With a psychic on duty, who needs intuition?
Who needs feelings, for that matter? The psychic’s in town: show’s over, everyone.
Everyone’s still pissed that London’s back.
Flex is out to get him, while 12 Pack takes a gentler, frattier approach by initiating him back into the house by making him take a shot of Tabasco sauce. Wouldn’t peeing on him be more fun?
London says he’s more confident with his position in the house since the other guys are so upset by it. He’s psychically mounting them, basically. Daisy interviews that she thinks London deserves the hard time the guys are giving him…and then her behavior suggests the opposite. They all sit outside and London guilt trips her about one-on-one time.
Sinister tells him that he has to earn it.
You can tell that Daisy disagrees…
…and then she proves that she does:
One-on-one time achieved. Despite having had a conversation about it in this very spot last episode, Daisy brings up London’s departure…
“Because I’m, like, a f***in’ jackass sometimes but I’m working on it,” is his answer. That’s more than most guys in the house could say at this point. Most of them seem content in their jackassery. He wants a chance. Daisy says, “You have to prove that chance to me.” Good luck doing that since you have to first decipher what it means, buddy.
Also, good luck everyone with figuring out what the hell is going on here:
Sinister decides to interrupt with a flower. But in the Rock, Paper, Scissors offshoot Tongue, Flower, Genitals, tongue always beats flower. Duh! The flower does not go completely ignored, though: Daisy tells London he has to eat it to prove his love for her. He puts it in his mouth and then apparently becomes Angelique:
Everyone’s always trying to shove stuff in London’s mouth. I guess it’s that inviting? Of course, this is also a slap in the face to Sinister, as Daisy just used his “gift” for a devotion test fit for a second grader. Sinister does not take it lightly. After calling them “scumbags,” he stomps inside, shouting, “You wanna see punk rock? You wanna see punk rock?” And then he breaks a guitar…
And then, a camera:
The fourth wall isn’t just broken; it’s shattered. I think this is the first time in Celebreality history that one of its denizens actually impaired a camera from capturing them. Usually once on VH1, they treat cameras like sacred deities.
12 Pack describes Sinister’s rage as “cute.” It’s hard to tell if he’s being condescending or straightforward.
The dust settles and a new day dawns. The guys get Daisy’s Diary and it states that there are four guys left and she can only take two to the finale. So begins the first of many such reminders, which are supposed to throw us off from figuring out what happens at the end of this episode, but actually just arouse protest-too-much suspicion. At least, for me they did. The Diary also says that Daisy’s heretofore been looking to the future, but today, she’s going to look to the past. Per that line, she’s off to a great start, already.
The guys line up…
Daisy reminds us again that she can only take two of them to the finale with her fingers of lies…
It is, of course, the time in the …of Love series for the past loves of the competitors to be brought out. The parade in, one by one starting with Sinister’s ex, Ashley…
Her presence worries him, because while he’s been honest with Daisy, he hasn’t been precise. His fear sounds awfully specific.
That’s 12’s ex, Cathy.
There’s Flex’s, Kia (or Flex-ex, if you will).
And here’s London’s “old friend,” Natasha…
When Natasha takes her spot next to London, he clarifies for everyone that she’s not an ex, just a friend…
Some guys have all the luck, and London in clearly the star of this here Rod Stewart song. Also, Natasha may not be one of London’s former loves, but she is an ex of sorts — she was in the running toward being Paris Hilton’s human lap dog as a contestant on Paris Hilton’s My New BFF last season. In the words of Paris, “She thinks she’s so cool.”
Look, she’s got the sunglasses to prove it and everything. Just kidding — she’s actually fairly reserved and, as such, a breath of fresh air on this ‘roid tantrum of a show.
She does, though, reveal during lunch with Daisy that London is dating someone, but she doesn’t know how serious they are. She also calls him a sex addict and says that he needs a chick constantly. Nice admission there, friendo. What could her agenda possibly be? Her own spin-off? Platonic Under the Bus Throwing of Love: coming Q2 in 2010!
Catherine says that she hooked up with 12 a few times in high school, but they’re still close. She has nothing bad to say about him. Riki snores in response. I second that vibration. Kia says that her breakup with Flex was hard, and they had a romantic relapse that resulted in Flex ignoring her. Sounds about right on the douchey scale. Ashley, who amazingly manages to look both lovely and not out of place on VH1…
…says that she and Sinister were together six months, and they’re still friends because he didn’t do anything wrong.
