Brooke Knows Best 2 Recap - Episode 5 - Hulk, You Know That You Need To Stop

Terry’s wincing could mean only one thing: Brooke has a new love interest!

Spoiler alert!

OMG, you guys: Colby O’Donis reached out and he totally wants to work with Brooke! If you’re anything like Ashley, you want to know who Colby O’Donis is. Why, he’s the Latin heartthrob-esque crooner behind last year’s “What You Got.” He also guested on Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance.”

And if you’re like Ashley, you undoubtedly danced with your elbows when you clicked on one of those links. Ashley wonders if he’s cute. Brooke says he’s very “Italian-looking.” I think we can all agree that Jersey chic defies national borders. Also, Brooke’s dad is staying with her for the week “so it’s gonna be awesome!” And by “awesome,” she means “difficult.”

Brooke hits the studio to meet her Italian-looking duet partner:

Also present is his dad, Freddy. They get to collaborating.

Colby suggests the line, “Me and you would be like April Fools.” Brooke complements it with, “‘Cause when you sleep you kinda sorta drool.” So it’s a meeting of the minds, then. Collaboration and wordless vocalizing ensue. Brooke tells Colby that his voice is “pretty.”

Terry is not amused. When the two are in the booth…

…Freddy informs Terry that Colby can play the guitar, and when he does so, hearts melt. He says Colby is like the “Latin Elvis.” And he’s got the fluffer nutter lodged in his throat to prove it! When he comes out of the booth and lays down some licks, you can see Brooke’s heart start to trickle…

Not to be outdone, Hulk takes the guitar and plays something passably melodic.

He’ll be damned if another man is going to woo Brooke with his guitar-playing. This is his little girl, we’re talking about! Her ears belong to him!

Brooke’s hungry, so she invites Colby to lunch. Hulk is hungry, too, but he’s not allowed to come. They need to talk and get to know each other in order to make good music. Also, they need to do that in order to make out. Hulk’s response to this is, “Oh please!” but the answer is still NO.

Brooke and Colby bond over the shared experiences of aspiring to pop-stardom. One of Brooke’s first tours was through the Wal-Marts of America. That is my favorite Hogan factoid ever. Basically, she started out as Tiffany in bobos. And then she graduated to clear heels! Her dad would set up stages on bags of fertilizer. Living poetry, it was.

Meanwhile, back at the condo…

…it’s facial night! Ashley and Glenn implore Terry to join in, but he has enough problems without having to mess with a thick cream covering his face. He’s fretting over Brooke’s constant maturing and pesky desires to act like a normal person. Is Colby a heartthrob? Is he an actual star? These questions swim in Hulk’s head. Glenn seems to confirm that he’s both of those things, even though he didn’t recognize Colby’s most popular solo track when Brooke played it at the beginning of the episode. Ashley calls Colby “cute in a boy band-y way.” Well said. She also calls him Brooke’s type and Terry lets out a nervous piddle.

The next day, Brooke is in a bikini. Why, you ask? Because she’s hanging out with Colby before they hit the studio! OMG, she’s into him! No she’s not! Yes she is, look at her smile!

What smile? Blah blah blah. (Sometimes I feel bad that Brooke has to live in an emotional prison.)

Terry asks if Brooke really likes Colby. She says he’s nice and she needs to vibe with him to get chemistry, and Hulk is all about vibes so he should understand. Yeah, I’ve always thought of him as a human seismograph. “I just don’t like the fact that you’re getting swooned by this guy,” says Terry. Just wait till she gets spooned by him. Only gonna get worse as the consonants change slightly, Hulk.

Brooke attends her boat date with Colby.

They cruise along for a little and then he says, “So you wanna do it now? Wanna try it out?” “Yeah, let’s do it!” says Brooke. “I mean inner-tubing, of course!” he clarifies. Really didn’t need to do that, dude: she was already on board for whatever.

And so they tube:

Anyone else disappointed that Colby left his shirt on?

Meanwhile, Glenn, Ashley and Terry all sunbathe…

Glenn hates tan lines and needs to take his “trunks” off. Ashely tells him to go ahead. Seriously? Even if it’s gay genitalia, it’s still genitalia. Hulk at last seems reasonable when he protests this crazy talk. Glenn ends up showing Hulk his penis, anyway:

So that’s cute.

And thematic! For you see:

Funny how dropped pants always come in twos. Brooke seems pseudo-embarrassed about the incident that found her “whole crotch” exposed. “Colby, you saw more than most boyfriends do,” says Brooke, the apparent owner of a linen closet full of sheets with holes in them. She’s eventually handed white, wet shorts that probably do little to obscure any of her crotch.

Colby eases the tension by satirizing the scene with a song:

And then they kiss, OMG!

Because of these crotch and mouth shenanigans, they are late to the studio. Brooke makes Colby tell the panties story.

Shockingly, Hulk does not find it endearing.

After more recording…

…Brooke and Terry return home for more romance talk.

This involves him saying the word “swooned” about 5,000 more times. He says that Colby has “magical powers” and is a “sorcerer.” Is Hulk taking anything for these hallucinations? Freddy said her pants would fall off if she played the guitar, explains Hulk, and lo! They did. God help us all the day Brooke brings home Daniel Radcliffe.

Whatever. For their last supper, Freddy and Colby come over to the condo.

It’s extremely awkward. Colby says it smells good, but Terry says that Brooke “hits and misses.” I don’t see how that’s possible with such a nurturing model. He concedes that it does smell like she’s on tonight.

At dinner, both Hulk and Freddy do everything they can to dissuade Brooke and Colby’s budding romance. Colby is going on tour and may be away for more than six months, for one thing. He’s also flanked by a variety of rabid girls night after night.

Brooke is crestfallen. She invites Colby to the roof. Both dads want to go. OMG, leave her alone already!

Colby confirms that he’ll be touring for a while. Brooke is sad because he’s the first person to understand where she’s coming from. I think we all understand Wal-Mart pretty well, thank you very much! Whatever. They’re remaining friends, albeit friends of the bittersweet Bodyguard variety.

But she will always like-like him…or at least as long as VH1 reruns endure. Yeah, “always” sounds about right.

Related content
Brooke Knows Best show page
Brooke Knows Best videos and extras

This entry was posted on Sunday, July 5th, 2009 at 10:20 pm