For The Love Of Ray J 2 Recap – Episode 5 – For The Love Of Drink-Throwing

At last, we reach the point in the season where push comes to…spray.

We open the episode with a helpful reminder of the drama seeds planted last episode that the girls in the house are about to go over and over, moving the dirt around as if they were a bunch of…gardeners.

Heartbreaker is smarting over the fact that Flossy told Ray that she is a stripper. Once again, Heartbreaker reminds us that she is a bartender, and she only hits the pole when nothing’s going on at the bar.

On the other side of the equation, Flossy interviews that she’s being picked on because she’s the biggest threat. Well, that usually is how it works…just like girls pouncing on snitches or s***-talkers or soothsayers or truth-tellers or however you want to spin it, is usually how it works.

Flossy tells Mz Berry, “She should be f***ing embarrassed, she is, like, the hoe of this house now.” Keep it classy, Flossy, and use my word. Heartbreaker is, like, the gardener of this house now.

Ray addresses the girls, telling them that instead of the big-ass challenge he had planned, he wants to take them all out on dates over the next two days. Today, the following girls will attend a date with Ray:

This pleases the increasingly subtitled Caliente so:

The more words that appear under her, the more adorable she gets. Funny how that works.

Anyway, they’re all headed to the beach for some fun in the sun…

…and also to set the tone of the aquatic aggression everyone experiences this episode:

After a bit of frolicking in the sand and surf, Ray notes that Flossy’s energy is down, so he talks to her about it.

Flossy tells Ray that girls were saying “slick s***” and calling her fake. But whatever, she’s here for him and not to make friends because if she were, this universe that’s propped up with pipe cleaners and Scotch tape would obviously collapse.

Ray suggests they play football. Caliente tells a charming story about her inexperience with the sport:

Similar to the way that not having sex before a game helps football players store up aggression they can then get out on the field, watching Ray and Flossy get sexy…

…starts the aggression churning within Caliente:

She should really look into writing board books for kids or duetting with Cookie Monster or something. I just don’t want this show to be the end of her linguistic contribution to the world. I want it to be the start.

Anyway, they play. Ray throws the ball to Flossy and bam!

Caliente pushes her about 50 times stronger than necessary. This is extra, at least according to the face of…Extra.

Gee, I can’t imagine why this game went awry immediately. This exercise was a fantastic idea. Next time, hopefully Ray will just hand out baseball bats with no instruction other than, “Good luck.”

Caliente recaps the incident as follows:

“She was so mad with me, and I was so happy. I love football now.” Simple and lovely. She really, really should make a board book out of that story. I would but I don’t have the star power or verbal…prowess.

Ray and the girls arrive home, and Ray announces that he will next take out Mz Berry on a solo date.

Just tickin’ ‘em off like tasks!

Paradeez wonders why he wants to go out with Mz Berry alone. “She looks like your mother!” she says. To that comparison, I have a feeling that Ray’s mom would say:

“No, no, no.” But nice try, Deez. As she says this, we see Paradeez sitting, looking contemplative…

…and also, a hell of a lot like the (previously) incomparable Pia Zadora and/or Elizabeth Daily (beware: link slightly NSFW) in Valley Girl and/or Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. Why have I never noticed this before? It would have endeared Paradeez to me far earlier. Not that she isn’t spectacularly majestic already, but there’s nothing like a twist of Pia Zadora to make me swoon.

Anyway, Ray and Berry attend their fancy-restaurant date.

Ray asks Berry how old she is. Thirty-two. That’s only four years older than him, so no biggie. He wonders if she is ready for someone like him, because he is ready for someone like her. And just what does that mean? Is is ready for a grown-ass woman. Awwww, when he puts it like that and involves the word “ass,” it sounds so charming!

Sorry to cut the romance, but back home, trouble is brewing and dirt is being turned over at a rapid rate. As Flossy hides from the girls, logically seeking comfort in her…

…comforter, other girls talk about her. Heartbreaker is sick of her “perfect, classy, oh-my-god-I’m-so-great attitude.” Flossy walks by, to the amusement of all in the room.