Except, yes he did. After the meal is done, Ashley tells Riki:
Yeah, don’t say it in front the people in your immediate vicinity, but do say it in front of cameras aka the rest of the world. That’s how we do in ’09. Ashley sits Daisy down and asks if Sinister ever gets rough. Daisy answers with a gasp.
See, one time Sinister and Ashley were out drinking and, “I don’t know if it was an accident or what, but he hit me in the face.” She doesn’t know if it was an accident? Really? Well, what happened after? Did he say, “Ooops!” or “Ha!”?
Whatever. The next thing that happens is possibly the most ridiculous thing to happen on this nonstop parade of ridiculous events. The perpetually uncertain Daisy announces, “I figure the best, most logical way to figure out which one of these guys is truly here for me…psychic readings!” That’s definitely logical for someone who habitually goes out of her way to defy logic. Upon this announcement, Riki announces that he’s in hell. We all are. The sins of Celebreality past banished us here.
Riki says that he’s not into the psychic but he knows that Daisy believes in it. And for now, that is enough. (Help.) The psychic introduces herself as Laurie and says she’s been “doing this for 20 years.”
Before that, all that sixth sense was going to waste, I guess. Laurie says that 12 Pack had a lot of responsibilities in another life and he did a great job with taking care of people in war or famine or something extreme. I Love Money, perhaps? Could 12 hurt Daisy? No: she could hurt him.
Flex and Flex-ex are next up.
The psychic says their bond lingers. It comes out that four months ago, they tried to kindle their relationship, but it didn’t work out. Flex-ex takes Flex to task for flaking. Daisy interviews that “it kinda felt like me and Riki were the psychologists of a marriage counselor.” Tell the psychic all about your countertransference, and I’m sure she’ll make it better.
Laurie tells him that he loves women. “I mean, you appreciate women,” she adds. How incisive. I expected her to next talk about London’s not-at-all apparent love of eye makeup and partial head-shaving, but she never does. What a hack. Daisy brings up Natasha’s reveal that London’s seeing another girl. “Who of us aren’t seeing somebody?” he says. I think he means the general world population. He’s pushing Daisy’s buttons…
…causing a possible malfunction? Anyway, he’s not seeing that other girl now. Right now, he’s seeing Daisy. I think he means “seeing” as in “looking at.” He’s slippery, that London. He does admit that he’ll go back to the other girl if Daisy sends him home. She runs off…and then comes back to finish her psychic reading. Laurie confirms that Daisy has the strongest connection with London. This woman makes me feel like Nostradomas for merely being in control of my senses. He will not cheat on Daisy, says Laurie. Daisy interviews, “London is a homeless sex addict who my psychic thinks is perfect for me. Go figure!”
Oh yeah, imagine that, because he isn’t around on Daisy’s volition or anything. Daisy, in the words of Judge Judy: you picked (and picked and picked and picked and broke down when he left and picked) him.
Finally: Sinister and Ashley.
The psychic gets “bad boy” vibes from Sinister that obviously have nothing to do with his dyed black hair or being called “Sinister.” He says he doesn’t have a short temper. Daisy brings up the smacking incident. Sinister says it was “totally uncalled for” and chalks it up to playing back too rough. Laurie doesn’t believe that he would hit anybody on purpose. Laurie may be transitioning from gag to hazard very quickly. Sinister interviews that he hopes that everyone understands the slapping was a big misunderstanding. That’s asking a lot, just in terms of abstract-concept grasping. Laurie doesn’t think Sinister and Daisy would have a successful relationship. Her assessment couldn’t possibly be influenced by the lack of successful Celebreality relationships so far.
When Sinister leaves, Laurie breaks down Daisy’s potential boyfriends in order from most compatible to least: 12 Pack, London, Flex and Sinister. In response, Daisy exclaims, “Now I am more confused than ever!” Again?
Then, a mixer, the chance to get, as Sinister puts it, crunk.
Flex gets cozy with Flex-ex, calling her “my favorite,” whatever that means.
Kia lets Flex know that “London’s dating some girl.”
