VH1 Tough Love: Steve Answers Fan Questions

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By this point, fans of VH1 Tough Love have a grip on how Steve Ward rolls. Dude doesn’t beat around the bush. We invited fans of the show to send in videos, asking the master matchmaker questions about their romantic headaches. He’s answering one a week. Check the latest above.

  1. Star says:

    Hello,
    You said in your last episode that men don’t have compassion, limits, responsibility, until they have a child. I am engaged, and due to cancer treatments, I can no longer have a child. I also am pretty sure we will not be able to adopt. I have done some research and discovered it’s very hard for a cancer survivor to adopt. Also, I deal with a lot of health issues related to my treatments I had. My question is, what else makes a man learn all the things that he would if he had a child?
    Thank you!

  2. Nanci says:

    I have a little bit of a delima. Marriage has been up in the air and I have made comments about it and maybe I was putting pressure on him. So I explained to him that I love him, and I do not want him to marry me if he dosent want to or feel pressured to. I think I made that very clear to him. So yea then he says this…
    “I dont know if you are the right one…I can’t see us having a family together…I just think we are not a good couple…if I stay with it feels like I’m just settleing” What am I then? a freaking girlfriend material but not wife material? I want to say I want to leave him…but I love him too much to leave him. But I dont want to be with a guy that dosent want marriage. I quit doing a lot of things for him, and gave up a lot of things. But I will NOT give up the fact that I want to get married some day or the fact that I want to have children. He has 2 kids already from his previous marriage and I love them to death. BUT I want my own children that I take care of that i just dont see in the weekends or once a month. What do I do!?

    <3 Desperate for answers

  3. Mamabear says:

    Steve, you need to make a list of all the rules :]

  4. Pam says:

    Love your show. I am 55, divorced, and have learned a lot by watching these girls make many of the same mistakes I’ve made for many years. Your input, and your moms, help me to better understand my ex and my sons. Your advice will also help me to better prepare my girls for marriage.

    Abiola could host her own show, she has a lot of personality that shines through and is articulate. I loved her comments on each of the girls.

  5. BUbBLESz says:

    WOrrD To MOMMy ii lOVE DiiSz SHOW.. All THOUgH ii AM YoUNG… ii STiiL CAn USZE DeSe ADViiCE TU BEtter MyY RELATIooNSHiiPSz iiN THE FUTURE… ALl THo ii AM iiN A RELATiiONSHiiP nOW…WHo KnOWSZ iiT CAN MAKE iiT MuCh BetTER.. AND ii AGree WItH dA GURL WHO SAIiD u SHOULD PoST ALL DA RULESz…lOLSz

  6. Whitney says:

    Hi,
    Well I’ve been in a relationship for almost 2 years, and I cheated on my boyfriend. It was a one night stand =( I can’t tell you why I did because I don’t know why. My boyfriend well I still call him my boyfriend means everything to me, I love him so much. He has always been there for me and I’ve always been there for him. He’s my perfect match. Well I told him I cheated and we took a breather and got back together. Now he’s throwing it in my face again. I understand I hurt him. And it’s something i have to live with everyday it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve had past relationships before him and I was the one who got cheated on all the time. My mother cheated on my father numerous times and I’ve always told him I never want to be like my mother and I turned into her. And it kills me because im not that person at all. I love him so much we had plans on marriage and children. I still want all of those things. I don’t want to share that with someone else because he is my heart. But my question is… Do you think he will ever want me back? Would you take someone back who cheated? What should I do?

    <3 wants her heart back

  7. Fancy says:

    Steven why don’t you fix Abiola up with a guy of a different race? Black men aren’t the only men that like black women!
    Lets get rid of the stereotypes.

  8. Jamie says:

    Heyhey Steve,

    I am a Hong Kong girl, I am wondering if your love rules are useful when applying to Hong Kong guys and guys all over the world…

  9. michael says:

    (marketing people)This show has to ron long as the Simpson’s or family Guy.

  10. Sarah says:

    I dont think I’ll ever find love. I cant trust anyone. I have been cheated on, and guys come back saying they will try to make it work.

  11. lisa says:

    Im 50 yrs,my problem is that i cant find any man That wants a realationship with me..I try 2 look my best when i meet a man.. At first they think im very attractive 4 my age..But as soon as thet see me without my mahe up,Then comes all kinds of excuses why they cant see me again..Is that the only thing that men want,outer beaty? cuz i have inner beaty that will never fade. Im so heart broken and lonley..N fill ugly because of it..Whats wrong with me??? I tryed a test on my space…the last phots of me were a little sexey. i got more response on those pic’s then the others..Help me PLEASE!!!

  12. Maribel says:

    First of all your sooo GORGEOUS!

    My question is, I’m 45 yro and keep getting 20 yro ask’ing me out; but I would like to end up in a committed realationship?

  13. Karen says:

    I’am watching the episode where natasha has to reveal she dates losers. I’am 45 Years old, divorced going on 9 Years. I have not lasted more than a year in a relationship. I also end up with losers. I’am a mother of six children. I’am small attractive people can’t believe i have that many children all grown but two. My 17 yr old lives with me and my 9 year old lives with his dad. But i feel there is no such thing as true love anymore. Natasha i will keep watching you. Karen

  14. Kristina says:

    Hey,
    Why do women think that it is sexy to be sluty? I mean I know women think that men like hot and sexy women with big hooters (boobs), but what they don’t know is that most of the men that think that are perverted. Seriously, it is just dumb. Whenever I see Arian on TV all I can think is that one of these days that sluty hoe (no offence) is going to get raped by one of those perverted men. I completely agreed with you when you said that she will get raped if she keeps up her sluty attitude. When I first started watching this show she was my favorite but now she isn’t. I really don’t like Arian. Now, Taylor is my favorite.
    P.S. Sorry if I didn’t spell some things right I am still in middle school but I am not going to give an age.

  15. dahlia101 says:

    when do you know if a guy is really into you?

  16. Tracey says:

    Steve,
    I really wished I had known about this show I am 41 with 3 teenagers and divorced since 2003-seperated since 2001. These girls have no CLUE as to what “TOUGH LOVE” is and I have learned so much from your show. I only wish that after so many years I was not still alone and had someone like you that could tell me what I am doing wrong. Some of the girls on the show don’t even realize what you are doing for them. Good luck and thanx for all that I have learned already.

  17. sarah says:

    hi Steve, my name is Sarah and i love the show. it has taught me a lot although i still feel like i need a lot of work. I am with a man in the army and we have been together since high school.. he was a senior and i was a freshman. and although some time has passed our feelings, i feel, haven’t. i love him and it pains me to say that he is leaving for iraq on may 26, four days before my birthday. I have to say that i feel that i have been the most strain in the relationship due to the fact that i am very +@%_@~^@*$^($^^)% y when it comes to my relationship, i pick at anything and everything. I know that i need to be more forgiving, i just cant find out how to do so. I love him so much and dont know what to do. Any advice would be more than appreciated. I just wish that i was in your boot camp so that i could learn from you brilliant mind and techniques.
    Thank you so much for listening Steve,
    Sarah

  18. Shayleene says:

    Steve Im sure you already know, but you are super duper handsome and smart..:-) Your mom gorgeous!
    Shayleene

  19. Curly K says:

    I really like this guy!!! He even knows I like him!! He might even like me back!!! Why isn’t he acknowledging or doing anything about it?

  20. Jeffrey says:

    how do i see abt getting on your tough love couples show?

  21. Madeline says:

    I have been dating someone for about a year and a half. He is in the army (a helicopter pilot), I want to get married and we have talked about it. He still has a year and a half left for pilot training, he has told me once he is done with his training he wants to get engaged. He doesnt want to get married while in training because he wants to be able to put his full effort into the relationship. We have always had a long distance relationship, so he said ” I would like to live near eachother for about six months to a year before we take the plunge into marriage, because I take marriage very seriously.” He has never been married before and he has told me he has never told a woman he wants to marry her. Do you think that he really does want to marry me? or is he just dragging me along? I told him I want to move to California and he has told me that he will try his hardest to get stationed where I am at. If he doesnt get stationed where I live, do you think that it is smart to move around for a man who I am not married to. Should I follow him around without being married to him?? Or give him a choice , marry me or live without me?

  22. Gary says:

    Hey Steve my name is Gary. Was just wondering something. I’m 19 yrs old and have been dating this girl for almost 2 yrs. We have alot of little fights that turn into big fights. What can I do to stop this so we can last and maybe get married someday?
    Thanks
    Gary

  23. sara says:

    Steve I like this guy, but he sometimes acts like he has no interest in me. He doesnt call or text to say have a good day like i have done for him. when we hang out its a different story. What are some ways I know he is in to me?

