New York Goes To Work Recap - Episode 3 - Nudes, New York

Mature, naked people and emoticon censoring…

…that’s what we got for ya this week…

New York pulls into the Tera Cotta Inn and is greeted by a woman with tremendous…

…smiles, and it’s clear that once again, America has made the right choice and sent Tiffany to the place where she’ll squirm the most. It is a nudist resort, a penis paradise, if you will. Already, Newy wants to hang up her hat.

How appropriate she’d want to hang up any article of clothing at a nudist resort! These people approaching her with effusive dispositions and exposed genitals are the resort owner Tom and his wife, Mary Claire. Tom says ridiculous things like, “I usually work in shoes, socks and a smile!”

Enjoyment of nudity aside, that’s just a weird thing to say. It’s like Ned Flanders-level creepy. (I guess working at a nudist resort is like wearin’ nothin’ at all! Nothin’ at all! Nothin’ at all!) New York seems to have a hard time dealing with the fact that Tom’s “wiener” is out. So I guess she’s prudish this episode, then…?

Instead of going long in the face of schlong New York sticks it out and decides to do what Tom throws at her. Although it would be hilarious if she really did up and go after two minutes, leaving VH1 with 28 minutes of dead air, something tells me the advertisers wouldn’t really be into that. Not even as an artistic statement.

These are the tasks Newy will bungle and, at best, be half-assed about this week. She approaches breakfast with a look on her face that suggests…

…”Why me?” ‘Cause you parked it on the network of sadists that is VH1, that’s why!

New York helps serve a woman with exposed breasts who looks like Flo from Alice. Childhood memories, you just got a little weirder. Then some hot, thick guy comes up to her…

…and he basically assaults her, whipping his towel off right in front of her so as to inflict maximum discomfort.

“Your thang is out!” says New York. She doesn’t seem particularly impressed and you know that New York is a fan of big thangs. It’s interesting that her reactions telegraph what the emoticons hide. He asks New York about getting naked and she refuses, saying, “I feel naked just by lookin’ at your body!” That must be…interesting. Is that a breeze or empathic nudity you’re feeling? Only your panties know for sure. I think that she continues carrying on the conversation because he really, really is hot.

Also, did I mention that he’s hot?

The same cannot be said for this bear who’s all kinds of bitchy with New York. He flings something at her, which she has to retrieve off the ground.

She does it and her patience is nothing short of virtuous. She receives a well-deserved pass on this task.

Then, New York is ready to serve. She fetches a beer for an appreciative geriatric gentleman. Then, she comes face-to-face with the bitchy guy again. She repeatedly refers to him as the “big, fat hairy man.” Hey, whatever works for her. It’s her job. He asks for hot tea, which is about the stupidest thing you can order when you’re hanging out in the sun.

Then, once it’s presented to him, he asks for a stirrer. OK, fair enough. That was New York’s oversight. Then, when that’s brought, he asks, “Where are the floaties?” I’m sorry, what are the floaties? Like swimmies? Does he really think two little blow-up sleeves around his arms are going to keep him afloat? New York tells him she’s getting sick of his attitude. She also interviews, “I might pluck every last hair out of his back, one by one.”

That’s New York for ya, always creating more work for herself.

She ends up hanging out with people who are a little nicer.

She asks who she thinks is the wife of the Hef-esque dude above, “You don’t get mad if I stare down there?” She really can’t get over the penis thing, huh? Anyway, that woman isn’t his wife. New York seems shocked at all the freedom going on.

When she does talk to that guy’s wife…

…she explains to Newy that nudism isn’t about sex. Every single situation this woman is thrust into is an act of discovery. I can’t wait till we get to watch New York learn how babies are made.

New York has completed this task.

Next up is cleaning with a young lady named Holly.

She seems to do OK working side-by-side with this woman, but left to her own devices, New York just kind of hits things with a rag and pretends it’s sufficient.

She’s given a room to clean by herself and she fails almost immediately when she can’t get the vacuum cleaner to turn on.

It turns out that she didn’t hit the power button. What a convenient mistake!

And then New York takes a break from all the non-cleaning.

Yeah, that’s a fail.

Then, it’s luau time. New York is supposed to plant tiki torches in the ground, but when she tries to do this and it proves to be more difficult than just, like, setting them down, she gives up and busts out the ornate drinks.

The hot, thick dude wags his penis at her. She seems to enjoy this. At one point, she sees an old man and wonders aloud, “Is that Richard Dreyfuss.” Oh, when someone busts out the Dreyfuss, you know they’re really having fun. What a party.

New York rests again, setting two drinks in front of her. Tom comes to confront are about the tiki torches.

Or maybe holding them perpendicular to the ground is his way of signaling that he has an erection. Hard to say. Anyway, he scolds Newy for this and for drinking on the job.

And now it’s time for New York to face the genitals, I mean music.

I mean genitals. Holly is careful to point out New York’s friendliness, but she adds that New York was unwilling to work. Fail. Mary Claire compliments New York on her enthusiasm and general manner. Pass! Tom says that her drinking on the job was his main concern. He wants to give her her check…

…but not really. Wow, for the first time New York does not get paid! I thought I’d never live to see the day. In parting, New York says, “Tom, I had to look at your penis all day today. You coulda gave me half the money just for that alone.” Please, you know she enjoyed it. At least it gave her something to complain about. You know how much she loves doing that. As she’s stepping in the car she says, “That was weird, anyway. I’m glad it didn’t work.” Yeah, who wants the dirty, naked money of nudists, anyway?

Related content
New York Goes to Work show page
New York Goes to Work videos and extras

This entry was posted on Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm