This is where dreams go to die…
We begin on turmoil.
Bay Bay Bay looks on with increasing horror as K.O shares a story about smoking and crying and getting dragged by her butt into a room and then getting her belt yanked off and then someone did whatever and she felt like she couldn’t do s***.
It’s hard to discern exactly what she’s talking about…but not really. K.O begins to weep because — and again: hard to discern — maybe her family didn’t believe her when she shared this information with them…?
Bay Bay Bay tells K.O to stop the, “Why this?”/”Why that?” and to take control of her future. Bay Bay Bay talks so much sense that it’s at this point that I feel like I’m tuned to the wrong channel.
The teacher of today’s lesson will be none other than:
He comes equipped with bullet points:
The Wheel watcher in me thinks and hopes that Point No. 3 is “Firefighter.” Seems possible given the show. Firefighting counts as giving back, right?
Mark tells the girls that they’re going to admit out loud what they want and what is possible. Brittanya takes a few beats and then says, “I don’t get it. What do you mean?”
He asks her who’s the most important person in her life, and how that person feels when she’s doing her absolute best. The answer is her son and good. “So what you want is that you’re always showing up at your absolute best,” he says. Brittanya replies:
Yeah, you know. I don’t get it, either.
It all becomes clear as the girls go up, one by one and attack the bullet points laid out on the board. Ashley’s big picture is becoming a nurse. Her driving force is her son. And her answer to the third point, which is “first step,” and unfortunately not “firefighter” is going back to school. As if it’s easy to give up the pole cold turkey!
Marcia, of course, talks about quitting drinking.
We learn that her mom put up with her abusive father for years for the sake of the kids. That’s layers of tragedy right there. Love eventually pulled Marcia through. Yeah, it’ll do that. Mark says that the fact that she’s emotional is good because emotion is incentive enough to make changes. Yep, after watching this show for 30 seconds, we’re well aware of how powerful of a driving force emotion can be.
K.O wants to start a charity for foster kids, since she didn’t receive a lot of affection during her time in foster care. Her attitude can be summed up as, “If I can do it, so can you!”
However, no one’s buying it. Foreshadowing!
Bubbles wants to be a social behavioral psychologist, a teacher, a cartoon-voicer and she wants to help her brother. “I have a lot of goals,” she says. Maybe if she spent less time explaining the obvious, she could start to achieve them? Whatever, Bubbles wins at life at every turn. No matter what she ends up doing, it will certainly be amazing. Mark my words.
Risky wants to open up more, and being on Charm School is helping her. Bay Bay Bay, meanwhile, wants to sing and act. She launches into an acapella version of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.” It is good, but more importantly, it is very Sister Act 2-esque. Therefore, it is very good. Ashley notes that Bay Bay Bay doesn’t need to be there because “Charm School’s not going to stop you from being annoying.” Actually, that’s exactly what its name suggests that it will do, but I understand that Ashley’s a pragmatist and ultimately correct.
Next, they’ll use the rules they learned in today’s lesson in a tangentially related challenge that, like last week, applies words thrown around during the lesson to an entirely literal context. Since they learned how to make a figurative blueprint and hypothetically follow through with it, they’ll be using an instruction booklet to assemble play structures for the yard of a day-care center run by this woman:
The girls will be split into two teams who will build their own versions of the exact same play structure. Whichever one finishes first wins and makes the dean’s list.
Brittanya, who’s wearing a necklace that says “hardcore”…
…presumably because she’s “hardcore,” is nervous. “I cannot build nothing at all,” she interviews. Not even a sound sentence!
Bubbles and Marcia will be the captains. Since there is an odd number of women left in the competition, Bubbles i’s given a choice: she can choose two women to be on her team, or she can have a team of three that’s made of Marcia’s leftovers. After saying, “Ummmmm,” approximately 5,000 times…
…Bubbles ends up going with the first option and drafting K.O and Bay Bay Bay.
That leaves Marcia with Risky, Ashley and Brittanya.
Tool belt high jinks lead to…more high jinks . As part of each structure, the girls must build a rock wall, a swing set and a slide. The prospect laid out on paper proves daunting to Bay Bay Bay…
…Marcia, meanwhile, tears the pages out of her instruction book and distributes them, only to realize that the directions must be completed in order and thus rely on the innovation of binding. Oopsie!
