Tool Academy 2 Recap – Episode 8 – Eighth Time’s A Charm

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And what a charm he is!

To that point, there was this:

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This started when Stew stated that he didn’t understand how Charm remained in the competition. Charm, in turn said, “I don’t understand how you so ugly!” This is a hideous thing to say, but Charm is probably allowed it since, as he told us in Episode 2

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“This is all money right here. This is money. Money in the bank right there.” Where beauty is concerned, Charm’s obviously an expert.

Anyway, in response, Stew threw some stuff and things got so heated that he and Charm had to be forcibly separated.

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All’s well that ends without breaking the facial bank, right?

This week’s therapy session was all about romance. And what’s more romantic than masks attached to sticks?

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A lot of things, according to Amanda’s expression.

Anyway, this was the couples’ opportunity to discuss their sex lives and any problems they may have with them (the masks were to hide behind if it got too difficult).

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Amanda said she wants to have sex with Stew all the time, but he revealed that he is reluctant to do so, since they live with her parents. Also, sometimes it takes Amanda too long to get off. Amanda wondered if they should be using condoms to help slow Stew down. No, they should be using condoms because if you can’t afford to move out of your parents’ house, you PROBABLY CAN’T AFFORD TO ADEQUATELY PROVIDE FOR THE CHILD THAT YOU’RE A SLIP OF THE HIP AWAY FROM MAKING.

(Those caps should be read in the style of Judge Judy.)

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Nicole likes role playing, specifically scenarios involving physical examinations, but T Shaw thinks it’s weird to eroticize the old, “Turn your head and cough.” Fair enough! During their talk, T Shaw realized that he’s never been particularly romantic with her and he broke down…

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He used the mask to hide behind, which seemed particularly ridiculous given that T Shaw has never seemed to have a problem with weeping openly.

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Tyler takes a hit-it-and-quit-it approach to sex — he’s not too into foreplay or cuddling afterward.

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According to Charm, everything is all good with his and Andrea’s sex life. She feels like she doesn’t get enough attention and that romance is about being “like, sensual.” Charm, however is on a “tight schedule,” what with his modeling career and all. Trina pointed out that he had plenty of time to bang other girls. Oooh! Burn. Haha. Trina’s rad.

And then, it was the annual Tool Academy tattoo-getting mistakey thing.

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There’s probably nothing like unzipping a dude’s pants to find the words “Tool Academy” tattooed above his pubic hair. If I saw that, I’d expect to find a whole classroom of penises below. Intimidating and pointed to say the least.

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Anyway, more tattoos:

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Once T Shaw revealed his to Nicole, she hilariously called it “gross.”

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I love the tattoos’ underlying suggestion that toolishness is forever. I think Nicole hates the tattoo for the same reason.

This week’s challenge was a camping one that required the couples to put up a tent, and then visit three different supply stations (a fire station, a water station and a comfort station). Whichever team got back to their tent and got their fire going first would win. Highlights (or lowlights or just…lights) of the challenge included an encounter with a cow…

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…Amanda breaking down from fatigue and Stew being entirely unsympathetic in response…

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(He actually told her that her windedness from jogging shows that she needs to exercise. And then a hammer, a screwdriver and table saw fell out of his mouth.)

…and Charm being completely unable to assemble a tent.

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In the end, Mike and Shea won and were treated to a “four-star” camping package that included steak, champagne and massage oil.

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Second-place winners Stew and Amanda shared the three-star prize of white wine…

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…which Amanda claimed not to like, but had a fine time stumbling around as a result of.

T-Shaw and Nicole got the two-star prize of beer and hot dogs…

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…and Nicole didn’t even pretend not to enjoy those.

And finally, Charm and Andrea got some punch.

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And in addition to the challenge, Charm struck out in the sack, too.

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In the end, it came down to Stew and Charm.

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Stew and Amanda couldn’t stop fighting even during romance week, while Charm disregards romance and gave up on the challenge. When Jordan told Charm the words that we knew all along (“I’m sorry, you’re just a tool”), instead of hanging up his coat, Charm dropped it on the floor and stormed out, thus underlining Jordan’s weekly point.

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Never being one to pass up the opportunity of handing a tool his ass, Jordan then threw the coat out after Charm…

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And then, Charm returned to the room to tell everyone what he thought of them:

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I would reiterate, but really, do you care?

Outside, Charm promised Andrea that he’s going to change.

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He was heckled by the guys from the balcony…

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…and told Stew, whom he seemed to have the biggest problem with, “When I see you out in the real world…out in the streets, you gonna get f***ed up.” Very, very smart to commit that threat of physical violence on tape.

Amanda summed up the general attitude of the group nicely:

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In the car, Andrea told Charm to calm down because, “You’re making me look stupid.”

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Frankly, it’s not the first time. In fact, that seems to be what Charm does best.

(Although, to be fair, I haven’t seen any of his modeling, so I guess I can’t say for sure what he does best.)

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