Master Matchmaker and VH1 Tough Love commander Steve Ward‘s blog commentary continues! Below, Steve talks about his controversial rape comment, Jody’s meltdown and Taylor’s upswing.
You said that Arian is going to end getting raped if she continues her behavior.
Yes.
There was some talk around the Internet that your mindset was not unlike that of those who blame victims for being raped.
Well, that just goes to show how naive people are. I wasn’t blaming anybody for anything. I was explaining to her that there are risks to her behavior. She seems to feel that there are no consequences to her behavior. Like nothing bad can happen from her being as raunchy and as inappropriate as she was. And I was trying to explain to her that when you do things like that you put yourself in harm’s way. And there are men out there that because they are f***ed up in the head, for whatever reasons, they may take it as some sort of an invite, or that you really want it or this or that. I mean why would you sit there and rub a guy’s d*** under a table? You don’t know who he is or where he is from or what he is about. And you know what, a couple of beers later he may go try to rub you and you might not like it and he is not gonna stop. That’s all I was trying to point out them. And that’s why there wasn’t backlash from the rest of the girls in the room, because they agreed with me.
The reality, though, is that Arian wasn’t going to get raped in this situation. You’re there, cameras are there, producers are there. I wonder if there’s any suspicion that she might be playing up the salaciousness for the sake of the show.
No, I believe that she does this in her daily life. She is truly like that. And she enjoys taking the risk and putting herself in that position. It is a very precarious situation. She doesn’t realize that there may be consequences. I’m not blaming the victim, but if the girl would act a little bit more appropriate, then I’m sure she wouldn’t be treated the way she is by men. If she walked around like a classy woman and treated herself with respect, she would command respect and men would respect her. With a personality like she has, why would anyone respect her? That was the point I was trying to make. She was trying to say that there were trust issues, and she doesn’t trust men. And of course, why should she trust men? Men don’t respect her.
The episode’s other major point was Jody’s freak out. What were your thoughts on that?
When I watched it, I thought, “Yeah, I guess Shane really did grill her.” But I do realize where he was coming from, and that is what my mom and I tried to explain to her. You got to understand something: these men didn’t know what the hell they were getting themselves into. They didn’t know they were going to a f***ing boot camp. I mean, they just thought that they would meet some women and go out on a few dates. They didn’t realize they were working with women that supposedly had issues. Until you started dating them. So here is Shane, he kind of caught on after the first date, and he realized what the production was about: that we’re working with women and we’re trying to fix them because there is something wrong with them. So he is trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with her. That’s all it was.
And the fact that she didn’t have to interpret his words that way made me wonder if she was taking the opportunity to freak out.
Yeah, she was looking for the attention. “Poor me!” There are four ways for people to control energy from others, and I learned this from James Redfield, so you can give him the credit. There are four control dramas: you either a “Poor me,” aloof, an intimidator, or an interrogator. Jody plays the poor-me card.
The football activity emphasized the importance of women integrate themselves in a guy’s world. I wonder if you would have that the other way if you were dealing with a bunch of men, to integrate them in a women’s oriented environment. It seems like society in general would frown on that. They’d want the girl to play football, but they wouldn’t want the guy to go the spa or out shopping.
Here is how the role reversal works: When women are fitting in among men, they have to be cool. It’s a test: how cool are you? Whereas, when men try to fit in among women it’s: how patient are you? How much can you tolerate? How much can you grin and bear? How much can you put up with? There are only so many bags that you can carry, there is only so many stores that you can walk into to, there are only so many times that you can try on a pair of shoes. For a man, it gets exhausting. So if we were to do the other way, it would simply be a duration test. How long can you hang there? How long can you go shopping with a group of women?
If that’s the case, you don’t think it’s important for a man to be able to “endure” that?
No, I just think he needs to be liked by them. He doesn’t need to go out shopping with them. He doesn’t need to go the baby showers with them. He doesn’t need to be going to Whole Foods and go grocery shopping with them. But if the girls come over for a glass of wine or if they come over to pre-game for an event or whatever, you have got to be likable.
What did you think of Stasha’s lack of participation?
