Straight-up: the best part of my job as VH1′s shows blogger is interacting with the on-air talent. So many of them are natural entertainers that every slip of the tongue and motion of the lips is an act of hilarity. Below, I’ve compiled my 20 favorite quotes and exchanges from the extensive interviews that ran on the blog this year. There’s wit and insight to be found, yes, and at times even poignancy. But more often, it’s just all entirely ridiculous. Hey, gold is gold, right?
Let’s start with an ending: When writing, I’ve long surrounded the word “winning” by quotes to refer to the outcome of dating competitions, and in Hot Wings’ interview, her perspective helped hit home that point:
I talked to Doll about this, too: really, we didn’t win. It’s almost like we got eliminated too, because we never hear from them. Yeah, [Chance] picked me, but where is he now? I have no clue, I don’t speak to him. I gave him my number twice and he’s never called me. He told me something like, “Oh, I left your number in my pants, and the ink ran,” or some kind of dumb excuse. So I was like, “OK, so here’s my number again…” and still haven’t gotten a phone call. I could be mad at him. I could hold a grudge, but I’m not going to do that. It is what it is. If he was trying to make a TV show, he got his TV show. He made one, and I was a part of it. But if you’re really looking for love, you found it, and you kind of let it go. That’s your loss.
I hope that Myammee can do some good things with it. I hope that it can help her make more money. Hopefully she doesn’t blow it all on weaves that don’t make her money. People aren’t really into buying cheap weaves. She says she wears cheap weaves. She’s the only person that I know that does that. Everyone I know wears expensive weaves.
In For the Love of Ray J 2‘s Lava’s interview, she suggested that we hadn’t seen the half of what she had to offer in the realm of going bananas:
I started to feel funny because he was trying to make me jealous a little in a way with this whole “sharing a date” thing, which guys do. Whatever. I also felt funny because the alcohol was getting to my head. And I don’t drink! There’s a funny feeling in my body, ewww! No more alcohol, please! And I wasn’t even drunk, because I can’t even get tipsy without freaking out. Imagine me getting drunk. I would be bananas.
VH1: Do you regret picking [Buddha] after being warned not to?
T-Weed: As a captain, it showed individually that I was able to win a challenge with my own strategic wit, intellect and also, a passion for the game. I Love Money 2 was a fun game. It was fun! I was not about to allow another man not to have fun if he had not crossed me. He decided to cross me and start disrespecting everyone in the house. Therefore, he didn’t want fun.
Angelique: Karma is a beach und I’m like, if I quit, this beach gonna win. If I don’t quit, I’m a very good person, I have really good karma. I swear, everybody who crosses me gets bit in the ass really, very bad. I’m like, I’m not gonna quit so this beach is gonna lose!
VH1: If someone does you wrong, they suffer?
Angelique: Oh yeah. I’m a very good person and I’m very nice, but if you f*** me up, I can be the worst of the beach. Und anybody who would try to hurt me or hurt me ’cause I trust them get, like, really bad stuff happening to them.
VH1: If doing you wrong makes others suffer, doesn’t that make you the center of the cosmic universe?
Angelique: Yeah, because I’m very positive person, I have a ton of positive energy. If you try to f*** up my positive energy, it’s gonna go back negative 100 time more.
Mamacita peed in the pool, so in her interview, we asked about it:
You know how everyone goes to those Vegas pool parties? You’ll always hear people say, “Oh, let me go soak up a little.” They’re lying. They’re peeing in the pool. But also, I was also trying to break the ice, since Baker was fighting with Blonde Baller. I don’t even remember if I ended up peeing in the pool. I might have peed on the grass. I can’t remember. We were all drunk.
I don’t read message boards or blogs. People who comment never have a default picture. It’s like, “What do you look like?” OK, Bessie who’s 800 lbs., at home, mad because I’m talking about fat brunettes. I’m sorry. I wasn’t talking about you, but look: if you have the time to write a comment about me, you probably have time to go to the gym and make yourself somebody that I wouldn’t make fun of.
In 20 Pack’s post-I Love Money 2 interview, he attempted a similar kibosh on chatter:
VH1: The Entertainer at one point interviewed that you were making eyes at him. How do you feel about your sexuality being called to question so often?
20 Pack: I guess this is a continuation of when you asked about this after I Love New York. I wrote a blog about it, and it’s like, no matter what I say, nobody’s gonna believe me. It’s kind of like when Clay Aiken was getting questioned.
