Tool Academy 2 Recap – Episode 3 – Know Thy Toolishness



This week, the tools have to take a long, good look in the mirror, something they’ve obviously never done before…



First, let’s check in with the guys’ toolishness:






Yep! Still got it!

Now, a few finer points:


“I look really good when I’m naked, when I’m all manscaped,” says Mike. “Like Michelangelo’s David? I’m like a shorter, stockier, Persian version.” Also, a talkinger version. The nice thing about David was that we never had to listen to him or watch him move.


David also didn’t peer-pressure his fellow hairless statues into Nairing themselves, as Mike did with Dre P:


Maybe David was never tight with his bros like that. It was, after all, a different time.

And here is the best bit of toolishness of the episode:


John then ate the cigarette he’d just extinguished on his head:


But besides heartburn (and/or stomachburn), the most enduring effect of this is that John now must run around with a giant cigarette burn on his forehead.


It’s very Afterschool Special chic. Burners, you know?

But it wasn’t just the guys who got their tools on this week:



An argument between Leah and Shannon broke out about stripping, a topic that came up in this week’s therapy (we’ll get to that in a sec). As the girls sat around after therapy, Leah and Kathleen bemoaned their careers. Shannon noted that sometimes strippers ruin marriages. She probably had some sort of knowledge base about this topic in particular and was merely trying to relate what she knows of Leah and Shannon’s job, but Leah eventually took offense to this. Why? Why not. It ended in screaming and tears (Leah’s choice quote: “And I swear to god if that bitch say one more thing to me, I’mma bust that bitch in her face!”), and the whole vibe was that of a typical argument that breaks out about someone’s family: that person can complain about their family all they want, but if someone dare agree or add to the complaints, he or she risks vengeance. I’m not saying that Leah’s relationship to stripping is like her relationship to family, but I’m not not saying that, either. I’m just saying.

Anyway, this week’s therapy session was all about modesty.


Trina told them that via their flashy haircuts, gaudy clothes, well-toned physiques, she could tell that modesty was something they were lacking. She ain’t kidding, although I think a blind person could tell that modesty was something the tools are lacking. Hell, a dead person could.

And so, one by one, the guys were to come up and have an “honest” conversation with themselves. First was Stew:


The revelations: He claimed that he’s uncomfortable about the way he looks (including his red hair), although he went on to resolve that, “I should be happy I’m gifted with this good health and good looks,” so who knows where his self esteem is at. Also, he hasn’t had a job since he met Amanda, which is helpful information in case you had mistook him as a prize.

John L


The revelations: None, at first. John started out the challenge boiling about the way Sarah treats him. He told Trina she was out of her mind if she thought he was going to participate in therapy and then chewed out Sarah for telling him that he’s fat. Said John: “You mean nothing to me. You destroyed me emotionally. I hate you.”


He then took a time out, which is actually quite sensible and not toolish at all…


…it’s a measure to prevent toolishness, actually. How uncommon!

Anyway, when John did calm down, he participated in the therapy. He revealed that he still sees the pale, skinny kid he was in high school. I guess the fat comments bothered him just on the surface, then? He ends by saying, “I hate myself, I really do.” So that’s, you know, sad.



The revelations: The biggest one is that he’s a crier (two weeks in a row and counting!). Other than that, he expresses shame over his treatment of Nicole and resolves to never hurt another female with infidelity.



The revelations: He doesn’t introduce Shealyn to his friends when he goes out. He acknowledged that that makes her feel like s*** and says he would beat himself up (if he weren’t himself). He promised not to be the center of attention anymore and attempted to give her one of two promise rings that he previously gave her and that she returned to him. Shealyn, though, thought it was too soon to take the ring back, especially given that just last episode, he hinted that he might not be in love with her anymore last therapy session. So yeah, there was that.

And then there was a quick montage featuring Dan…


…who needs to get over himself and stop being an attention-hog; Frank…


…whose hair is thinning and whose bad behavior stems from the belief that his time is running out; and Mike…


…who said that his whole thing is an act. “The clothes, the hair, it’s a costume,” were his words. And like: no doy. He’s practically a drag king with a penis. But at least it’s reassuring that he acknowledges this.



The revelations: None! He big-ups himself for being strong, says, “It’s not about anybody but you, Charm.” Yeah, we know. That’s why you’re here.

Dre P


The revelations: Leah is a stripper, and he doesn’t like that, mostly because it seems to make him feel inadequate, since he can’t spend money on her like her patrons do. I never before considered that a phenomenon like john-envy might exist. Someone should do a study.



The revelations: He doesn’t like the way he looks, but he mostly doesn’t like the way Kathleen is. Not only does he commiserate with Dre P for being the bf of a stripper, but he feels like he gets nothing in return for what he gives her. Yes he does: he gives her crap and in return, his ass caught brought to Tool Academy. Sounds like an exchange to me.

Anyway, Justin clearly wasn’t engaged in therapy, nor was he in the beet-picking challenge (assigned because there’s “nothing more modest than farming”)…


…the overalls, by the way?


