Tool Academy‘s resident therapist Trina Dolenz isn’t only helping the couples on the show. Each week she answers relationship questions from VH1.com users as well. Got a problem with your significant other? Is your partner a tool? Write in and tell Dolenz the one thing that most irritates you about your mate. She can help. Write her at toolacademy@gmail.com. Your note may just be one of those answered.
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Hi Trina, I have faithfully been watching Tool Academy since the series began and it has become my new favorite show. I feel for the girls and understand what they are going through; I live it every day. My boyfriend and I are going on 4 years now and I love him like he’s my other half, but I feel that I may not be strong enough to stay in a relationship like ours anymore. I’m going to tell you my story in hopes that you can help us because I’m worried that no one can and the end for us is coming near.
My boyfriend’s name is Jared, he is 23 and I am 20. Jared is 6’4 weighs about 230, buff and is the “tall dark and hansome” type. But he has issues with keeping jobs and treating me like a dog. He enjoys going to the bar and never calling me, since I’m not 21 and can’t go out with him, he rather go out by himself and party with his “friends.” I have always kept a steady job and took care of him and yet I’m the only one that gets treated like I’m the one that made his life so hard. I’m here for him no matter what, what he does what he says, everything.
The names he calls me are so degrading and disrespectful all I can do is cry. I don’t want to say mean things back to him because that just makes things worse. I try to ignore it so that the situation doesn’t get out of hand. He cheated numerous times but accuses me of always cheating.
There are so many small details of course and I would like the opportunity to sit with you and talk to you about the unhealthy relationship that we are in. As I said before, I am a loyal fan of the show and I do sincerely believe that myself and Jared are the same type of couple that you have on the show, we meet the criteria 100%.
Thank you for talking the time to read my letter and I hope to here from you soon. – CF
Hi CF,
Oh dear, your relationship does sound as if it is in a lot of trouble! One of the things you may have noticed on the show is that the girls have been waiting around hoping for some sort of change, receiving bad behavior from their boyfriends, but still “being there” for them at the same time. What you are really doing is being a substitute mother for your “adolescent” boyfriend, disapproving, but allowing him to continue disrespecting you.
It will be very important for you, especially as you are so young, to concentrate on yourself, what you want out of life and stop acting like a middle-aged housewife! Sometimes it is hard to discern between love and attachment, but when a relationship is as yours is described, it is usually a strong need to find yourself in the other that is keeping you together, rather than a healthy love.
Maybe I will see you in the next series! – Trina