As she does, Heartbreaker notes, “She’s so stupid. What a dumb-ass bitch.” Yep, definitely doing her part to kill the classy.

Sorry to interrupt this mounting tension, but I think that you should know that Ray disapproves of the calamari he and Mz Berry are served because it looks like a “fried tarantula.”

They both share a laugh over calamari rings. This is going great! I love calamari rings and hate fried spiders, too, if you guys are ever looking to explore the world of three-way dinner dates. No pressure, though! Ray tells Berry, “I wanna know more, ’cause you interesting. Like, you know?” Interesting is as interesting attracts. Berry talks about her divorce, and it being finalized the day before she came to the show. This scares Ray. She says he shouldn’t be scared because she’s not in love with her ex. He doesn’t want to be a rebound. Neither does she. They toast to not being a rebound. Say Berry wins, though — after Cocktail, wouldn’t that make her a hangover?

Meanwhile, back in the garden/wrestling cage, the hunt is on for Flossy.

Everyone agrees that she is hiding from them, so they attempt to lure her by calling out, “Fake bitch!” What a plan. Why don’t they just prop up a box with a stick and put a plate of broccoli and brussels sprouts under it? Or how ’bout glue traps that smell of feces? All these things are bound to attract a wayward pariah!

They finally find Flossy on a couch. Someone notes, “There it lies.”

Immediately, Flossy is surrounded.

Luscious asks her, “How does it feel to have everybody hate you? Are you really comfortable sleeping at night?” That’s…ominous. Someone check the kitchen — Luscious’ pot of bunnies might be boiling over. Flossy says she sleeps fine because they’re not going to do anything. She suggests avoiding her if they hate her so much. That is way too reasonable to do anything but aggravate these people further. Heartbreaker confronts Flossy on the stripper snitching, and by confront, I mean she screams, “Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!”

Then everyone begins all screaming at once, including Caliente who, endearingly, says to Flossy, “Shut up your mouth! Shut up your mouth!” I guess Caliente isn’t planning on sharing any of the cookies she borrowed from Cookie Monster, then.

Flossy finally gets a word in edgewise, yelling, “But if you’re a stripper, then why is it ‘talking s***?’” Before anyone, even me, can begin to contemplate the implications of turning this into an argument on semantics, Heartbreaker throws her drink on Flossy.

And so, Flossy returns the favor.

The waters flow back and forth…

…until Flossy is freaking soaked.

And you know, I don’t like bullies or watching people get picked on, but I do find it hilarious when people are sopping wet in inappropriate times and environments. You can imagine how conflicted I am over the image above.

When Ray returns, most of the girls (sans Flossy, of course, since she had to go cry) are waiting for him by the door.

Someone (I think Jaguar) says that if Flossy is like this to them, she’ll be like this to Ray. Be like what? Telling him he’s a stripper? That doesn’t even make sense — you behave differently with your competition versus your potential prize. You shove people to the side to get to the trophy you will cuddle with every night for the rest of your life, should you shove hard enough. Duh. It quickly comes out that Heartbreaker threw a drink on Flossy, which Ray is not happy about. He compares the house to WWE. I think G.L.O.W. would be more apt, but hey, I’m camp-loving like that. Anyway, Ray finds Flossy who’s a mess, both outside and in…

She tells Ray that Luscious threw a drink on her and she had so much alcohol in her eyes as a result, she couldn’t see. Did she have alcohol in her eyes before that? Pretty sure it was Heartbreaker who threw the drink. Flossy also adds that she doesn’t think it’s talking s*** if it’s stating facts. No, then it’s snitching. I mean, really — I wouldn’t throw a drink on Flossy because of all this stuff, but she can’t possibly be shocked that telling Ray someone else’s business (even if it’s 100 percent true) wasn’t going to be without its repercussions. Regardless, Ray seems mostly on Flossy’s side. He says that the info she told him was, in fact, useful to him and he wants the beef squashed. Flossy isn’t so sure that it’s squashable, but she seems game to find out.