They were “ballrisers” in the words of one tool. OshKosh B’ballrisers, even.


Anyway, Mike ended up coming in first with 1,835 beets collected over the course of two hours. Contrast that with Justin’s showing (742) and you can see the lack of effort.

Mike was very happy to be named…


…”Master Beeter,” although on his prize date with Rebecca, he ended up having to reveal that on a trip to Newport, he stayed with and “made out” with some other girl…


…and Rebecca was so turned off that it was clear that the master beeter would be a masturbator at least for one more night.

At elimination, it came down to John, Justin and Charm.


All had problems with the therapy, but because John pushed through and participated, he was safe. Charm was insincere, didn’t reveal any deep insecurities and probably doesn’t know what it is to be modest, but it was Justin that got the boot for blaming all of his problems on Kathleen. And here’s another problem:


…she dumped him, reasoning that if he couldn’t even do well in Tool Academy for her, what could he do for her? He kind of answered that in his exit interview: “I’m not a tool. She’s the tool. She’s the one who needs the help.” The translation: nothing. He could do nothing for her.

As a coda, the guys got all pissed at Charm, since he stayed over Justin (although they used the excuse of him hanging an “I (Heart) Charm” shirt on his bed, and thus having learned nothing about modesty, which: duh)…


Highlights of this back-and-forth included Mike’s positively wild eyes…


And the transportation of Charm’s bed to the living room…



This is the tools’ way of saying, “To be continued…” Thanks, dudes!

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Tool Academy 2 show page
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  1. ja_gyal says:

    the proper terminology is “bigs himself up,” not “bigs up himself.”

    this show is really boring. the first season was mildly entertaining.

  2. ja_gyal says:

    it’s “bigs himself up” (not “bigs up himself”).

  3. Jeff says:

    Is it appropriate to be dishing advice on modesty while wearing a skin-tight, hot pink Barbie outfit? C’mon, Trina, at least PRETEND you didn’t get your degree on Ebay.

  4. Nikki says:

    Wow, did we watch the same episode? Shannon said that strippers ruin happy homes because they keep men from going to more acceptable things like PORN. She made absolutely no sense, and didn’t need to kick those girls while they were already down. They already said they were in no way proud of what they do and she felt the need to accuse them (“obviously not you two, but, you know, all strippers”) of being homewreckers. It was ridiculously judgmental.

  5. MissMe says:

    Charm and his full of himself “`_%`$#@&_$@*~ deserved to go home today way more than Justin, I”m sorry Yeah J. Daddy came back out in therapy and He didn’t do well with the beets but he is life the smallest guy there and he didn’t exactly do terribly. He couldn’t face his own faults I admit that but at least he admitted they were there. Charm basically just said I’m self absorbed and totally in love with myself and it’s all about me and they gave him a dame modesty badge. all he ever does is talk about how he is the best and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him be modest in the slightest!!

  6. shortxshot07 says:

    Shannon said that kathleen and leah were strong women for not bringing down marriages and soliciting like some strippers… so she wasnt trying to bring them down.

  7. Cinema says:

    I’d say its “big ups to himself”

  8. Amy says:

    omg what was up with John’s shirt about going down on a little sister I just realized that and eww nasty that is a toolish shirt right there yeah I seriously thought that Charm should have been sent home for one he barely mentioned his g/f was self absorbed and barely even made progress okay J-Daddy should have not yelled at his g/f but at least he acknowledged her Charm didn’t even do that I hope he gets elimnated soon and maybe that would teach him some charm

  9. TOLLISH says:

    That persian kid needs to stfu. He is NOT attractive. AT ALL. His hair is disgusting, his manscaping is embarassing, he’s shorter than my little brother, and he dresses like Jon Gosselin. TOOL. Matsuflex Jr. only way less attractive.

  10. autumn says:

    You know I think J Daddy has a good idea. Tool academy for women. I think there are alot of women out there that are tools. And have great men that put up with their bs. VH1 i hope you see this post and consider the idea.

  11. MISS T says:

    Dude with the nair for men is sooooooo ugly. He looks like he has nuts packed in his cheeks. YUCK!! His girl can do way better than that dog s#@*!!!!!

  12. LBrisin says:

    Mike is really full of himself and he really shouldn’t be. He’s short, he’s far from fashionable considering he dresses like Jon Gosselin, his hair is obsurd, and he looks like a total fool. He’s like a wanna be tiny little Matsuflex that has been electrocuted.

  13. Kelly Renee says:

    well are the guys really sincere 2 there girlfriends? one time the strippers any more hidden unknown situps? 2 more times 3rd time not a charm. once a player always a player lets find out?they also should make a gift for there girlfriends with some stuff put a gift together like a basket of gifts make a card put roses in there some candy a necklace gift wrap ect. lets see how romantic these guys can be for there girlfriends
    and which ones will be a gentlemen and succed 2 win the show the tool academy? anyway i do kinda think that people with muscelles oops mispelled but anyway they are a sterotype.does make others fell lesser of a person watching this show 2. and j dady thinks there should be one for women 2. the acadamy show.hmm would be interesting but im not buff i dont work out not the type 2 ever be on a show anyway i wouldnt do any shows lol. and dont quite understand the show only seen two episodes. but anyway i try 2 watch it when i can. for those who are in good shape congrats 2 you! i hope 2 get 2 understand this show bertter.