I knew something was up. I thought it was lame. I tried to make a point about this on Twitter. Abiola clearly didn’t know anything about football. Nothing. Just as much, if not, less than Stasha. She made due. Stasha believes that everything is competitive. And if she doesn’t understand the rules of the game, she doesn’t believe that she can win. She’d rather not even participate, which has told me a lot about her.
It seems like there’s always someone who resists a given challenge or activity you present. It’s not always the same person, but it’s always someone.
Right, it’s called women. There is always one of them.
And then what did you think of Stasha’s reveal that she is in love, in a week and everything?
I thought my biggest challenge being there was going to have to teach her what love is. For her to come to me and tell me that she was already in love, it dumbfounded me.
Do you think she really believed that at the time?
Yeah, I think she did.
How about Jessa’s situation with Ryan. Did it disappoint you that she decided she was no longer into him?
No, it was very revealing. I mean look, you have to understand how matchmaking works. Whether you like the person or you hate the person, I can still learn something from the experience. And that was what I was grateful for. From that, I realized that the girl is a little bit more sexual than I may have given her credit for.
Your mom stepped in after Jody exploded. It was impressive how she was able to level with Jody and get through to her.
Well that’s what my mom does. My mom is incredible at helping women, in a different way. And men too, but often with women, ’cause women respect her. My mom has been happily married for more than 20 years, she raised three kids, they all graduated from college, she is a successful business woman. So Jody looks up to my Mom. My mom has everything that Jody always wanted, to an extent. And so coming from her, is a lot different than coming from me. Coming from me, it’s like “You don’t understand. You’re just siding with the man. Yadda, yadda.” Whereas, if it’s coming from my Mom it’s a whole different ball of wax.
Did you know specifically to bring her in for this, because her expertise would allow her to handle this situation in a way that maybe Jody wouldn’t accept from you?
Yeah. I always bring my Mom in for damage control. It’s great because people sometimes think that my ego is getting in the way or that I do things for my own edification. And I don’t. And so sometimes I need my mom, occasionally, to ratify me so that people realize that no, there really is an objective here.
I was surprised that you said that Jody handled herself like a lady.
I gave her that, because when she was on the date, he obviously struck a chord but she didn’t flip out on him. She didn’t do anything to disgrace herself.
Is there anything else that sticks out from this week’s episode to you?
I think Taylor really turned the corner. After her breakdown last week, I think it was pretty obvious that she needs to start looking at life a little differently and start realizing how she’s perceived by others. I think she’s at a point where she really wants to grow from the experience. I was really happy to see her do that. And as far as Natasha goes, I think she’s falling into that mode where she’s being overlooked. It’s kind of her thing.
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52 responses to to Tough Talk From Steven – Episode 4
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Steve is awesome!!! Just watching the show has shown me things about myself that i need to work on. Who would have thought a reality show could do that…
STEVE GREAT SHOW,BUT WHY HAVE ARIAN ON THE SHOW OR WHAT EVER HER NAME IS THE ONE THAT HAD THE BLACK SHOE STRING SWIM SUIT,SHE IS NOT THERE FOR HELP JUST TAKE UP TIME.HER WHOLE FOCUS IS YOU WITH HER TWO YEAR OLD CHILD LIKE CRUSH ON YOU.THE OTHER LADIES WANT HELP,ARIAN IS A GROSS ROLE MODEL ,SHE IS FAR TOO OLD TO ACT LIKE SHE DOES,HER LANGUAGE IN THE BAR WAS GROSS,SHE DID NOT EVEN HAVE BASIC MANNERS.THIS LADY IS FAR TO OLD TO ACT SO TRASHY,SHE ACTS LIKE A HOOKER,NO RESPECT,SHE THINKS SHE IS SO GOOD LOOKING AND THE LITTLE LOOKS SHE HAS HER BEHAVIOR MAKES HER LOOK UGLY,WORN OUT LOOKING.THIS LADY IS NOT GOOD TELEVISON THE SHOW IS GREAT BUT WHEN SHE COMES ON WE USE THAT TIME FOR SOMETHING ELSE..WHEN IT WAS SAID HER BEHAVIOR COULD GET HER RAPED IT WAS 100% TRUE.I WAS SHOCKED SOMEONE OF HER AGE A ADULT COULD NOT HEAR THAT WAS HELP TO PREVENT A HORRIBLE MISHAP FROM OCCURING..VH1 NEEDS TO SCREEN PEOPLE MORE SO TIME IS NOT WASTED ON SOMEONE LIKE ARIAN OR WHAT EVER HER NAME IS..
…I just want to know one thing. Who is Stasha in love with? Because my first reaction is Steve, to be totally honest. But I remember her literally glomping on a guy that wasn’t Steve who walked in the door in the supertrailer, and now I know that Stasha doesn’t glomp people.
I love you Steve…Your hot & I love the show! It really hits the nail on the head! kisses
Steve Ward,
If I wanna rub some guy under a table that is my business. If I wanna drink and have a good time, that is also my business. Don’t for a second think that any of this behavior is an invitation to rape me. This issue isn’t about Arian’s behavior (which was over the top and sad) but your comments about what her behavior would lead to. How about instead of warning women about what they need to do in order to avoid rape, we simply tell men that rape is NOT OKAY, and that under no circumstances should they rape a woman.
I truly hope that no one you love or care about will ever be sexually attacked because god forbid they have to tell you about it, knowing that you place blame on victims. It’s this exact mentality that prevents women from reporting their attacks and pressing charges.
Why don’t you simply say I’m sorry and then go to a victims crisis center so you can see that we’re not all %&~_@(~~_#)`*$+!` s, we are women who are deserving of sympathy and care. We all are, even those of us who were @ssaulted drunk and in tight clothing.
Shame on you!
@ tanya, he never said rape is ok. stop trying to demonize him. and for you to act like rubbing a guy under the table is ok, i hope ure never left alone with young impressionable females.
I really want to believe Steve’s take on Shane’s behavior, because he seems like an otherwise excellent match for Jody. He’s falling hard for her and wants to make sure there will be a soft place to land. Still, I have some nagging concerns.
Asking the questions he did was natural. Even being a bit persistent is cool. Here’s what gives me the chills: his behavior changed when her reaction didn’t jive with his expectations. He didn’t sense Jodi’s extreme discomfort because he was lost in his own drama, so he was unable to respond compassionately. My concern is, is this how he reacts every time his mate’s feelings don’t exactly match the script in his head? The fact is, we don’t know. The audience doesn’t have enough information about him yet.
It would be very telling to know why his marriage broke up. I’m not saying we should judge the man by what his ex thinks of him. But if she uses words like “controlling” or “rigid”, we might know that his behavior with Jodi was more than a fluke. I’m glad she’s giving him another chance so we can all learn more.
The show is fascinating! I love that you’re going so far beneath the surface, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
I think Arian was over the top. She was making herself look like a hoe. I’m glad Steve’s mom cleared things up with Jody though, cause that’s not what that guy meant. What about that black girl on there though, she had a good man who was interested in her and she blew it off cause his FEET! Lady do you know how hard it is to find a good black man and you blow it off because of his feet… WTF!!!!
Steve,
What is up with your forehead? When you raise your eyebrows nothing happens?!? Botox much?
BoysBuzz
I don’t see why jody’s behavior was not justified! The questions wher harsh, too direct and demeaning. Jody was totally right in my eyes to have reacted like this.
I am a man in the same situation as her here in Hawaii, and have variouse women tell me the same things.
In reality, I am a good, conciderate, loyal, and consistantly fair individual.I am considered a good looking 42 year old man in shape,stable and stoked with my life, but there are too many vampires are out there. Jody gives me the inspiration that there are some real,down to earth women out there…a beautifully warm sincere ALOHA to Jody!!!
I don’t see why Jody’s behavior was not justified! The questions were harsh, too direct and demeaning. Jody was totally right in my eyes to have reacted like this.
I am a man in the same situation as her here in Hawaii, and have variouse women tell me the same things in the same way.
