Rock Of Love Bus Recap – Episode 10 – Knocking Boots


Oh, Beverly…

…at least, we’ll always have rock hands!

Beverly opens the show by summing up the irony of her situation and this season in general…

She explains that Ashley and Farrah had been on her ass to be sexier, but they’re now gone and she’s still here. It’s true — what used to be salacious is now salace-less, since the remaining girls are all brunette (ack!) and relatively subdued (FLRBBBBB!). America’s loss is Beverly’s gain, for at least now she can wear the boots that earned her nickname without worrying about making anyone feel insecure.

But things have fallen off so much that the wildest thing within the group at this point is the velocity at which Taya’s lips move. We see a montage of her going on and on about nothing! Absolutely nothing! Like, hampers-and-How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days nothing. The best quote is, “Where would Miss America be without the curlers?” That’s so true, I don’t want to even think about the answer! Everyone is annoyed by Taya and her motormouth, but I kinda like this new turn for her as a crazy lady. With any luck, by the end of her run, she’ll be wearing Edie Beale-style head coverings and tossing cats around. Go ahead, Taya, make that a reality star trend!

The girls bus to the Hard Rock Hotel in Orlando. They settle in and it all seems light and vaguely annoying until Mindy starts weeping.

It sounds like she says, “It’s upsetting how the heart can get broken!” So she’s heartbroken over the concept of heartbreak? To call this woman “emotionally complex” would be an understatement. Who knew feelings could be so meta? Mindy ends her emotional display by saying, “I’m scared.” So are we all, but it doesn’t stop us from tuning in. Buck up and soldier through, Mindy! Taya interviews that her heart really goes out to Mindy, and we can really tell as we see a shot of Taya twisting her hair and staring off nonchalantly. She advises Mindy to keep being who she is. Mindy’s done that, and guess what? She’s still single! Well, Mindy, if you don’t end up winning Bret’s heart, there’s always Tough Love! That’s something to look forward to, right?

Big John comes in with today’s challenge information and material: the girls are to write the title, verse and chorus to a song instrumental provided by Bret. At last: another songwriting challenge! It’s been so long! Having non-musicians write and perform music is such cheap, easy entertainment that I wonder why it’s taken this long to return to it. In fact, I wonder why there isn’t a show called Non-Musicians Writing and Performing Music of Love, because it would be amazing.

Everyone gets to work, except for Mindy, who informs us that she can’t sing a lick. That’s her first problem. Guitars lick, Mindy. Ladies coo. She struggles openly, repeatedly ranting, “I cannot sing!” and telling Taya that her situation is hopeless because she only has one sentence and she can’t sing it to the music.

Taya thinks if you have a sentence, you can sing it to music. In related news, Taya has never read James Joyce.

Mindy seems close to forfeit…

…but then once on the bus on the way to meeting Bret, she closes her eyes and thinks of what she wants to say to Bret via song. Everything clicks and the result is something called “On My Way To Loving You.” If ever a song called out for a parenthetical in its title, it’s this one: “On My Way To Loving You (By Bus).” Nothing goes without saying on this show! Nothing! Mindy interviews that she might have a song at this point, but she still can’t sing. In related news, I wonder if Mindy can sing.

They meet Bret at what looks like a small concert venue. Bret says that he wants to introduce the girls “to my good friend, Pete Evick.” And then we see a graphic…

…doing just that. It’s not just that nothing goes without saying on this show; nothing goes without repeating. And in the spirit of that, here’s an update: Mindy cannot sing.

Bret explains that the winner of this songwriting challenge will win an “unbelievably awesome” date to Bret’s gig in Texas that night. Even though I miss hearing him say “insanely awesome” all the time, I see what he’s doing with the adverb, changing it up and whatnot. I appreciate the effort.

Beverly is the first to perform.

Her song seems particularly polished. It includes the wonderfully autobiographical line:

And what a journey it’s been!

Next up is Jamie, who also can’t really sing but who obviously isn’t going to dwell on it.

Her song is to this decade what Britney Spears’ “Email My Heart” was to the ’90s. Crucial, crucial material. There’s a reference to Bret’s blue eyes that he seems particularly flattered by.

