VH1 Tough Love Recap – Episode 1 Superlatives

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In a case of projecting emotional immaturity where we see it, every week, we’ll round up the high points and low, the successes and failures, the embarrassments and triumphs of every new Tough Love episode high-school yearbook style. Our roundup of the first episode’s key moments is below…

As the head matchmaker in charge (heretofore known as the HMIC) Steve Ward says, you only get one chance to make a first impression. So, we begin with our superlative take on the ladies who populate the show:

Most Likely To Play MASHJacklyn

“I’ve already planned out my wedding dress,” says the 22-year-old, who plans to be married by 25. And the thing is…

…she ain’t lying. May she live in a mansion in Hawaii with a movie star happily ever after this show ends!

Most Likely To Have a Walk-In Closet - Jody

She’s been a bridesmaid 18 times! The biggest problem with that is storing all those dresses that you only wear once…

Most Likely To Have Gotten Lost On the Way To the Rock of Love Auditions – Arian

Ahem.

Need we say more?

OK, then, she goes lingerie-as-outerwear shopping…

…on Hollywood Blvd…

And as if her taste weren’t impeccable enough, she also says she’d bang Steve…

It usually takes a whole season, but after watching Arian for 30 seconds, we knew we’d found our rock of love.

Least Likely to Be Ignored - Jessa

OK, so she isn’t exactly Glenn Close, but over-texting is a crime almost as heinous as boiling bunnies.

Most Likely to Own a Tool Box - Natasha

This one’s big on fixing-upping. That may be too smothering for some men, but I can’t help admire her ultimate snubbing of traditional gender roles.

Most Likely To Castrate - Stasha

With the charm of an ice-pick, this Russian import says that she has no problem telling a guy that he’s gained weight or that he’s lacking in the penis department. Intimidate much, Stasha?

Most Likely To Begin a Story about Herself With “Once Upon a Time…” - Abiola

The storybook (sorry, goddess dream book) says everything that the tiara doesn’t…

Most Likely To Sleep With a Piggy Bank Under Her Arm – Taylor

She’s cuddly like that, you know?

Most Humiliating Moment – When the girls had to parade in front of a panel of judges

Make that average-looking-at-best judges…

Like, really? Who are they to evaluate? Props to Stasha for getting her runway on and making the best of a bad situation, though.

Biggest Surprise - That the most humiliating moment was, in fact, justified (maybe)

Exposing the fact that Taylor wouldn’t date a guy who was 5’7″, Steve proved (or at least implied) that the women who had just been superficially evaluated have it in them to be just as superficial. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander — almost literally in this case, save the beaks.

Least Likely To Do Well in France - Taylor

Not only does she not know how to work a bidet, leading to a seemingly unsanitary spritz, she also doesn’t know what a bidet is in the first place. “It coulda been a water fountain, for all I know,” she interviewed. Coulda/woulda/please don’t ever drink from a bidet-da.

Least Likley To Be Here To Make Friends - Taylor

Every reality show’s got one: after the most minor of feedback, she told Jody that she was ugly and to shut up. So this will be a journey for Taylor and her capacity for tolerance, then?

Most Improved – Abiola

She went from stressing about 15 lbs., she recently put on to exuding confidence during the mixer. Keep it up, girl!

Least Improved - Jacklyn

After getting her hair chopped and her heavily made-up face wiped, she complained during the mixer…about her improvements! She gets least-improved just for that, when in fact the makeover was entirely flattering.

And finally, speaking of those makeovers…

Most Likely To Be a Big Softie - Steve

Before the girls’ makeovers, the Tough guy bared his heart by saying, “No matter what, you guys are gonna look beautiful.” Once the makeovers were underway, he tended to each girl, something like Tyra Banks, just without the weave and bitchassness. Awwww, he cares. He really cares!

Related content
VH1 Tough Love show page
VH1 Tough Love videos and extras

  1. SanT says:

    OK, why is it that VH1 has women and men on virtually all of their shows that have previously been on other reality shows?? Stasha was on The Millionaire Matchmaker this season, also. I mean really, aren’t there enough desperate girls out there DYING to get on the show that you can chose one that hasn’t been seen everywhere else???

  2. Samantha says:

    I was watching the episode where the three guys were asked to judge the girls as they walked out. I just want to say it because it’s been on my mind but I’m sorry, this is not a representative sample of what guys think. I mean come ONNN!! three white guys??? These guys think that big hips are a turn OFF??? what do they want, a prepubescent 56 pound little girl?

    Im sorry, no matter how hard a girl works a=on her body her HIPS aren’t going anywhere, it’s a part of girls anatomy and all the men i’ve ever talked to think curves are beautiful. Apparently to these men… stick figures are beautiful and that is not how men think. This show, or at least this episode, is dangerous for young girls. Skinny girls are disgusting, ask any normal guy and they will tell you this. Ask the rich snobs that they put on this show to judge the girls and of course they will tell you skinny is sexy, that’s all they can handle

  3. GinaMarie says:

    I went to summer camp with Arian when we were pre-teens and teens. She was always very bold with her body. I find it very sad that she has a CPA and a Nursing degree, but still strips. Any girl that is so intelligent does not need to do that. I truly hope this show helps her!

  4. Kee says:

    Kudos to tough love. I love the show.

  5. Mason says:

    I have to agree with “Samantha” above.

    Granted, I don’t speak for all men. But wide hips are a turn-on, not a turn-off. They indicate femininity. I love girls with a little “jiggle”. (And no, I’m not black nor do I obsess over big +(!%()^%#$^$!)# es.)

    Healthy hair and skin are WAYYYY more important than whether you have gained or lost 10 lbs. (50 lbs. is a different story…) I’ve been attracted to all kinds of girls, but when it comes to dirty LUSTFUL feelings it’s wide hips, plump thighs, and tiny bit of jiggle on the belly that do me in.

    Being phyisically active is important because it makes your body smell better and gives you more positive energy. Weight loss is secondary, even tertiary.