The bigger revelation is that London is part blow-up doll.
Flex ends up yelling at London about this. Oh boy is it tedious. I get the feeling that Flex was dying, just dying for an outlet for his rage.
Flex says some threatening words. “I’m f***in’ half your size, dude,” says London. “Less than that,” says Flex. Touche! Then Kia falls over…
As wonderful as that is, it does very little to break the tension. Daisy takes her aside…
Despite the fact that this woman is literally fall-down drunk, Daisy thinks it’s appropriate to have a serious conversation with her. She asks Kia if she doesn’t pick Flex, does she want to be back with him? Kia shakes her head no. How Flex looks at Daisy is how he looked at Kia for the first time. Kia can tell that he loves Daisy. She corrects herself: “Not love, but like…you know?” I’m sure she does; she seems to be speaking Daisy’s language. Daisy bids her goodbye and tells her to drink some water. Aw, she really cares.
Back at the fire, Daisy sits down and they all talk about…I don’t even know. They just bicker. The lowlight is Flex calling London a “f***ing faggot.”
I love that he’s in a full face of make-up when he says this. But the thing is that nobody — not Daisy, not any of the guys, not the editors — thinks this hate speech is a big deal. When Ashley called Bubbles “retarded” on Charm School, we heard foreboding booms and saw everything slow down like the world stopped spinning on its axis. This straight-up slur barely gets an eyelash bat. London does point out to Daisy that Flex just said that, even though she was in total earshot…
…and she says she doesn’t care. Great work, everyone. You’ve all endeared yourselves to a loyal segment of your viewing audience to a level far beyond anyone could have imagined. Whatever, at least we know that Daisy deserves whomever she ends up with.
Speaking of which, she’d like to play a game. She’s like Jigsaw, but less cuddly. She makes each guy say whom he wants to be in the Bottom 2 with him. Flex picks 12 Pack because he obviously can’t ever be without him, but the official reason he gives is that it’s because he hates him to death but at least he’s got his s*** down. I’m not surprised that Flex is an expert on the state of 12 Pack’s s*** after being up his ass all the time. Sinister also picks 12 Pack for being the calmest and coolest. London picks 12 Pack as well because he’s a “real dude.” Well, that’s it, 12 Pack’s going to the finale. Ha! Watching everyone dig their own graves almost makes up for the apathy in the face of homophobia.
12 has a breakdown that’s almost on the beauty pageant level.
Elimination looms. A cosmetically overdosing Flex interviews that London deserved his freak-out.
Nice that he’s showing his true colors and not chalking the hate speech up to the heat of the moment. At least we now know what we’re working with.
At elimination, Daisy announces that 12 Pack and the one other person she picks will be going to Maui. 12 Pack does the Cabbage Patch in response.
Daisy has to make one — one – choice between the three remaining guys. She is stressed.
In his defense, London says, “Dating somebody and having a girlfriend are two totally different things.” Daisy is scared London’s going to hurt her, but she wants him to come to Maui. She rationalizes, “Technically I’ve been seeing 19 other people recently. So that whole thing about people throwing stones at glass houses or whatever…kinda, something?”
Look for Whatever…Kinda Something: The Daisy De La Hoya Guide To Making Decisions in bookstores by the end of this year.
Daisy calls up Sinister.
He knows what’s coming. She says he’s been her rock star since the beginning (haven’t they all been per the, “Will you stay here and be my rock star?” catchphrase?), but she can’t deny that she has a stronger attraction to the other three. She kept him around because she didn’t want to hurt him, but now fears that she broke his heart. Now would be a great time for that, “Ooopsie!” sound bite they like to play repeatedly on this show, but alas, the only sound we hear are Sinister’s tears against his skin.
“If she doesn’t want me, maybe somebody else will,” he sniffles. Girls love a downer.
Oh, and by the way, slur-hurling Flex is going to Maui, too. 12 Pack says he doesn’t want a third wheel, although since he, Daisy and London are all going, wouldn’t that make Flex the fourth wheel? Upon hearing the news that he’s coming along to the finale, Flex says he feel like he’s found the cure for cancer.
Yeah, that’s definitely what the face of a cancer-curer looks like. It’s because he’s radiant, see. (No credit to the bronzer.)