Talking Sex Rehab With Jill Vermeire – Episode 7

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Licensed marriage and family therapist Jill Vermeire was on hand during the filming of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew, bringing her clinical expertise to the world of reality TV. She’s agreed to lend us her perspective on the show’s shoot, as well as the rehabilitation of the cast. Below, Jill talks about the show’s seventh episode: Kari Ann’s dismissal, the pitfalls of porn, Kendra’s fears and the Selma incident (revisited).

There were some comments last week accusing you of lying to the group regarding the Kari Ann/Selma situation. I know you left a comment on this blog about it, but I wonder if you have any additional thoughts on it?

It was that one comment that everyone laid into me for, saying that I went and lied to everybody. And the thing is, I didn’t. I was telling them the truth based on what I had seen on the footage I was shown. And then, the other thing is, whether Kari Ann threw the vase or not wasn’t really the issue.

That’s why I didn’t press that point or anything, because it was like, “Duh, as an employee, you can’t do that!”

Kari Ann’s the sick one, and Selma’s supposed to be the one that’s protecting everybody and being the professional, and I don’t blame or fault Selma for doing what she did — she did something that most people I think wanted to do. But the unfortunate thing is, you can’t do that! You just can’t! And Selma knows that, she’s OK with the outcome. And what people really aren’t understanding is that Selma’s not a tech. Selma’s a personal trainer, she works at a gym, she was friends with one of the producers, she had some experience with recovery, and so she was brought in, and that’s the unfortunate part: lack of experience in this setting. The good news is that Selma’s getting tons of support. She was really worried that the world was going to see her as the monster for laying her hands on Kari Ann. But the good news for Selma is that everyone’s really got her back and kind of hates Drew and I right now. And I love Selma. I’ve seen her since the show. She and I are good.

Moving onto this week’s show, what do you think of Kari Ann being removed?

At that point, Drew and I were so frustrated. We were just like, “She’s derailing everybody else’s treatment, she’s disruptive to the process.” This level of care is not appropriate for someone like Kari Ann. She needs a much higher level of care with higher boundaries and more structure. I have a soft spot in my heart for her because she’s so wounded and she desperately needs help. I really wanted to help her. But a larger part of me knew that she would never be able to uphold the behavior contract. And you have it in writing, she signed it, she agreed to it, so when she broke the rules one more time, it wasn’t a surprise that the consequences were coming. Drew had arranged for her to go to Del Amo for a higher level of care. It’s not like we just booted her with nowhere to go, because we know that she’s a sick person that really needs help. We gave her options and she had my number so I’ve made myself available to her if she needs support and help. I have faith in human beings that no matter how wounded and sick, there’s possibility for recovery if you’re willing to do the work that’s necessary. Unfortunately, Kari Ann just wasn’t at that place.

How would the higher level of care with Dr. Sealy have been different from what she’d been receiving with you and Drew?

Del Amo is a psychiatric hospital. There’s a higher number of staff per patient ratio. She would be under very strict supervision with people who are not going to coddle, not going to take any condescending comments, and there are no cameras with pressure of TV. Someone like Kari Ann really needs very firm, strict boundaries and structure, and probably a really good psychiatric evaluation, with possibly some medications to deal with some of the mental health issues she has. More than anything, she needed to be detoxed from her drugs of choice. It’s no secret that she’s going to be on the next Celebrity Rehab to deal with her drug addiction that was not openly addressed when she was in sex rehab. And it wasn’t addressed not because Drew and I didn’t want to address it, but because she wouldn’t.

Was it hard to sit there as Drew was dismissing her?