What else? Bubbles attempts to hammer in a screw…
And she doesn’t even do the wrong thing particularly well (you can see the hammer head sliding from the top of the screw). Another fail: we don’t get that amazing quote of hers that was in scenes from the season package tagged onto the first episode: “I’ve been surprising myself. I finally learned how to screw a screw!” Oh well, can’t win ‘em all. Can’t screw all the screws.
(That said, I hope that Brandi C., and Bubbles start a carpentry business in which they can drill drills and screw screws, respectively.)
Additionally, K.O bolts a beam in the wrong place…
Finally, the girls work well into the dusk, which clearly is longer than everyone intended. It’s time to wrap up and since no one finished the challenge, everyone’s up for expulsion. Though what the girls created was, in fact, hazardous and in need of fixing by people who actually know what they’re doing, everyone tries to spin the day’s effort as a triumph. Yeah because, “But we tried!” is going to be better than any bandage when something like this happens. Risky interviews, “It feels good that we attempted to do something for these underprivileged kids.” It probably feels not as good that what they accomplished is making these kids underprivileged in the realm of playground equipment, as if every other facet of their life weren’t bad enough.
The kids come out and there are hugs all around, but you can’t help but get the feeling that they’re collectively crestfallen:
Better luck next time, everyone!
That night, the girls join Ricki for dinner.
Since Ricki had a baby in a bathtub and included it in a film for the world to see and all, the topic turns to motherhood and childbirth. Ashley and Brittanya are the only girls there who are mothers. That’s more comforting than not, just from a numbers perspective. Bay Bay Bay asks Ricki about childbirth, saying that she’s had dreams of dying during the process. K.O pipes up that that’s what happened to her mom…
…but she’s not sure of the specific cause of death. K.O goes on and on about that being the reason why she’s generous and naive. Might it also be why she’s a buzzkill?
Ricki then introduces a game: name who you think should win the show and it can’t be you. I guess Rock, Paper, Handgun is a little sophisticated for what she’s going for. Risky thinks K.O should win because she’s been through a lot. Bay Bay Bay feels the same. Marcia thinks Bubbles should win because she’s forming a backbone. She now has an opinion and “she’s actually making sense.” With the criteria the girls are providing that they think should mean victory on this show, Charm School is starting to make this mini game look like that thing with the cup and the ball on the string. That thing is hard. Brittanya thinks Ashley should win since she has a kid and since she used to be a bitch.
But now that’s all cured, apparently. Don’t let every single comment Ashley makes in every single interview fool you! Does Ashley think she used to be a bitch? Indeed, especially after watching Rock of Love. She says she watches herself and wonders, “Am I really that mean?” Mmmm, probably not. The camera adds 10 lbs., of stank.
Finally, Ashley thinks Brittanya should win to aid with her legal help for her pending lawsuit, and K.O thinks Risky should win, as she’s been through a lot, too. And not at all because Risky picked her.
The dinner ends with Ricki interviewing that the girls have seemed to turn a corner on their treatment of each other. Yeah. Right. I mean, at least they’ve turned down the volume from banshee level, but I mean, come on. Ain’t no “Kumbaya” up in here.
The girls hang out drinking…
…while the newly sober Marcia hangs out sulking…
But you know, she’s obviously committed to her sobriety. Bay Bay Bay notes that Marcia’s like, “Damn, I need a drink.” Unnecessary, but OK. True enough. K.O then offers Marcia some cranberry juice. She doesn’t seem to be aware of the fact that the person she’s trying to get to drink isn’t as drunk as she is (or at all, even), because Marcia knows there’s vodka in the juice she’s being offered:
The party dissipates. Up in the bedroom, Ashley notes that K.O is going to throw up soon because her liver isn’t nearly as bad as Ashley’s. That bad liver is a badge of pride and soon it’ll be outside of Ashley’s body so she can wear it as such! K.O’s liver might be fine, but she notes that she has the worst heart.
“My mom died of a bad heart,” she claims, even though just hours before she said her mom died in childbirth and she wasn’t sure of the specific cause. Messy!
