Real Chance Of Love 2 Recap – Episode 1 – Who’s The Man?

Within this group of 20 women…

…lies fodder for an entire season’s worth of ridicule at the hands of this show’s stars. Welcome to Real Chance of Love 2. Welcome to the human race.

We begin with a voice over covering the collective past of this band of brothers. In reference to the first season, our narrator tells us, “Two guys came to conquer love. The first went down in flames…”

…and that’s definitely an interesting word choice. It continues: “The other gambled everything and lost.”

…which is also interesting word choice in that it makes no sense. We see a tight shot on Real, who seems resolved to be as hammy as possible this time around.

“Man, we been lookin’ for love for a long, long time,” he tells us. Yeah, since 2007 as far as we know. That’s like the lifespan of a mouse. How horribly eternal. We flash back to last season’s reunion, in which Real charged Corn Fed with “trippin’” and “acting worse than a sister in the hood.” What, his white girl wasn’t submissive enough? I mean, he seriously said that? Really? Chance, meanwhile, didn’t find a woman that could rock him like a hurricane. Will he ever? Whether you care or not, if you watch VH1, you’re bound to find out.

A group of women is gathered outside of the mansion in which they’ll compete for the love of one or maybe both of these men. That’d be a twist: a real thruple of love.

Real and Chance roll up on bikes…

Some of the women are excited to an almost alarming degree…

…while others reveal unconscious honesty…

“I see Real for the first time, I swear, my eyes want to roll to the back of my head,” says the woman above, who we’ll come to know as Lady. And indeed, Real does tend to provoke lots of eye-rolling.

The guys allow the girls the usual first-episode stampede through the house. They agree that this season’s ladies are hotter than last season’s. Funny, because their comments to several of the girls here suggest otherwise.

It’s a flurry of bed-grabbing and sass-spraying.

One girl seems to rub her lady bits on her bed to claim it. She’s marking her territory, if you will. It’s funny that so often what works on reality TV also works well in a zoo.

This one seems to have no shortage of couture:

I wish I could say I’ve never seen anything like this before, but the first dress is actually the same one Samantha wore to the Rock of Love Bus reunion. I’d recognize that cleavage-obliterating faux skin anywhere!

This girl…

…wants to be called “Black Barbie,” and I don’t get the sense that it’s because she’s wearing acrylic hair. A particularly antagonistic individual we’ll come to know as Freckles points out that Barbies “do not have fat asses like that.” The aspiring Black Barbie says, “I’m 5’2″,” in response. I have no idea how that supports her case, since Barbies are supposed to be, like, 7 feet tall in human proportion. Also, her ass is “homegrown from Africa, so it’s 100 percent beef, not pork.” She says this as though she’s really thought about it, although the actual words suggest a severe case of making-it-up-as-you-go-along. I don’t understand how any of those words relate to each other. Her sentence might as well be in Swahili, if you want to talk homegrown.

Meanwhile, Freckles and the girl we’ll know as Hot Wings critique girls for wearing glasses, not having their hair done and tanning too much.

This leads to the first (but certainly not last) round of discourse on which girls are former men and Adam’s apple-spotting and such…

They seriously seem more into this manhunt than Real and Chance. They’re just trying to get masculinity where they can find it, I suppose.

The guys gather the ladies for the naming ceremony…

Lady interviews her suggestions for names: “Fake,” “Porn Star,” “Ugh,” “Umph,” and “Ew.” OK, first the eye-roll comment and then “Umph?” Lady is one to watch for sure. And considering how these women tend to be treated, I can’t believe we haven’t had an Ew yet. I guess there’s still plenty of time.

First to be named:

She says she goes by the name “Vanity,” and this is reasonable since everything about her seems to ask, “Do you think I’m a nasty girl?” The guys eventually give her the name of…

The next woman is named Nancy. Chance says that makes him “wanna dancey.” Speaking of masculinity. Anyway, she gets dubbed…

Despite being initially disappointed to be referred to by the seedy city from which she hails, Vegas interviews that there are a lot of worse names she could have been called. Well, she seems resigned to not expecting much, doesn’t she? Although she is right: it could have been worse. She could have gotten, “Umph.”

“P.S.” stands for “Pure Sex,” and I’m surprised that she didn’t spontaneously combust for mentioning the notion of purity on VH1.

Despite being named for what she’s carrying in her trunk…

…”Junk” still seems like a tough thing to have to hear in reference to yourself 100 percent of the time. It’ll be interesting to see how she holds up.

“After all, those eyes are flirty,” says one of the guys to provide rationale. This side shot that the show provides, though, mostly shows her eyes to be crossed. Nice, everyone. Very nice.

Blonde Baller announces, “I run with all guys, from Compton to Long Beach.” Together? Now you know you in trouble.

For her orange glow, the next girl is compared to a tangerine…

Get it? Tan…gerine? I would figure that caliber of wordplay was beyond Real and Chance’s skill set. Bravissimo! From the side, Freckles says that this girl looks like a man. In response, this girl says, “Bitch, you look like a man.” Touche, I suppose. None of these things relate to the name she’s given, which derives from the nickname of her home state of Missouri:

“Now this is an interesting girl. From a distance she look like an old woman,” says Chance setting up the next to be named. She also seems to be extremely nervous…

For this, she is named:

The next one says that she considers herself to be a prototype. I consider her to be not a very careful viewer. (Hellllooooo? Flavor of Love 3, anyone?) So instead, she’s named…

The next one announces that she works at Hooters, and the women who work there are known for their breasts. I thought they were known for their tendency to make owl calls. Anyway, she’s:

And finally, there is the woman who’s been heckling everyone. She says that she guesses the guys have saved the best for last and one of them replies, “We saved the Yetis for last.” They consider calling her “Sasquatch” and “Chewy,” and then make fun of her “model walk.”