In reality, I am a good, conciderate, loyal, and consistantly fair individual. I am considered a good looking 42 year old man in shape, stable and very stoked with my life, but there are too many vampires are out there to be taken advantage by. Jody gives me the inspiration that there are some real,down to earth women out there…A beautifully warm sincere ALOHA to Jody!!!
I agree! Steve, u da man! I’ve seen a few reality shows but u definitly keep it real with the women! More reality should be reality, not drama! I think I need u to set me up!
Are you serious?! This is all Ward has to say about his misogynistic and unsafe words? Ward, do you even hear yourself?
Another 1,000+ words:
http://twolia.com/blogs/relationship-underarm-stick/2009/04/10/mommy-make-the-bad-man-stop/
I agree with leaxon and thought Jody’s behavior was justified. Shane was demeaning to her, making a comment that she ‘really sucked down’ her wine. instead of dropping the subject, he persisted asking her a question that obviously made her uncomfortable, showing no sensitivity. this is certainly not the way to behave on a third date- how much of a jerk will he be at the next occasion. even his referring to her as a ‘good girl’ annoyed me – she is not some girl and who is he to evaluate her? watching this clip, i was wondering why jody didn’t turn it back on him and ask him why he was divorced or giving an answer to his question something along the line of i was never really sure and didnt want to go through a painful divorce or put a child through a painful divorce. i guess hindsight is more clear. i was disappointed she forgave him and hope she asks steve for a new match if he repeats this behavior.
The rape comment waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line!!!!!!!! Should never have been said especially on national TV.
Does anyone know where I can get the wallpaper they use in the house? I love all of it!!
Luv luv luv the show and I don’t think the rape comment was over the line.but i dont understand why she is still there she clearly has some serious issue and I dont think a long term relationship with respect is in the cards for her right now because she doesnt respect herself she need to deal with that first
Steve,
I was date raped by someone I thought I knew well because I let my guard down with a man I had known for a year. The only point I say in telling you this, is that your comment did NOT AT ALL offend me.
You are absolutely 100% correct. In an Utopian society, women should be able to pass out naked and drunk at a party and nothing happen, but reality is its not that way. In no way am I excusing attackers (believe me…NO WAY am I excusing them), but I am saying women all need to be wary of men until you know them VERY, VERY well. It’s important to say that MOST rape victims know their attackers, so be VERY wary!!!!!!!!
Back to what you said though…
It’s kind of like saying that cigarettes may cause Cancer. It’s a risky behavior which leads to a serious demise. Will it necessarily happen? No, but smoking is linked to cancer. Risky behavior is linked to sexual violence. Why mess with the odds? Anyone who believes differently is crazy!
Ultimately, it is the attackers fault. Undoubtedly. But as women, we all need to protect ourselves and arm ourselves with knowledge. Realistically, putting out there to the world that you are ready to have sex with pretty much anyone sends a message to a man that you wouldn’t put up much of a fight…you might even be down with it and in a rapists’ screwed up head – you’re a perfect target.
Point of this post: You’re absolutely right. I’ve been raped and am more than willing to admit my own mistakes in it, but never do I (_~`$$++`+@@(#^ ume responsibility. You aren’t putting the responsibility on her, just showing her the mistakes! I wish you were around for me a few years ago.
Dear Mr. Ward
I love what you are doing for those girls on your show and I was wondering if you had considered offering any “tough love” to any of the girls from either “Rock of Love Bus” and “Real Chance of Love” (that did not get admitted into “Charm School Gives Back”) or those from “Flavor of Love 3″(who did not get admitted into “Flavor of Love Girls Charm School”) and “For the Love of Ray J” for the second season of “Tough Love?”
Dear Tanya,
I totally agreed with what Steve said to Arian. Sexually teasing a guy you barely know is like jaywalking without checking for traffic first. Sure you make it to the other side, but is the risk of imminent danger worth it. Steve basically is stating a sick reality of life. Arian’s behavior puts her at risk. She doesn’t know of this guy or any other she is “friendly” to is passive aggressive or just plain aggressive. Later when she’s not comfortable to the level the situation has risen to that guy may think she forfeited her right to say no and that could be a dangerous situation for her.