  24. alba says:

    hi steve…i had sex wit a guy that i really like the first night we hooked up…we were both dunk n now i am wondering if he is gonna think im easy n not worth his time…i know hes gonna think but i want him for a serious relationship in the future so wut should i do?

  25. Emily says:

    Hi Steve. Im 38,been married 8yrs, separated and now going thru divorce for about 3. Im living with my boyfriend who i met 16 yrs.ago and kept in touch the last 5. He is a great man, doesnt drink or smoke, never goes out w d guys and loves to be home w me and my 3 kids, but every 2wks he picks a fight over anything. His family warns me that he has an issue with his temper and he is very resentful, it could take days until he decides to talk to me again and get over being offended. WE ve been to couples counseling 3 times and i notice he always wants to be right, he wont believe anybody else, and he sees things either black or white and there s no consideration about noone elses opinion. He is very hardheaded and stubborn. WE stopped going to counseling because he says that the problem is me and that he wont change his way of thinking. I love him, but problems will arise specially when raising my kids, he does get involved sometimes and of course sees his way like the right one.
    He wants to marry me soon since i ve been the love of his life forever, or so he says, since he never married or had a significant relationship with any other woman. I used to believe that was true since he is a kind hearted good looking and hard working man, but now i think that his temper and changing moods could ve been the reason. He works out a lot doing weightlifting and i asked him if he is on steroids since his mood swings are so extreme, but he swears he will never do that since he is very health concerned.
    I dont want to make another mistake but i dont want to give up on him since i ve known him for so long and he is so good to me.
    Please let me know what i should try next.
    Thanks, Emily

  26. Melina says:

    Steve, are you even in a committed relationship yourself?

  27. Just Because says:

    Hi Steve,

    I am wanting to know the name and singer of a song that was in the season finale right when “Angel” was about to sit in the “hot” seat. It’s a female and it sounds like “what would an angel say.” Can you tell me the artist who sings it and what the correct name of the song is please? By the way love the show!

    If anyone else might happen to know who the artist is or the name of the song, please blog it. Thanks so much!

  28. Kris says:

    Ok, I hope that this does not get too complicated but would love/need some advice. I have been seeing this girl from my class for about four weeks. I do not consider her my girlfriend for obvious reasons, but I would like to date her but feel like she does not feel the same. From the start she initiated contact by telling me her name, where she was from, etc. I was immediately interested but acted uninterested or like I did not care much. The next few times we saw each other she dropped hints about how we should hang out together. I made a few jokes about the situation she responded by laughing and then setting up a date. Well, we went on the first date and we had a good time. We agreed on a 2nd. The 2nd went well and made a 3rd. On the 3rd date we were supposed to meet at 3pm for lunch. I called her but she did not answer. I, for some reason took this hard and started drinking. She called back at 8pm wanting to do something but did not answer because I was really drunk and did not think that it would have been a good idea. Her voice message said that she was sorry that we did not hang out today but wanted to reschedule if possible. The next day I, for some reason, did not want to call so I sent a text saying ok lets reschedule for next Saturday, and she responded ok. Well, I saw her in-class that Thursday and she acted a bit strange towards me. Anyway, I thought nothing of it and then I called her that Saturday, which was today, and she did not answer my call or respond back to the mild message I left. What does this mean? Should I still pursue or is she letting me know that she is not interested? Thank you for your time in reading this email1

  29. Al says:

    I am a 27 yr old mother of three.The first time I saw this man I knew that he would change my life.But I am unable to give him my all because many many abusive relationships with everyone in my life. And I want to break the cycle for me,my children, and hopefully my husband one day.So my question to you is how can I break the abusive cycle so I can love him fullheartly like he does me,before it’s to late?

  30. Ann says:

    My husband has been in prison for almost 6 years and I have been watching your show to help us improve our relationship before he gets released. It has really made a big improvement for us.

  31. confused says:

    Hii,
    My question is in regards to the sex episode on tough love. I really related with Courtney and I am curious as to how to fix it for myself. I like sex but, I find it really frustrating because I feel very uncomfortable in my body that I cant relax to just enjoy it. My boyfriend is constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much I mean to him but when it comes to the bedroom I just cant let loose. The ironic part is that when I am a little drunk or a little tipsy the sex is awesome because I am not concerned with my body or what hes looking at I just enjoy it. My question to you is how do I go about feeling comfortable when I have NOT been drinking ?

  32. heidi says:

    steve i love your show.! but i was wondering why you dont help the women who need it? the larger women or not so attractive ones? why are all the women so pretty and skinny?