I Love Money 2 Recap - Episode 9 - Goin’ Back To Cali

Aw, Cali has to pack her bags and go home. Perhaps It can fly her there?

Alliance recap!

When 20 Pack notes that he can count the remaining members of his alliance on one hand, he asks, “How sad is this?” Oh, it’s sad, but then, it’s always been sad. This is VH1, you know? The proper question would have been, “How sadder is this?”

Talking Craig time!

He says something about missing the bus, but who cares what he says because It is making that awesome face as Craig’s talking. Do you think that this is It’s default face and that whenever his lips don’t look like they’re going to fall off his face, it’s because he’s putting effort/tension into it? Because that’s what I think.

The grubbers are shipped to the challenge site. Upon being faced with a bunch of mannequin’s backs…

…20 Pack wonders, “Dude, are we going shopping?” Close! You’re going to have sex with Kim Cattrall! Whoever resists throwing up the longest wins! Just kidding. I do love that 20 Pack added a “dude” at the start of a question about shopping. Way to butch it up, brah!

The grubbers line-up for some administrative heads-up:

As with the first season, now that we’re down to the individual challenges, the only person guaranteed to stay out of the lock box after any given challenge is its winner. That person is also the Paymaster. The person who comes in dead last in the challenges automatically goes into the box. For today’s challenge, all of the dummies represent the members of the I Love Money 2 cast via T-shirts they’re wearing…

…and also Bette Midler and/or Danny DeVito’s Penguin, apparently. I know that’s based on an actual picture, but things got…distorted in translation.

Anyway, each person must select a cast member they want to literally throw under the bus when it’s their turn. They must then run that mannequin to a road and throw it in a target zone before a speeding bus comes along. If they can get it in the zone in time for the bus to run it over, the person who’s mannequin has been run over gets a strike off. If the thrower misses, he or she gets the strike. All it takes to be disqualified is two strikes. Last person standing gets to be Paymaster.

First up is 20 Pack, who wants to throw Tailor Made under the bus. However, it takes him longer than it should to go through all the dummies to find Tailor’s and as a result…

…he doesn’t get it there on time. That’s one strike off for 20.

Next up is It, whom Craig has taken to calling, “Cousin It.” Here’s what the inside of Craig’s head looks like:

Anyway, after struggling because he “can’t see too good,” It finally finds Cali’s mannequin. Like 20, he fails to get it to the target in time, but unlike 20, he actually picked the wrong mannequin — it turns out that it was Myammee’s dummy that he grabbed. It should probably invest in some contact lenses…for his brain. They just slip right on, under the skull.

Tailor Made picks Cali and lands the challenge’s first successful under-the-bus throwing. He decapitates her. Judging by Cali’s decisions later (and, for that matter, Cali’s decisions starting as early as when she decided to compete for the love of Chance), decapitation might actually help her get on the right path. At the very least, it couldn’t hurt.

Buckwild, clearly missing Frank, grabs her mannequin by the ass…

…this is what you call ex-cuddle buddy to the next cuddle buddy. Anyway, she was going for Tailor but she ended up with a decoy Craig dummy by mistake.

Not that it matters, since she fails anyway.

When Myammee takes off, she covers her volatile boobs…

But she cannot cover her ass. Metaphorically speaking, of course. I mean, it isn’t that big. Whatever. She grabs 20’s dummy, but ends up missing the target:

Cali chooses Myammee’s dummy, but also misses the mark. This is Cali’s second strike and it marks her exit from the competition.

Cali is dead last, and as we’ll see in a bit, dead dead. Oops, spoiler!

When it’s Saaphyri’s turn, she goes after It to punish him for playing both sides, she explains…

In this case, “playing both sides,” sounds like technical talk for “no longer expresses sexual interest in me.” Whatever, Saaphyri, the dummy’s there for the molesting. Take what you can get. Anyway, she misses.

When it’s Prancer’s turn, she doesn’t bother going through the dummies to make a strategic choice — she just grabs one from behind and throws it. It ends up being It.

He mourns his elimination from the competition by interviewing, “I’m a little upset that I’m outta the game. Then I can’t be able to throw a dummy no more!” Forget about it decreasing his chances (however slightly) on getting that $250,000, the real thing to be upset about is that you’ve been robbed of the fun of throwing dummies. Really, who doesn’t want to throw dummies? It’s pain is universal.

Ice picks 20 and lands the throw; he’s out. Same with Myammee after Angelique’s successful turn (which: seriously?).

Tailor Made goes after Angelique when he’s up and she’s all, “Meeee?”

Or maybe she means she has to pee or got stung by a bee or has arthritis in her knee and is just mangling the word because that’s what she does. It’s never an easy call with her. Anyway, Tailor lands the throw.

I included that just in case you only speak gibberish and are confused about what’s happened in the episode up to this point. You ahhre vicuume.

Becky goes for Prancer and…

…fails!

Saaphyri does the same.

With  Saaphyri out, the only remaining member of the Frankless Alliance is Frenchie. Good luck having your legacy sit on those shoulders — it’d fly off as soon as her shirt did. So basically, within five minutes from any given point in time. Not that it matters because…

She’s out, too.

That leaves allies Tailor Made, Prancer and Ice as the remaining contestants…

At last, we get to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real! Ugh, since I’m sick detailing this challenge already, I’ll just tell you what you need to know: Tailor Made wins. Really, it’s that exciting.

Back at home, though, something truly exciting happens.