And what guy is gonna respect a girl who is so forward? You don’t attract guy who wants a long term relationship with that kind of behavior. Guys will %)(`_@)#`%%)`)$ ume a girl like that is easy and they won’t want her for longer than it takes to “hit it and quit it” if they want her at all. Because guys can be dogs like that and that’s how they roll. I have seen them do this crap to other girls over and over.
I think Arian lacks basic self-esteem. I think that she thinks feels she is lacking in other important areas such as intelligence, grace, pride, natural beauty (she looks like she’s had a lot of cosmetic work, etc. And I am not saying that plastic surgery is wrong, but people don’t fix noses, get breast work, or use botox and all that if they feel are fine. I am just saying I’m sure she comes from an emotionally vulnerable place and she masks it with her tendency to be sexually outgoing.
She is there obviously because she wants a long term relationship, but she reaches into her bag of petty tricks to cast her line with the same tricks that have failed her time and time again. Why would you use the tools that have obviously failed you over and over again? That makes no sense. If she didn’t want to be in a serious relationship she would just go about her regular business. But she’s on this show to change so she has to learn to attract a man in other ways…that’s just the bottom line.
In conclusion, you can do whatever you want to a guy rub on him, just shake his hand, makeout with him, or peck him on the cheek. But if you are all over him teasing him and whatnot don’t expect him to respect on a higher ground. Your value to other people is only has high as the value you hold yourself to. And everyone deserves to be valued highly. I hope that is food for thought.
I love this SHOW! Show! this show is so GREAT! It has substance to it!
Tanya, he never said or implied that rape is okay. And he wasn’t talking to men. He was talking to Arian.
We can tell men that rape is wrong all we want, but no matter how many times they are told, and how many laws there are against it, some men are creeps and we need to be proactive and take care of ourselves instead of expecting others to do the right thing.
I should also be able to go shopping without being robbed but that doesn’t mean I should leave my packages out in the open. Is it wrong for someone to take them? Of course! But is it smart of me to leave them out there? No!
It’s also very presumptuous of you to take it upon yourself to speak for all rape victims. Taking personal responsibility does not relieve others of guilt for their own actions. Some of us can recognize the distinction.
Incidentally, I would like to see a Tough Love for Men next time around, and certainly instead of another horrible Mystery show. Then Steve can educate men on the proper way to treat women instead of turning guys into shallow pretentious womanizing twits like Mystery. It would be nice to see more socially responsible reality programming instead of that salacious garbage.
I also find it strange that people would accuse Steve of being misogynistic when he’s following in his mom’s footsteps. I think that reveals a lot about his character.
I just have one question – where is he finding all of these men at the mixers? They seem to be so nice and “normal”. I never come across any of this calibur and I’m just south of where the show is filmed…….
“And I was trying to explain to her that when you do things like that you put yourself in harm’s way. ”
This is a classic example of victim blaming and slut shaming. Men use the threat of rape to control women in all kinds of contexts, just look at burqas and restrictions on women’s freedoms in the Middle East. The motivation there is always said to be protecting women. What if she were raped? Should we be unsymapthetic or not prosecute the crime?
I love this show and I love Steve. Even though he is a total metro, is a little on the hairy side(lots of chest hair is not cute), and walks stiff he is still HOT!! I have learned a few things and am greatful for this show. Thanks Steve :0)
what is the scripture tattoo on taylor?
Steve, love the show. My girlfriend and I watch every week. Where did you get arian? If she thinks she can get a guy with her sex appeal she’s wrong. I agree with what you said about her getting raped if she continued her inappropriate behavior, however it wasen’t the answer she want to hear. I don’t know if she wants a boyfriend or a one night stand! Taylor ‘s nickname is gold digger because she wants a guy with alot of money. All I have to say to her is Good luck finding a guy with alot of money. Our Economy is in the worse shape now wouldn’t be the time to find a guy with money in the bank. Jody is somebody most people can relate to. Shane is a keeper as far as I’m Concerned. To be with somebody who is suffering the same problems jody did is something never seen, Until now. I hope things go really well with Jody and Shane. As Well as Jackie and Brock. She found her guy very easy the only thing I hope is that her nick name “Bridezilla” doesn’t show. My Last hope is that stasha and her date work out. Who would ever thought she found a date before she came to you.
