I Love Money 2 Recap – Episode 11 – Girls Rule…Again!

Just in case this show wasn’t complicated enough for you…

…a new alliance emerges!

So, we pick right up from last week and Saaphyri is pissed that her homegirl Buckwild just got the boot courtesy of 20 Pack’s foot.

Saaphyri announces that she needs a shot “for real for real.” 20 Pack says that he’s “beyond sorry” about having to get rid of Becky. Saaphyri interviews that she is pissed at 20′s “dumb self.” Some people are sexy when they’re mad; Saaphyri is hilarious.

20 explains to her that he kept her around because it wouldn’t have made sense to have all physical people on their alliance — they know that something mental is coming up. 20′s mental if he thinks a) that’s true since this show has yet to test intelligence formally and b) that anyone’s buying his rationalizations. The members of what he and only he refers to frequently as the “Goon Alliance” (stop trying to make “Goon Alliance” happen!) chortle at 20′s attempt to spin his decision into a moral one, since it was ultimately a selfish act. Tailor Made explains that 20′s agreement with them bought him only a single free pass. Meanwhile, Myammee doesn’t even think that 20 has that, as she wasn’t in the room when the pseudo-alliance was made with 20. More important than Myammee’s thoughts, however, is what she looks like while having them.

That’s showbiz for ya.

Finally, It hangs out with crumbs on his face…

…and reflects on his relationship with Saaphyri, or at least, that’s what the editors would have you believe via a series of clips. Anyway, the point is that it looks like Saaphyri’s time on the show is winding down. Saaphyri herself interviews that she has now realized that she’s part of the “dumb alliance.” It took her a while to realize that, but then, of course it did: it’s the dumb alliance and she’s on it. Any other way just wouldn’t have made sense. In perhaps an act of desperation, she decides to have a Shirley Brown-esque woman-to-woman moment.

Saaphyri seems to be hinting around an all-girl alliance. She attempts to butter Myammee up by saying, “You a cute girl.” Myammee, much to her credit, is not having it. “You just said I was ugly the other day,” she retorts. “It’s like everybody say everything!” is Saaphyri’s response. Again and again, her finding herself on the dumb alliance seems like no coincidence. Then, for no particular reason, Saaphyri wonders why Myammee has to be naked at eliminations.

Tension starts to escalate as Saaphyri clarifies that she just called Myammee “cute” and not “beautiful.” Myammee interviews: “Maybe she’s mad she can’t wear lingerie. She has to wear sleepwear.” Not sleepwear! She might as well have to wear a scarlet S for the shame in being condemned to sleepwear.

Talking Craig photo talks vague nonsense. They’re all carted to the site of the challenge.

It’s called Loud Mouth and it’s based on all the screaming that goes down on these shows. There’s so much of that it barely needs to be highlighted. I’m screaming right now, in fact, having to reiterate the stuff. Anything less than a scream is a whisper. Anyway, what they’ll be doing in pairs is standing on the platforms and screaming into the mics above them. They must scream at a level of 100 dB for as long as possible. If they dip under, the trap door opens, they fall and they lose. That sounds more like an episode of Pee-Wee’s Playhouse than anything of the Celebreality oeuvre, but whatever. Pee-Wee’s cool, too, I guess.

First up is a pairing Craig refers to as “the super-cutie and Myammee.”

Which: woooooow. Craig “apologizes” for the slip but adds:

So, there you go: Craig has a crush on 20 Pack. I always think of Craig as an authority figure, so this has the initial effect of a teacher expressing interest in one of his students. But once you think about the sleazy world of reality TV, this kind of crush is about as innocent as it gets. Hosts got needs, too.

Craig is undoubtedly excited about the imagery that immediately unfolds…

It’s almost porno! Anyway, 20 interviews that he’s “throwing” the challenge, I guess because he thinks he’s safe per his deal with Tailor Made, and this way he won’t have to be the one to send Saaphyri home. I think? I don’t know really what motivates anyone do to anything anymore. The more this goes on, the more logic is desecrated.

Next up:

Tailor loses.

And then:

Angelique loses.

This surprises Tailor Made becuase, “I figured she had a lot of experience with her mouth open.” Yeah, but if you look at it this way, it makes sense: it didn’t take long for Angelique to go down on this challenge. Angelique interviews that she’s better at moaning, even though she doesn’t seem particularly great at that, either.

Next up:

Saaphyri loses, and so there are only members of the “Goon Alliance”/Underdogs left.

The first pairing of the next round is:

Prancer loses. And then:

It ends up falling in, like, two seconds. That means the final pairing will be:

Myammee ends up having the lungs of gold. She wins the challenge and is the Paymaster (meanwhile, 20 is the dead-last loser). Myammee celebrates by doing a bastardized version of Evolution of Dance. A bastardization of a bastardization sounds about right for someone who appeared on Flavor of Love. It all falls in line. The highlight is her doing the robot.

But then, of course it is.

Back at home, we come to find that Myammee is both a dancer and a saint.

