Real Chance Of Love 2 Recap - Episode 10 - RomCom/MomDram

Love that Ed Hardy runs in the family. Love it!

As we begin, Baker washes her hair in the sink.

Don’t hate, she’s just trying to look nice for you. Baker interviews that Hot Wings would be the safe choice for Chance, while Mamacita adds spice. She considers herself too be in the middle, but she can offer the best of both worlds. Just call her Safety Spice.

Safety Spice sits in the kitchen and asks, “Is there a fruit diet you can be on?”

Well, there’s the grapefruit diet and the watermelon diet and the flush fruit diet and the snozzberry diet and and and… Poca, however, doesn’t want to acknowledge any of this. She just looks off and says, “It’ll make you fat.” Something tells me that she isn’t a certified dietitian, but given her participation on reality TV, she might as well have her doctorate in undermining. I’m just saying, consider her area of expertise when considering her response.

Then some complete and utter nonsense occurs between Sassy and Poca. It’s seriously more absurd than a season full of Yeti-based challenges. It’s more ridiculous than beginning every sentence with, “As you know, I love…” And, as you know, I love, “As you know I love…” Sassy charges Poca with being perfect, and says that perfection is part of Poca’s persona. Her Pocasona, if you will. Poca ends up calling Sassy evil because she’s mean. Sassy isn’t evil, she’s just not fake. She’s just honest, she claims. These are the memoirs of an imperfect reality TV contestant.

Whatever, at least she knows how to perfectly shut down nonsense:

The girls get Stallionaire Mail that tells them they’ll be meeting “relatively important” people. Doll interviews, “And I’m like, ‘relatively?’ What does this mean?” It means that if she has any sense (and I do think Doll does), there is a dictionary in her future.

What it really means is that it’s the time in the season for Real and Chance’s mom and dad, Claudia and Robert, to pay a visit.

Say hello to them once again.

They kick off the polite interrogation during a barbecue out back. Claudia almost immediately asks the girls, “Are you Christians?” As if most of them would be any more than nominally so, given all that’s gone down in the house. Maybe because she’s brave, maybe because she’s…less than swift, or maybe because less-than-swiftness leads to foolish bravery, Mamacita does not sit right up and kiss Claudia’s ring. She says that she believes what the Dalai Lama does, that kindness is her religion.

Claudia asks Hot Wings, “How did your parents raise you?” How do you even answer that? “In a crate”? “At arm’s length”? “Via airlift”? It’s not in vain, though, as we discover via this question that Hot Wings is an only child. Given her tendency to public tantrums, this is not at all surprising.

Meanwhile, Robert talks to the Real girls. “So what do you think of my two knuckleheads?” he asks. “They’re individuals,” is Poca’s response. How perfectly diplomatic. It might also be extremely apathetic. I’m kinda wondering if she’s over this whole thing after that.

Meanwhile, while they’re being talked about, Chance and Real are attempting to be talked about even more, by playing loudly with kites and on a giant wheelbarrow in the background.

They’re cruising for a bruising they never receive. Poor guys.

At some point, Claudia notes that you won’t find another guy as spiritual as Real. “He’s gonna have a lot of effect on the world. Honestly.” He’s not the second coming, per se, but there’s a chance that he might be a Paul Muad’Dib-level messiah. I won’t be at all shocked to find that moral purity is part of some larger, as-yet-unspecified plot to farm spice over the Internet.

The religious discussion continues. Poca says something about God’s will opening doors for her in relation to this reality show. In response, Sassy looks like she’s going to throw up door knobs and hinges.

Poca also says that she wants as many children as God blesses her with. Sounds like she’s gunning for virgin births. Here she goes again with the perfection thing. Give it a rest already, Our Poca of Cloying Endearment.

Real, his parents and his girls ride off to a date at some batting cages. No one can hit very well…

…not even Real, who blames his problems connecting with the ball to the fact that he hasn’t eaten.

I wonder if malnourishment can be blamed for other kinds of lacking connections, such as those of the interpersonal kind. Damn craft services!

The Real Chance of Parents then meet with each of Real’s potential real chances of love.

Doll discusses her parents passing away at a young age, and her own avoidance of drama. It’s testament to Doll’s awesomeness that her parents dying didn’t make her a complete and utter drama queen. I mean, it’d be completely understandable if she were, but it says a lot about her character that she isn’t.

Poca is, to put it nicely, effusive to Real’s parents, saying that they’re “very, very good people.” She also claims that she and Real talk about the Bible all the time. She prays four times a day, she attends church regularly, and a Bible study on Thursdays.

As she’s saying all this, the graphics department giggles silently.

Sassy talks about growing up on government cheese. “That didn’t make you bitter?” asks Claudia. No, Claudia, no matter what its politics, cheese is delicious and only makes you happy. They talk about Sassy’s business, and Claudia says that Sassy is strong. She seems to like Sassy a lot more than anyone else. They kind of trash talk Poca a little. Sassy says that Sassy says Poca is insincere. Sassy senses that Poca is trying to hide something. Claudia asks if she’s tried to find it. Sassy’s tried, but she feels like she’s just looking for negativity and besides, maybe Poca is perfect. Claudia says with a chuckle, “I haven’t found one yet.” Glad we’re all on the same page regarding Our Poca of Perpetual Sublimity.