VH1: Clay Aiken turned out to be gay.
20 Pack: Yeah, but no matter what he said, nobody believed him. I know me. I appreciate dressing nice, and with the eyeliner and the nails, I can pull it off, so why not? Part of my whole clothing line is to have a rock-star mentality. I read something online that said, “20 Pack’s so far in the closet that he found his Christmas presents already.” I could not stop laughing. I found that hysterical.
And speaking of speaking of ambiguous sexuality, let’s turn our attention to Daisy of Love. In Big Rig’s interview, he talked about the bromance that throbbed throughout the house:
VH1: It did seem like there was a gayish vibe in the house. Not just with the makeup, but with the general bromance nature of things.
Big Rig: Oh yeah. I mean, I’m not gonna lie, I’ve grabbed ass all the time. I’ve been in high school football, college football, I’ve done it all. I’ve been in the military. I’ve taken showers with lots of guys. I’ll walk in the shower and slap one on the ass. It’s just humorous. It’s not nothing gay. I’ve seen a lot of naked dudes. I ain’t over there in the corner sitting there putting my hand over my c*** trying to hide it. I’m just like, “What’s up?” Everybody that really knows me, all my friends, know I’m crazy. Man, I walk around naked and s*** all the time. I don’t give a damn who knows it.
VH1: So then do you compare the general camaraderie in the house to being on a football team?
Big Rig: Uh, no. I wouldn’t say being with a bunch of guys that wear makeup and s*** is like being on a football team.
And then, there was Fox:
VH1: Do you usually wear blush when you aren’t on TV?
Fox: That wasn’t blush. That was actually a bronzer.
Image wasn’t just a thing for the consideration of Daisy of Love‘s makeup-consuming men. Real Chance of Love 2‘s Classy told us why she thought she was given an appropriate name…relatively speaking:
Classy: Before the show, I did a lot of urban modeling and a lot of people are confusing “classy” with pure or being a saint. Classiness has nothing to do with that. It’s an approach. It’s a relative term. As a glamor model, I did lingerie and bikini stuff, and it was classy for what it was. You didn’t see me bent over with my cheeks spread. It was beautiful, it was sexy and that was my goal. I try to approach situations with class. A lot of people say that because I have sexy pictures, I was being fake on the show. I would love to know what type of person these people think it takes to be in these kinds of pictures. Are we all drunk, loud strippers? No.
VH1: I like the phrase “classy for what it was,” because one could make the argument that you don’t tune into reality TV to see dictionary-definition classiness.
Classy: Exactly. It’s probably the complete opposite. Like an oxymoron, right?
Getting to that level of honesty and self-awareness is always the goal of these interviews. It doesn’t always work out that way, but when it does, the results can be shocking and hilarious (as opposed to just hilarious). That happened in Ashley’s post-Charm School with Ricki Lake interview, when she talked about the compromises she made in an attempt to get the show’s prize money:
VH1: What about when you said that you were being mean to make up for your lack of self-esteem? Was that a line?
Ashley: Yeah. I just made my speech so that it would seem like I should win. It was stupid, I don’t know.
VH1: You have never struck me as suffering from low self-esteem.
Ashley: Yeah, I’m not. I needed to use anything I could at that point to get the judges on my side. My self-esteem is awesome. I just looked in the mirror and I think I look really awesome today.
Funnily enough, one of Ashley’s main adversaries at Charm School, Ki Ki, shared an extremely similar outlook on turning on for the cameras of redemption:
Ki Ki: This is a show about change. They didn’t even give me a chance to f***in’ do that.
VH1: What did you want to change, though? You seemed conflicted because you did admit to being “outspoken” but then you interviewed that if you didn’t speak your mind, you wouldn’t be yourself?
Ki Ki: In all actuality, I wanted to win the f***in’ money, and I was gonna do it by any means necessary.
VH1: There’s an honest answer!
Ki Ki: I didn’t give a f***. If they wanted me to play like I’m gonna change, OK, I’m gonna f***in’ change to win this $100,000.
Speaking of “by any means necessary,” in my hands-down favorite interview I conducted all year, So Hood invoked Malcolm X, and shared her singular philosophy on facial bruises:
VH1: You compare yourself to Martin Luther King Jr., but you understand that he preached nonviolence, right?
So Hood: That moment [during a supposed altercation with Brittanya] I was Malcolm X! But all the rest of the time I was Martin Luther King. After I was at the club this weekend, I actually got into a fight. I’m talking to you with a black eye right now.
VH1: Was it worth it?
So Hood: Yeah, it definitely was. I got my first black eye. It’s a weird feeling. I guess I officially got my street cred.
VH1: You’re walking around with a black eye, though.
So Hood: I had to show ‘em what I was really about. I was actually caught off guard. A fan tried to rob me. They tried to take my purse and my shoes. I’m a real woman. Real women aren’t scared of black eyes.
And speaking of real women, interviewing a total outsider of this universe like Ricki Lake provided levity, and a chance to examine this universe within the history of camp:
VH1: I know that the nature of this show is fairly serious, but was filming it at all comparable to being on a John Waters set? Just the whole larger-than-life aspect?
Ricki: At one point, I made the comment, “If John Waters could see what I’m doing now…” He created Frankenstein with me. He was shocked when he saw me doing the talk show. And then I had him come to The Business of Being Born premiere and he was like, “Oh my god, I’ve seen more vaginas in the last hour than ever in my life!” If he sees this show, he’s going to be like, “Oh my god, what is she doing now?” I think he’d be proud.
Keeping with the real-women theme, Tully had some tart words for her real-life former mother-in-law Yvonne, who she stared down week after week while trying to get back into the heart of that woman’s son on My Antonio:
VH1: Do you at least appreciate [Yvonne] as a character on this show when you watch it?
Tully: When I can understand her. But I think a lot of women are appalled that a 37-year-old man lets his mother have so much say in his life. I understand that as a mom, my son will always be my baby boy, but there comes a time that you have to trust that you’ve given them skills that will allow them to fend for themselves and make decisions on their own. Your job as a parent is to love them and back them. It’s not to micromanage.
One of the highlights of my professional year was visiting the Rock of Love Bus reunion set. Almost everyone involved was on another level of extreme, and at this point, I’ve dealt with my share of extreme personalities. It was amazing to even me. This exchange with DJ Lady Tribe is a wonderful encapsulation of what jumping down the rabbit hole feels like:
Tribe: Oh I remember you from the show!
VH1: From the show?
Tribe: Oh, today?
Tribe: On the email.
And then there was my long-time-coming interview with Bret Michaels, who was as tongue-in-cheek as ever:
VH1: It’s fair to say that music is your heart and soul, right?
VH1: What part of your body is Rock of Love?
Bret: That would be the penile region, part of the heart and a little of the brain.
VH1: I was hoping you’d say that.
And I’d be utterly remiss if I didn’t mention the living joy of watching the Blondourage in action before my very eyes:
Ashley: Oh my god, I have a huge Asian fan base. I hosted in Washington, D.C. I’m telling you, 2,000 Asians showed up. They told me they drove from all these places. I have a lot of transsexual fans, too. A ton of them! A huge transsexual, a huge gay and a huge Asian following. People think I’m a drag queen a lot.
Farrah: People think that about me, too. I’m like f*** you.
Ashley: Oh, I don’t care.
Farrah: I was in Mexico with my man and I had crazy makeup on and my heels. I was in the bathroom and this older woman who could barely speak English goes, “Are you woman?” I was about to freak out, but my man said, “Baby, it’s just ’cause of your eye makeup.”
Finally, I’d like to end on a slightly more serious note, and one I think that contains more wisdom than usual. (And you thought the amount of wisdom so far couldn’t be topped!) The “exposure” issue is one that pops up on these shows all the time: people openly wonder if their competitors are “here for the right reasons” (i.e. love) or if they have careerist ambitions tainting their participation on reality TV. I believe that Real Chance of Love 2‘s Lady shut down this argument once and for all with simple common sense. That doesn’t mean the argument is going away any time soon, though: who has time for common sense on reality TV?
VH1: What about the exposure issue? Did you do the show for exposure?
Lady: Everybody knows that Real Chance of Love is a hit reality show, so even if you do like them, even if you’re saying that you’re going there only for love, in the back of your head, you’re like, “Oh s***, I’m gonna be on TV. I’m gonna be exposed!” Everybody went there for exposure. Everybody. You can go someplace else to find love, and there are no guarantees you’re gonna get love on there, anyway. The only guarantee is you’re gonna be on TV.
For more 2009 interview highlights (because these clearly aren’t enough!) check out our playlist of our favorite in-person video interview segments.