A Basement Affair Recap – Episode 1 – The Only Way Is Up

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The best thing about being invited into someone’s house (or “someone’s house,” as it were)?

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Getting to look at their LOL-worthy photos of the past. Ah, it’s good to be “home!”

But really, you should seriously check these out before we do anything else:

View Photo Gallery

Now that you’ve gotten to know Frank about as intimately as most of the girls in the house could ever dream of, we can proceed. We all know Frank from I Love New York 2 and both seasons of I Love Money. He likes to holler and put feet in his mouth. He also notoriously lives at home with his parents (in the basement, no less) and somehow this dating show is supposed to fix that, which….eh?

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Anyway, regardless of how it all turns out for Frank, he has his parents here to make sure there is lots of yelling along the way. His father, Gary, is more laid back, while his mother, Susan, is active in this decision-making process. She is prone to saying, “No!”

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And, “Shut up!”

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You know, things like that. Anyway, she should be extremely helpful with the unruly types. And speaking of those types, instead of a chronological blow-by-blow of the premiere, let’s instead go through each girl individually. That way, this recap can serve more as a guide for future reference instead of just a snide retelling. Because in these uncertain times, in this new cultural decade, I think what we really could all use is a guide.

Speaking of guides, we’ll start with the potential guide to Frank’s heart:

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Jenny was the first to receive the key to Frank’s basement during the elimination ceremony, as well as one of Susan’s favorites, which makes her the obvious frontrunner. Also contributing to her frontrunner status: her gorgeousness. According to Frank, she also smells great. She works for a government-contracting firm her dad owns, which means that she’s a likely direct route away from the basement. The only downside is that she’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t know why, which bespeaks some lack of self-awareness, although who knows how dire that is at this point. She might just pay little mind to her image and ego, although that’s unlikely considering that she’s on reality TV. Ultimately, anyone who uses the phrase, “These girls better step their cookies up,” gives every indication that she is more awesome than not.

Oh, and just as an aside: how A Shot of Love with Tila Tequila is passing out keys? Yikes. The only salvation is that A Shot of Love was such a flagrant rip-off of 51 Minds programming that this can be considered an act of reclamation. Also, it is Ice Storm-esque, so I can’t be too mad at it no matter how many times I see it. Love The Ice Storm.

Moving on:

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The resident “kook” is one of the best things I’ve seen on TV all year. Granted, we’re just three days into the year, but still! Annie’s great!

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See?

Thank god that Frank kept Annie on despite her not looking like his “typical type.” Add that to the fact that she seems conscious of her ability to unnerve people (“Meeting someone’s parents for the first time is just like awkward and you don’t always know what to say or how to impress them or how to not weird them out”). Whatever, she does video art (no, Frank, that isn’t like video games), so we can assume that her participation on this show is something of a project. What is reality TV, after all, but performance art? Finally, we have someone who just might realize this (I mean, when she called herself “really hot,” it may not have been a joke…but it really could have been. Hope!).

Annie, another of Susan’s favorites, is referred to as “that bitch with the flower pants” by…

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This Famke Janssen ringer also claimed a bed that clearly someone had already reserved for herself (“I kinda just walked into the blue room and just took someone’s bag off the bed”). She is 100 percent Italian, getting her MBA in accounting and clearly not here to make friends. Now, if she’d only just admit it, we’d be in business.

Speaking of friends…

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…Kerry and Cathy know each other from home. VH1: where friendships come to die. How beautiful. Kerry, another of Susan’s favorites, lives in Brooklyn and enjoys the simple things (like starting complicated relationships on reality TV and also possibly ending them), while Cathy is a talker whose brother knows someone’s someone or something. She also likes to shave her legs, apparently.

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Melody is a restaurant manager from Nashville. She is 35, which gives Frank pause: “Melody, she might be a little too old for me. I do want kids, but men can have babies at 80. Look at Tony Randall, although he’s dead now and can’t enjoy his son, but, point is, women can’t have kids forever.” Yeah, way to comment on someone’s old age by busting out a Tony Randall reference, Grandpa. The kids are definitely gonna get that one. Anyway, this rambling bit of hilarity just goes to show that Melody is quite inspiring.

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On the state of her competition, Jessica said, “To me, it’s a little bit cheesy, that’s all.” So she gets immediate points for awareness. She thinks Frank is crazy “in a good way,” which he seems taken aback by. Points off for his lack of awareness. Also, she says “definitely” a lot.

