Daisy Of Love Recap – Episode 8 – Daisy Likes It!

And now for something completely appetizing…

Spoiler alert!

“As you know…” begins Daisy, regarding the men who are still in the running for her heart/to throw the biggest testosterone-driven temper tantrum that television has ever seen.

I really want her to finish that sentence with, “…I love to rock,” a la Bret Michaels. (“As you know, I love to rock,” is still the best thing he’s ever said on any Rock of Love season, and he’s said a lot of good things.) However, she finishes the sentence with, “…I love my girlish figure.” Not as good, but still pretty damn great. Anyway, she also loves to eat. I assume ice cubes play some role in the reconciling of her loves. Or perhaps eating the inedible. Such is the seeming goal of today’s challenge: a five-course meal, with each course handled by a different guy. Sinister is worried because the only thing he knows how to make is “trailer-park pizza,” which involves a piece of bread with some ketchup on it…

…and then a piece of cheese on top of that…

…and then the whole thing is set out in the sun to melt the cheese. I was on board right up until the sun thing. That just seems unsanitary.

Helping the guys will be these supposed experts:

The assignments are doled out:

Big Rig’s turns out to be zucchini quiche. Ah, the combination of French culture and Southerners. It’s a comedy combination fried in heaven. The only thing this episode is missing is a “oui oui”/urine joke. There. I just made it. (Urine I mean, not a joke.) The guys have two and a half hours to prepare this meal. Flex doesn’t seem to know what things like chicken bouillon or whipping cream are. I find that fairly reasonable, actually. Meanwhile, Big Rig gets the feeling that the boy food-helper is into him…

“You’re a little too hot,” he tells Big Rig referring to his stove, I mean his body, I mean his stove. (I mean both.) Big Rig says this is flattering. “Guys think I look good, I mean, hey, I’m not mad atcha.” Haha, that’s even more attractive than muscle-bound masculinity. Something tells me that now even more guys think he looks good.

Really: how endearing!

Meanwhile, Chi Chi cries about the onion (maybe because it didn’t respond to his brown-nosing, maybe because it’s an onion — hard to say), Flex gets a boner from tenderizing the chicken and Big Rig shapes his quiche to look like a heart…

Now I’m getting a boner.

Chi Chi wants the atmosphere to be perfect with lit candles and such. He scatters rose petals that he “ordered.”

VH1 must keep 1-800-FLOWERPARTS in business.

Everyone finally convenes around the table and it’s time for dinner. First up is Big Rig’s quiche. “What is quiche?” wonders Daisy.

And then she answers her own question: it’s an inhalant. She shovels a piece into her mouth Big Rig-style, and…

Daisy likes it! She tells Rig it’s very nice. “I’ve never had squish,” she notes. “What’s it called?” Squish, Daisy. Just keep calling it that and see what hilarity arises.

She enjoys Chi Chi’s French onion soup…

When Sinister delivers the lasagna, he notes a little something special he did with the noodles:

Daisy points out that this skull is “like skull and crossbones like poison!” Or like the Daisy of Love logo that’s inescapable at this point in my life, so you know what that means for theirs since they live in this world and I merely recap it.

The lasagna yets a “Yum!” from Daisy.

She really knows how to sell it, right?

She seems most uncertain regarding Flex’s chicken cordon bleu…

…but she finds herself shocked at its quality. I’m shocked that the concept of quality ever came up on VH1.

Finally, for dessert, Daveslash serves his red-velvet cake in a white suit.

He looks like John Travolta. Same chin and everything. I hope that’s what he’s going for.

After eating a bite, Daisy deduces that “red velvet cake equals orgasm.” I think Daisy’s food faces equal recapgasm. Come, let’s review:

If nothing else, the opportunity to do that just made the entirety of Daisy of Love worth it.

Daisy notes, “This might be the best I’ve aten since I’ve been here!” While what went in her mouth was improved, what comes out is very much the same. Win some, lose some.

But not always! She can’t choose a winner of this culinary challenge, so they’ll play a “game” very much like the one Ricki Lake “played” with the girls on the last episode of Charm School: each guy will say who’s most compatible with Daisy (he can’t pick himself) and who’s the least. Much like entertainment, what passes as a game these days involves less and less effort.

Chi Chi thinks Sinister is most compatible with Daisy since they have a similar lifestyle, and Big Rig is the least since, basically, he’s from the South. Sinister also thinks that Big Rig is the least compatible with Daisy. When he drops the bomb that he thinks Flex is the most compatible, Chi Chi flees the room in a huff. Flex interviews that dinner went from dinner to being a soap opera. Uh, I think first the soap opera went from a soap opera to being dinner first. It just came back around. Anyway, we get this graphics package, which should be familiar to anyone who watches this show’s extras:

…and then we see Chi Chi’s silhouette mourning…

Chi Chi eventually returns. Daisy interviews that she feels like she’s in a movie or a TV show and then cracks herself up because, hey look, she is on a TV show.

I’m glad we got to watch her thought process come around to attributing all this drama to the whole TV thing. I bet even to this day, cameras are still a source of wonderment for her.

Anyway, after that productive halftime show, the game continues. Big Rig thinks Flex is the most compatible and Chi Chi is the least. “Emotional-wise, I don’t know if he can handle you,” notes Rig. Can anyone really? Daveslash also votes Flex the most compatible and Chi Chi the least. Flex says Chi Chi is the least, but Daveslash is the most. “He has a steady job!” says Flex of Daveslash. And that’s to say nothing of those abs!