Sometimes, I get the feeling with Bret that any old ego stroke will do. Rock stars are such simple creatures! Jamie resolves to just shake her butt and hope that gets her through. It won’t, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t appreciated!

When Taya’s called up, Jamie now back at her seat, says, “I look better,” and shoots a few looks.

Something tells me that Jamie’s been underused on this show up to this point.

Taya’s song is the fabulously titled…

It’s funny because that’s the exact phrase she said to Farrah after Farrah asked her if she was a stripper. Taya’s song does not end, “And we all feature-danced happily ever after,” but it should. Anyway, Taya can really sing. She’s even better than Beverly, as if that were possible! She’s so impressive that she causes Mindy to muse…

And it’s obviously a satirical riff on the constant questioning of Taya’s motivation. But don’t expect it to be taken lightly! Why take anything lightly when it can be the focus of overblown drama?

Finally, there is Mindy.

On stage next to Bret, she jumps up and down and says, “I just can’t sing!” And you know something? She’s right. Her song sounds like the work of Goofy. She stumbles and gets lost, which makes one of her lines…

…infinitely more appropriate.

When she’s done, Bret tells the girls that their lyrics were “surprisingly awesome.” He must have been reading his Adverb Booster before he arrived on set. He and Pete are going to deliberate on who is “the best vocalist slash lyricist slash performer slash confidence slash something or other.” If you consolidate, one of the things he’s looking for is who’s the best confidence. His adverbs are delightful, but his grammar is questionable. Oh well, can’t win ‘em all.

Anyway, they deliberate.

It’s not that exciting, I just wanted to include that screen shot.

And you know what else isn’t exciting? Mindy’s reveal of her music-promotion comment:

It really is just an exaggerated way of her expressing how impressed she was by Taya’s ability. Taya doesn’t see it that way and regarding her musical skill says, “I’m not gonna apologize for that!” ‘Atta girl, Taya. Mozart never apologized, either.

Bret calls the girls back in and reveals that he and Pete have selected Taya as the winner.

The girls are hilariously unexcited at this news. Taya herself notes the crickets that sounded upon the announcement. Bret adds that he has another seat on the jet and since this was sort of a tie, another girl will be going with them. She’ll be notified via a cell phone ringback tone. Taya goes on about how this is her date and this isn’t fair. Oh, Taya, stop being such a cricket.

Once on the bus, the girls make their calls and…

Beverly is the winner! She really did deserve it. No one else incorporated the word “skanks” and it’s so inherent to the experience.

Back in the hotel, preparing for their trip, Taya rants about Mindy.

In an interview, Beverly rants about Taya ranting about Mindy, who also rants a lot. Basically, everyone’s annoying. Not that you need me to tell you that! Beverly and Taya board the bus on the way to the jet and…

…Beverly’s really putting it all out there. She’s come such a long way since wearing motocross crap to her fake wedding with Bret. The Blontourage would be so proud!

Meanwhile, Jamie and Mindy are bored with nothing to do in their hotel room. Since idle hands are the devil’s tools, Jamie dreams up the idea to create some smut for Bret: “Let’s get a camera and take slutty pictures of each other! But not slutty, like classy slutty.” If ever there were an ideal perpetuated by Rock of Love, surely it is “not slutty, like classy slutty.” Jamie, you have a real knack for summary.

Anyway, that’s what they do:

So, there’s that. And en route to the concert, there is disdain…

Taya massages Bret and Beverly is not amused. She is, however amused at the concert…

…but Taya, is in turn, not amused. These two are a regular yin and yang! Taya interviews, “This is supposed to be my one-on-one date, and bitch get out of my face with the rock hand.” I wish Beverly’s hands actually were made out of rocks. If there were to be another season of this, it would be awesome if it could be a collaboration between VH1 and TLC and Bret would have to choose from a pool of medical curios like people who grow bark on their skin and an of-age mermaid girl. Can you imagine the drama? We’re gonna need a bigger bus!