  14. Holly says:

    VH1 already has the equivalent of Tool Academy for women. It’s called Charm School. The setup is the same: live in a house together, wear uniforms, participate in challenges, work on a characteristic each week, receive something for making it to the next level, $100,000 prize.

  15. Labelina NYC says:

    Tool Academy is proof positive that some men are products of a false sense of grandeur propagated by self delusion. On that note, someone please tell Charm that he was NOT charmed with good looks. He resembles a Bobble Head or a Mighty Mugg. Like a pumpkin with hair on it. Hey Charm, Mr. Potato Head called and said he wants his lips back. You are the biggest tool on the show!

    In fact, every other guy on the show looks 1,000 times better than Charm. Better bodies, better faces, et cetera. Dre P, for instance, is PHYNE! A beautiful chiseled face, nice skin, piercing eyes and THAT BODY! T Shaw is also HOT. Such a cutie. Taylor can get it any day of the week. Frank has a great body. And Big John needs to get a clue because he looks fantastic!

    I think Mike is secretly gay. His mannerisms and the way he talks would suggest he’s a punk. If he thinks he’s good-looking, he’s mistaken. His hair looks like it’s running away from his face. And everytime I see him, I can vaguely hear “Alvin, Simon, Theodore…do do…do do do do…do do…do do do do”. LOL His girl is really pretty. She could do so much better, but not better than Charm’s girl.

  16. thine says:

    it’s “know THINE toolishness.”

  17. Derp says:

    $5 says you’re still going to watch every single episode, ja_gyal….

    Anyone else think it’s odd that they didn’t even ponder if John L’s girlfriend was actually detrimental to him? Nobody even seemed to really put any shred of consideration into it.

  18. leah says:

    i love tyler

  19. TotalBlammBlamm says:

    I almost wet my pants laughing at Jeff’s comment ” C’mon, Trina, at least PRETEND you didn’t get your degree on Ebay.” COMEDY GOLD!!! So thank you for that.

    Loving the blog, wonderful snarktastic comments from Rich as always.

    I like the new season, and I like the new tools. They’re fun (but I think mostly fixable?) guys. Big John is a hoot, but I worry about his blowups/need for time outs. He seems to have some anger issues more than anything else.

    Also the girls are WAY lacking in the self esteem department. I’m a slightly older woman (not in my twenties anymore) but I’ll tell you that when I was younger, there’s no way on god’s green earth I would have taken even a fraction of the shenanigans these boys put these girls through! Come on ladies! Wake up… if he’s that bad, move on. Or… horrors… try being ALONE for a while. Why is indepence a sin suddenly??

  20. Josh R says:

    This next week’s episode looks crazy. It looks like the cast goes crazy and attacks the producers and crew. I’m so pumped! TOOLS!

  21. Brandi says:

    Derp: I totally agree with you about them not acknowledging whether Big John’s girlfriend does make him feel that way. Maybe she doesn’t mean to and just doesn’t realize it. I think they need to have an episode where the guys express what they think is wrong. Everybody knows guys don’t know how to talk and tell you if something is wrong so you are never going to know. Charm is a total douchebag and needs to go. All the girls needs to stick together and be there for support but they are fighting more than the guys (except with Charm but he doesn’t count). All of the guys are good looking in their own way. If people in this world weren’t so judgemental than just maybe modesty wouldn’t be as big of a problem. I think the show next week will break some of them.

  22. 4word says:

    if the strippers hate what they do, then quit. they are strong/beautiful and educated women. and she was taseful when she called strippers homewrekers. she called them strong women for being different and its tru. im sure there is something else for the strippers to do to become ex strippers.

    leah, if ur gonna swear on GOD and on everything you love that your gonna do something follow thru! however, im glad u didnt because the commitment u made with GOD was negative. either way, there will be repercussions. GOD? dont swear on GOD. point is, be careful what u say and think real hard before u speak/react!

  23. 4word says:

    i apologize if my same comment comes up more than once, im new at this.

  24. 4word says:

    i apologize if my same comment comes up more than once, im new at this. ok, its not that im new at this but it keeps going to a page that says website is under maintanance and then when i try to submit it again it says i already submitted it. looks like this blog site needs a lil adjustment or maybe its just one of those days

  25. talisha says:

    yo i love this show its all i watch all day but i cant believe charm didnt go home he dont deserve to be on the show all he thinks about is himself he needs to think bout his gurl more n if he dont go home in the next show imma stop watching the show for good i liked j daddy he was much better than charm

  26. Clueless says:

    what is a tool?

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