Anyway, for “winning” this “game,” Flex is going on a “date.” For losing, Chi Chi and Big Rig will also go on a date. Daisy’s insistence on rewarding losers is highly symbolic, no?

They all sit by the fire after dinner, but Daisy cuts the outdoor time short because “the fire’s burning me.”

She seems surprised. I’m not. She and Daveslash walk off to Daisy’s room together, taking the vodka with them. Sinister, who feels left out, interrupts, asking for the vodka.

Daveslash gives him some drank in his cup before sending him away to cry.

Daveslash and Daisy attempt a heart-to-heart.

Daveslash wants to be the one that Daisy calls when she needs support. He wants to be the one she’s givin’ her lovin’. He wants to be the one she’s kissin’ and huggin’. He wants to be her honey, sugar and spice. Let him be the one. He loves you, Daisy.

See? There’s proof. Daisy notes that Daveslash “has a really calming vibe to him.” He’s human Xanax. I always kind of figured that about 12 Pack.

Meanwhile, Sinister is throwing things around, creating a racket, and I guess Daisy and Daveslash are too intimidated to compete with some banging of their own, so they rejoin the group outside.

And that’s just a practical way of saying that they rejoin the drama. Chiefly, Sinister’s. Sinister concedes that 12 is sexy. Is there such thing as a heterosexual dude being too comfortable with his sexuality? Keep tuning in to Daisy of Love to find out! Sinister says that Daisy’s attraction to Daveslash “hurts.” He’s insecure, and so is Daisy. She needs them all to be strong. They’re clearly pumping steroids into the drinking water — what else does she want? “I’m being strong as f***!” yells Sinister. Big Rig sums up Sinister’s situation by saying that he’s upset because he’s not as good-looking and doesn’t have any muscles and his nuts got cut off a long time ago. I am fully secure that Big Rig knows all about Sinister’s genital area. These are the words of an expert.

The discussion intensifies. Daisy is “so f***ing stressed and torn!”

See? More proof. There’s only one of her and she’s doing the best she can. She runs off…

…Sinister follows like a dog after a meat truck in a movie…or TV show (LOL!)…

Sinister finally catches her…

…securely. He attempts to apologize, but that apology doesn’t make up for her feelings of being overwhelmed. Neither do the hands around her neck, I’m guessing. Daisy’s going to bed without Sinister, although I think the vodka bottle is still up on her room. So that’s tonight’s lucky guy!

The next day, Daisy has her date with Flex. It involves an archery lesson.

When she manages to shoot a few arrows without maiming anyone, Daisy notes, “I’m a professional bow and arrow person!” Well, she definitely talks like one. I think we can agree that the entire point of this date is for this visual metaphor:

It’s bow, Flex. Bowflex, get it? Get it?

That’s worth a tongue or two, am I right?

After all the shooting, they are hungry. Makes sense.

They speak about nothing of much consequence, but the result is that Daisy can see there’s more to Flex than muscles and humor. Of course, those two things don’t hurt, either. Unless you want them to. Flex agrees that they’ve connected, and they’ve been able to achieve this knowing that he has “a sentimental side inside.” A repetitive one, as well. Daisy attempts to get to see that side by going through his mouth.

After this one-on-one, another:

The big reveal here is that if Sinister had his way, Chi Chi would be the one going home this week. Sinister reasons that if Chi Chi is his friend, he’ll understand why he feels that way. Yes, Sinister is a model for understanding and the morality of friendship, clearly. Whatever, they make out.

Then, the date with the least compatibles:

Daisy thinks Chi Chi is needy. He doesn’t know what that means. He needs a definition, thus proving her point. Chi Chi says something about being easy going about another dude buying Daisy a drink if they were out. Big Rig interviews that if some guy came up and offered to buy his girl a drink, he better make it two or he’s going to be sucking some Big Rig d***. Don’t threaten us with a good time, Rig!

Also examined: Big Rig’s potential violence? I don’t think he’s violent. He just gets excited, that’s all.

After the date, Daisy says she is more confused than ever. And here, I thought that was impossible. Riki recommends separating Sinister and Chi Chi, reasoning that one has to leave before Daisy can get closer to the other. Even if this were true, don’t expect Daisy to do anything that might help her think better. Frankly, I think she enjoys always being at least a little confused.

At elimination, Daisy announces, “This is, like, crazy intense for me tonight, guys.” They know. They watched you howl and flail. Flex gets the first chain. Elimination goes without incident until it’s down to Big Rig and Chi Chi:

Daisy describes the situation as having “two really solid awesome guys left and one frickin’ chain.” After Chi Chi reveals he’s not here to maintain a friendship and that he’s there because he wants to be there, it’s clear: Big Rig is getting the frick out of there. “I wish I was falling in love with you,” says Daisy. I get the feeling that this is not a Top 3 wish of Daisy’s. It’s one of those wishes that you’d only wish for after you wished for more wishes.

Outside, Big Rig is a mess. “I got f***in’ tears comin’ out of my f***in’ head. That’s real s***,” he says. If that isn’t too much for you, his collapse and the camera’s eventual pan down…

…should suit you just perfectly. I feel kinda cheated that we don’t get to see Big Rig’s eyeliner run, but he was probably wearing Wet and Wild anyway, so whatever.

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