When the show is over, we see some footage of Bret meeting with his fans. He signs what appears to be a painting of himself…

Everything about that is confusing. He also meets with this woman:

He replies, “…and my hottest fan!” Aw, sweet. Sometimes you forget that he has it in him.

On the trip back to the jet, Beverly nonchalantly pulls two stuffed animals out of her bag.

“You have a monkey?” asks Bret. Has he ever seen anything ever? Like, did he just get his working eyes sent to him today? Beverly explains that these are bears and that she wants him to sign them for her two girls, but it’s not…

…except, it is. She also needs to find something for him to sign for her son, so he better not eliminate her before she can find one. Subtle! Way to get it all in before you go home, Bev!

Back at the hotel, there is some s***. I’m sorry, I know it’s stupid to use a word that I can’t and must censor, but there’s no other way for me to describe what goes down. It is some s***. It starts when Taya is in the bathroom and Mindy asks how their date was. Taya says she’ll talk about it when she gets ot of the shower. We then see Mindy, for no discernible reason, suggesting that they make scars on their faces with this “face putty”…

Taya comes in screaming about Mindy’s laughing. She knows Taya’s upset and she hasn’t asked her what’s wrong. Except, she kind of did. Taya goes into Mindy’s music-promotion comment again. I think Jamie stands for all of us when she silently responds to this with…

Again, Jamie’s summarizing skills are impeccable.

Mindy explains again that it was a joke. “I’m a jokester! I put meat in people’s shoes!” she says. Eh? What a perfect example of her comedic nature being hard to take as such. These people are really communicating effectively! In response, Taya says, “Whether it was joking or not, it was just a cruel, evil thing to say.” We’re gonna go to Bev for the reaction on this one:

Taya adds, “Then, when he announced the winner, you barely clapped for me!” I’ll clap for you, Taya. This performance deserves kudos.

And it doesn’t even end there! Taya explains the potentially destructive effect that Mindy’s conjecture may have on Beverly and Jamie. Will they think of her differently in 24 hours? Beverly says that she thinks differently of Taya today than she did before. Taya screams at her in response. They bicker about the date. Beverly shouldn’t have been there since Bret’s more into Taya. It ends with Taya saying, “You can kiss my f***ing ass!”

Taya’s a one-woman show of emotion this episode. She’s an entertainer, through and through.

The next morning, Bret “cooks” the girls’ breakfast.

He says that he’s been known to scramble an egg and wanted to do this for them. I wonder if “scramble an egg” is a euphemism. Whatever, it is now. Bret asks about what’s going on amongst the girls and they are tight-lipped…

…relatively speaking, at least. Taya says that she and the girls had a mature exchange. Bret asks her if it included the “F word.” Taya says it didn’t. Lies make little baby Bret cry!

After they eat, Bret takes Mindy aside.

He needs her to throw herself at him with abandon so that he can trample on her heart at some point. Oh wait, let me revise that: he needs to know if her heart is really in this. Mindy interviews that now’s a good time to throw Taya under the bus but she ends up just talking about her friendship issues with Taya. “Sometimes I just don’t know how to read her,” she explains. “Am I being played?” Note to Mindy: Bret likes girls who like girls as long as they like him more. I don’t know what your motivation is, but revise the appearances at least! It matters very little because soon Jamie walks in bearing gifts.

It’s the slutty/classy pictures they took while he was on his date! Weirdly, when Bret picks up Jamie’s, it’s blurred out.

Makes you wonder just how slutty/classy things got. The shot we see of the picture…

…isn’t X-rated, so what’s blurred is a mystery and will continue to be so since it’s time for…

…elimination. Taya’s hair is big enough to make you wonder if she’s here to promote Pert…

But you didn’t hear that from me!

Anyway, it goes very quickly. Taya gets the first pass, and then the second goes to Jamie. Does Mindy care more about Taya than Bret? Is Beverly too big of a fan? Yes, she is and she’s going home.

“If it was supposed to work, it would have regardless if I was an uberfan or not,” interviews Bev on her way out. Oh whatever. Who needs fate anyway, when you have a bunch of signed merch to bring home?

