We begin where we ended: Bay Bay Bay was giving up her spot for K.O, which gave K.O the opportunity for exponential martyrdom via giving up Bay Bay Bay’s spot for Bay Bay Bay. So that’s what she’s doing. To wring out the guilt-soaked hanky further, K.O reads a letter (or really, speech) to Ricki that says it was an honor to be there and that she hopes to be like Ricki and inspire other girls and star in a string of campy sleeper hits directed by a weird dude with a pencil-thin mustache.
Ricki is touched.
So, as seen in last episode’s extras, K.O leaves despite Lala’s protests and Bubbles’ halfhearted blockage (that part didn’t make the episode, weirdly because it’s awesome). As opposed to regular old heart blockage, I guess. K.O collapses outside the elimination hall (or whatever they’re calling that room with the riser and tables in it) in a series of wails.
Risky is pissed at this point. Fair enough, really. She says she feels like the judges want to keep K.O there out of pity. “Everything she’s been through, so. Have. I.” says Risky.
Risky has lived without parents and gone through foster care. That really tugs at your heartstrings. Circumstantially, though. She couldn’t possibly be mentioning this for pity of her own.
Before dismissing the girls, Ricki tells them there will be no more detention – the deans will decide who’s going on the carpet from now on. This concludes your I Love Money strategy training, girls.
We see K.O leaving the house…
After she says some tearful words about being done wrong or whatever she’s mad about, there’s a dissolve from her face to the moon.
Could space exploration be in K.O’s future? This shot certainly implies it! To oversensitivity and beyond!
Meanwhile, Marcia talks about dropping weight and the bags from under her eyes as a result of her quitting drinking.
It’s also apparently altering her judgment – an …Of Love girl who’s willing to appear on camera without makeup is a rare, questionable specimen, indeed.
The girls are called down for their lesson. Today’s commandment is:
Brittanya says she’s focusing on the “make love” part, and she hopes to apply it to Stryker, whom she finds hot.
Come on now, how many guys you know make love, Brittanya?
Today’s guest lecturers are:
The Museum of Tolerance! I know its sign on the 405 well.
Tim begins telling his story. He’s a former racist skinhead. I guess his skinheadedness now has no political affiliation. Progress!
He just didn’t associate with other ethnic groups growing up, so he became a Nazi punk who’d pack razor blades in his boots and hatred in his heart. There was a hamburger stand on Santa Monica Boulevard that he and his fellow hate mongers would hang out at after shows. And here’s where Matthew’s side of the story begins: he knew he was gay from a young age and when he finally came out to his mom, she literally threw him out of the house. He settled in a park in West Hollywood. There was a hamburger stand that would give out free food to the homeless gay youth. Of course, that just happened to be the same stand that Tim and his group hung out at. Obviously, the two sides eventually clashed, or they wouldn’t both be here telling this story. Tim’s group at one point resolved, “Tonight we kill the faggot.” Fourteen guys charged Matthew from across the street. Fourteen on one – how fair and butch of them. Matthew was at the receiving end of those boots packed with razor blades.
Obviously, they’ve since repaired their relationship or whatever you want to call Tim and Matthew’s dealings. Matthew says that the greatest moments of his life were when he forgave Tim and that forgiveness does not mean that you let someone off the hook – it’s a means of regaining your power. You know how the golden rule goes: do unto others what gives you the most power. I’m kidding, Matthew brings up a good point.
They ask the girls about whom they need to forgive. Marcia mentions her abusive stepfather.
Her mom stayed with him because they had nothing. That makes a lot more sense than the previous story Marcia told when it seemed like her mom was motivated by presenting an example of the sanctity of marriage, no matter how corrupt. See what a little context can do? Thanks, editors! Anyway, Marcia doesn’t know if she can forgive him.
Bay Bay Bay doesn’t need to forgive anyone, per se, except maybe herself.
After hearing this lesson, she knows K.O needed to be there for it. If for nothing else, then to get those damn razor blades out of her boots!