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Is seven times too much? Probably.

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Yet another of Susan’s favs, Melissa is a bartender from Minnesota with a similar knack for observation: “When I saw Grandma’s room, I was like, ‘Holy Jesus!’…

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…Literally, Holy Jesus.” Sharp girl, this one.

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By way of introduction, Tammy offered: “I’m Asian, and I’m pretty sure you don’t have any problems with Asian/Chinese food, do you?” As if he were waiting to pounce on any semblance of awkward phrasing, Frank replied that he’d never had it, to Susan’s disagreement. Frank explained, “‘Asian/Chinese food,’ she said. It might be different.” Let this be a lesson for everyone: don’t use confusing phrasing around Frank. Or any phrasing for that matter. You’re better off communicating by pointing and grunting.

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Dana is 25 and thinks Frank’s is “like, the hottest family ever.” Dana might pass out if she ever happened upon an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Speaking of asses, Dana says she’d give Frank a kick in his to motivate him. Sounds good to me!

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Christi is 21, from Chicago and, as a result, sounds exactly like Erin from the past cycle of America’s Next Top Model. At one point in this episode, Frank forgot Christi’s name (while remembering Jenny’s). So that’s embarrassing, although he didn’t seem too affected. I guess the embarrassment is all hers. Welcome to reality TV, Christi!

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Renee has been engaged twice: one guy never came home, and the other cheated on her with lesbians. So, if she doesn’t win this show, we get to see another installment in her ongoing saga of romantic tragedy. Aw, uplifting!

And speaking of lesbians…

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…Mandy isn’t one (as far as I can tell), but her two dads think she is! (It also remains to be seen whether her two dads are lesbian-like or in a My Two Dads-type situation.) Anyway, as if a perfect complement to Frank’s underachieving, Mandy lives in her parents’ attic. She said, “Lucky you,” when Susan suggested that she may end up in her family, sparking a feud and most likely ensuring that she’ll be around for a while, so as to maximize the drama (Susan really doesn’t like her!). She also may be the first reality contestant in VH1 history to clean up

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Annie said that Mandy “might be a little OCD,” but I say we could use more OCD around these parts. There’s something really appealing about Mandy’s pouty Fran Drescher-ness. Susan says she could see herself arguing with Mandy all the time. I could see Susan arguing with a mute all the time if I were blind, so that’s really no indication of anything.

Anyway, these are all the girls to have made it through to the next episode. In a decision that Frank called “very nerve-wracking a little bit,” he let the following two go:

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Frank was wary of this “everything except nude” model, as she showed up wearing an “Entertainer” shirt (Frank wasn’t sure if she was there to get to know him…no matter that he’s referred to as “Frank the Entertainer” in his show’s very title). “He was taggin’ me with unexpected questions,” said Stephanie, and she ultimately proved herself unworthy by not being able to say why he was eliminated from I Love New York 2. Although, you have to ask yourself: without the clip of Tiffany calling Frank a loser and going on about his mother washing his briefs that played in the beginning of this episode, would you have been able to answer that?

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And then, there was the biggest disappointment for Susan:

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…the elimination of Kari, whom Frank thought was cute but felt no connection with. (It didn’t help that her most clear-cut statement on her participation in this competition was, “I’m here to get to know you or whatever.”) And so, Kari was sent home…

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Upon leaving, she said, “He’s gonna have to deal with the kook he’s got in his house now. Whatever.” To that, I say: which one? In other words: it’s gonna be a great season!

Related content
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair – Cast Reveal
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair show page
Frank The Entertainer…In A Basement Affair videos and extras

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  1. program says:

    Frank is entertaining and Frank has more sense than some people give him credit for. Women has never been a problem for Frankmeister. In my opinion Frank is perhaps more interested in show production money than anything.(Who could blame him). And hopefully moms and dads is getting compensated for cameras in their house. Now having said that, between Mandy and Kari, Mandy had to stay for the fact of controversy for controversy makes for an interesting show. That little friction between Mandy and mom makes for a nice little side plot. Will Frank keep Jenny in the end, I personally would like to see it, but I honestly doubt it. Depends on how they fall. Remember Frank is a veteran pro at these games. He has been on both sides of the coin. He’s probably giving ideas to the producers.:) If I had to pick 4 – Jenny, Kerry S., Dana and Melissa (Not necessarily in this order) would be it. But its early and anything can happen. Sometimes if ratings are good the whole thing can be a wash thus a show 2. So we’ll see… Either way Frank is a good man and I wish him the best.