Well, I finally got a chance to watch episode 5. Wow! I couldn’t believe how Stasha went to jelly with her guy. I think he’s pretty adorable, and she’s a softer, sweeter person with him. High hopes!
I voiced my doubts about Jody and Shane above, and was hoping this episode would change my mind. No such luck, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. The editors gave us so very little of their interaction that it’s hard to say.
Based on the little we saw, it seemed like he was glomming onto Steve’s explanation to justify his behavior. Where I come from, telling a person why it was OK to do what you did isn’t the same as an apology. I didn’t see any acknowledgement that he knew he had been insensitive, and no promise to try to avoid such hurtful actions in the future.
What I did see was a rush to get back to “normal”. “We just put it behind us”…almost as if he were generously forgiving her for straying off-script with her inconvenient and messy feelings. And she seemed all too willing to go along with it. If they didn’t do some real healing off-screen, they’re just rearranging deck chairs on the `~~($+&~!&!))+# anic. (Steve, if you’re reading this, did they?)
Side note: I was also put off by the way he repeatedly referred to her as a “good girl”, as tltvwatcher mentioned. I didn’t say it because I thought I was being too sensitive to what might just be a verbal tic of his. But I can’t help seeing it as another indication that he has a picture of what a “good girl” is or does, and if she isn’t the perfect Stepford Wife, he could just as easily dump her in the “bad” category. Good girl is what I say when my dog does her duty in the great outdoors rather than on my rug.
Well, enough said. I want things to work out for Jody, but I have a really bad feeling about this…
I LOVE YOU STEVE, AND I’M 22 YEARS OLD I SEE MARRIAGE AS OUR ANCESTORS DID, A PRODUCT OF BENEFIT TOWARDS EACH OTHER, BUT THE BIG PLUS L O V E. MARRIAGE ISNT A GAME TO BE PLAYED WITH, ITS SERIOUS AND IT TAKES A LOT OF ()~_&#(@~$~)@@!( ING WORK. WHEN I GOT MARRIED, EVERY FRIEND OF MIND STARTED TO RUSH INTO THEIR MARRIAGES, BUT I WAS LIKE “WAIT HOLD UP?!”…”YA HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS, OR HOW IT IS” ITS A !_@(%`*!%`#)*##! LOAD MORE THEN WHAT I EXPECTED, YES I DID MARRY THE MAN OF MY DREAMS, THE ONE WHO I ALWAYS INTENDED TO BE WITH, AND I DONT KNOW HOW THESE GIRLS DONT PICK UP AND BE A STRONG PERSON FROM THEIR EVERY FAIL, IVE BEEN RAPPED, MISTREATED BOTH PHYSICAL AND MENTALLY, CHEATED ON, BUT NEVER HAVE I DONE THE CHEATING, YES THE MISTREATED OUT OF REACTION, BUT I GOT UP, THEY SAY THAT YOUR SUPPOSE TO MEET SOMEONE WITH PATIENCE AND ALL THAT BUT ISNT IT FROM EVERY FALL IN THE END YOU’LL GAIN 100% PURE GREATNESS, WELL I’M HERE TO PROVE IT AND SAY YES, IF MY MARRIAGE DOESNT WORK OUT WILL I RE-MARRY, MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT. ITS JUST A LOT OF WORK, SOME PEOPLE ARENT MEANT TO BE MARRIED, SOME ARE BETTER SINGLE. THOU I’M NOT SAYING THAT NO ONE SHOULD GET MARRIED, IF ONLY THEY TRULY BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING GRANTED WITHIN EACH OTHER.