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  1. Michelle says:

    I was glad to see Miss beverly go home. She’s an idiot. She had no business being on the bus to begin with. She could never compete with those other girls.

  2. vanessa says:

    You can tell this was a boring episode. Most of the recap is pictures used as filler. This show feels like on big menstrual cycle.

  3. Candice says:

    I’m so lost. What kind of girl does Bret want? I thought he wanted a girl who was into his music? A girl who could tour and party with him? Basically a groupie who is not a groupie?
    Oi, I hope this show ends with this season. It’s getting really annoying now.

  4. Heidi says:

    I was SO SO SO happy to see Beverly go. At first I thought she was cool and was really going to give the other %!#*#~*($$&##@@`% s on the show a run for their money for just being normal. As the weeks went on, she just got more and more annoying. I couldn’t believe how she acted on their date..or wait, the one she wasn’t even supposed to be on (I am with Taya on this one – it should have been a solo date!). She was just in it to say she was with a rock star (i’m sorry, the signing of the bears was just too much).

    On a side note: Does Jamie remind anyone of Jess from season one (young, skinny, rocker chick)? That clearly didn’t work out, so i’m thinking she doesn’t stand a chance.

    GO TAYA!!

  5. Pixie says:

    Taya seems so needy and her eyebrows scare me. She looks like an alien in those shots you guys keep posting with her mouth wide open. Also, there is no way in HE LL that she is 29 years old. I’m 29 and she looks like my mom. The woman is at LEAST late 30′s early 40′s at LEAST. I swear you guys should carbon date some of these women with the way they lie.

    Also, Where have all the celebreality interviews gone? There’s not one posted for Brittanya, Trashley, or Beverly. Did you all not speak with these women?

    Finally, I think its pretty clear that beverly and brett didn’t really have much of a connection. They most likely had an understanding that she would be sent home and that’s why she was sure to get those bears signed. Jamie will go home next week and Brett will either end up picking Mindy or no one at all this time around. There doesn’t seem to be a real connection with any of these girls so I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone ended up going home.

  6. Rachell says:

    Taya seems so needy and her eyebrows scare me. She looks like an alien in those shots you guys keep posting with her mouth wide open. Also, there is no way in HE LL that she is 29 years old. I’m 29 and she looks like my mom. The woman is at LEAST late 30′s early 40′s at LEAST. I swear you guys should carbon date some of these women with the way they lie.

    Also, Where have all the celebreality interviews gone? There’s not one posted for Brittanya, Trashley, or Beverly. Did you all not speak with these women?

    Finally, I think its pretty clear that beverly and brett didn’t really have much of a connection. They most likely had an understanding that she would be sent home and that’s why she was sure to get those bears signed. Jamie will go home next week and Brett will either end up picking Mindy or no one at all this time around. There doesn’t seem to be a real connection with any of these girls so I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone ended up going home.

  7. Jessica Jones says:

    Bret really needs to say your tour ends here to all of the girls. He is so much better than these girls. I think he really liked Ashley. But she still had feeling for her babys dad. You can blame her. Kids come first.

    Good Luck Bret!


  8. cyndie says:

    I’m home sick, watching Rock of Lovenever had seen it before.. Brett, he is nice looking but gee can’t he find a woman over 32? He’s my age. I don’t understand the mind set of these “women” with little kids out on the road with a man they don’t know. I was to busy with kids and work when Poison was really big, I did learn to appreciate the music whe guitar Hero came out…although I played till I had to have an operation to fix the nerve in my elbow from playing..’it sucks getting old’. Anyway Brett find some women skip the girls and take care of yourself, my father had the same med problem as you. Rock on as you would say and take great care of yourself. You seem like a super person.

  9. Tanya says:

    Rich, we are dying for the Ashley interview, I don’t care if she’s not calling you back, stalk that crazy blonde @^`&*)~%%!(!#*_*& and make her answer questions.

    This show is just a shell of its former self without the blondtourage and please please please tell me you will be doing recaps for Daisy of Love. I was hesitant about the show before but seeing Daisy’s spazzy movements and facial tweaks during that 30 second promo spot warmed the $^~~%)@(!&&`!#%% les of my cold heardened heart.