I was just spent. I was at the end of my rope at that point, and it was a mixture of frustration and sadness. I was sad to see her go because I wanted to help her, and frustrated because she couldn’t see all of the support we tried to give her. I was also really scared. For someone like Kari Ann, I don’t know what’s going to happen when she walks out that door, and it could be bad. It could be really bad. It could be life-threatening, which is why we tried to get her to go to Del Amo. I mean, you can’t force anyone. She put a plastic bag over her head, and Drew took the steps necessary to address possibly suicidality, which legally he has to do. I guess they assessed that she wasn’t actually a threat to herself, but had they decided that she was, they would have put her on a 72-hour hold in a psych hospital. It was a few intense days. During those few days before her discharge we also had to do a whole shakedown of the unit, because we found out that somebody had a cell phone, and it turned out that three people had cell phones. And we literally turned the place upside-down. Every drawer, every mattress, every frame, every pillowcase, everything hanging on the mirror, everything was emptied out. It took almost an entire day, because they had snuck cell phones onto the unit, which they weren’t allowed to have. And it was all in the same period as the Selma situation.

Jennie talks seriously about leaving porn. So often, and via the Rehab series specifically, we’re shown the dangers and downside of porn. But I wonder if in your experience, you see people being OK in porn, and being able to maintain that as a career and coming out unscathed?

No.

Never?

Not in my experience. I’m not saying it can’t happen. In my experience, every porn star I’ve known, and I’ve known a few, ends up horribly addicted to drugs or other toxic things. The health issues that arise are inevitable. They’re not good at self-care (physically maybe, but not emotionally, spiritually, etc.). Jenna Jameson is an example of somebody who got out of the business and she’s doing very well for herself, so she might be an exception to the rule. You really don’t get a lot of stories like Jenna Jameson. And truthfully, I don’t know Jenna Jameson. She could have things going on behind closed doors that are a result of her days in the porn industry that might not be very pretty. But she got out, and I guess that’s the point. People who stay for the long term don’t have thriving, big beautiful, healthy lives. I’ve just not seen it. I’m not saying it can’t happen. It’s just not my experience. Jennie is an amazing example of what can happen when you do leave. Because she’s left, she’s still out of the industry, she’s writing for the Huffington Post, she’s looking at maybe a book deal, or some more TV stuff. She’s dealing with the financial difficulties with leaving the business, which is probably the thing that makes it the hardest to leave: the money.

Working for VH1, I talk to a lot of strippers, and they say that it’s the money that hooks them. So many hate the work, but love the money.

It’s the money that’s addicting. They get addicted to the lifestyle, and there comes a point where they start the feel the remorse and the grief of a life that they didn’t have. The people who have left the business, stripping or porn, they have to come to terms with living within their means, which might mean a small little studio apartment [and] getting a regular job to start. A lot of them are afraid that, because that’s what they did for a living, they won’t get hired, but that’s not true. Everyone I know who’s left has been able through faith and willingness and determination to find a way to support themselves that is not degrading, not demeaning, and they start to feel empowered and they start to have integrity, and they start to feel like they are women of grace. So it is not easy, not in a million years would I say that it’s an easy process, but it’s very possible. My god-sister was a porn star, and she’s currently in prison. The drugs got to her, she started doing illegal things, and when she started getting a little too old it got harder and harder to get work and she’s a mess. It breaks my heart. I’ve seen it wreck lives for the people who stay in the business. I have s0 much compassion, because as we’ve discussed, I don’t believe that you can be in the adult entertainment industry without having some major or minor trauma: having endured a childhood that wasn’t happy and pretty with a white picket fence and no issues. I really, really feel for the women.

Any thoughts on the session with Amber and her mom?

Amber is a really good example of the love addiction, and how someone ends up with this kind of addiction or disorder. With Amber, her love addiction really stems from that abandonment from her father, so she keeps trying to recreate situations with people who look like her father so she can try and heal that. Also, her mother and her are really enmeshed, and enmeshment creates what we call “love avoidance.” She had to always take care of her mother, which taught her that her value and worth in this life is to take care of and rescue and save other people. So she’s learned that she’s OK, as long as she has someone to take care of and rescue, which isn’t healthy either. She can also do the thing where she finds people to save and rescue, but because that feels so smothering, she needs it, but she doesn’t want it. If someone gets too close, she pushes them away. She did talk about in relationships, she had a couple people who were just boring, or she felt smothered, and so she left them, which contradicts the need to want to be in a relationship and makes her feel confused. The work we started doing, and continue to try to do, is to help her not get into the cycle and pattern. That’s how you really stop it is you don’t start it. The fact that she’s having all the feelings, and having more insight and awareness is really good. This whole process is not about becoming perfect, and the ideal picture of health. It’s about figuring out what your patterns are, figuring out any of the trauma, figuring out any of the enmeshment and abandonment that happened as a child, looking at your specific situations now how you repeat them, and then figuring out how to do it differently.