Steve really puts it out there. In this particular situation (this tv series), what he says CAN NOT be taken personally.he says it bc it needs to be said. period.if any of these women aren’t ready to take a look at themselves,they’re not ready to date seriously. they take what’s said too far as a distraction so they can focus on how “mean” steve is. arian- no one is going to fall in love with a slut. the comment about setting herself up to get raped- DEAD ON!!! She blew up to try to distract from the truth.
steve- i’d love to learn more about the 4 ways you spoke of.
hey, no one is implying that rape is a woman’s fault. Women don’t “ask” to be raped. However, lying out naked at a frat party wouldn’t exactly help your chances now would it?
You should never allow a strange man, one who could potentially be a rapist or even a serial killer, believe that you are an easy victim.
It’s about Arian:
She doesn’t trust her intuition about a guy, if he would be faithful or not. If he would, at some point meet a girl and betray for sexual reasons. She wants to see a guy who is not going to think with his lower head when it comes to a serious relationship. She is willing to sacrifice her self and be her own guinea pig, than risk betrayal when she’s vulnerably in love.
She chose a hard road, but she must make the choice consciously and understand the risks.
I’m sorry, but this guy is pathetic. Firstly, in his inference that girls have to play along with ‘cool’ guy activities, but guys don’t have to play along with girl activities that ‘try your patience’. Great. So the key to relationships is women making concessions to men, but men aren’t obligated to give the same in return? This man is supposed to understand women?
And secondly, telling a girl she’s asking to get raped for being forward, failing to apologise, and then going further in elaborating a well-trodden rape myth? Arian is at risk of plenty of things by ‘continuing her behaviour’ the first of which is lack of any meaningful, emotionally involved relationship. But saying she’s asking to be raped is a gross misunderstanding of what rape actually is and excusing of the responsibility of rapists. The only thing that will get Arian raped is if she has the misfortune of meeting a rapist. Nothing she does can provoke an ordinary man to rape her unless he already is predisposed towards misogyny and violence, because men are not animals. They have restraint and control and morality. By saying she’s inviting rape, that is a deep insult to men. I have to remind people of that, since the insulting double-standard to women in shaming them for being sexually expressive is not one that Steve or any of the vacuous fame-chasers who go on his show seem to care about.
Make no mistake, Steve doesn’t have this show because he’s a good match-maker. He has it because he’s a damn sadist, and if there was one thing we didn’t need any less than more sadistic reality shows that humiliate people, it’s sadistic reality shows that perpetuate dangerous attitudes to rape.
Arian and her mom are low-class and trashy. If Arian didn’t think that going on this show was going to pick apart her issues with men, then she’s crazy. Her behavior is disgusting and she knows it is, or she wouldn’t be so defensive and overbearing. She’s not cute, and her mom should care whether or not her daughter is sooooo inappropriate and raunchy. Then again, I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Steve you are an idiot who has no right to give advice to anyone. arian, whatever her name is that you kicked off should not fell like she is a failure…but you should. the girls were there to get help, you don’t just get rid of them when they don’t respond the way you want…putting her out like that with no follow up or referral is dangerous and thats why an untrained person like you should not have a show giving advice to anyone..u do more harm than good. Plus the fact that you need your mommy to step in and help whenever the heat gets to hot for you. you can dish it out but cant take it. Feel sorry for any girl you get with who has to deal with your overbearing mom.
I am a female prosecutor and I totally agree with what Steve said about Arian’s behavior. You have to be aware of your behavior and circumstances. If you get robbed that is not your fault but should take care not to walk in alone in an unsafe area at night. That is what he is saying. You should not put yourself in a vulnerable situation that has consistently been shown to lead to bad results. Rape is always wrong but you should protect yourself and keep yourself safe. Part of this is being aware of situations that can put yourself in danger. The incidences of rape rise with alcohol consumption and you should be mindful of possible dangerous situations in bars with men that you do not know very well. Arian’s behavior could have indicated to her date that she was consenting to things she was not consenting to and, then, when they left the bar, after several drinks, Arian would be unable to protect herself from a potential attack. That attack would STILL be UNACCEPTABLE.
You are so right, Steve! Why can’t women just quit getting themselves raped all the time? Rape is horribly common. One in six women will be raped in her lifetime.
You would think that would make women really think about it and realize that perhaps they shouldn’t make the decision to get raped. But nooooo, rapists keep on becoming rapists because women flat out refuse to stop getting raped. What is UP with women? Don’t they care about all these criminals they are creating and what they are doing to the crime rate because they won’t stop getting themselves raped?
All rape victims (and those who live in fear of rape) who were distressed by Steve’s comment need to step up and take responsibility for all the rape they make the rapists do.
Arian and her mother are pure trash. Steve’s rape comment was on target. Arian is a hot mess.
ADIOS ARIAN! You and your mom can have all the men you can stand in your trailor! NO ONE will ever respect you, and you don’t even care. SO WHY SHOULD ANYONE ELSE?
Hannah, you’re an idiot.
If you avoid putting yourself in a situayion where you can be harmed, your chances of being harmed are reduced.
Steve said he is not blaming the victim. He was saying that women need to take some responsbility for the situations they put themselves in. If you realize that you constantly put yourself in a situation where a man can take advantage, you have a chance to avoid those situations in the future.
it’s like – why walk down that dark alley if you know there are killers lurking in the shadows?
I think Steven gives great practical advice. That female Arial or whatever her name is had the wrong upbringing. To speak like that with your mother without any discretion shows that that sort of behavior was the norm for her family. Also, the mother did not seem to even flinch when confronted with the disgusting behavior. I really believe that neither the mother nor the daughter have a clue about decent behavior. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. I don’t feel sorry for the woman because she had sense enough to try and milk sympathy from the other cast members and tried to manipulate her mother with half truths just to get the better of Steven. Some people are beyond help if they do not want help. She’s a grown woman and if she’s still wanting to behave whorishly so be it. The mom already said that she gets it from her. What can you do? No, man wants to married that. Steve was just trying to do his job.
I think Steven gives great practical advice. That female Arial or whatever her name is had the wrong upbringing. To speak like that with your mother without any discretion shows that that sort of behavior was the norm for her family. Also, the mother did not seem to even flinch when confronted with the disgusting behavior. I really believe that neither the mother nor the daughter have a clue about decent behavior. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”. I don’t feel sorry for the woman because she had sense enough to try and milk sympathy from the other cast members and tried to manipulate her mother with half truths just to get the better of Steven. Some people are beyond help if they do not want help. She’s a grown woman and if she’s still wanting to behave whorishly so be it. The mom already said that she gets it from her. What can you do? No, man wants to married that. Steve was just trying to do his job. That female is dead set on being a grown fool. The mom is no help. You can’t be your child’s friend. You’re suppose to be better than a friend. Heck, even a real friend will set your tail straight when you’re wrong!
Steve, you and your mother have great patience. I have never seen so many needy, fragile, and psychotic women in my life. The blond from OK is the worst. She is awaiting to erupt. I hope that your usual clientele is not reflected in these rejects. You are going EVERYTHING right with all of the WRONG women.
I would like to see another series but with women who don’t follow the program are kicked out each week.
Good luck.
I am a 41 year old female who has been divorced twice. I was in both relationships for the long haul, however, neither one worked (1st marriage 5 yrs, 2nd 11 yrs). But I gave both of them my best, my everything but it wasn’t enough. I was wondering if I could get tough love to analyze me because now I have to look a myself and not my exes eventhough one was a physical abuser and the other was a mental abuser. I have to ask what attracts abusers to me.
i liked this show alot, i think steven is very sexy you know it was very bad how that pretty lady came(forgot her name) but anyway she came to the party with her mother and she totally bad mouthed steven…come on and then she expects not to be put in the hot seat i mean really do you think you’re going to get away with that and then she acts like everythings fine the next day even i knew something had to be done about that…even though i didnt like her attitude at the party i still dont think steen should have sen her home…i felt really bad an then she was all like “yeah steven you really love me, thats why your sending me home” (sad face).
Pick Jessica Alaitis for season two of Tough Love!!!
What a lovely day for a 1135655! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 873633! SCK was here
What a lovely day for a 1808899! SCK was here
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52 responses to to Tough Talk From Steven – Episode 4