And the messiness grows. K.O sprawls on the floor and says, “I’m having a hard time breathing!”
She makes having a hard time breathing look like a lot of fun!
We then see a Coming Up package full of footage that doesn’t pop up again: Ashley saying, “She’s breathing weird and it’s annoying,” and K.O doing something bizarre with a pillow:
At least we got to see it, even if it’s out of context.
Anyway, like someone on a Life Alert commercial, K.O’s…having…chest…pains…
And she’s going to the hospital.
Yes, I just said she was. Keep up, subtitles!
Everyone has their doubts regarding the veracity of K.O’s claims. Ashley interviews that there’s nothing wrong with her other than the fact that she wears ponytails and basketball shorts everyday. You keep improving, Ash!
(Not that I want her to if it’s at the expense of the soundbites.)
Bay Bay Bay meets with Ricki…
She tells of K.O’s inconsistencies, such as the conflicting stories about her mother. Bay Bay Bay also says that Ricki can send her home if she sees fit. She’s willing to give up her place for another girl who needs Charm School more. Ricki notes that Bay Bay Bay is her best student. She isn’t wrong. Bay Bay Bay has completely turned it around (and that’s mostly due to turning it down, it being the volume). Good for her.
Detention! Here’s how it breaks down:
Marcia votes for a change in conventions in the name of obliterating patriarchal rules. Who says she can’t write upside down? Who says she likes right angles? Just kidding. Her vote is for K.O since I know you can’t read upside down. Ashley, Bay Bay Bay, Brittanya and Bay Bay Bay all also vote for K.O. Bubbles, weirdly, votes for Risky…
…causing Lala to note, “I missed a lot, huh?” She did. Bubbles interviews that she voted for Risky because she knew she wasn’t going to get sent home. Go ahead, throw your vote away. Risky is the Ralph Nader of this episode. K.O, for whatever god forsaken reason, votes for Marcia.
Ricki notes that K.O was in the hospital. “It’s fine, I just have cardiac block,” explains K.O. Yeah, blockage in the body’s most vital organ. No biggie. Ricki notes that the mood of the room is different than it was last night. Marcia tells her about Cranberrygate.
K.O says offering Marcia alcohol was “just a tease.” That’s how she jokes around and she thought it was funny. My goal is to start a charity for failed comedians. My driving force is VH1’s Celebreality franchise, and the first step is opening my contact spreadsheet…
The Bottom 3 is called down:
Ricki’s shocked at the girls who are part of it, and the fact that Ashley isn’t in it. I kind of love Ricki for admitting that. K.O thinks she was voted down by so many girls because of “the alcohol thing.” I guess no one gave K.O the inconsistencies memo yet. In defense of her taboo offering, K.O says, “People make mistakes and in order to learn from them, you have to make them!”
Mistakes, jokes. It’s all the same on reality TV.
Does Marcia want to say anything to K.O? “Good luck on everything,” says Marcia. Heh. Risky chimes in to say that K.O had previously claimed that she was diagnosed with an enlarged heart muscle, and now she’s claiming cardiac blockage, so WTF? K.O explains, “When you don’t have insurance and you’re low-income, the doctors will only help you if you have insurance and you don’t have…help. They will tell you nothing’s wrong with you…” Damn doctors!
Anyway, Ricki doesn’t want to get rid of any of these girls. Risky’s failure to get everything off her chest last episode is brought up again, but it’s clear that she’s changing. Ricki can’t in good conscience eliminate any of them.
Bay Bay Bay had previously said she’d give up her spot, and she agrees that she has atoned and she’s leaving. Clearly, Ashley disagrees with considered this as a sign of wisdom, as giving up the chance at $100,000 seems dumb…
So Bay Bay Bay’s leaving. She says her goodbyes…
But then: a twist! K.O, who’s been sniffling as Bay Bay Bay says her goodbyes, rushes up to her and says that she wants her to have her pin…
In other words, K.O is sacrificing because Bay Bay Bay sacrificed for her. You scratch my back, I’ll stick a pin in yours. The only appropriate response to this mess is delivered by Ashley:
We end inconclusively. You know the drill: