For The Love Of Ray J 2 Recap – Episode 6 – For The Love Of Afros

Guys, I think Ray may have found his match.

What woman could possibly make him as happy as this afro?

We begin on quiet times with Extra and Ray.

Don’t let the splits, face-scrunching, sassy interviews or self-aggrandizing displays fool you: Extra’s actually a shy girl. At least, she is when it comes to Ray. She interviews that their connection is progressing and the only thing they’re lacking is “you know…whatever, like I can’t even tell you what we’re lacking.” In my amateur opinion, I’d say their connection is lacking a connection, actually. Seriously, they just sit there, wherever they are. It is endearing if you like mimes. Ray thinks that Extra’s shyness is cute. Eh, let’s see how long that lasts. I think he might just be in the honeymoon period with her shyness.

Meanwhile, Jaguar talks about the fact that Ray thinks she has a wall up. Silly Ray: a chastity belt isn’t a wall! It’s a belt! Exotica ends this outdoor conversation by saying, “I don’t want none of us to go home! None of us!” God, I can’t believe I have to be the one to say it, but: HELLO?! This is a competition!

Ray calls the girls in and they enter the living room to find him standing amongst outlandish costume ideas.

Ray tells them that he wants to see if the girls have what it takes to be part of something special in his life, and that’s music. He asks them to come up with lyrics and performance to “’70s style groove.” Good thing Mz Berry is there to teach them the old-timey ways of those who are their 30′s!

The prospect of this performance is intimidating to at least one of the women:

So far, just being has gotten Caliente plenty far. I wouldn’t worry so much if I were her. Clearly, whatever’s going to come out of her mouth is going to be gold.

Helping judge this week will be none other than:

…Ray’s sister Brandy! Extra freaks out a little and declares, “I have her Barbie doll still!” At first I thought, well, she better give that thing back! Barbies aren’t like books: you can’t borrow them forever. But then I realized that Extra is referring to the official Brandy Barbie, which actually existed. That is some icon level stuff. You know how they say that you’ve really made it once people accuse you of being gay? Well, you’ve reached pop-culture deity status once you’ve been immortalized as a Barbie. All the bigs have: Britney, Cher, Mulder and Scully, Melanie Daniels (complete with birds pecking at her person), Karen Carpenter (unofficially, but still!), the one that couldn’t do math. I’m telling you: all the bigs.

The girls are broken up into three groups of three:

During the rehearsal period, we learn that Flossy is timid (no surprise, as her peers have effectively beat the spirit out of her…or, I guess, they technically flushed it out), Luscious can’t sing and Exotica can’t dance.

Foreign people: what a handful!

Anyway, the girls are shipped to the scene of the challenge, which will be not only in front of Ray and Brandy, but an entire live audience. Ray says hello to the crowd, but he will not be MCing the events.

Like a good neighbor, La La is there. Again! Her loyalty to VH1 is nothing short of beautiful. What would we do, La La, without us? And there ain’t no nothin’ we can’t help each other through. What would we do, La La, without us? Sha la la la, La La.

First up is the international-slanted first group, who have dubbed themselves:

As we saw via her “Trapped in the Closet” rip-off in the acting challenge, Jaguar is a lovely singer. Caliente sings in Spanish, which I’m neutral on: I probably wouldn’t understand her no matter what language she chose. English, Spanish, Martian: It’s all the same. It is Exotica who steals the show with sheer weirdness.

“I wanna get physi-cal wit cho, you know?” and “I wanna kees you mmmmwaaaaah!” are just two things she says. She sounds unhinged. Like Cookie Monster is around cookies, so is Exotica around microphones. I am this close to redubbing her Mic-y Monster.

Next up:

Their song sounds heavily based on Sister Sledge’s “We Are Family.” Heartbreaker really can sing. Luscious, on the other hand, gets around her inability with a spoken interlude that starts out, “Hey, baby…” Platinum compares this to Barry White, but I was thinking more of the bass in Boyz II Men. I think he’s actually no longer in the group at this point, actually. You just won’t come back to us, Michael McCary, will you? Just come back to us.

The only outstanding thing about this one (to me) is that it keeps tricking me into thinking Mz Berry is Just Right. (It’s the hair, not the age…I think.) Ray thinks the Sun Rays’ choreography is all over the place, but he gives props to their style, particularly Extra’s hair.

He says that her afro matches is, and this is an example of afro electricity. Generally speaking, there should be enough grease up in there to conduct something or other.

The performances end, and Brandy is able to flex the reality-judge muscles she developed on America’s Got Talent.

She is extremely kind in her assessments: Jaguar has a great voice, Heartbreaker can definitely sing and Extra has a great personality…but some of the Sun Rays’ steps were off. Ray ends up going with the first group because incomprehension is a bit of a turn-on.

You can see in that shot that Extra is somewhat torn up about losing, and this turmoil continues backstage.

Not helping matters is the fact that Exotica comes barreling backstage howling, “We won! We won!” as though she just got done playing kickball.

Extra is not amused.

Exotica doesn’t care.

In an interview, Heartbreaker mimics Exotica like this: “We’re the wieners!” Indeed, she is kind of being a tool right now. Heartbreaker tells Exotica to enjoy her date, as it will be her first and last. Exotica gives her the hand to talk to…

…or perhaps, given that it’s Exotica, the fingertips to chew on. You know she’s just a host of weird ideas.

Since Jaguar worked the hardest on stage, she has been selected to receive Ray’s solo date. As Jaguar’s last solo date was, it is in the same venue as the challenge. I’d be starting to get paranoid about Ray’s refusal to take me out in public at this point if I were Jaguar.

Anyway, Ray serenades her:

He’s channeling Stevie in a big way – the song is very wrought and melismatic. It includes the line, “I realize I might be feeling you.” When Jaguar later asks him what the song is all about, he seems surprised: not because it’s extremely straightforward, but because she was actually listening. That’s weirdly humble and just plain weird: what else was she going to do when the dude in front of her was singing to her? Take off her listening ears?

There’s some emotional banter, which actually leads to tears on her part…

…but that’s as wet as it gets. They both sit down at the piano and harmonize and share what seems like a genuine moment, but when Ray attempts to punctuate it with a kiss…

…he is once again denied. Unsurprisingly, the date ends soon after. Connection, conschmection, Ray has no use for walls, particularly when they’re made of teeth.

At home, in direct contrast to Jaguar’s cold shoulder, Ray receives a warm reception.

“Now this is what it feels like when a girl is into you!” he says of the mob. Spoken like a pop star!

Because the Wolf Pack were denied date time with Ray after losing the challenge, they decide to drag him into his bathroom and lock the door. Heartbreaker says it was their goal to “throw Ray a bath,” as if said bath is a party.

And really, three girls on one guy is a party.

Bubble moobs ensue:

A group of girls waits outside for the bath to end. Mz Berry assumes aloud that they are dropping it like it’s hot in there. Mmmm, more like thrusting it like it’s in heat.

They’re all eavesdropping at this point:

Jaguar adds that she hears “water moving.” Someone says, “That’s nasty!” I think the amount of nastiness is in direct proportion to what kind of water was heard.

The next day, it’s time for Ray’s date with Exotica and Caliente. This should be nice and incoherent!

On Exotica, Caliente interviews, “Behind thees big afro, what do you have inside? Nothing!” That’s very presumptuous: she thinks there’s nothing behind it only because Exotica’s afro is so big. There could be worlds behind it, but we’ll never know. Whatever, at least they don’t hate each other too much:

Meanwhile, back at home, Extra resolves to get to Ray’s heart through his stomach and prepares a veritable feast for him:

I doubt whatever spice she’s using will overpower the taste of desperation.

Back on the date, Ray notes that Exotica and Caliente both stand out because they’re both exotic and not from America.

Indeed, those qualities seem to go hand-in-hand amongst those who actually use the word “exotic.” Ray and Caliente then retire away for some one-on-one time. Caliente tells him, “I try for find uh love. This love that other people talk that you can’t eat, you can’t sleep, you can’t do nothing.” Again: self-awareness is most endearing.

Caliente interviews that the first time she saw Ray, she really liked him but “something happen and I start for feel and feel and feel.” She says it so crudely that I wonder if fact she actually started to grab and grab and grab. Whatever, she’s adorable, and Ray seems to think so as well. They kiss and kiss and kiss.

“By the way, I like your kisses!” she informs him. As if he couldn’t tell!

Next up is Exotica.

“We all pretty, but what are you looking for?” she asks him. I can’t believe that she conceded that much — I thought Exotica was more competitive than that. Frankly, I’m a little disappointed that she’s capable of being so congenial. I want to watch black-hearted people look for love, damn it! Ray asks her how he fits into her life, and she says her mom doesn’t speak English, but she can translate. Well, that’s a relief. If Exotica needs a new nickname, Babel Fish might work perfectly.

Caliente interviews that during Ray and Exotica’s one-on-one, she was thinking, “One minute, two minute, three minute, done!” She then brings them drinks to convey just how done they are.

Works like a charm!

Oh, Caliente, your powers of interruption and elbowing are so amazing, they could be confused with powers of persuasion.

That really does end the date, though. Back home, Ray is at the receiving end of Extra’s meal. Extra explains that she is “what you would call a wife”…

…which I guess means that you ignore her while you eat the food she just prepared. At least, that’s what it means if Ray’s behavior is any indication. To be fair, Extra is about as much of a conversationalist as a stalk of broccoli. Heartbreaker comes to sit next to Ray, and once again, the one on one is ended.

And so is the episode, almost, for it is time for…

…elimination. Caliente is called first. Extra is actually called (surprisingly), but she is told to “boss up.” He told Paradeez that last episode just before he eliminated her. Is Ray getting the word “boss” confused with the word “pack?” Anyway, it comes down to Exotica and Jaguar. “Two girls, one glass,” Ray notes. Prancer pointed out on her Twitter last week that when Ray says this, it is extremely reminiscent of “Two girls, one cup.” So reminiscent that it can’t really be a coincidence. Nice observation, Prancer. I always knew she was a sharp one.

Anyway, in perhaps another nominal attempt to “do things differently,” Ray calls both up.

Exotica is sad because she’s done everything she can to convey that she is feeling him. Jaguar says he knows that she’s here trying to make it something real. She knows she has to speed it up but she doesn’t want to do anything she normally wouldn’t. Nor does he want her to: she’s leaving.

“I think I am a little more conservative than what Ray is looking for,” interviews Jaguar upon leaving. A buttoned shirt is more conservative than what Ray is looking for: Jaguar straight up didn’t fit. Whatever, at least she kept her dignity. It’s practically an endangered concept at this point. Back to the conservation goes Jaguar.

Finally, as the episode is bidding goodbye, Heartbreaker interviews, “There are two people in this house that just have to go: Exotica and Extra.” So I guess after beating down Flossy’s spirit, she’s moved on. Her sense of purpose is nothing short of inspiring.

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