And then, finally, it seems like Kendra is starting to kind of break down. This episode ends with her in the bathroom crying.

Oh, she started having panic attacks towards the end. And this happens all the time in the world of treatment. It’s kind of interesting, you could almost script it. People enter treatment resistant — they don’t want to be there, they can’t stand the people around them, they replicate relationship dynamics that they have in their life with the people they’re in treatment with, they feel suffocated. Midway through treatment, they start to really see some of the issues, and start realizing that there’s work to be done, and that there’s healing to be done and that those of us who are there to help really do care about them. And towards the end, they don’t want to leave. At this point, rehab has become a safe place because they’re surrounded by their peers, they’re surrounded by people who get it, aren’t going to shame them, aren’t going to judge them, people who accept them for who they are, flaws and wounding and all. The idea of then going back out into the real world, where all the triggers are, where all the stimuli are, is really scary, especially if they’re really committed to their recovery. What you’re seeing with Kendra is she was actually really committed to be in recovery and deal with her stuff. The fact that she even started questioning her drinking is a good sign, and then realizing that she’s not going to be in a structured environment when she leave. In the real world, the best kind of treatment is a slow step-down process where you titrate down. You don’t go from residential [to] home. In the most ideal scenario, you would have residential treatment, and then you would have day treatment with sober living, then outpatient. The best recovery in the world is when you can devote at least nine months to a treatment process when you’re stepping down from residential all the way down to outpatient. You slowly ease yourself out of this structure and treatment process, as you slowly integrate back into your world with all your new tools, your recovery and your support. In reality, that doesn’t happen all the time. A lot of people don’t have the time, or the resources or the lifestyle to be able to do that. And unfortunately the success level is less when they go from residential straight home. The good news is we did offer the patients support and further treatment after the show with myself and with Dr. Reef Karim at the Control Center, which I was really happy about. I have to say, I wasn’t sure how they did that, I wasn’t sure how they’ve done it on the past shows. But the fact that Drew let me offer my services, and Dr. Karim’s, to them beyond the show made me really happy, because I was really worried about some of them. Kendra’s world is pretty chaotic. She runs a rescue out of her home, so she has 20 dogs and 30 cats running around. She manages her husband, and she and her husband are really enmeshed, so they still have a lot of work to do on that, and I’m still trying to work with them and help them on that. I just think that rehab is sometimes a great break from reality, and realizing that you have to go back to it is sometimes really scary. But the weird thing is, when they’re scared or having that kind of reaction, it tells me that they really want recovery. “Oh, I’m cured now, I’m going to go home and everything’s going to be fine!” is not reality, that’s not a realistic way to approach it. When they actually realize the gravity of the situation that they’re going to be facing when they go home, and they’re nervous about it, that tells me that something is working.

Check out screen shots from this episode in the gallery below:

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Learn more about Jill and sex addiction at her website, and follow her on Twitter.

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  1. Ally says:

    I’m so glad that spoiled little witch is gone.

  2. Liz says:

    As a recovering alcoholic, I have really enjoyed watching the show. I find many parallels between watching their journeys and my own. I also find sex rehab interesting in that one is forced to explore all the traumas and abuse of one’s life within rehab. I have found often that when dealing with substance abusers, people tend to gloss over the enormous of amounts of sexual and other abuse that we have suffered both during the time we used and more importantly before we picked up anything.