  2. Amy says:

    This show is freaking funny I can’t believe these girls don’t care that he lives in the basement and how on earth does Jenny not go through life as gouregous as she is and NOT ever have a man wtf? unless her standards must be massively high or something who knows? Anyways the one girl with the red lips she was freaking Weird Frank listen to your mom about her and get rid of her mothers always know best and who wants a phoney living in there home? I know I wouldn’t if I smelled a rat

  3. JennieLUV says:

    dana’s gonna win. she knows he needs a kick in the *+$%%#^@(!)`_$& to get out of the basement! or maybe mandy if he wants to rebel against his mom

  4. Erin says:

    HE LOOKS GOOD….that is not his house….they gave him that house for the show….i saw his house i think it was from i love money

  5. Jennifer says:

    I love Frank! I am so happy they let him have a love reality show! Let me know if you dont find love. I would like to spend some time with you ;)

  6. Sandy says:

    I love – Frank the Entertainer!!! I am glad he got his own show!! And he has gotten alot better looking!!!! I hope he finds a few to have fun with.

  7. Amanda says:

    I don’t understand why his parents complain so much about him when they’re just as much fault as he is for living in their basement in the first place. They could kick him out. It’s not that hard. I don’t get it.

  8. venus says:

    i think this gonna be the best of all the shows ..you rock frank ..call me i ll take ya

  9. kasgie says:

    VH1 will give any dum fk a show. That dude is super nasty and just needs to go away.

  10. alice... says:

    jen says: sorry about this… when u r reading this dont stop or something bad will happen! my name is summer i am 15 years old i have blonde hair ,many scars no nose or ears.. i am dead. if u dont copy this just like from the ring, copy n post this on 5 more sites.. or.. i will appear one dark quiet night when ur not expecting it by your bed with a knife and kill u. this is no joke something good will happen to u if you post this on 5 more pages Posted 2 days ago. Posted 5 days ago. scary Posted 25 days a

  11. kj says:

    The reason you didn’t feel a connection with the black girl is a typical Italian family reason. None of you feel “love” in the end with an “ethnic” on VH-1 because you probably never were taught too because Long Island families DO NOT stress getting to know other races,nor either tolerate others for long. I dont even know why darker skin ppl try out for these shows, you’re not gonna win (unless they let a black girl win a white guy living in the basement of his family house, yeh I could see that cause most white families would think he’s a loser so I could see VH-1 letting a black girl win a loser to stop the C-O-N-spiracy) I know I believe in the bubble..I see Long Island all day, they do foul crap but hate to be called out for it. You’re family will not allow you to feel a connection..Sure you could like “ethnic” for ratings and for a minute after not for long… You were not raised to feel a connection and you probably won’t. I lived out in Long Island, You guys live very much like the south with your thought processes, except kids up north are allowed to live at home forever because their parents spoil them in Long Island. 50g in the south could make you rich, 50G’s in long island MIGHT buy you a trailor (maybe). Any guy living with mom and pop after 25 should be considered a loser unless he’s in medical school.

  12. kj says:

    I can tell, I’m from Long Island and most Italian single males live with your parents until they find othe big hair chicks to take them in.. So for public suspence don’t look for “ethnic exocitals” etc. them at the end of the show are not promised ….unless they were promised some money to make a difference.. I live on Long Island.. and I’ve been around many folks like them… Just let it go….. Italians marry Italians, or whites, Asians or other ethnics and could face being disowned for blacks (which he probably will which is why no blacks wont make it to the end)

  13. MissGotNoTime says:

    First, to Renee’s haters. WATCHme, you know it was a two way street. I do not seeing you pointing any fingers toward the person you should be most upset with. No, you blame it all on Renee because you are too immature to take any responsibility for yourselves. Second, everyone has a history and a past, and if yours was aired publicly, how would you handle it? You need to get over it and move forward with your lives people. Renee, you worked so hard to get to this moment in your life, do not let others bring you down with their own ignorance and pessimism. You are a star and you were born to shine. :o) You are a great friend and a wonderful person and I look forward to watching the rest of the show. GOOD LUCK MAMACITA!

  14. Doreen M says:

    You know nothing about Long Island. If anything there is plenty of interracial dating here and everyone is accepting of all different races and cultures. In fact, we’re quite a melting pot of different races. Please stop being ignorant.

