Tool Academy has never been this adorable. (Except for last season, when they also had porcine visitors.) Behold, the power of pigs!
At the top of the episode, it was announced that the girls would be moving into the guys’ bunk, which brought out the weirdest thing we’ve seen on this show thus far…
…a vacuum. Slightly less weirdly, it brought on cheers from both sides at the promise of sex, as though they’d all be having it (separately? together?) in the open room they were sharing.
Luckily, it would seem that only one couple indulged…
…which is still kind of skeevy (there were other people in the room). Still, one helping of skeevy is easier to swallow than three. Plus, as we found out last episode, Nicole’s into role playing, so maybe this was them being college students. Free pass if that’s what it was.
This week’s therapy found the couples facing their parents:
Stew’s lack of a job was examined: he left home when his father required him to get one. Amanda’s father Keith seemed more tolerant: he called Stew a “mooch,” but obviously, the difference between mooching and thievery is the other party’s consent.
Amanda and Stew’s failure to practice safe sex was also mentioned, to the surprise of everyone. “Do they really want a child when they can’t take care of themselves?” asked Keith. I said something very similar last week. I like how Keith thinks. Stew ended up giving perhaps the quote of the week in an interview in response to all the pearl-clutching: “We haven’t really had the financial stability to pay for condoms or pay for birth control or anything ’cause it gets expensive, especially at the rate Amanda wants to have sex.” It helps to keep in mind that condoms are less expensive than abortions and much, much less expensive than children. Skip dinner one day and you’re set for a week.
Nicole’s mother, Cate, said she thought that T Shaw doesn’t respect her and her family — in the three years he and Nicole have been together, her family has barely seen him. T Shaw mustered up some excuse about wanting to stay detached in case he broke up with Nicole — he didn’t want to be exponentially heartbroken. ‘Tis better to have loved, though, T Shaw.
But ’tis better not to have cheated, as he did with three women, much to Cate’s chagrin.
(And not for nothing, but Nicole’s brother Phil is adorable.)
Cate was shocked at T Shaw’s infidelity. “Who wants her daughter to go out with a jerk?” she wondered. Indeed, that is this show’s central question. It is to Tool Academy what “But for why?” was to My Antonio. Cate asked if T Shaw has ever said he loves Nicole and he cited the funeral exercise. “It took a funeral?” wondered Cate in disbelief. That, and it may have taken a village as well, since you can never be too sure how much groveling is done to save face in front of the eventual viewing audience.
Shea and Tyler met with his parents and her mother and cousin. Shea brought up Tyler saying in an earlier episode that he wasn’t sure if he was in love with her. Shea’s cousin Brianna mentioned the way that Tyler puts Shea down. He conceded that he calls her “bad names.” One of them seems to be a “f***,” but it’s hard to tell with the bleeping. The names are bad enough for him to not want to say them, and considering the oafish tone of this show, that’s really saying something.
And then, true adorability erupted: the family values challenge required each couple to take care of a pair of piglets for 24 hours. It was so cute, it was disgusting. It was a scrapple block of cuteness. Check out this gallery of all the captured cuteness and bring a barf bag with a ribbon around it because it’s sickeningly adorable:
Nicole was wary of having to deal with a pig at first…
…because she doesn’t know what love is. Obviously, that’s why she’s on this show.
Anyway, a few key things happened over the course of this pig-rearing. At a barbecue, Shea’s mom Marlena said, “For her to stay in a relationship to allow somebody to degrade her…I don’t care how much you love somebody, because that is not love.” I’m sorry, is that an angel singing? Oh no, it’s just the voice of reason. How gorgeous, though. Still, she did end up hugging Tyler after he apologized directly for his treatment of her daughter.
So that was warm and fuzzy, though nowhere nearly as much as pig love:
Stew continued his delusion that the $100,000 from this show would get him far and keep him from needing to work. This is ridiculous because a) he’d have to split it with Amanda, and b) that’s $50,000 before taxes. Not that I expect much from Stew in the realm of mathematics, but come on.
Not that it matters anyway, for in the end, he was bounced after much more discussion about his lie-detector reveal that he cared more about the prize money than fixing his relationship. And really, don’t they all care about the prize money? Isn’t that what kept them from walking out the door when it was revealed in the first episode that they’d be branded “tools” for the next three months-slash-rest of their lives?
Whatever. Amanda went home with him, looking forward to a future that we can assume is full of barebacking and mooching.
Meanwhile, T Shaw and Tyler were stoked to be in the Top 2:
“This is like the closest I’ve ever been to a diploma, dude. Ever in my life!” interviewed Tyler. So close, yet so far considering that said diploma is for freaking Tool Academy.