    All that being said, in this episode there was one thing that made me frustrated. I realize the format of rehab is three weeks which is such a short amount of time. Kendra was concerned that she hadn’t made “enough” progress as compared to some of the other people there and used the metaphor of scratching off a scab. I appreciated Jill reinforcing that metaphor. But Dr. Drew sort of just nodded. I think that the short duration of the rehab needs to be highlighted. If people who start recovery think that somehow magically after any amount of time— 1 week, 3 weeks, 6 months, 1 year, etc. life will suddenly all be perfect or the healing will all end or if they expect to feel “healed” or feel some sort of catharsis the likelihood of relapse is more likely. My own journey has been long, difficult and amazing. A national television show about recovery certainly has a certain social responsibility. It might be better tv to show someone like Jenny who makes amazing progress in 3 weeks but that gives people a false hope that can be dangerous. Everyone has their own pace. Some might start fast then slow down. Others may start slow and then go fast. Others may keep a steady pace. It is about finding out who you yourself are and accepting that person as you are. And that is a lifelong process. I really wish the show would underline this timeline issue more.

  3. joanna says:

    its about time! no more kari ann. It was becoming increasingly more difficult to watch the show with her on it…especially after Selma was fired. I do understand that Selma acted completetly out of control and what she did is not to be tolerated. I also understand that kari ann deserved it. In my opinion Selma acted with far more restraint than kari ann deserved. I do hope that kari ann gets help and learns to deal with her emotions and act her age. i am so glad I don’t have to watch her abusing the staff, breaking the rules, treating everyone so rudely, lying, and just all around acting like a 6 yr old spoiled BRAT.
    Gooooooooooood Riddens!!

  4. King says:

    Jill,

    I am calling bull s*@t on this Kari Anne business. I wrote after your blog on the last episode that Drew stated from the beginning episode that he thought Kari Ann was using drugs….so what is the protocol in that situation? Isn’t the protocol to have the patient take drug tests?

    So what happened? Was she drug tested, and did she fail? I think the answer is yes…she was using while in the recovery center, and you jeopardized the entire program to keep her around. The administrator stated in tonight’s episode that abuse of staff was grounds for termination, and she was abusive from day 1, and yet she was kept around. Why?

    You may not have had any control, but it is clear to me that this show was bull s@*t because the entire show became the “Kari Anne” show in an attmept to drive ratings. The story of seven other people, who were all participating was put on the shelf to follow an abusive, lying little girl who never participated in a meaningful way. She even got someone fired who didn’t deserve it. This show had promise and fell off the cliff.

    The backstory on seven people was put so far into the background we never got to see it in favor of Kari Anne, and as a result it undermined the entire premise, and the show failed. I have no idea what the ratings were, but I will wage acouple of bucks that the ratings stated high and went south…and the entire reason is because of the preoccupation with Kari Anne.

  5. Barb says:

    There’s only one thing wrong with Kari Ann, and that is…she needs to grow up (she’s not a child anymore) AND she needs some severe disciplining!!!! God said, “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” And He was RIGHT !!!

  6. Daniel says:

    Jill,

    You are extremely attractive. If you truly are as normal and good natured as you appear to be I would marry you. I would drink your bath water.

  7. Glen Fleetwood says:

    Good for Shelley not falling for the “sucker’s bait” thrown by the departing Kari Ann, who was trying to get Shelley fired. She also tried sucessfully to get Selma fired, same trick.
    As for “white, pasty” Shelley is still beautiful despite having 10 years on “Ms. formerly somewhat cute, now stanky and a psychopath”.

  8. Megan says:

    Aww I can’t believe you guys transferred her! She was just starting to come around. I will be the first to say that when the show started I despised her, but as she stared opening up, and trying, I just felt sorry for her.
    I go to therapy, and a psychiatrist, and if they gave up on me like you guys did her, I would only become worse. That’s horrible. I understand there are rules, but some people are more fragile then others.
    So to Kari Anne I have faith in you even if no-one else does. So I hope you read this and know there are people that wish you the best and hope you take care of yourself, and get better, and find someone that will help you! Just my opinion. Peace out.

  9. Sharra says:

    Quite frankly that b**** should have been dismissed a long time ago…she never took recovery seriously from the time she got there!! It is utterly ridiculous that she was allowed to stay there as long as she did!! All the other patients complied with the rules and groups because they wanted help..this trifling excuse for a human didn’t seem to want help until she was being kicked out..and for a person wanting help she continued to abuse the staff after being told to leave…i don’t care what position Selma had at the clinic , that Kari Ann B**** should have been gone long before that incident…I didn’t feel sorry for her..she should have been discharged at that point as well for throwing the vase…this girl needs to grow up…Dr. Drew , i love you and your show but i fell like you gave this girl a little too much leeway…she didn’t deserve to be there as long as she did disrupting everyone elses recovery…and the show is kinda lying to people who are believing that they can go to a rehab and be cured…basically that’s what you guys are making people think and it is very untrue…recovering from addiction is something that they will deal with for the rest of their lives and they can only take it one day at a time..i think you should let people know at the end of these shows that these patients will undergo outpatient therapy and a host of other forms of therapy to get and keep their lives on track!!! Other than that..LOVE THE SHOW!!!

  10. Law School Student says:

    Jill,

    You still don’t get it. The problem was not that Selma was fired. Of course that was the most appropriate sanction.

    The problem, however, was that in the process of appropriately correcting “unprofessional” behavior you (1) spoke clearly damaging untruths against her, at least negligently, and perhaps intentionally, both vocally to the patients and on the blog, and (2) as you again mention in your blog here, Selma was not a properly trained “professional, so she was put in a potentially dangerous situation by having to directly interact with addicts prone to erratic behavior caused by withdrawals, past history, etc.

    Sure, Selma may have the support of those us on the board. There’s just one problem – unfortunately, she will very likely have problems seeking jobs in the future as a result of the way that she’s been incorrectly portrayed.

    Jill, you and Dr. Drew ARE the professionals, and you both acted unprofessionally, and again, perhaps committed several torts against Selma. Selma, I really hope you have the right people advising you as to how to protect yourself and your future.

  11. Disappointed says:

    I’ve watched and loved every episode of this show. I am a therapist for young women with similar issues as the women on this show.

    In a real-world setting, the prior comments were correct, Kari Ann would have been given so many more boundaries and standards to live by. She would have been given warnings, consequences to her actions, etc. Sadly, she, along with the other clients on this show, have been exploited by reality television. It’s heartbreaking to watch, especially for Kari Ann. She’s so completely confused by how she’s been treated.

    And, really, Jill, I love watching you. I am currently working towards my Masters’ Degree in counseling and you and Dr. Drew are great, we talk about you in class! :) To everyone else out there, Jill is more than likely just a cast member on a tv show than someone with power. Dr. Drew and the crew have more power and control. Not only that, but Jill is NOT defending Kari Ann’s actions, she is EXPLAINING her behavior because she has the education and expertise on people like Kari Ann, as well as years of experience with this type of behavior. It is correct that it NEVER should have gone this far, but it is not Jill’s fault.

    But back to the show, I feel so very sad for the clients on this show. Their healing needed much more time and attention. Anyone who has been through trauma is a survivor once of the trauma itself, but also an amazing, strong survivor of the healing process. It’s yucky, it hurts, and it’s painful. I’m so proud of these clients and the process they’ve gone through. Especially because they are a third-time surivivor of this toxic environment they have been put into with Kari Ann and all of the other hightened made-for-tv drama. My only prayer is that they are all better for this experienced and not further-damaged.

  12. Hmmmm says:

    Kari ann was playing a game with the staff. She won’t go to Del Amo because there are no cameras there and the staff can beat the mess out of her if she steps out of line. I think that being kicked out is the wake up call she needed. She had the mind of a two year old who thinks the world revolve around her.

  13. Scott says:

    So I watched the 7th installment of the Sex-rehab. I was impossibly disappointed for two reasons. 1: This was the penultimate episode. And 2: Kari Ann and her ‘drama’ hijacked the whole darn show. There were 4 epiphany moments where I learned something Duncan Roy, Jennie Ketchum, Amber Smith and Phil Verone had moments that were worth seeing. More of the time, questions and the therapy surrounding those moments could have been GREAT! I was hoping for so much more. By showing more moments like those and editing fairly they could have kept the drama down and the benefit to the viewers up. And the interest level could have been just as high. The editors and the producers really needed to understand what it was they could have been doing with this show. The rehab shows could be so much better and so helpful. I don’t think these types of shows need drama to make them worth watching. Those moments with Varone and Roy and Smith were amazingly heartwarming. All the Kari Ann Drama was simply infuriating. These shows could be Reality TV truly worth watching not just more none-reality-reality waste of airtime. I don’t know which is better to get a bunch of people blogging and crabbing about the drama or a bunch of people blogging about how great the show was and how helpful it was for them in their lives. Perhaps they didn’t want to be giving away Jill’s and Dr. Drew’s work or something. Why bother with a show like this, why bother going on to expose yourself to the ‘world’ your sex-addiction if you weren’t trying to help someone. I read somewhere that there was a significant pay-check involved. Oh boy… more “Follow the money”. I hope for better next time.

  14. Les says:

    The show sucked after Kari Ann left. I turned off the Tv after about 5 minutes with out her. Its good there is only one show left which I probably will not watch since all those others patients bored me. Kari Ann needs some help real help the girl is a mess and that’s what is entertaining to watch. She is the biggest smart a** I have ever seen on TV absolutely ruthless i love it! Give her a show before you really help her though she might not be so demanding, abusive, disrespectful and blunt if you fix her so just follow her with a camera and then ship her off for some repairs to function properly in the world.

  15. kourtney says:

    keri ann is the worst human being ever. she is a spoiled, selfish, cold hearted person. she deosnt care about anyone but herself. She disgusts me, the way she degrades everyone like she is soooo special, there is nothing special about that girl. the way she talked to shelly was horrible. i love shelly. keri ann was only on that show to be on TV, she didnt care about her recovery. she acted like everyone was her little slave. also, she is the reason selma got fired.. if i would have been selma i would have done way more then pull that #%)*+^$`!%_+__%@+ s hair. and to say dr. drew is a made up tv doctor is so rude. dr. drew is an amazing person who has helped so many people. i love doctor drew!!! i’m glad she is out of the house because now the other patients wont have that distraction, because thats all she was was a distraction. THANK YOU DOCTOR DREW FOR KICKING KERI ANN OFF!!! she totally deserved it.

  16. dksf says:

    Sunday night when i first saw the show about kari ann being kicked out i was soooo thrilled that you had finally put your foot down on that spoiled rotten little princess. I mean really…to watch her sit in her bed screaming for “my juiiiicccccceeeee” like a small infant I was screaming at the tv. And yes i know that addicts’ emotional development is arrested at the time they start with their addictive behavior but then she really needed to be somewhere else with other “children” that need to be babied like that. The way she treated everyone there, from the staff to the therapists to Dr. Drew, was so unbelievably wrong and condescending..why because she won a few teen beauty pagents…pleease! She was annoying from the start and I was soo happy to see her stuck up narcissistic `!^*^@+&%#+!$~& go!

  17. DKSF says:

    Sunday night when i first saw the show about kari ann being kicked out i was soooo thrilled that you had finally put your foot down on that spoiled rotten little princess. I mean really…to watch her sit in her bed screaming for “my juiiiicccccceeeee” like a small infant I was screaming at the tv. And yes i know that addicts’ emotional development is arrested at the time they start with their addictive behavior but then she really needed to be somewhere else with other “children” that need to be babied like that. The way she treated everyone there, from the staff to the therapists to Dr. Drew, was so unbelievably wrong and condescending..why because she won a few teen beauty pagents…pleease! She was annoying from the start and I was soo happy to see her stuck up narcissistic !&*@`$+%$#_$#%* go!

  18. Devon says:

    Sunday night when i first saw the show about kari ann being kicked out i was soooo thrilled that you had finally put your foot down on that spoiled rotten little princess. I mean really…to watch her sit in her bed screaming for “my juiiiicccccceeeee” like a small infant I was screaming at the tv. And yes i know that addicts’ emotional development is arrested at the time they start with their addictive behavior but then she really needed to be somewhere else with other “children” that need to be babied like that. The way she treated everyone there, from the staff to the therapists to Dr. Drew, was so unbelievably wrong and condescending..why because she won a few teen beauty pagents…pleease! She was annoying from the start and I was soo happy to see her stuck up narcissistic @*)~^^^!+*#(+!! go!

  19. Erica says:

    You guys don’t understand that there is a REASON Kari Ann is the way she is. Years of severe child abuse will stunt a person’s emotional growth. Yes, she may appear to be in her 20s but emotionally, she is still searching for the love and correct parenting that she never received as a child. Jill is completely right in saying that Kari Ann needs a very structured treatment center – at first she would push it away, but eventually she would realize that it is what she needs. She is crying out for attention in the only way she knows how – by resorting to childish behaviors (temper tantrums, name calling, breaking the rules and acting out just as a 6 year old would). She truly is seeking some form of parental guidance. There is a lot going on that most people brush off as her being a “brat”, but they need to dig deeper to see the real reason Kari Ann does what she does. She is not an evil person, she just needs a LOT of help.

    As for the Selma situation, the real tragedy is that she was not trained nor qualified for the job. The producers are the ones who should be blamed – unfortunately, they brought her in just because she was one of their friends. Come on – that’s just irresponsible. I also have a feeling that the producers have the upper hand in what really goes on. I could be wrong, but I’d bet money that Jill and Drew had to consult the producers before making decisions such as kicking Keri Ann out. I doubt that the docs decided that there would be so much male/female interaction; that was most likely a decision made by the tv execs in order to create more drama.

    There’s a LOT to keep in mind while watching this show!

  20. Lost in the Rain says:

    In the course of watching this show and reading the blogs I realized that I was using cyber-sex and frankly being sexually anorexic offline to stuff over-whelming feelings.

    I have been able to stoped for a few days to a few weeks at a time and been trying to solve this on my own. Unlike the people on the show I can’t afford highly qualified therapy and just see a graduate student who mostly just listens to me and I have gotten seriously depressed as a result and feel like I am not just a victim but based on what I let guys do to me online become my own abuser.

    Even though I think I understand the dynamic between playing out all of the roles of victim, abuser and bystander and I thankfully don’t drink or do drugs or act out in other ways but I no longer think I will ever heal from this on my own and resorted back to intensive hours long cybersex over the weekend but it doesn’t really work anymore. It doesn’t make me feel better and the shame and guilt has almost pushed me over. Perhaps it naive to do this on my own. I wish there was at least some sort of outline of the steps people can take to heal. I really don’t want to say I am powerless over abuse though.

  21. Lettie says:

    Okay…..Long story short. I am really upset that Kari Ann was sent home. Yes, sent home………..she obviously will not go to another place. Kari Ann is truly a child that needed your help and it is not like she pulled a gun out! Kari Ann is one of the children that America has spewed out and now it is time for us to revise our creation! It is not comforting to know that she is just ‘out there’ without some kind of follow up. It is obvious that she is in need of true, unconditional love & unfortunately (& as far as I can remember , for the 1st time) Dr. Drew did not represent that! I realize she “broke her contract”, BUT Kari Ann was not of “sound mind” when she signed it! I certainly hope that there is plans to engage this girl & get her some ‘real help’! I wish Kari Ann could come to our home & we could give her the love & support that she needs! Three weeks makes for a good ‘filming’ BUT when the patient needs more from YOU, YOU should step up and take the measures needed to help her. I did not like Kari Ann in the beginning, along with the rest of the world, but now, I know that she was truly the child that needed our support the most! Kari Ann, if you’re reading this, go to Palettie.com and contact me! I will take you into my home, give you a fun cool job at my restaurant & truly HELP you feel the unconditional love & support you deserve! Shame on you all for sending this ‘little girl’ to another rehab! Sincerely, Lettie

  22. nanci Healey says:

    I am somewhat dissapointed with the way in which Kari Anne was dealt with from beginning to end. As trained therapist and addiction professionals your jobe in my mind was to address her abusive and adolescent behavior
    each and every time she acted out only in that way could
    she begin to see her behavior as not being “out there” but learn to own it and observe herself in the context
    of the group. It appeared to me you and Dr. Drew “allowed” her to run roughshod over the process and not show her by mirroring her behavior or calling her out at the moment she was in direct oppostion to
    eveything you all were attempting to acomplish. Selma
    was conforntational from the beginning and not an appropraiate model for her to see herself and her destructive behaviors. Selma was clearly not in charge of the situation from day one and allowed to escalate
    to the point of her being out of control. Kari Anne is the perfect person for this group to my mind because she it the most difficult and draws so much submerged material out of the whole. You both should be able to
    address that with her and bring that dark material she
    is dealing with to the surface and almost did at one point. I hope she returns she is to my way of thinking the most interesting and chanllenging but worth your
    digging deep to find a way to deal with her. You both
    dropped the ball.

  23. Spacejar says:

    In some part I agree with Jill, as a staff member Selma should not have put her hands on Kari Anne (although most of us so wanted to do that exact same thing.) However, I think Jill is wrong in saying she didn’t lie about what happened. Kari Anne DID throw a vase at Selma, we all know she didn’t “throw it at the wall” as she claims. At that point Kari Anne should have been removed from the program. Dr. Drew should have had Kari Anne sign a contract long before the Selma incident. She was continuously disruptive, rude and abusive. Kari Anne was clearly NOT ready for help.
    I also take issue with the way Selma was let go. While I understand the recovery center has rules that must be followed by all staff.I believe it was wrong to fire Selma in front of the whole world on TV. What is going to happen to Selma when she tries to find another job? They could have just said that Selma would no longer be there.

  24. Carol says:

    Question/Comment: I watched the extended clips, including the extended scene with Jenny 1:1 with Dr. Drew. I was trying to follow everything they were talking about but some of the conversation seemed to be eluding to dissociation that Jenny had been experiencing. There are different kinds of dissociation that cross a huge spectrum of severity. Trauma and dissociative disorders go hand in hand. Even when Kari Ann said she felt “dizzy” in one session where she was recalling sexual abuse, there were signs of dissociation, or depersonalization. It just seemed as though there was MORE going on with Jenny in the extended clip, that wasn’t overtly discussed. Will there be any elaboration on this or further explanation?

  25. Sean says:

    Please allow me to say, respectfully, that Kari Ann should have been sent )^~)(#!&%+)^#+&`@ ng much earlier. Unlike the others, her behavior transcended addictive issues and was replete with disrespect, rudeness, hostility, and self-absorption. She had held the entire group hostage to her juvenile “me-ism.” As one with a behavioral science academic background, I would advance that her problems extend well beyond the addiction that led her to therapy with Dr. Drew.

  26. Sergio says:

    There are some excellent comments here, and a lot for Jill and Drew to answer for as to why the preoccupation with Kari-Ann drove this promising show into the ground.
    Scott made some great points as well as Nanci Healey and King…It would be appropriate for you to respond to the questions they have raised. This show had great promise, but ultimately failed to deliver a meaningful series.

  27. Anonymouse says:

    I got so much out of the show, not from the therapists but from listening to what participants revealed on their respective journeys (especially Jennie & Phil & Duncan), for someone like me who was abused and then has taken many years observe celibacy as I re-evaluated my life and pieced together a new healthy perspective and path, this peek into this type of rehab was invaluable. I took pages and pages of notes, lists of questions to ask myself (and then answered them), I honestly feel that I’m now finally free to move forward. Jennie/Penny was quite an inspiration, go girl!

    What surprises me is HOW I got anything at all out of the show given the time wasted by producers in keeping Kari Ann just for ratings. I would have loved to have heard more from the other participants instead of having so much time wasted on someone who was only there for publicity.

  28. InnerGold says:

    Sex addiction is a real serious brain disease and although I thought a lot of this was for ratings. I feel like there was some valuable help going on. We have only seen people really find recovery when they retrain their brain. I hope and wish the best for those on the show. They all went through a lot that they should not have had to go through.

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