Ashley, in turn, says that it’s hard for her to feel compassion for the other girls because this is a competition. It’s also hard for her to feel compassion for the other girls because she is Ashley.
Bay Bay Bay meets with Ricki and Stryker…
She says she knows K.O needs Charm School more than she does. K.O has serious issues, whether she’s lying or not. That’s a good way of looking at it. “Something happened to her,” says Bay Bay Bay. That’s an understated way of looking at it. Bay Bay Bay is OK with passing up the opportunity to win $100,000. See now that makes me wonder if Bay Bay Bay has issues, whether she’s lying or not.
Stryker wonders what if Bay Bay Bay were allowed to bring someone instead of K.O back to take her spot. Ki Ki is Bay Bay Bay’s answer, since she left in a “bad” way and was evolving. I hope that means when we next see Ki Ki, she’ll be rocking a fierce set of butterfly wings.
Bay Bay Bay explains her situation to Risky…
Bay Bay Bay no longer needs Charm School. It’s curious that she went from interpretive squawking to composed likability virtually overnight. Makes me wonder if she ever needed Charm School in the first place! Anyway, she says she no longer fits in the equation. Was there a math lesson that ended up on the cutting-room floor?
Anyway, it’s testament to Bay Bay Bay’s evolution that Marcia gets up in her face about giving up her spot…
…and she remains totally calm. Yeah, clearly her time on reality TV is up. She no longer functions appropriately in this world.
The girls get shipped to their challenge. During the process, Bubbles chews gum like it’s cud.
Unfortunately, though, they will not be applying the compassion they learned in today’s lesson at a dairy farm. Maybe next time!
No, today, they’ll be helping out at…
Stryker tells them that they’ll have their chance to show compassion for small, furry animals. Bubbles can be seen giving him a supremely stank side-eye as he says this…
I’m guessing it has something to do with bovine remorse.
Anyway, they have to feed the dogs and clean up their cages. They are cute…
…but they are not cats, which disappoints Ashley. Her favorite cat is a hairless one. I think Ashley’s getting bicuriousness mixed up with compassion again! It happens, especially when you’re that young.
Bay Bay Bay feeds a dog…
…and then she interviews that she wanted to take out all the dogs and take them home and kiss ‘em.
I think Bay Bay Bay’s dog kisses must be very different than Ashley’s cat kisses. Just a hunch!
There is much poop scooping and a great montage of Ashley gagging…
We’re also treated to this wonderful shot:
If this show hasn’t been artful enough for you so far, well, there you go.
Laura, the woman who runs Pet Orphans, tells them they were all compassionate and did an awesome job. Stryker announces that there were no winners or losers – they all did equally well. How convenient that they all excelled the week that a weird maneuvering of rules is going down!
Speaking of that, Bay Bay Bay finally discusses bringing K.O back with the girls. Nobody wants that. Marcia says that in real life, people don’t get chances. Yeah, but this is reality TV. Big difference. But Bay Bay Bay’s time is UP.
We then see Marcia weeping about drinking.
Bay Bay Bay comforts her by suggesting they do a fake shot with some limes and some water “and we can make some faces.” Can they!
Marcia says there are 16 shots in a bottle. That’s a fun fact for a Sunday. Bay Bay Bay interviews that at this point, she wonders why she’s hanging around just to be a support system. She finally addresses the group and asks them for help with her choice: which former student should she bring back, K.O or Ki Ki? In case you need a reminder of what the girls are facing at the prospect of Ki Ki’s return, I think this gif sums it up nicely:
Risky wonders why they need to bring anyone back. Because they need help. Well, counters Risky, everyone who’s left needs help, too. If that’s the case, no one should have been eliminated. All these girls needed help. Truer words are rarely spoken on this show. I’m glad I didn’t have to make that call, just transcribe it.