You might say sexually exciting, even. As they dine on what appears to be hospital food, they conspire. He wants her to vote 20 Pack in the box. She entertains the idea because, as she openly admits, she is playing both sides right now. I guess if you want to win this nasty game, holding yourself to more relaxed standards than those to which you hold others isn’t terrible strategy. And now that her mannequin is safe, what does she have to lose? Saaphyri asks what she’ll get in return if she does this for Tailor Made. He’ll save her again.  That’s not what she means.

Having interviewed that Tailor Made’s fear of her is “kinda sexy,” it follows that Saaphyri’s aim is of the sexual variety. “What kinda girls you like? Breasts like these?” Saaphyri asks him.

He continued a relationship with New York months after the cameras stopped rolling — I think it’s safe to assume that he does like breasts like those. Saaphyri knows this, too, she’s just being cute. Or, you know…whatever.

Since she’s playing both sides, Saaphyri then talks to 20 Pack. She, however, does not dangle her sexuality at him as incentive or collateral or anything. Curious!

Saaphyri lets 20 know that it’s not she who wants to get rid of him, but everyone else does. He thinks Ice and Prancer should go, but in this game of numbers, that’s not probable. 20 asks Saaphyri if her point is that no matter what, someone from their alliance is going home. Basically it is. Oooh, those sour times. Nobody saves me, it’s true. Not like you do…

Meanwhile, Tailor Made has one bit of advice for Cali:

Don’t vote in the vault. He wants to use her as a means to a stalemate that would allow him to swoop in once the 15 minutes are up and decide exactly whom he wants in the box. He explains that she can save herself by doing nothing. Well guess what?

She does something.

Repeatedly. Maybe she wants to go home but since her larynx seems defective, she can’t ask? In the end, what would have been pretty much a 4-votes-per-person-all-around deadlock becomes a box full of Cali, Myammee and It, thanks to Cali’s deciding votes. Upon hearing this, Tailor Made announces that Cali is going home. They really united to zap this epiosde of suspense, huh?

And then 20 Pack and Cali talk about nothing. I mean, it’s about the competition and her going home but none of their words have any consequence or meaning beyond what it means for their enduring unity. In the end, 20 Pack kisses Cali’s shoulder.

Curiouser and curiouser!

Power Outing! When they arrive at the site, Tailor Made again announces that Cali’s going home. Hey guys, I wonder who’s going home even though I’ve already watched this episode. Anyway, today’s Power Outing involves tennis. It announces that he is very good at tennis and was No. 1 at his school. And though his on-court showing would seem to suggest otherwise…

…we don’t know what kind of school he went to. Maybe it was special.

But no school on the planet is as special as It himself. He mean-mugs Cali repeatedly. He says he does this to let her know that she’s going home.

I bet It was taught that this is how you say goodbye. It’s not his fault, it’s just all he knows! What follows are excerpts from his graduation ceremony:

I love how in the last one, he just keeps going. Quite a procession, lemme tell ya.

During lunch, Tailor Made asks Cali whom she’d send home if it were up to her. She starts, “This is how I see it, basically…”

And then she launches into some interpretive stammering:

To the left, to the left. That’s where Cali’s going (if in fact California is to the left). After Cali’s donut of a thesis (it’s bad for her and full of hole), Tailor Made interviews that she is an idiot. As Myammee has previously referred to her as “idiot, idiot Cali,” this seems to be the consensus. Perhaps for the sake of everyone’s amusement, Tailor Made chooses to give Cali the one-on-one time:

She believes she can be Paymaster one or maybe two times before the show is over. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out if Cali also believes in the Easter Bunny. Anyway, in this highly unlikely scenario, she would end up keeping Tailor Made if he were on the chopping block. The incentive she gives him to eliminating It or Myammee is that he’d be losing one member of his alliance to gain two (20 Pack would be on board with this). Of course, what the rest of the alliance would do to when they found out that Tailor Made betrayed (or, since it would be such a stupid thing to do: betrayded) it is none of Cali’s concern.

All of this is seemingly solidified once back at the house in a hallway meeting involving 20 Pack…

Except, of course, it isn’t.

ELIMILATION!

Here’s a close-up on Myammee’s bikini in case you don’t know how to use the Internet to view unclothed boobs:

You’ll pay for your lack of technical savvy! And whatever: you could do worse.

Anyway! Myammee gets the first check. “You mah dawg, you mah brah,” Myammee tells Tailor in response. Apparently, they were once in a frat together. Who knew? Tailor then calls up both It and Cali. It is his friend, but Cali proposed a very interesting offer that could possibly expand his alliance. For that reason, he won’t be voiding Cali’s check…Prancer will! I guess this is so he can say that he never technically lied to his biggest opponent, 20 Pack, who, of course, will remain in the house, but god damn it if it doesn’t look like a steaming pile of drama for drama’s sake.

Prancer takes the stand as one might on Judge Judy. That’s my way of saying that she’s very, very dramatic. She proceeds to scold Cali…like Judge Judy, actually. “I told you what you needed to do to save yourself today and you didn’t listen!” To that Cali says…

I think that means she needs her face combed. She’ll never tell! Whatever. Cali’s leaving. On her way out, It sings a gorgeous exit theme for her, while Myammee says, “She’s like the dumbest girl ever to be on VH1’s history of reality shows.” That’s a bold claim, but Cali’s exit interview starts…

…”Right now I feel stupid.” Glad we’re all in agreement, then!

Related content
I Love Money 2 show page
I Love Money video and extras
Frank the Entertainer Talks Smack On the I Love Money 2 Cast

This entry was posted on Monday, March 30th, 2009 at 9:55 pm