They backpedal and refer to her as a “cute, beautiful woman,” but I think it’s because someone told them to do that. Adding insult to, uh, insults, they make this woman plead with a Bigfoot statue for a good name…

They eventually come up with…

I like that because it rhymes with “heckles,” which is what she seems to do best. And take it from me, it’s better to comment on what someone does than what they cannot help.

Then, the mixer. Before the guys can even get out there, it’s like a scene from Girls Gone Weird:

(I don’t even know what the hell is happening up there. Pooping, maybe?)

Real and Chance interrupt this interpretive skeezing with a message…

They’re going to get to know all the ladies, and thus they will not be divided into groups of Real Girls and Chance Girls for some time. This is really in the women’s best interest, since Chance and Real tend to play tug-o-war with these girls and then blame them for being too ropey, basically. So yay, there will be none of that. When the speech is over, Real says, “Let’s get downtown like Julie Brown!”

Wubba, wubba, wubba, y’all!

The next woman to be accused of being a once or present man is Ribbon…

This is despite the fact that moments earlier, she had completely shared her panties with the world…

I guess Chance wasn’t paying attention to her crotch? It probably wasn’t junky enough.

Sassy asks Real what his favorite foods are. He says banana pudding and avocados. What a weird combination and a weirder answer.

It doesn’t satisfy Sassy either.

Show Me admits that she’s a stripper and when Real recoils, she points out that most of the girls there are strippers, so he better choose up. Best touche yet!

Sassy does a bunch of things with her time, such as hold a real-estate license and rap. Shekicks a few bars for Real…

She probably shouldn’t quit her day job of being a real estate…license holder.

Show Me then announces, “You probably never f***ed with a stripper that’s a real bitch.” That’s some charming stuff. So charming that it’s the gateway to an argument in which Sassy says she’s never seen a white girl with a jacked-up-ass weave before…

At every turn, Sassy’s revealing that she has no prior knowledge of VH1.

Chance hypothesizes that he’s attracted to Hot Wings because of her familiar look: sexy, little petite body with this long, beweaved hair. He actually says the word “beweaved,” and I love him for that.

At one point, Ribbon calls Chance “Real.” Big mistake. Huge. She then tries to get Real’s attention…

He calls her Beelzebub and Satan in response. But, see, that couldn’t be the case, for she pops up over his right shoulder…

If she were Satan, it’d be the left. She’s not a demon, she’s just weird. Easy mistake to make, though.

Chance spends time with Vegas…

…but Show Me interrupts, increasing the tension between them.

She says she can’t get along with the “other bitches.” Can’t and won’t, for that matter.

P.S. reveals that she has Crohn’s disease…

She’s very trusting if she thinks that won’t be construed into fodder for her ridicule.

And then, the climax of the night. Chance feels that he hasn’t talked to anyone. Vegas tells him not to talk to guys and to talk to girls. She is ostensibly insulting Show Me and Baker. Baker says that Vegas has a liquid courage in her ass. Or it could just be an enema. Tough call. Vegas tells Baker to tuck her balls in and Baker says something bleeped that’s probably to the effect of, “I’ll put my balls in your mouth.” Ah, the promise of aggressive teabagging. How exciting.

Drinks are thrown at Vegas. She throws something at Show Me, who proceeds to attack her…

Yeah, it’s a bad one.

The way she explains it to Chance and Real is: “I thought someone was a boy, and they just started being unladylike and punching.” She really shouldn’t have been surprised when the person she accused of being male turned out to be unladylike, you know?

Show Me interviews that she’s upset she had to be the drunken ghetto girl, but it is what it is. It’s a hard job, but someone on every show has to do it! Anyway, Show Me tells Chance and Real that she knows what she did was wrong. She’s actually quite sensible when she isn’t punching in someone’s skull. She’s going home, of course.

“I’m from the Show Me State, that’s how we get down. I had to show her,” she says in her exit interview. What a weird convergence of destiny and state nicknaming.

But that’s not all! When Real and Chance announce to the group that Show Me is going home, Vegas gleefully calls out, “One down, nine to go!” The words of an innocent party have never seemed so…corrupt. Real and Chance announce that provokers will be penalized, too. Have they never watched VH1 before? Isn’t New York where she is today by the strength of her provocation skills? (Hey, where is New York, anyway?)

Anyway, Vegas is going home. Freckles is worried because she had a “simular” altercation earlier.

I’m worried because Freckles seems to be rapidly losing her grasp on the English language.

Vegas gives a teary exit interview.

“I’m going home because I played a good game? Come on,” she says. Well, it wasn’t a good game, just a dirty one, but given that this is VH1, I second that, “Come on.”

Elimination arrives. A boob-sweaty Ribbon…

…interviews that she would like to see “one of those ghetto whore goblins go home.” Whore goblins! Even though (spoiler) Ribbon’s about to bounce, with “whore goblins,” she’s given us more than most reality show contestants do over the course of a season.

Hot Wings is the first to get a chain. Elimination rapidly proceeds. It ends up coming down to Freckles, Ribbon and Wiggly, whom Real refers to as “golden lady.” Since he’s been calling Ribbon “Ribbon in the Sky” the whole night, there’s definitely a Stevie Wonder theme going on. But Wiggly won’t be boogieing on, reggae woman, anytime soon. She’s staying; Freckles and Ribbon are leaving.

Talk about saving the best for last!

Freckles gave up her apartment for a month, since she thought she’d be on the show that long. Another case of hubris as fatal flaw, I suppose.

Ribbon, meanwhile, reminds us once again of everything that we’re losing. :(

Related content
Real Chance of Love 2 show page
Real Chance of Love videos and extras