Yvonne is watching you.
(And you love it!)
Our list of the things we loved about this week’s My Antonio kicks off with one of the first things that happened:
- Tully’s reaction to Yvonne’s request to speak with her:
Amazing! It’s as though she is studied in the art of face falling.
- The ensuing discussion
My Antonio is unmistakably gentler than typical VH1 fare, and yet it’s hard to recall a more savage conversation taking place than the one between Antonio’s ex-wife, Tully, and his mother (who does not want his ex-wife back in the running for his heart). Maybe it’s because there wasn’t screaming and interrupting so you could actually understand every brutal word that was said. Among Yvonne’s take-downs:
“You old news!”
“You make us all miserable!”
“I don’t trust you whatsoever!”
They were all delivered as stand-alone declarations, each thrown like a single dagger.
Has Hawaii ever felt this cold?
Hey everyone? Antonio wants to pump (clap)…
While watching this, I couldn’t help but wonder who this was for? The girls, who got…closer to their competitors…
…or Antonio, who got to show off the bod some more?
All of the above!
- The directive: “I want you guys to write a love letter to me.”
Um, does it really count as a love letter if you ask for it? Isn’t that being like, “Pay me a compliment” and then accepting it gladly? “I want them to write to me because when you write something, it comes from the heart,” explained Antonio. It’s especially from the heart if it’s via fuzzy pen…
It’s also important to note that Miranda seemed to employ the help of a crystal for this exercise…
Maybe she was gazing into it to see the future because how the hell do you write a love letter to someone you’ve known for only two reality show episodes?!?
The girls, of course, realized this (especially Brooke, who seemed flabbergasted by the idea from the start), and many of them noted that Tully was really the only one who had the experience necessary for the task…
Not that she wrote one because that would make too much sense!
Here’s some sampling of the letters so that you can help get your voyeur on:
After Antonio received the letters, he read them on a cliff.
He could have fallen off while reading. I hope that’s some indication as to how seriously he takes written declarations of two reality show episodes worth of love. He almost died for them.
In the end, three letters touched his heart the most: those of Autumn, Christi and Tania. Autum’s spoke of love for Antonio she’s held since she was 12. I just got Rock of Love deja vu. Christi’s included the line, “I would walk mountains for you,” which sort of undersells the enormity of the task (everyone can walk, and mountains aren’t parks, you know?). No matter, when Christi got to that very line, Antonio said, “I can’t take this right now!” And then he turned and cried.
In an interview, Christi said her letter expressed her desire to laugh and cry with Antonio.”We already cried together already and that was so cute,” she added. Yes. Cute is exactly the word for it.
Tania’s letter read in part: “Enclosed in this envelope is the key to my heart. You’ll find that it’s a little rusty and a little beat up, you can only use it when and if the time is right.” And this sounds figurative…
…but it wasn’t.
Christi and Tania went on to win the challenge. At dinner that night, before a boatload of sushi, Antonio raved about Tani’s letter by saying, “I couldn’t put it down!” Was it that long and engrossing? Tania sounds like a regular Sue Grafton. K is for Key.
- This shot of Antonio
I don’t know why. He just looks so enlightened.
- The first kiss!
This happened on his following date with Christi. Look at how many angles of it we were treated to:
Fair enough, though. Your first reality show kiss really is a momentous occasion. Aerial shots justified.
- Christi’s willingness to put it all out there
On Christi, Antonio noted, “She’s not shy about being sexy.” Cut to…
…censored nipples! Yes, indeed, Antonio. We know exactly what you mean.
- Tully’s antics
Obviously, this recap has been light on the Tully thus far, despite the fact that she dominated the episode. It’s just because we wanted to save the best for almost-last.
Tully, Tully, Tully. Where to start?
She fell to pieces when Antonio rebuffed her request for wine.
Antonio: Are you crying again?
Tully: You know what? F*** you.
Playing hard to get, are ya? She added that, “That’s just life. I like crying.” In that case, she’s definitely found her medium.
To go along with her heart injury, she suffered a head injury during the post-workout slipping and sliding.
When Antonio comforted her during her time of attention-need, she told him, “I just need the instant impact pain to go away, and then I’ll be OK,” The fact that she’s carrying a torch for her ex-husband 18 years later, however, suggests otherwise.
And lest you think no one else is onto her…
…they are. That said, it’s airtime well spent. Tully’s shining moment emerged in the wake of Antonio announcing he was going to take Christi on a boat ride. From the minute it sprung from his lips, Tully was pissed:
She then “hired” a jet ski to interrupt their date.
She interviewed, “I went out on a jet ski and I hate jet skis.” However, the jet ski, much like the camera, loves her.
…Tully requested 10 minutes of Antonio’s time from Christi, “woman to woman, mom to mom.” Sure, bring motherhood into it. Watch how they crumble.
Instead of, I don’t know, pushing Tully overboard, Antonio stated that he was intrigued by her. Not intrigued enough to keep her out of the bottom two…
…being included in which, by the way, produced a single tear from Tully’s eye…
But Antonio was intrigued enough to keep her around for another week. Monique, who spent much of this episode complaining about her lack of time with Antonio…
…now certainly won’t get any time with him. Oh well.
- The reactions to Antonio keeping Tully again:
And once again, in the game of reactions…
…mother does best.
- The plan that’s been set:
During a private conversation, Yvonne gave Christi a mission:
Are you as excited…
…as they are?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to dry land.