Tool Academy Recap – Finale – With This Tool, I Thee Wed

Whoa! Who saw this coming?

It’s the end of Tool Academy and it’s time to see if the tools are fixed. The tool-fixing set of tools has been a series of therapy sessions and tangentially related physical challenges. It all comes down to two couples: Joshley and Matsujen. But you know this. After all, you are here.

The final tool-fixer will be focused on commitment. Everyone’s called to the therapy room.

Trina asks each person to give an example of how they’ve been hurt by a lack of commitment. Matsu is first. His engagement was broken off by an ex, leaving him heartbroken. Trina notes that he’s built up a wall and then has him put his arms out in front of him and, starting at his chest, lower them, which is supposed to be symbolic of letting his guard down (I think) but it has the effect of an ’80s game-show contestant who’s really apprehensive about the buzzer.

Now that his buzzer is buzzed, something amazing happens: as he speaks about his journey from Matsuflex back to his true self…

…he cries a single tear! This is a titration of emotion if ever there were — he doesn’t want to let it out too soon, as there’s still a climax to build to. This is, after all, the finale. He ends up apologizing to Jenna, telling her that she’s the one.

For Jenna’s part…

…the first guy she ever had sex with turned out to be married. Cheating is all she’s ever known of relationships.

Then goes Josh.

Josh is estranged from his dad after his dad walked away from his mom. He feels let down, and what’s worse: the last time he talked to his dad, he said he didn’t need Josh. Poor guy. Not satisfied with the level of catharsis that came via merely admitting this, Trina engages Josh in some roleplay.

“I don’t need you in my life! You’re just a little boy!” she yells at him, obviously playing his father. Trina’s crazy butch. All she’s missing is a mullet and a dreamcatcher hanging from her rear-view. Who’s to say that she doesn’t have that already, come to think of it. Anyway, the intensity of this exchange increases with Josh saying that he doesn’t need Father Trina in his life and that his family is better off without shim. Trina tells him to scream. He kind of groans. She tells him again. His screams ultimately intensify, too.

By the power of Greyskull, Josh is liberated!

Finally, there is Ashley who doesn’t feel close to her mother. She has feelings of inadequacy as a result of her lackluster relationship with her mom. The good thing about this, however, is that since she and Josh have similar parent issues, they can work on them together.

Or at least they’ll always have someone to complain to. And really, isn’t that what love’s about?

Challenge!

Each remaining couple is being made to paint their white picket fence together. What sounds like a symbolic take down of unattainable romantic ideals a la Revolutionary Road is actually a commitment test, for you see, to accomplish this, both couples will be tethered.

Since whichever team gets their fence painted first wins, Matsu begins pouring the paint all over his fence.

And then, he and Jenna commence finger-painting.

There’s no time for patience or maturity, previously earned badges be damned. This is the commitment challenge, damn it! Meanwhile, Josh and Ashley proceed slowly and steadily, as if there’s lead in the paint and they’re intoxicated by its fumes.

But while they speak to each other gently, Matsu kind of barks orders at Jenna in the rush to complete the task. He literally says, “Down!” Barking while treating someone else like a dog just seems hypocritical. Anyway, he and Jenna overlook a spot…

…and they continue overlooking it so that Josh and Ashley pull ahead and end up taking the challenge!

Their paint-splattered kiss comes off kinda fetishy:

Cute, but also very Real Sex, you know?

Back in the bunk, Jenna talks about how much she hated the challenge…

She didn’t enjoy being barked at. Can you imagine?

Joshley’s prize is a gourmet dinner prepared by a personal chef.

The number of forks and their different functions mystify Josh. Where’s a good Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Birmingshire Paige Irvingcrow Harrington when you need one? Also, he wants beer. Ashley, meanwhile, wants to mix white and red wine. Is that like choose-your-own-rosé? A thoroughly entertaining spin-off of this show would require little more than chronicling Ashley and Josh’s adventures in dining. Imagine all the Caesar salad freakouts that would ensue!

Also, they think each other are cute.

So that’s nice. Ashley wants to work on their lackluster sex life, like NOW. She says, “I don’t care if Ryan or whatever are in the room. It’s not an option. It’s gonna happen.” As they’re talking about push-pushing in the bush, Jordan comes around with hedge shears. He tells them that because Josh and Matsuflex will be taking their final exam tomorrow, Ashley will have to spend the night with Jenna in the girls’ villa. He literally says, “spend the night,” to which I say: sexually?

