Charm School Recap – Episode 3 – In With The Old

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Lala thinks that this is isn’t charming:

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I, on the other hand, beg to differ.

Shocks! Explosions! Picking up from exactly where we left off last week, the house is reverberating from Ki Ki’s expulsion. So Hood angrily wrestles her stuff into luggage, cries in an interview while talking about standing up for her beliefs…

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…and has an angry conversation with her man that ends with the receiver at the, uh, receiving end of her aggression.

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As Risky rants about the unfairness of the situation, Farrah reacts outside…

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She says that no matter how much they drink, they’ll never be like the angry girls. It’s true – when it comes to using their mouths, Farrah’s clique is more likely to make love than war. Usually said love is being made to each other. Farrah compares the girls to “chickens squawkin’” in an interview and, shockingly, this isn’t even her most problematic choice of words.

After this season’s 5,000th, “Kiss my black ass!” we see So Hood getting in the shuttle van that connects reality to the real world.

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She interviews that her decision is a protest and that she is “like the modern day Martin Luther King.” I think we can all agree that when Martin looked forward to a day where people are not judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character, he was predicting Ki Ki’s elimination and meant “character” in the TV sense of the word. Martin, you see, was like the modern day Nostradamus.

After a flip-off…

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…So Hood is off.

We cut back to Farrah saying that she feels that she was dropped off in the ghetto.

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This is in reference to all the screaming in the wake of Ki Ki’s departure. I thought screaming was universal. Try, just try, to confine it to the hood. Farrah says that she’s tried to be friends with “them,” and that by remaining here she is torturing herself. So, she too is “out.” She interviews that she isn’t quitting Charm School, she’s dropping out. While I don’t really know what the difference is, I appreciate that Farrah seems to believe there is one. A sense of connotation and general linguistic nuance is hard to come by in these parts. She interviews, “I’m gonna go put my stripper shoes back on and make $100,000 in one year and say f*** that to those bitches.”

That her parting shot is much like So Hood’s…

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…just goes to show that there is unity on Charm School. These girls just don’t realize how similar they are.

The next day, Brittaney asseses the situation and gets her …It’s Me, Margaret on:

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So cursing during prayer, that’s a thing people do now? Because that’s what VH1 is leading me to believe via Saaphyri and now Brittaney Starr. I guess they figure God has bigger fish to fry than a few F-bombs. Bigger fish like keeping some girls on a reality show over others, duh.

Meanwhile, Ashley and Brittanya lie in bed together and Ashley talks about being sad that Farrah’s gone, but happy about Ki Ki and So Hood. She just doesn’t want any more Rock of Love girls to leave. Referring to Brittaney Starr, Brittanya chimes in:

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Ashley asks if Brittanya and Natasha even talk “on this show.” Friendships come and go so quickly here! Brittanya says that Natasha tried but she wasn’t having it for unspecified reasons. She says typical stuff about Natasha being a man. Natasha seems to overhear this:

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That’s sad for, like, two seconds because as a result Natasha resolves to “ruin” Brittanya’s life. Thank god reality TV is full of extreme reactions, otherwise I might end up feeling actual sympathy for these people, and I’m not trying to take my work home.

Ricki calls an emergency meeting. Risky interviews that she wonders if they’re going to have a surprise elimination. Um, no. Enough of you guys have left on your own accord. Charm School needs all the students it can hang on to at this point.

The girls convene.

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A behatted Ricki tells the girls what happened the night before was unacceptable.

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She, however, opens the floor to discuss it. Risky is the first up. She feels that Ricki made the wrong decision, as she booted someone who’s offense was verbal over someone who was physical and throwing stuff.

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Ricki reminds Risky (Ricki…Risky. Risky…Ricki.) that it was Farrah who threw the cucumber, and that her decision was influenced by the other girls saying they were scared of Ki Ki. Not to name names or anything, but could the scared girl be the one who looks…

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…petrified? Ricki at last addresses the “elephant in the room,” and asks if Risky thinks Farrah and Ashley got a pass because they’re white. Risky does think so, and she says that even people who aren’t black can see it. Lala understands why it appeared that way to Risky, but she assures her that it’s not like that. Ricki stands behind her decision.

