The Celebreality Interview – Farrah

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What the French would Rock of Love Bus have been like without the Southern belle from hell, Farrah? After a second season that was heavy on the drama and tears but light on the drunken debauchery, the likes of Farrah, Ashley and Marcia helped put the Rock of Love back in Rock of Love this time around, and as a fan, I’m so grateful for that. It was a distinct pleasure to chat with this season’s biggest s***-talker, and there’s plenty more s***-talking where that came from. Below, Farrah gabs about stripping, the lamewads she was made to share airtime with, her unusual speech patterns, her colorful wardrobe and why being there to party was just as important as being there for Bret.

I’m so excited to talk to you because I loved you on the show.

I’m a frickin’ drunk mess on the show. I would literally piss my pants, fall of the couch.

That’s what you’re supposed to do on reality TV.

I’ve never had drunken episodes documented before. When I watch the show, it’s like I’m watching somebody else. I don’t remember half the s*** because I was drunk the whole time. I’d wake up and drink beer. Afternoon was champagne. Night was liquor. It amuses me. I don’t remember half of the s*** I said.

So it’s a learning experience. You don’t come away feeling any embarrassment do you?

No. I had a good time. That’s all that mattered. I was there for Bret and then I realized that we were just friends. So I figured I might as well have a good time while I was still there.

At what point did you realize that you and Bret were just friends?

Maybe after the first couple of episodes. I felt like I could talk to him like a friend and tell him what girls were there for him and who wasn’t. That’s when I started feeling like it was a friendship. It’s funny because we joked around and would give each other pounds and he would tell jokes and no one else would get them but me. And I’d tell jokes and no one would get them but him.

Heather has said extremely similar things. I’m sure by now you’ve heard the comparisons between you and her. What do you make of them?

I think it’s great. It means I stand out. Everyone knows who she is. I don’t think she’s a mean or bad person, and if anything, she’s the most popular person from all the three seasons. If I had to be compared to anyone from the Rock of Loves, I’d want it to be her.

I can’t believe it’s taken you this long to get on the show. It seems like you were born to be on Rock of Love!

I know. I was a diehard 1 and 2 fan and all my friends told me I had to be on the third season. I think if it hadn’t been for me, Ashley and Marcia, this season would have been boring. No one would have watched it. If me and Ashley were bored with nothing to do, we’d come up with stuff to do to make people interested in the show.

After the Kristy Joe/Daisy cryfest of Season 2, you put the Rock of Love back in Rock of Love.

I was like, “We are here with a rocker, let’s party.” There was an unlimited amount of alcohol. Obviously, they wanted us to drink it. Let’s have fun and not just sit in a corner like Taya and Mindy. They would just sit there and be so lame and never do anything.

Did you dislike Taya from the beginning?

Yes. She would wear shirts that said, “Bret’s Girl” and “Penthouse Pet.” I would never try to put myself out there like that. I would never wear a shirt that said, “Stripper.” Well, maybe now I would just to make fun of her. Me and Ashley are obviously strippers. We don’t have to say it to everyone, not that it’s an accomplishment in our lives, anyway. Taya was “Penthouse this, Penthouse that” from the beginning. She talked and talked and talked about it.

And you felt that it didn’t make sense for her to be condescending to you for your career path.

Well, the last time I looked at Penthouse, I don’t remember it being classy. What the French is she talking about? Me and Ashley are strippers, but we don’t show our cats. We don’t take our bottoms off. She’s spreading herself for the world and then she’s going to stick her nose up in the air like she’s better than us? And wear outfits like my grandmother would wear to prom? It would have been one thing if she was just like, “I’m in Penthouse and I know what’s up, I used to dance,” but she wasn’t like that at all. She was snotty. And the funniest thing was that she tried to be like me and Ashley. You can hear her on one episode say, “What the French?” I think it was when we pulled up to the Hustler Club. All these girls were jealous of us, calling us stripper-whores, but it’s like do you expect me to sit all this behind a desk? Why would I sit all this behind a desk and put your man’s money in the bank for you, when I can go to a club and dance and take all your man’s money and put it in my bank account?

What about Mindy? Was that just guilt by her Taya association, or did you find her to be offensive as well?

A lot of people say, “Farrah’s a lesbian because she was kissing girls.” Whatever. All the girls I know get drunk and make out with girls for no reason. It doesn’t mean anything. But that girl, Mindy, all she did was take pieces of fabric that would be left in the hotel and make s*** with them. She would break out the sewing kit. I think more than anything, just by watching her walk, that she is a lesbian. I do! Her and Taya were even taking a shower nekkid together. They never showed me and Ashley nekkid in a shower together…I don’t think. I mean, we did take showers together, but…

So, you don’t like Mindy because you think she’s a lesbian?

No! My best friend is a lesbian. I’m just saying, she tried to act holier-than-thou, like Taya, too. She’s 34-years-old and tried to act like she never gave a b***j** before. Come on! Please. No wonder she’s single and on a dating show. Who the hell wants to date her if she doesn’t give him a b***j**?

Speaking of that shower scene, we didn’t see them specifically talking about you…

Oh yeah, on the extras. It’s on there. Me and Ashley and Brittanya were standing at the bathroom door listening, and we heard, “Lame!” and “What the French!” and some other things that me and Ashley say. We heard that so that’s why we walked in. They tried to say they were talking about a book, and we said, “Can you tell me what book says, ‘What the French?’ and ‘Lame,’ so I can sue them for taking our lines?” I asked the camera crew that had been recording that for 10 minutes and I said, “They’re talking about me and Ashley, right?” They shook their heads yes and that’s when I stood there and listened to them say, “You don’t bring her home to mom,” or whatever. That’s when I ripped the shower curtain opened. Me and Ashley talked about people, but we’d tell them to their face. They couldn’t even admit it.

What did you think of Bret saying that Ashley was a different person when she wasn’t around you, implying that you caused her to act out?

I don’t think she was a different person around me. I think that we feed off each other. We have so much fun together. Bret wasn’t around all the time, and we were around lame people, so we had to make things fun. But then when we got around him, of course we were drinking. I think he was just jealous that she gave me more time and I gave her more time than we did him.

Let’s talk about your lingo. I figured that, “What the French?” came as a self-censoring measure to curb your potty mouth.

That’s exactly what it is. I would say, “What the f***?” and they’d tell me, “We’re gonna have to beep that out so many times.” Then I started beeping myself out, like, “What the beeeeeep?” Then that started driving me crazy. So I figured, “What the French?” I remembered it from an Orbit commercial.

Yeah, that and, “Son of a biscuit-eating bulldog.”

Yeah. That’s my favorite commercial in the whole world. People keep trying to call me out on that: “You did not come up with ‘What the French!’” I never claimed I did! I just trademarked it, OK? So go French yourself. Like they’re busting me. Like they’re solving the mystery. Like they’re Scooby and Shaggy.

What about “lame?” Any back story there besides the obvious?

I think it was a subconscious thing. When you look at the other girls, that’s automatically what you think of. Lame. In one of her interviews, Mindy says, “Lame.” Everything we did, they tried to mock us, but I don’t blame them. We were in the spotlight so much that they had to do something to get in it.

Were you surprised that you didn’t make it to the end?

I was surprised because I thought Beverly was going home this episode because she was acting kind of psychotic. I had so much fun on the show and I’m glad I got to meet Bret. I think he’s an awesome person. But I was drinking way too much and I was kind of glad that it was my time to go. I was ready to leave. I was going to have a breakdown if I was on the road any longer.

How did you come to dub Beverly “Boots”?

After Ashley made fun of her boots on the first episode, with every outfit, I don’t care what it was, she wore those s***-kickin’ boots, like she was gonna go out and shovel s***. Those boots look like they should have a potted plant in them. We went through her suitcase on the fourth or fifth episode and were throwing things out. We came across this black lace dress, and we made her wear it. She said, “That’s lingerie!” We said, “OK. What’s the problem?” We made her wear it to elimination and don’t think she ever looked hotter.

Your own fashion choices were colorful. Would you wear a typical elimination outfit to the supermarket?

No, but that would be hot. I don’t really wear any of that stuff, unless I’m going to a club. We just did silly s***, just throwing things together to look funny. It looks like they fried a cheeseburger on my face in the interviews. I look so shiny, ’cause I have oily skin anyway. I don’t really look like I look on the show. When people recognize me it’s mostly because of my voice because of my accent.

You refer to yourself as “Porn Star Barbie” on your MySpace. What’s up with that?

I do not do porn. I’m not Brittaney Starr. I don’t eff hotdogs and s*** and I don’t steal socks. Have you seen the foot-fetish porn she did where she has this stocking over her face and her toe in her mouth? Look that s*** up. I almost s*** myself. It’s like she’s gonna rob a bank with her toe in her mouth. But yeah, about Porn Star Barbie, when I was a dancer, that was my stage name. A lot of people would be like, “You look like a porn star!” And then a lot of other people would be like, “You look like Barbie!” So, I was like, “How ’bout I’m Porn Star Barbie?” I put that on my MySpace and people were like, “What are your porno movies?” I don’t eff on camera unless it’s with my man or whatever.

Are you still stripping?

No. Every now and then, I do appearances and dance at the club here in Myrtle Beach. But pretty much no, I just do club appearances. I’m getting booked regularly. It’s off the hook. My boyfriend owns Club Kryptonite, the biggest club in Myrtle Beach, and every night here for the next three Thursdays is Rock of Love Bus night.

You know, we spent all this time talking and only about 30 seconds of our chat was devoted to Bret.

(Laughs) Yeah, that’s about right.

Keep up with Farrah via her MySpace and her personal site.

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