During this group address, Ray talks about Heartbreaker’s “twists and turns” in getting to him. “I refuse to see that bitch with you, dog. That’s a fake-ass bitch” is Heartbreaker’s response. Ray essentially disregards this until she agrees that the beef is squashed. She then interviews that it isn’t really. Well, knock me over with a garden tool, because I’m shocked!

The next date will feature Exotica, Jaguar and Heartbreaker.

It’s at a bowling alley. Very early, it’s clear that Exotica sucks at bowling.

But her bowling skill is inversely proportionate to her entertaining skill as she’s never been more hilarious than in this scene. Heartbreaker says, “Exotica is the weirdest bowler that I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if she’s getting ready to throw the ball or shove it up her skirt.” Well, if she’s not going to shove it up her skirt, I will: I am pregnant with love for her after watching her freak out during a bowl-off for alone time with Ray.

Even when it’s down to the final frame, and Exotica is no longer a contender for winning the game…

…she is still dangerously involved…

That just speaks to how riveting bowling can be, I guess!

Anyway, Hearbreaker ends up winning by one point…

…so she gets the alone time with Ray.

Ray asks her about the stripper thing, of course. “I’m a bartender. I do get on the pole once in a while when I’m at work, if I’m bored,” she tells him. Well, at least she’s had plenty of time to rehearse this, as we’ve heard this line at least three times already. Ray seems to still side with Flossy: when Heartbreaker calls her a “little girl,” Ray points out that she’s just a year younger than Heartbreaker. Heartbreaker doesn’t seem to have much to say to that.

Finally, the two remaining women get their dates…

This time, it’s a spa treatment outside the mansion.

Luscious reveals that she used to model a lot, but now she’s more of a homebody. “I just stay home all day, and I find more comfort in that.” That’s uplifting. I hope she owns a comforter. Whatever, at least Luscious says something revealing. In a halting conversation, Paradeez reveals that she’s a student, so in her spare time she does homework. Also she has eight cats and two dogs. This isn’t the conversation piece that it should be, I’m afraid. Ray seems freaked out and asks her if she wants to be a vet. She does not. The end. Whatever, I think Paradeez’s appearance and steez provide a wonderful alternative to the crazy cat lady stereotype, and thus make her fascinating. But I guess that’s just me.

Ray has some one-on-one time for Luscious, in which he urges her to keep giving 100 percent and not fade into the background.

The implication is that she’s still recovering from being accused of homey-smashing. But that’s nothing a little lip-smashing can’t fix!

Ray moves on to Paradeez…

His approach is actually awesome. He asks her what he’s doing wrong, and why they aren’t connecting. It’s great of him to not only not accuse, but to take the blame himself. Sometimes, Ray seems like the most stand-up guy to ever head a dating show on VH1, and given his esteemed company, that’s no mean feat. She says she’s feeling him, she’s just adjusting to the situation. “Are you feeling me to the fullest?” he asks. Then he implores her to boss up. Except, she doesn’t have any time to do that, for you see…

…elimination arrives. Mz Berry is first called, and then Flossy, much to everyone’s chagrin. Heartbreaker interviews, “After all the fighting and wasting drinks on Flossy and her weird head, she still gets a glass…” You know, she might be overly aggressive, but the girl does have the gift of gab. After a while, it comes down to Heartbreaker and Paradeez.

Ray hasn’t connected with Paradeez, but his connection with Heartbreaker is threatened because, “I don’t live life where people do bodily harm to anybody.” Since a little liquid never hurt anyone, Heartbreaker is staying. Ray reasons that she was at least trying to connect with him, unlike Paradeez.

On her way out, Paradeez says, “I got eliminated before ugly-ass Extra, and stupid dumb bitch Flossy, so Ray’s gonna miss out on everything I have to offer: my looks, my personality. Just everything. I’m the s***.” If that’s the case, how could she possibly be expected to boss up. Paradeez: yet another victim of her own perfection.

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