Anyway, It suggests that they f*** 20 Pack over. As Myammee wasn’t witness to the deal he cut with Tailor Made, she’s considering it, too. Tailor, meanwhile, doesn’t want to drop his end of the bargain.

So he drunkenly arranges a meeting with 20 Pack to at least give him the heads-up that people are gunning for him.

As he slurs some advice at 20 Pack, it’s clear that drunk Tailor Made sounds a lot like drunk Heat. Tailor Made is a man of his word — he wouldn’t want someone he negotiated with to feel betrayeded. Meanwhile, Saaphyri eavesdrops within spitting distance and yet no one seems to notice.

I think everyone’s on the dumb alliance a little. Saaphyri interviews, “Pity on the fool, pity on the fool and the fool is you 20 Pack.” OK, Mr. T. She haughtily walks up to the doorway of 20′s room like Joan Crawford walking into a beauty shop on 54th and Crenshaw to demand a refund.

She confronts him about negotiating a deal that sent Becky home and put a price on her own head. She rants about 20′s betrayal and calls him a “little bitch.” Uh, that’s ripped bitch to you, Saaph. The dude isn’t little.

“That’s the only vendetta I got in this bitch is to get your ass out,” she tells him. All watching seem amused, with the exception of It. The novelty of Saaphyri’s histrionics probably wear off after you’ve shared a bed with her. I can’t relate to that…

…but I know how everyone else feels.

After Saaphyri has calmed down, she plots with Frenchie to form an all-girl alliance.

Except, the other women on the show are already at work planning an estro-lliance of their own. And this one’s terms are slightly more exclusive.

Why not band together for the sake of vaginas and aesthetics. It’s practically logical considering the faulty reasoning that this show was founded on.

In the vault, before voting, Saaphyri implores the girls openly to band together to get the guys out. “At the end of the day, it’s numbers,” she says. I’m so sick of hearing people say, “It’s a numbers game,” that I’m considering boycotting math all together. Checkbook, get ready for a life lacking in balance!

Nobody cares about what Saaphyri and only Saaphyri refers to as her “eloquent speech.” They all vote against her, as expected.

Angelique also gets voted in the box, of course. That means each remaining member of the Frank alliance is in there. Gee, I’m starting to sense a pattern.

As a result of this, Saaphyri says that she’s quitting the show.

“I wanna show people at home that this whole voting process is bulls***,” she explains. Wow, you mean there are actually people who don’t end up benefiting from a democratic vote? I never knew! I thought everyone who ever ran for president was the president. Ralph Nader, you sure fooled me! Thanks, Saaph! Score one for the commies, zero for the yanks.

Before voiding her check, Craig wants to make sure one more time that Saaphyri is serious. Saaphyri asks It if she should quit. It gives her a pep talk that involves the little girls who wear Lip Chap and look up to her getting pregnant by drug dealers as a result of Saaph’s quitting. Seriously. And this is enough to convince her to stay. Seriously! And it’s also enough to make his team freak out at him for giving up the chance to eliminate two people from the other alliance tonight.

Seriously! It thinks keeping Saapyhri around “would be better for us.” And by “us,” he probably means all the different people in his head who tell him to do things. Or maybe him and his genitalia. Myammee declares that penis and vagina are getting in the way of alliances. That is quite a sandwich she’s painting a picture of. It probably tastes like tongue.

The Power Outing is a subdued affair at a spa.

It’s all rather dull, actually, with 20 Pack falling asleep during the course of it. I guess it’s mostly boring because you can’t show happy endings on TV. 20 obviously thinks he’s safe, which Myammee takes offense to. She needs his attention, as she’s the queen of the day. And here are her highness’ royal feet:

They then dine.

Myammee takes Saaphyri to task for her It connection. Saaphyri interviews that she’s sick of Myammee’s “big, marshmallow head.” The better to roast you with, Saaphyri! Saaphyri refuses to kiss Myammee’s ass. She says her relationship with It is a good thing for Myammee. Myammee concedes that it does give her the potential for inside info. It’s really nice and contradictory that everyone’s so open about backstabbing.

Elimilation! Myammee is, of course, “naked” and not in sleepwear.

Saaphyri, quite possibly, is:

Frenchie gets called first, but we knew that was going to happen. 20 Pack interviews that if Myammee sends him home, karma’s a bitch. I think if you utter a tired cliche like, “Karma’s a bitch,” on this show, you’ll soon find out how big a bitch it is. That’s my theory anyway. And look: 20′s going home. Myammee sets it up like she’s going to keep the agreement with him. She says she’s not going against her team…and her team just said they want 20 out. And by “team,” I’m guessing she means the PGA. When Saaphyri goes up to receive her check, she does it with major attitude, snatching it from Craig and resolving that she’s not going to be nice to Myammee just because she was spared. “I could beat you, kill you, murder you,” Myammee tells Saaph. At last, the promise of some real drama!

As we head out, Tailor Made says that he feels no longer in control of his team. That’s all part of Myammee’s plan. Vagina power!

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I Love Money 2 show page
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