The next day, it’s time for the Chance girls to go out with the parents. Chance takes them to a cooking lesson. This makes Mamacita nervous, but she’s willing to learn. “So bring it,” she says in an interview, and then, for no stated reason, she feels herself up.

I’ve thought a lot about making a supercut that features nothing but VH1 personalities adjusting their (inevitably) fake boobs, but I haven’t been gathering footage, so I’d have to start from scratch. So if anyone else wants to take the reins, by all means…

Hot Wings talks to the Real Chance of Parents.

She wants to step it up so she can make a good housewife. She’s on VH1 aspiring to Bravo. That seems reasonable. She also says that Chance needs a girl who isn’t explosive so as to level him out, since he’s such a live wire. This is supposed to be support for her argument on why he should pick her. It’s like TNT leaning over at a dinner party and saying, “Isn’t gun powder dreadful? Imagine having such a problem with combustion! How common.” Hot Wings also says that Baker and Chance have no connection, while Chance and Mamacita are too much alike.

Baker says that Mamacita needs to learn when to turn off the crazy, and that Hot Wings is also a hothead. She is immature, prone to pouting and cusses her contestants out.

Also, she drinks a little.

In her discussion with Claudia, Mamacita again talks about not knowing how to cook, but being willing to learn.

Weirdly, there’s no boob adjustment to punctuate that this time. Boob adjustment or it didn’t happen!

Meanwhile, Chance and Hot Wings are starting to feel…loose.

When they all sit down to eat, Baker seems somber. Perhaps she’s upset that Chance was more interested in sinking his teeth into Hot Wings than Baker’s cake last episode.

After some prodding, Baker reveals that she is not amused by Hot Wings’ drunkenness. Hot Wings responds, “Even though I’m drunk right now…I had three shots, but you see how I am, you know what I mean?” As she says this, we see exactly how she is:

Excessively groomed. Seriously, why do two people have their hands all up in Hot Wings’ business? She can handle herself just fine.

This fight continues in the vague yet decidedly exasperating way it started. Hot Wings doesn’t think Baker should come at her as the person who did her wrong. At this comment, Baker throws her hands up and says…

…”Jesus, take the wheel!” For throwing something out that both expresses frustration and appeals to the Christ-adoring Claudia in one fell swoop, Baker may have just proven herself as this season’s lyrical genius. Sorry, Sassy.

The bickering continues, seriously.

Baker says Hot Wings is immature. Hot Wings says Baker does not intimidate her and is Baker to her. She’s like Beezus to a child. I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure it makes more sense than whatever Hot Wings is talking about.

Chance breaks this up in an uncharacteristically gentle manner, and they all head home, where the parents reveal their opinions of the girls.

And really, this serves as nothing beyond a recap for what the episode and season up to this point, for that matter, have already established. Poca is spiritual but holding back. Doll is emotional and really in love with Real. Sassy has possibly dubious motives. Safety Spice is honest and has been through some stuff. Mamacita is fun and crazy. Hot Wings is cute and immature. Way to call it like we see it, Real Chance of Mom.

And then, in the weekly rush to connect before elimination…

…Baker is mopey…

…Poca does a pseudo-reveal, in which she admits to dating her friend’s friend in high school…

…no more secrets, pinky swear (as binding of a contract as you’re going to get in these parts)…

…and Sassy, weirdly, shows Real the real her by removing her colored contacts in front of him.

That’s a good woman right there. She just went digging in her eyeballs for the sake of Real. It would be almost beautiful if it weren’t unsanitary, squishy-sounding and wholly bizarre.

Oh, and then Hot Wings and Chance have a talk, where he gets the opportunity to chastise her more about her immaturity. Has there been anything from Chance up to this point that suggests that immaturity isn’t a virtue he holds dear? She should tell him to go fly a kite. She also says something about him choosing a girl that’s wifey material. Yeah, because that’s generally how these shows work.

At elimination, Chance announces they’re flying to Miami for the finale. He gives Mamacita her chain first. Baker is hot and cold, while Hot Wings is immature. Hot Wings cries and says, “If you’re in love, that’s all that should matter. How old I am shouldn’t matter.”

Really? Love’s got something to do with it? I thought it was merely a nominal part of this absurdist exercise in strife. Regardless, this is the exact passion Chance is looking for. Baker is bouncing.

Baker offers some passion of her own, exit-interviewing that everyone’s here for their own personal gain, but she was actually here for Chance. She’s over the whole situation as of now. Well, at least it didn’t take so long.

Real gives his first chain to Doll. Pocahontas is holding something back, while Sassy is high maintenance. She needs too much from him. What if he doesn’t have it to give? This is a candid preview of Real’s role in their potential relationship, and no one’s bolting for the door, or I don’t know, the campily oversize ranch gate we’ve never seen. Amazing.

In fact, when Real announces (a la Daisy, Ray J and Flav) that he’s taking his Final 3 to the finale, Sassy unleashes sobs of joy.

I want to comfort her, but not for the reasons that she’s crying. Quite the contrary, actually.

Related content
Real Chance of Love 2 show page
Real Chance of Love videos and extras

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 13th, 2009 at 2:23 pm