost my Mom/best friend almost 4 yrs ago…………it sucks…………….hang in there it will get easier.
When will you release the song?
Mary be you David is a thorn in your side……….hugs girl.
Rodney,Seth,Steven,Andy hang tuff.
Amber you are so beautiful………………be good to yourself.
DR. DREW wish I could meet you & your staff……..keep on doing what you’re doing.
BEST TO ALL
March 6th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
My heart really goes out to all of the people in sober house. I suffer from depression, and I had major back surgery a year ago. I thought that I would end up addicted to pain pills. Fortunately, I am not addicted.
However, I see that these lovely people have such painful issues in addition to the addiction. I hurt for all of them.
Steven’s story breaks my heart. What pain he has suffered. Mary needs to get rid of the jerk who keeps bringing her down. I know that one must take one step at a time, but, in Mary’s case, the jerk seems to feed her addiction! I do hope that the future seems brighter for everyone involved! God bless!
March 6th, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Nikki, I just want to say “thank you”. I lost my mother 9 years ago when she was 49. I never had the words to describe what I felt but tonight in your solo you did it for me. Again, THANK YOU!!!!
You are amazing! Stay strong girl.
Melanie
March 8th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I used to be addicted to meth,it’s a long process to be free from it, I had to go to CRASH rehab in san diego, a year long in-house theraputic community that was extremely structured with all day groups such as morning meeting , caseload, values classes, hours of going over the “red book” ie house rules, we had encounter groups 2 to 3 nights a week and slip group where the counslors gave out hours to sit on the bench and read the red book. It was at times unbearable but anything short of it would not have worked.
I can’t see how 3o days in a recovery center and only 30 days in sober living gonna have any lasting effect on your recovery, I enjoy the show but I’m starting to think that it’s more about entertainment than recovery. Rule #1 a addict can’t run his own recovery. #2 no one is actually involved in the process, it like they can’t even abstaine from drugs much less start the serious work involved in short you have to re programme your life style and the way you process feelings, it’s a feelings disease. didn’t mean to come off like a rant its just my experience, Talen
March 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
This is for Stephen Adler…”EMPATHY” you have the blessings of alot of it. We that are loaded with empathy & compassion for others will give and give to them but never feel we are worthy of anything for ourselves. Stephen if you have this blessing “STOP IT”, the rest of the world may not ever get you because most lack the ability to have true compassion and empathy for others. Once you realize that you will stop expecting someone to understand you the way you understand them!!! I see so much goodness in you and the world needs more like you!
March 9th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
i decided to say a few comments—steven should take his own advice-and look at that tape of himself on drugs when he wants to go back to drugs. i feel seth, rodney and andy are on there way, jennifer and mary ellen scale down your life style, yes it is hard at first but if it means life without drugs and alochol isn’t that for the best? nikki-i also lost my mother, i cryed she wasn’t there when i needed her, then one day i realized that my mom gave me a great gift-her wisdom, she gave me everything i needed to go on and live life, i would be telling stories of my mom and there were lessons in them, they made me strong, it took time-one day at a time-its true for all of you-take it one day at a time-yes tomarrow we worry about but if you do today right tomarrow is easyer to do right and so on. God bless you all you have a good doctor and friend with you, keep those who are good for you close, yes it is hard to keep those who are bad for you away. be strong sharon s.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Hey Dr. Drew, and cast,
Just a quick note to say thank you for the service work. This show and others like it, remind of what it was like. So, thanks for reminding me of my first step.
March 13th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I THINK THIS SHOW IS AWESOME DR.DREW I HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO KEEP FILMING MORE OF THESE EPISODES THEY SHOW PEOPLE ALOT ABOUT DRUGS AND THINK ITS GOING TO HELP PEOPLE REALIZE THEY TO MAY HAVE A PROBLEM TO THE CAST I WISH YOU ALL WELL AND STAY STROND I PRAY FOR ALL OF YOU GOOD LUCK IN ALL YOU DO
March 17th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Would someone please give Steven a huge dose of heroin so he can kill himself! I’m so sick of him and he is a big bully & crybaby! I can’t believe he has a wife and what is her angle. He’s so disgusting she must be in it for the money… .ewwww! Another thing, his tight pants are disgusting as well… both pairs of them. Please don’t ever bring him back. Lock him away with Jeff Conaway! Love Seth:)
March 19th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I just wanted to say you all are so inspirational to me. This is not just any reality backstabbing show. It was all about addiction and the obstacles we all face during sobriety. Rodney King I’m so astonished at your dedication to sobriety. I really admire you. And you deserve all the best thats coming to you I love you man!!! And seth you rock. I’m not a die hard fan but i’ve always loved your music. And i heard the term washed out singer. Im sorry there is nothing washed out about about you! You’re SICK!!!!! I love all of your music including the one you rapped on the finale of sober house. You rock dude dont let any haters say anything dfferent. All of you guys helped me out in m y own sobriety thank you wish you all the best!!!!