  15. angelo says:

    first of all ive seen all the females on there and the one everyone picked on was mandy and she was the only real one who didnt run around kissing `#&)%^!`+$+`^^! and looked great and was actually real! I dont understand why “Mamma” never gave her a chance! Perhaps she was misunderstood but i know otherwise! AnJLo

  16. Mikeisland says:

    the only pretty ones are Dana N Jenn you know there the top two.

  17. Kiki Palmer says:

    yo yo love your show you should cheak out TrueJackson Vp

  18. RosaBabygirl says:

    him and dana look like there in love already in the pic and she will kick his butt lol. stefanie was totally using him for tv so glad shes gone! and is felicia a man? ok so next to go home prob annie. shes not his type sweet girl but no style.

  19. RosaBabygirl says:

    him and dana look like there in love already in the pic and she will kick his butt lol. stefanie was totally using him for tv so glad shes gone! and is felicia a man? ok so next to go home prob annie. shes not his type sweet girl but no style. at all

  20. Rob says:

    I love a cheesy fake reality show but what is up with the fake house the whole point is the house!! I am originally from NYC and now live in Rockland and we all know the entertainer is from Congers in Rockland and we all saw his tiny bedroom on I Love Money not that pimped out Guido den we see on the show !! Nice concept but the fake house and not really livin in NYC does ruin it!!But hey I’ll watch for s and G’s

  21. Christi says:

    Ok he has a good body but…..from far away he looks cute but in his close up pictures he’s got bags under his eyes and the pic with him and molissa his veins were all sticking out….he kinda looks strug out close up…maybe to much partying…I don’t know y any of these girls even like him….there r guys out there better looking than him that have jobs, and homes and i just don’t understand it…..at first I thought they were going to give him a big house like all the other shows…..but I guess not…maybe in season2

  22. lol... says:

    SAW THE ENTERTAINER AT THE YANKEE PARADE AND HES ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD LOOKING IN PERSON I HAD SEEN HIM ON TV. B4 AND THOUGHT HE LOOKED KIND OF GREASY AND OOEY BUT I WAS SURPRISED HE’S PRETTY TALL, NICE BUILD AND NOT BAD TO LOOK AT.

  23. Dimitri says:

    I am a real fan of Frank. I think he’s done very well with his opportunities. Good for him. I hope he finds a lasting niche in Television. For true love?…well…everyone with any experience in the reality of relationships knows the one who will keep the house cleanest and never let him leave the house without his lunch is Mandy. Jenny-beautiful, clean-cut…stay away Frank. Dump all others except Kerry. But I think Mandy has all doors open….”IF YA SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LA LA LA LA LA…..”…nuff said (and all that tv drama crap aside….my mother would love Mandy). I could be wrong….

  24. JFanning says:

    Great show,Love Frank,his family is wonderfull.

  25. Diana says:

    Frank I think your very handsome, and I hope you do find love. I’ve always thought that you were very cute, and I hope one day that I get to meet someone like you, perhaps maybe even you, you have a great personality.

  26. 005 says:

    Man I can’t believe he eliminated Mandy. Hell Naw! I seriously thought she was gonna be in the top three. Maybe she’ll come back! I thought she was hott!!!

  27. Toya says:

    What person in their right mind would go after a 31 year old man who still lives in his cranky old parents’ basement?

  28. Tony says:

    Am I the only one who thinks Dana looks like a man? That girl is busted. I mean cmon.. from her face to her manly body, this girl is disgusting! Im really hoping shes not trying to persue modeling because if she is she is going to fail misserably! oh and a lawyer pshh I would be surprised if that white trash even graduated from hs.. lmfao!!

  29. Girlfriend says:

    Excellent work on this article. It make for an interesting and easy read.

  30. Vanessa says:

    I ? JENNY! I really want Frank to pick her. She’s gorgeous. I wonder why you don’t see a love connection though…

  31. Theresa Marieee says:

    i’m sorry but a lot of these female are not even attractive. i’m not saying frank is the best looking guy but jeez these chicks are weird looking.

  32. 1986480 says:

    What a lovely day for a 1986480! SCK was here

  33. 1651510 says:

    What a lovely day for a 1651510! SCK was here

  34. 1705420 says:

    What a lovely day for a 1705420! SCK was here

  35. 1941602 says:

    What a lovely day for a 1941602! SCK was here