So that’s what happens. Matsu is confident that he’ll beat Josh in this exam because Josh is a high-school drop-out, whereas Matsu is three classes away from finishing college. That sums up this show’s focus on relative success very nicely. Maybe Matsu is onto something.

Except, he isn’t.

This test will be an oral one (though no prosthetic vulvas are involved, sadly) that requires each of the guys to explain what they learned and why they should graduate. Matsu prefaces everything with a request to be called Ryan from now on. And of course “from now on” means “for the remaining 20 minutes or so left in the season.” Relatively successful and opportunistic, this guy’s a winner even if he loses. Which he’s going to. Spoiler!

Ryan’s verbal essay talks about how he was selfish and full of rage and issues, but now he has been able to get the negative stuff out via a body suit and puppets. His shield is down and he’s vulnerable. He’s not a tool and he believes in his reform.

As for Josh, he didn’t think he had issues, but now realizes that he and Ashely did. He thanks God and Ashley for this last shot to prove that he loves her. As for what he learned, it was to be more romantic and expressive to Ashley.

And then they go pick out engagement rings.

Someone’s gunning for extra credit!

Trina has her final sit-down with Jenna and Ashley.

Trina asks each girl why her guy should graduate. Ashley wants Josh to feel proud, since he’s never graduated from anything. He’s a man now and no longer selfish. She’s in love with him again now that Tool Academy has saved their relationship. Thank you, Easter Bunny. I mean, Tool Academy. Jenna says that Ryan is now aware of the pain he caused and has the ability to be accountable for his actions. Admitting you have a problem is always the first step! Even on the final episode it is!

Graduation!

Trina addresses the guys. Ryan has come a long way and has learned from his mistakes, but identity issues linger. Where does Matsuflex end and Ryan begin? Whatever, Dr. Drew. Trina is also concerned that Ryan wasn’t being sincere when he asked her to stop referring to him as “Matsuflex” earlier in the day. Josh, on the other hand, showed Ashley how proud he is to be with her, but he tends to act one way around her and one around the guys. Especially the Josh of the second episode. Like, seriously? Whatever he wins anyway. Maybe she was just saying that to scare him.

Jordan calls Ryan forward and says, “Matsuflex, you’re not that much of a tool anymore, but unfortunately you won’t be graduating tonight.”

Outside, Jenna receives him warmly.

Matsuryan tells her that she’s seen him change. She knows exactly who he is. Matsuflex is gone (…for now?). He’s afraid of failure and his heart is on the line. Jenna signs her name across it.

They leave together. Jenna says she doesn’t see him as a failure and she’s proud of him. In the car, she says she considers him a graduate. I consider myself to be a fabulous rapper, but that doesn’t mean I am one. Whatever. The point is that soon Jenna and Ryanflex will be sexing. At least they got that out of this.

We see a delayed reaction shot of a victorious Josh…

…and then when Ashley sees him and his victory is made real, she does the exact same thing…

They are made for each other! This proves it. And so does this:

Josh proposes! And Ashley accepts!

As if this isn’t whirlwind enough, Jordan approaches the newly engaged couple with one more surprise: their families are on set and they’re going to get married NOW!

We cut to the wedding scene.

Josh interviews, describing the affair. “There was a guy playing with the harpoon!” he says. He follows that bit of awesomeness up with, “I just couldn’t wait for her to walk down the aisle, so I could hold her hand and get her up on the podium with me and do my proposes.” High school’s waiting for ya, Josh. People say school’s always gonna be there, but maybe a better approach would be to pretend like it’s running away and you have to catch it. Try using a harpoon. I hear they make beautiful music.

Anyway! Ceremony.

Ashley looks nice for what is essentially a shotgun wedding (instead of a baby, what’s gestating is ratings):

The vows, sorry proposes, include the word “tool,” as much as possible. For example: “Ashely, do you take Josh, this former tool, to be your husband as long as you both shall live?” She does. “Josh, you were just a tool. Now you will be my husband from this day forward.” Anyway, everyone however holds their peace and Joshley kiss and are totally married and yay reality!

In the end, Josh interviews…

“I came as a tool. I left as a man. And now I’m happily married. Amen.” I’d say more, but he just said, “Amen,” so it seems inappropriate to end right here. Thanks for the closure, Josh! Now get outta here, ya crazy kids…

Related content
Tool Academy show page
Tool Academy videos and extras