  10. Kimalberly says:

    I have been watching this show since season one when jess won and turn him down then season two i though amber was the one and that did not work. i fill that he sent one of the ones who was right for him home. i feel that taya is just there for penthouse, jamie i dont know alot about her, and mindy is the other one i think is right for him. i like beverly alot she was down to earth and i though she would make it with bret. but i just got to wait to see like everyone else hopefully my other choose will get it

  11. greg says:

    kimalberly its becuz reality tv is FAKE

  12. M- says:

    Bret and Heather belong together

  13. Kaylee says:

    Why did he let Beverly go??? She was the one who was
    into him the most. Anyway, I have heard recently that
    last weekend Beverly and Taya were with him at a concert….so what gives???

  14. CELESTE says:

    I must say, I am very disappointed with this whole season. My daughter and I can’t wait for Sunday nights to watch this together. Their is not a young lady among them that I see that has any connection with Bret on a personal level at all. Where did the producers find this bunch. With only three left, I sure am hoping for a season four with some entries that might truly fit the bill for a long term relationship. I am still in mourngin over his split with Ambre. I really thought, and still do think, they are a terrific match. It’s a shame that careers have taken from them what truly could have been a lasting love.

  15. likestoblog says:

    Rich, your recap was much more fun than the show. I agree that you should recap Daisy. If you do, I will watch the show.

  16. cassie morris says:

    why did you it rid of brittayna she is so pretty and hot

  17. LJackson says:

    I’m not even watching the ending to this show, Taya is going to take it because there is no one better, which doesn’t say much, I used to love this show… I hate to say it but when the skanky blonde strippers get voted off, there goes the entertainment!!

  18. honeybun says:

    Holy guacamole!!!Taya is one ugly hidious individual.Even a blind man can see that she is there for one reason only,and that would be penthouse.Iam absolutely shocked how ugly she really is without all that make up.EWWWWWWW…………….I hope and pray that mindy will win.Taya get over yourself because damn!

  19. Jay says:

    Dude – FLRBBBB? ! What?

  20. LORI says:


  21. Emily says:

    Seriously, if Bret picks Taya, I will be sick, she’s a super #@)(&%&`!(_%*&%~* I am definitely rooting for Mindy now that Ashley is gone. I really do NOT like Taya, though. I wish she had been eliminated.

  22. TheJenn says:

    Ya know, I used to like Taya. Like… the first episode. Its all gone downhill from there. And Beverly was the best of what was left. That sounds weird but there it is. He should have just gone w Christi Jo last season. Then he could have gotten a pschyo brunette. The best of both worlds.

    Brett, you disappoint me.

  23. ginah says:

    Taya is so ugly! she is a disgrace to women who wear make up on their eyebrows…I hate her sharpie, gangsta looking eyebrows…I wanted bret to pick Ashley, but now that she is gone i was so going for beverly..Now i hope he stays with mindy but she is soooo boring…Rock of love bus is wack now..How can live with himself knowing that he got rid of the best and coolest girl. Who gives a #$)+$(^@_!&@!^%* if she was a fan, helloooo Earth to Bret, when you get with someone its because they look up to you somehow some way wether they are a superstar or not…please dont pick TAYA!!!!!!

  24. Rockhardrocksmart says:

    I know that being a rock star, you have the pick of any women you want. The show is enjoyable and Bret does a wonderful job of keeping us entertained and keeping the girls on their toes. That was until this week. I must say, I am really disappointed with Beverly leaving the show. Its funny to me Bret always has the side bars with us (the audience) and tells us how smart he is in seeing the “real” side of all of these girls. So my question is, How come he has not seen the real side of Taya yet? I mean, for real….c’mon Bret you are smarter than this you have to have seen already how fragile and unstable she is. I will lose my respect for him if he picks Taya, as she is now the odds on favorite. Bret, read this and understand…Taya is fake, self-glorifying and unstable. You just let the best real chance for happiness go in Beverly. Good Luck dude, your going to need it….

  25. Andrea says:

    Taya is so damn stuck-up and fake!!!! I can’t stand her anymore. It’s like she never makes a freakin’ mistake or something. She also thinks she’s sooooo classy. Uh, please. A classy girl with self-respect and some decency doesn’t spread her )+#%^+_!~_`@@*& in Penthouse and doesn’t go on Rock of Love.

    Beverly was the best one left on there and waaaay better than stupid Taya. Now I don’t even want to watch the last few episodes until the reunion because she’s gone and Taya is just going to get my nerves. She makes me want to explode. Beverly was so laid back and funny, and now all we’re left with is some boring ^!*&“$(&)*~!#`!& es. I’m going to miss her! Mindy got annoying when she started crying and complaining about her singing but then made up for it when she started turning against Taya. Muahaha.

  26. Christie says:

    I was really sad to see Beverly go. She was my favourite from the very beginning. I hoped she would make it till the end.

  27. 'Lish says:


  28. catgirl says:

    I was sad to see beverly go.. I think Beverly is beautiful naturally!! Mindy isn’t really enough she is cute but nope… Jamie, I like Jamie but maybe not for Bret, Taya would be good for him. I think she could handle him! She has her own sh** going on. She’s pretty, great bod, has composure and a brain too. Why is everyone putting her down for keeping it together, I think that’s what he needs a together chick with a bod and a brain!!! With their own stuff going on = Taya! I fear that Mindy wins!!! And I know it won’t last!

  29. christine says:

    is nobody rooting for Jamie at ALL? she’s totally sweet and cares about bret too, and she stayed out of the drama. i want her to win now. she seems like the more reasonable choice.

  30. Evie says:

    Of the girls left, I think Jamie is the only one who seems okay.

  31. Kaylee says:

    Beverly was the only one who was into his music…into Bret the man….and his lifestyle. I’m really sorry for Bret that he couldn’t see that!

  32. Richard says:

    I really like Beverly. She was pretty even keeled when things were fair. She also was into him and what he did. She loved the motocross which is his passion as well. Seemed like a perfect match. She had a good look that was not too slutty but still had a slight edge to her.

    Maybe there will be a reunion twist again… :-)

  33. hello says:

    Beverly is a big-boned over-grown child and those rock hands were really really played-out. The truth is Brett does not have a connection with ANY of those girls. The only one he really had a genuine connection with is Heather Chadwell from, One. Word.

  34. Krissy says:

    I also was sad to see Beverly go. Ok, she had issues, but who doesn’t? She wasn’t fake about her feelings and really understood Bret’s music. So what if she wanted Bret sign some bears for her kids, I thought it was sweet of her to be thinking of her kids, Bret should have seen that. Especially if he’s looking for a girlfriend who would care about his kids. Jamie is really cool, at first I was cheering for Mindy but now I don’t think she can handle Bret’s lifestyle and it won’t last if he choses her. TAYA HAS GOT TO GO AND FAST!!!! She thinks she so perfect and does nothing wrong, what a straight up fake… FEATURE DANCER.translation..STRIPPER!!! hopefully something in her past will come up and bite her in her ~^((^_@)++(~+(! I’m all for Jamie now. Rock on Jamie.

  35. Kimmy says:

    I could care less which girl got the boot this week – there was finally a good shot of Pete this season! He’s so sweet!

  36. Erica says:

    Does anyone know why there are so many gaps in the continuation of Rock of Love Bus? It feels like the “new” episodes are skipped every other week. Stop draggin it out. Annoyed…..

  37. Ashley says:

    I don’t understand what kind of woman he wants. Do he wnt a groupie or not. If he want a woman to be on tour with him and party all the time that is is a groupie.He could’ve kept Beverly or Ashley. Well Ashley I liked Her. I thought they had a connection. Taya she thinks that Mindy is her friend. She is so stupid its a competition there is no such thing as a friend.

  38. kimberly says:

    Not much to say. I think Mindy is perfect for Bret. Taya is fake and gets on my nerves. She is always crying. She is not 29 who is she fooling. Go Mindy just try to stay out of the funky moods.

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