Ashley’s assessment of the situation can be best described as:
She says that Ki Ki hasn’t been there and there’s no helping K.O, so both choices are pointless. Marcia goes off about second chances and wanting a shot and then being allowed to come back if she takes one. Marcia, your shotlessness is for you, not reality TV! Risky interviews, “Charm School is a competition about charity. It’s not charity, so that means that we don’t need to give these people second chances.” It’s about charity, but it’s not charity? I think what it’s really not about is clarity.
Bubbles is the dissenting voice here. She thinks that what Bay Bay Bay is doing is very nice and she appreciates that she polled the group instead of making the decision alone.
Ashley, of course, scoffs her.
Bubbles thinks that Ashley’s going to be a mean girl forever. Ashley responds with, “Shut uuuuup! Shut the f*** up!” Well, at least we know she’s a mean girl for now. Bubbles talks about how thinking positive go her through her life. Ashely tells Bubbles to go wash her cloud pajamas because she wears them everyday. Moments later, Stryker walks in and compliments Bubbles’ pajamas. See that? The power of positive eavesdropping! Bubbles gives a self-satisfied body rock in response:
It’s time for Bay Bay Bay to meet with the prospective beneficiaries of her martyrdom. Ki Ki is first. She greets Bay Bay Bay by gouging out her eyeballs.
Up to her old tricks, I see! Kidding. Ki Ki calmly tells Bay Bay Bay why she thinks she should be allowed to return to Charm School…
She learned things about herself that she didn’t know when she was there. Like just how loud she could holler without breaking blood vessels? No, like she lacks patience. I find it hard to believe that no one has ever brought Ki Ki’s lack of patience to her attention, and I find it harder to believe that when they did this, it didn’t leave teeth marks. If she were to win, she’d start a college fund for her son. Even though other girls may find her aggressive, she’s trying to tone it down. She knows she’s supposed to be there.
Then, K.O pleads her case:
Last night (the elimination) was the worst of K.O’s life. After all that hardship, a health scare and some reality-show scorn amounts to the worst night of K.O’s life? Seriously? She didn’t like being called a liar. Her heart was there, even if she walked out. Maybe K.O’s having health problems because she keeps leaving her heart lying around? She deserves an apology from the girls and has not yet found herself. Also, I think we’re supposed to believe that she’s a welder by day and a dancer by night, per her exposed shoulder.
Bay Bay Bay doesn’t know what choice to make, so she cries.
That’s about right.
Elimination! Lala has a “prior engagement,” so she won’t be here this week. I can’t even imagine a world where something is more important than Charm School, and frankly, I don’t want to.
Ricki asks the girls what they think about the prospect of an expelled student returning to the competition. Brittanya basically doesn’t want another girl in the way of her money. Marcia thinks neither should come back, as Ki Ki hasn’t been there physically and K.O got to where she did by exaggerating. She doesn’t think it’s fair. Bubbles bursts everyone’s, uh, bubble with more dissent. She sees potential in K.O. Ashley clearly sees none in Bubbles.
Bubbles goes on to say that everyone always talks about their hard times, but, “it doesn’t matter how much hard times you went through, you should always understand the other person and put your shoes in their shoes.” Risky thinks that Bubbles should become a dean.
Ricki brings out the pair of girls who are in the running towards becoming Charm School‘s next top former students.
There’s more case-pleading. Ki Ki feels that her personality was misunderstood. She wants to give girls a life lesson to help them overcome issues. After that, their major issue will probably be deafness. K.O apologizes to the girls “for the mistakes I’ve made,” but says they’re wrong for finding her inconsistent. Really? Because they seem like geniuses for finding her inconsistent after that.
It’s time for Bay Bay Bay to make her choice. Ki Ki could have benefited from the lessons, while K.O has progressed and taken heed to what they were taught. But it wouldn’t be healthy to bring her back in, and furthermore, it wouldn’t be fair to bring Ki Ki back after so much time has passed. Bay Bay Bay’s choice, then, is to let neither in the house.
This being a reality show, I can’t think of a more appropriate choice. What better way is there to express the always-present idea of “all that drama for nothing,” then to devote an entire episode to a choice that never ends up getting made? Perfect.