Next up is Bay Bay Bay.

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She doesn’t appreciate being accused of playing the race card. It’s true, that kind of sucks because it invalidates a concern that is in virtually every situation valid. It’s not that every situation is racist (and, given what we were via the show, I don’t think that this one was), but things being as they are, racism is an enduring threat. Plus, how race relations come into play is at least worth examining in any given situation, even if it turns out that they don’t at all. Nothing wrong with a little dialogue, you know? Bay Bay Bay feels like the white girls are segregating themselves. She claims that Ashley accused her of being ghetto, and she’s never been ghetto, and furthermore could call Ashley ghetto because she’s a stripper and this and that. Bay Bay Bay is extremely passionate as she says this:

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I like that. I like a woman who backs up her words with her actions. Especially if those actions are interpretive gestures.

Ashley interrupts saying, “This is not race.” She finishes this thought when it’s her turn to say her peace. As she’s sitting down, she announces that she’s going to say something that may shock the group:

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Her son is not white. I’ll give you a minute to pick your jaw up off your desk. “Obviously he’s half. I’m just saying,” she adds. O…K? I guess at the very least, this proves that Ashley isn’t some white supremacist interested in genetic purity, so that’s comforting, I guess. She also talks about being embarrassed by her behavior on Rock of Love. OK, that’s more shocking than the kid thing by far. If she announced that her child was purple, I’d still be more shocked about the Rock of Love shame thing. She apologizes to Brittaney Starr, who’s crying because she gets to, for once, experience that rare phenomenon we call decency…

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“She’s a human being, OK? I realize that,” says Ashley. This one, always full of surprises!

And then K.O., goes up and, for no discernible reason blames the problems of the house on Brittaney.

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She says that Brittaney plays the victim and is fake. At least this gives Brittaney the opportunity to interview that she is not an instigator, but is, in fact, “a very zen person”:

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Brittaney and K.O., continue this conversation later in their bedroom, where Brittaney accuses K.O., of accusing her of being an instigator, and K.O., says she didn’t accuse Brittaney of that, but she did accuse her of starting things.

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Words. What are they good for? I honestly don’t know the answer for that between this show and Daisy of Love. And for the record, I don’t condole this behavior.

Early the next morning, Brittanya attends her court date. She says she got out of jail just two days before Charm School started shooting. Natasha takes the opportunity to mock Brittanya in her absence, calling her piercings, tattoos and brass knuckles passe. Be that as it may, a knuckle sandwich is timeless. I certainly wouldn’t want to mess with Brittanya, that’s for sure. Brittanya arrives home and tells Ashley that her lawyer told her she’d get a year in jail minimum if convicted. That sounds serious. Yeah, I really wouldn’t want to mess with Brittanya.

The girls get an announcement that they’ll be hanging out with people unlike them and that they should dress to impress. Today’s commandment is:

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The girls are shipped to the site of their challenge, a mixer with the elderly. Natasha calls this “horrible and miserable.” She adds: “I don’t handle death well, and so I don’t like being that closely bonded with people that are elderly.” That’s a lot of words to say, “I’m ageist.” I hope Natasha never ends up falling for someone who’s wary of closely bonding with people that are loquacious.

Luckily for the old people, most of the other girls gleefully jump into the challenge. Ashley is particularly adorable, complimenting one woman’s leopard print and explaining that she often wears it herslef. What she doesn’t add is that she often isn’t wearing a top when doing so.

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Bubbles, meanwhile, thinks the challenge will be a snap. She gets along with old people, and to support this statement, she explains, “I take naps with my great grandmother.” That’s pretty much all the rationale I’ll ever need, no matter the situation.

Meanwhile, Brittaney stands in front of the bar with some gentlemen. One suggests that the drink will loosen her up, but Brittaney assures him tha she’s already loose. She adds, “In all the right spots.”

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Um, ew? Then, realizing that she hasn’t been graphic enough, she backpedals somewhat to reveal that she’s a “tight young lady in the right areas.”

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And so for the millionth time, I’m confronted with more information that is none of my business. Thanks again, VH1!

And then this bit of awesomeness happens:

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As stated at the top of this recap, Dean Lala thinks this is charmless, but I think that’s just because Lala isn’t into boobs. Rest assured that to plenty of people, Ashley’s cordial acceptance of such a request is the definition of charm.

Meanwhile, Brittanya figures she’ll win the challege by flirting with the old dudes.

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You know, she can stomach it, so why not? Risky tsk-tsks Brittanya in interviews and wonders, “Can they still get hard?” Since Brittanya is as close to human Viagra as one woman can be, I think Risky should ask her directly.

Bubbles talks to a woman who writes murder mysteries.

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Bubbles wonders if the woman isn’t too scared to write books about murders. Instead of saying, “No. They’re books,” the woman explains that only men die in her stories (she actually refers to them as “my murders”). These two are well-matched. The woman asks for plot suggestions and Bubbles says that she can write about a two-timing dude she dated. “You could write a book about killing him!” says Bubbles, though I get the feeling that she kind of already has.

K.O., spends quality time with a woman and explains that she has no family and it’s all kinds of sad.

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K.O., really, really breaks your heart (if there’s any of it left after VH1 is done with it).

Meanwhile, a dude proves correct the “dirty old man” stereotype by recognizing Brittaney from her past work:

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Bay Bay Bay brings in the funk, but for once, not the noise:

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And Natasha is completely oblivious to an old man sitting next to her, who slowly spills out of his chair:

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It’s evil of me, but I love that screen shot more than any others in this recap.

Bay Bay Bay ends up helping him up…

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…and not unconcidentally, wins the challenge (determined by polling the old people on which girl charmed them the most). She’s on the dean’s list, everyone else is in detention. And so, Natasha hatches a plan to get Brittanya out of the house:

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She figures that Brittaney and Bubbles will be the lesser of the evils and thus eliminating Brittanya will be a no-brainer. After she’s done attempting to sway everyone to do what she wants, Megan-style, the girls report to detention. Brittaney has decided to wear a pair of pink headphones over her ears. She seems to be making a fashion statement.

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Your guess is as good as mine re: exactly what that statement is. She tells Stryker, “I’m just dancing to the rhythm in my head.” At least it’s a song and not voices. This time.

The girls exercise their bitchiness, and by that I mean they vote for whom they think should be put on the carpet tonight. Ashley votes for Brittaney, Marcia votes for Bubbles, Brittanya votes for Brittaney, K.O,, votes for Brittaney, Risky votes for Brittaney, Bubbles votes for Marcia, Brittaney votes for Brittanya and Natasha votes for Bubbles. So there you go, Natasha’s plan worked out for her. And speaking of plans, Ricki’s plan to wear multiple hats this episode…

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…also worked out for her.

After a completely inconclusive meeting with Lala and Stryker, it’s time for elimination. Ricki tells the girls that after the tumult of the past few days, it looks like there’s a turning tide. The girls have made progress, but there’s still a show to run so the three girls with the most votes are called down to the carpet:

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Brittanya thinks KO is insecure for voting her down as competiton, Bubbles thinks she’s an easy target and Brittaney thinks she’s funny:

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And she isn’t wrong, actually.

(Just don’t tell Ricki that.)

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Brittaney thinks Bubbles should go home because there’s “nothing wrong” with her. Bubbles doesn’t seem so sure about that.

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Stryker thinks Brittaney likes playing the victim. You say victim, I say class clown.

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Lala points out that the headphones could be taken as a refusal to listen and thus sign of disrespect, forcing them down on Brittaney’s now shame-filled head.

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Ricki doesn’t know if Brittaney’s fake, but she’ll have at least another week to determine that because no one’s going home tonight.

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Poor lonely Brittaney enthuses that she wants to run up and hug Ricki in response. Keep off the talent, Britt. Bubbles intervies that she’s “bouncing with joy” for getting to stay another week. I kinda know the feeling.

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